Asperger's syndrome -- tell me more. Had a (13) year relationship recently broke up and wondered if he had this syndrome. I like him in a lot of ways but found he was critical and insensitive to others' feelings. Was very smart but interested in himself and not getting to know others.

>Threads have been merged to keep all information and advice on this subject together.<

Have you looked at a site that lists Asperger's characteristics? Does he fit in other ways too?

List of Asperger's Syndrome characteristics - Autism-World (http://www.autism-world.com/index.php/2007/09/13/list-of-aspergers-syndrome-characteristics/)

Had a previous relationship I believe has Asperger. He is starting to call me again and wonder if he would be able to change some of his behaviors with interacting with people in a group setting?

Which behaviors?

Trying to change another only hurts you.

Without knowing if he has it (you asked 10 days ago) it is not really helpful to answer this. Most adults don't really change whether they 'have' something or not. You can try a meeting in a coffee shop to talk about what you need and what he might agree to. Keep it simple and concrete for the sake of preventing more arguments, and plan on just an hour a week to start, or something similar. You have described very little about him.

I think "I believe" is a fatal error. WG is very open and honest and shares a lot on this subject. You are guessing at a diagnosis.

She is asking you important questions.

And, yes, behaviors can change.

EDIT: Just noticed that WG already answered you on your other thread - pretty much the same question. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/does-he-have-aspergers-syndrome-753380.html#post3483460 Please answer her over there.

Just from the little bit of description given, I'm thinking narcissist, not Asperger's. People with Asperger's aren't "critical and insensitive to others' feelings." They want to be social but don't know how. They are kind and gentle but in a bumbling way because they find it hard to figure out how another person is feeling -- they don't pick up cues from body language and facial expressions.

Yes I want to hear more about this man.

This is from the sight I do not know how to make this a "Quick Answer".
Low understanding of the reciprocal rules of conversation: interrupting, dominating, minimum participation, difficult in shifting topics, problem with initiating or terminating conversation, subject perseveration.
Difficulty in understanding rules for games of social entertainment
Missing or misconstruing others' agendas, priorities, preferences
Impulsiveness
Difficulty in imagining others' thoughts in a similar or identical event or circumstance that are different from one's own (”Theory of Mind” issues)
Difficulty in assessing cause and effect relationships (behaviors and consequences)
An apparent lack of “common sense”
Stilted, pedantic conversational style (”The Professor”)
Difficulty in accepting criticism or correction
Difficulty in offering correction or criticism without appearing harsh, pedantic or insensitive
Difficulty in perceiving and applying unwritten social rules or protocols
“Immature” manners
Failure to distinguish between private and public personal care habits: i.e. brushing, public attention to skin problems, nose picking, teeth picking, ear canal cleaning, clothing arrangement
Lack of?trust in others
Shyness
Low or no conversational participation in group meetings or conferences
Constant anxiety about performance and acceptance, despite recognition and commendation
Scrupulous honesty, often expressed in an apparently disarming or inappropriate manner or setting
Bluntness in emotional expression
“Flat affect”
Intense pride in expertise or performance, often perceived by others as “flouting behavior”
Sarcasm, negativism, criticism
Perfectionism
Reluctance to ask for help or seek comfort
Strong desire to coach or mentor newcomers
Difficulty in handling relationships with authority figures
Often viewed as vulnerable or less able to resist harassment and badgering by others
Punctual and conscientious
Avoids socializing, “hanging out,” or small talk on and off the job
Strong food preferences and aversions
Unusual and rigidly adhered to eating behaviors

Has he ever been to a counselor or other professional and worked on any of this -- or doesn't he acknowledge that anything on this list is a problem for him? Or have you even discussed this with him?

How is his eye contact? Does he "stim" (rock back and forth or have repetitive movements with arms/hand/legs)?

No professional help. I mentioned many times about social norms and he refused to. He thought it was unacceptable to him to conform to what society wanted. It would be unauthentic. He didn't want to change and that caused my resentment toward him. Just do it, please. I gave up. One on one we were fine, pretty much, I liked him, but socially he was rude and not thoughtful of others, sometimes sarcastic or offensive. It was normal to have conversations on the way home about the uncomfortableness he caused to me or others. My effort to explain was a waste of time. He thought I was being over sensitive. But people brought it to my attention also.

How is his eye contact? Does he "stim" (rock back and forth or have repetitive movements with arms/hand/legs)?

Is he clumsy, drops things, seems to have "fat" fingers?

I'm still not thinking Asperger's. Does he wrap up tightly in his blankets at night? Does he freak out when he hears unexpected loud noises (balloons popping, explosions, etc.)? Is hyper-sensitive to touch, doesn't like to hug or kiss? Does he have trouble focusing and following through on a task? Does he tend to wear the same type of clothes all the time?

You can pretend you are him and take one of these tests (but be very careful not to cheat) --

Aspie-quiz (http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php)

http://www.aspergerstestsite.com/75/autism-spectrum-quotient-aq-test/#.UcTlp9jIejQ

He doesn't have problems focusing. He is compulsive about learning. He likes to be smarter than everyone else. He loves (s) and (p)... alot but no kissing or hugging, except spooning at night. An uncle got hold of him when he was (8). He does wrap up tightly and cover his face with a pillow on top. Scary shows make him jump but wants to watch them. Does not like heights. Does not like to tie his shoes.
Thanks for the test, I'll try it.

No clumsiness, fat fingers doesn't drop things

An uncle sexually abused him? He could have developed a lot of these traits as a defense, especially wanting to know everything and be smarter than everyone else. Power over his own existence and preventing others from having any power over him. He might just be neurotic in the broadest sense, not really meaningful as a diagnosis.

I'm with Joy. I suspect the sexual abuse is at the root of his problem behaviors. He is always looking to have control over his life because of the abuse (since he didn't have any then). He really does need to work through that with a therapist, not a group at this point.

Social ineptness, sarcasm, a need to think you're smarter than everyone else doesn't always have a label.

Social ineptness, sarcasm, a need to think you're smarter than everyone else doesn't always have a label.
And this is probably one of those times.