Hi guys and gals.

I see a lot of threads here on AMHD about cheating and the pain and trouble that it causes. I am completely against cheating and believe that a person should be 100% faithful at all times, otherwise get shown the front door and change the locks (so to speak).

This has only happened to me once when I was much younger (17) and it was only a short relationship of a few months. One thing I am 99% sure of about my recent ex was that she never cheated on me and I was with her for 3 years. I think she was scared though that she may cheat because of her desire to explore the single life and go wild for a while.. LOL

Anyway, I have been thinking back to that woman many years ago who cheated on me, and even though it was a short term relationship, it still hurt me albeit she was not exactly morally right in the head, in fact she turned out to be a serial cheater.. LOL

Anyway... My question is do people think that in today's society, Cheating either physically or emotionally is commonplace?

Basically, would others here conclude that there is a high percentage of cheaters out there? Also, is there a relationship between age and cheating and is it something which you believe that becomes less commonplace with age or something that follows people throughout life?

Just a general question really while I have my thinking cap on!

I hope it isn't considered the norm. I think it may be a case of this being a place where only the problems get aired out, not the announcements of healthy relationships. I haven't seen a thread yet that begins with "Girlfriend loyal and loving to me - what should I do?"

:)

Hi Geoff, I think cheating is either in a person's nature or it isn't. I don't think it's to do with age.

Yes, I do think it's commonplace and it's not right. How sad is the world today?

I hope it isn't considered the norm. I think it may be a case of this being a place where only the problems get aired out, not the announcements of healthy relationships. I haven't seen a thread yet that begins with "Girlfriend loyal and loving to me - what should I do?"

:)

I could start a thread like that but it would be pointless, because I would have nothing to add the message except, 'in my dreams'...

LOL.. :rolleyes:

That's basically my point. Only the unhappy people are posting their relationship problems. The happy ones have no need to be here. You cannot extrapolate what you see here to the general population.

I personally think cheating is more common place in the younger generation,s that is not to say older persons don't have desires.

Whilst younger a lot of people are 'exploring' themselves and this I think is the reason why, a lot of peeps cheat and of course perhaps they are not entirely happy with their indivdual circumstances.

I think cheating is no more or less common than it ever was in our society. I think that it is like child abuse, rape, and alcoholism--something that existed, but no one would talk about.

That being said... I think that it is people who are taken for granted that cheat once.

I think it is people with low self-esteem, people who need to be wanted, that are chronic cheaters.

Qyite frankly I feel it's a epidemic... a lot of it is based on people getting married too young.

That's why we ALWAYS say here GO SLOW. LEARN ABOUT THIS PERSON. YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW SOMEONE UNTIL ABOUT 1 YEAR.

Cheating is done by selfish and dishonest people, who can justify their actions with so much BS that the can't see what they are doing is wrong, and don't care who gets hurt as long as they get what they want, not what they deserve. This behaviour is normal for selfish dishonest, uncaring people.

I think cheating is more commonplace because nowadays it is so much easier to do. My ex husband cheated on me many times, most of the women he cheated on me with were women he found on dating websites.

Saying that, it may just be that cheaters seem more common because they are less tolerated. From what I understand of history, it was commonplace for men to have their mistress, and the little wives had to accept it, whereas nowadays they don't have to, they expect their partners to be faithful.

I think people have always cheated, but way back when... they kept it secret! Now days, people have no shame! They cheat and share it with the world.

I have been cheated on and I have cheated, but it doesn't make anything right! It is all wrong, but it is too easy to make up excuses sometimes. No, I don't cheat anymore... and it has been a loooong time since I last did, but when I did, I think it hurt me more than them?

I think, also, that cheating is common place in our society. Look at our divorce rate - 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. What does that say about us as a whole? I think if more value was put on the vows we take in our marriage ceremony and if we were held more accountable to the commitment we make - maybe things like cheating would not happen. We are an instant gratification society. Working hard to make things the way we want takes so much time and these day we want things NOW. We want to feel good now, we want to be successful now - forget the hard work that goes along with it.

I have been cheated on and the effects are devastating. I can't imagine inflicting so much pain on another person.

