As you see in the title. I was an idiot.

Background: I'm 27, shes's 25, we live together and we've been dating for 2 and 1/2 years.

I've never cheated on my girlfriend. I seriously love her. We have a good relationship, occasional fights here and there, but we make it work. We love each other.

First things first. I have a drinking problem. I've been working on it and have been really good as of late. My girlfriend went out of town for the weekend. I was excited so I could have the boys over for beers, grilling out and fun. We had a good time, I was getting pretty drunk. Then the liquor came out. Started taking shots, etc.

Later that evening, out room mate (her best friend) came home from work and joined in the festitives. She asked if she could invite some people from work over. I said it was cool. Arrived 2 guys and 1 girl. We were all hanging out taking shots, you know partying. I was starting to get really drunk at this point. That's when things begin to become blurry.

Long story short, I end up in the garage with our room mate's friend from work, next thing I know she's performing oral sex on me. It's like a light switch came on, I realized what I was doing, told her to stop and explained to her how bad I had screwed up. I went to bed, and woke up the next morning feeling so guilty. It was horrible. It was eating me up in the inside. I have never felt worse in my life. Seriously. I hate saying this, but it was worse than when my Grandma died. THAT BAD. I did not know what to do, so I decided to get online and look for "answers". Every bit of advice was one side or the other. Tell her, confess and deal with what happens or take it to the grave, learn your lesson, move on. The idea of telling her seemed so bad. And the idea of keeping it to myself seemed worse.

So I had a choice, confess that I did something stupid, extremely dumb, biggest mistake of my life, or keep my mouth shut, live with the guilt and live a lie.

I had no idea what to do, so I called my brother. Immediately, he told me to fess up. That it would eat me up inside and it could possibly come out which would be way worse. Well I decided to:

I told her. She kicked me out right after I said it. No questions. She was so hurt. And I felt HORRIBLE. I left, drove away. She called me and told me that if I cared about my things, that I better come get them because she was throwing everything in the yard. I came back and she was doing that. All the while she was cussing me out, telling me how horrible I was. I kept agreeing with her. Told her I was sorry it was a mistake and I loved her. Of course she wasn't having it.

Eventually I got everything packed after I called a buddy to help. We got me to a cousins house, crashed there for the night. This morning she texted me and told me to come get the rest of my stuff this weekend and that she hopes that my party was worth it. I told her again and again, I deserve all this, I am sorry, it was a mistake, I am not blaming drinking and that it would never happen again. Nothing. She doesn't want to hear it. She texted me back a quote our relationship has lived by and told me to basically shove it. I told her that I would love her forever, she ended the text conversation with I hope you enjoyed the BJ from that fat c*nt, do not text me again.

I haven't.

I have written a letter. Basically apologizing more and more and begging for forgiveness and a second chance. I plan on dropping the letter off in a day or two. I feel like I need to give her space and not talk to her for a day or two. It would do no good.

I believe I have royally screwed up. I've lost the one I loved the most over a stupid drunk mistake. I really don't know why I just typed this all. I really don't know why I did what I did. It's something I will never do again. It's a lesson learned. It's a life lesson.

I hope one day she can forgive me and give me a second chance. I see that being very doubtful. But, we'll see.

Thanks for reading.

You chalk this up to a painful learning experience and never let it happen again. I wouldn't stay with a cheater either - just being honest. Don't put yourself in that position. Also continue to fix the drinking problem.

It's rough... I need to get this out of the way... you say you really love her but then you allowed alcohol to let you cheat. I have been deeply in love and was also an alcoholic. I had plenty of opportunities to cheat... never did. I don't really believe the blame on alcohol like so many people do.

Give it some time... maybe you need some kind of treatment program for alcohol... maybe getting into something like that would show her you are serious.

On the other hand, maybe she has just had it with you.

I agree. I look at it this way. I made a mistake, but I owned up to it. That in itself is some type of progress. We'll see how things pan out. I appreciate your reply.

I agree. I look at it this way. I made a mistake, but I owned up to it. That in itself is some type of progress. We'll see how things pan out. I appreciate your reply.

And actually I liked that you owned up to it. Much better than lying no matter what the consequences.

And actually I liked that you owned up to it. Much better than lying no matter what the consequences.

I look at it this way, Oliver; I screwed up, either way. I could've probably gotten away with it. Actually I know I could have. I know there are a lot of "alpha males" out there who would tell you that "what doesn't know, doesn't hurt her."

But I already hurt her. I believe that true love is base off honesty. Even though I broke her heart admitting to what I did, I was honest with her. Maybe one day, in a odd way, she'll respect me for being honest.

Why live a lie. I believe me manning up and telling the truth was a step in the right direction of a crazy path I've been walking on.

I look at it this way, Oliver; I screwed up, either way. I could've probably gotten away with it. Actually I know I could have. I know there are a lot of "alpha males" out there who would tell you that "what doesn't know, doesn't hurt her."

But I already hurt her. I believe that true love is base off of honesty. Even though I broke her heart admitting to what I did, I was honest with her. Maybe one day, in a odd way, she'll respect me for being honest.

Why live a lie. I believe me manning up and telling the truth was a step in the right direction of a crazy path I've been walking on.

Lots and lots of people live lies everyday. I don't care for dishonest people. And really had you lied and gotten away with it, you would always have that between you two. So your relationship wouldn't be completely whole.

This is just my opinion but I think if you got your drinking under control you wouldn't put yourself in bad situations.