I have been cheated on. An ex that I dated off and on for 8 years cheated (admitted it to me himself) and I was devastated. His cheating messed up myself esteem and stupidly I took him back a few times only to have the same thing happen again. I finally found the strength to end it after he lied to me one too many time. I was still devastated by everything though because I did love this guy. He has actually cheated on all of his girlfriends, not just me though. During times that he and I were split up, he would come over and hit on me even if he was currently dating someone else. I finally realized that it was he who had the problem not me and I finished with him for good.

My most recent split was devastating to me in a different way. This was the first guy I truly cared for since the 8 year ex and I finally found myself trusting a guy again. This meant a lot to me. I took things slow too. So when he wound up leaving me for another girl I was totally heartbroken all over again. He just told me out of nowhere that he met a girl who was a friend of a friend at a holiday get together and wound up talking to her and decided he really liked her and thought she liked him and therefore he broke up with me to be with her. Yes, he and I were exclusive at the time that he did this. I don't know if this would be technically considered cheating on his part or not because he said "nothing happened" which I suppose meant nothing physical. However I felt as betrayed as when I was cheated on by my other ex. He wound up leaving me to be with her anyway.

Perhaps the second situation was not technically cheating (though I think it may have been a type of emotional cheating), but I wound up being dumped for someone else just the same. He was very angry when I told him that I felt that what he did was emotional cheating. I don't know what it would technically be classified as, but I felt very betrayed and couldn't remain in touch with him as friends (something that he had asked for). Since I am a nice person, I am struggling with guilt over not being his friend. Should I feel guilty? I just don't know. I have struggled with this second breakup a lot. :(

I personally am 100% against cheating! It's a BIG NO NO.

Perhaps because I was once a victim. My ex cheated on me few years ago and I felt devastated. I remember the day I found out, I literally couldn't breath and cried hysterically. But I forgave him at the end and we got back together. So this time when he broke up with me and started seeing someone else, though technically it's not cheating, I was heartbroken all over again.

I admit that during the time when I was with my ex, I met a guy who was very sweet to me and was very persistent despite knowing that I have a boyfriend. I think if I wasn't with my ex at the time, I would be going out with him. But at the end, I knew well that I love my ex and didn't want to do anything to hurt him, I cut contact with that guy. So not sure if that's considered cheating? I know many of my friends went through similar situations but didn't do anything at the end.

I think we're now in a world with many options. Some of us probably forgot what relationship is about.

I think that too many people are with people that they don't really like. For one reason or another, they feel they can't leave but want someone else. Is it wrong I have been on both sides, and I just don't think it as simple as right or wrong.

I think that too many people are with people that they don't really like. For one reason or another, they feel they can't leave but want someone else. Is it wrong I have been on both sides, and I just don't think it as simple as right or wrong.

Yes.. it is wrong if you stay with someone you don't feel anything for and then cheat. It is right to end the relationship and then find someone you are happy with otherwise it is not fair on the other person in the relationship who is with someone that does not reciprocate the same love in a genuine way.

I admit that during the time when I was with my ex, I met a guy who was very sweet to me and was very persistent despite knowing that I have a bf. I think if I wasn't with my ex at the time, I would be going out with him.

Not to judge this guy too much because I can't say for sure but I bet if he succeeded, that nice, sweet button would fade fast. I've seen that before, when a guy sees a challenge and tries every trick in the book to make a woman believe that and then things change once he wins...

Then again, he may have been a genuine nice person... It takes time to realise what people are really like but a little instinct can help too.

I applaud you for cutting contact with him for the benefit of your relationship.

Perhaps the second situation was not technically cheating (though I think it may have been a type of emotional cheating), but I wound up being dumped for someone else just the same. He was very angry when I told him that I felt that what he did was emotional cheating. I don't know what it would technically be classified as, but I felt very betrayed and couldn't remain in touch with him as friends (something that he had asked for). Since I am a nice person, I am struggling with guilt over not being his friend. Should I feel guilty? I just don't know. I have struggled with this second breakup a lot. :(

Personally, I would be inclined to judge that second situation as emotional cheating and that can hurt just as much as physical cheating because the heart of your partner is being given to someone else, the emotional attachment is being broken, so that is bound to hurt.

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.. Friendship would have been so hard to keep with this guy much the same as it would have been with my ex too..

So...

I have another question guys and gals.

My question is, how do most people find out that they have been cheated on?? Other than catching their partner in the act or spying on them (which seems wrong).. or being told by the cheater.

Is it just a feeling that something is not right?

My ex told me she had cheated on me. The 2nd time she kissed someone she did it our 'break' haha. Grinding with blokes and her ex's. God what a sl*t she was. I took her back time and time again what a fool I was.

My ex told me she had cheated on me. The 2nd time she kissed someone she did it our 'break' haha. Grinding with blokes and her ex's. God what a sl*t she was. I took her back time and time again what a fool I was.

So guilt of the cheater could be a way that a cheater gets found out because they confess..

What of the situations where the cheater does not confess what they have done?

Is that just down to good judgment or a sense that something just is not right?

My husband started acting strange. Nothing at home pleased him. I couldn't get the house clean enough, dinner just wasn't right, I was a poor money manager etc...
And, of course, there was hardly any sex. (that is probably the biggest sign). I just felt like something was off. He would come home every night in a bad mood. EVERY NIGHT!

I did do some investigating of my own and came across some things - otherwise, I wouldn't know now. There was a confrontation with him and the "other woman" - she would not admit to anything other than friends (apparently, I scared the s**t out of her). But my husband told me what I needed to know.

We are now traveling down a path that I think is less traveled. We are attempting to work it out. So far so good, only time will tell. I am happy with my decision. I know it is not a popular one.

I hear this story from a lot of my married men friends:
They meet a nice, fun, pretty woman; dating and sex is a blast; once marriage occurs the woman's sex drive shuts right down; the men's eyes and minds wander because they (a) feel like they were mislead during dating and (b) they have the same sex drive as when they dated.

This is why I waited so lomg to get married, to find someone who I believed would be the same woman after marriage.

When I married my husband, I was 22 and he was 25. We knew what we wanted and did not see a reason to wait. We had dated for 16 months before we got married.

I think everyone changes over time. I am not the same person I was at 22 and he is not either. We have had life experiences that change us. I was a cute size 8 when we married, 5 years later - I got pregnant - gained 60 pounds and my body was changed forever. I am a plump size 14 now. I have more curves - in places my husband says he loves. So, physically, I have changed.
When we married, he was about 175 lbs. Now he is about 230. I am not the only one who has "grown". And these are just physical things.
Mentally and emotionally we have grown. We have more things in our life than we did in our 20's. We are parents, we have a mortgage, bills that never seem to go away. Common stresses.
So, the theroy to wait to get married to find someone that will be the same in dating and in marriage - I don't think that is possible, just because - with life comes changes.

Yes..

People do change over time..

Very true..

Ideally while they change they grow together.

I still don't think anyone should get married before 25, its just too young, especially for men. Not judging your situation Nowwhat because you have obviously met the right one and are an example of a successful relationship.

Why is the divorce rate so high..?

Is it really 1 in 2 marriages that end in divorce?

That's high.. no wonder people are choosing to just live together as common law partners these days.

Ideally while they change they grow together.

True.. and also both partners need to accept this change.

What I mean is, accepting the change and not feeling as if you are growing apart (outgrowing each other) and also unknowing each other too.

I hear this story from a lot of my married men friends:
they meet a nice, fun, pretty woman; dating and sex is a blast; once marriage occurs the woman's sex drive shuts right down; the men's eyes and minds wander because they (a) feel like they were mislead during dating and (b) they have the same sex drive as when they dated.

This is why I waited so lomg to get married, to find someone who I believed would be the same woman after marriage.


To balance this...

I've heard this story from so many female friends. They meet a nice, funny, smart guy; dating and sex is a blast, and the guy is thoughtful about doing the dishes, remembering special dates, buying flowers and stuff for the heck of it... they're basically helpful and romantic. Once marriage occurs, the guy feels like he won the chick, and stops doing as much around the house, and stops keeping romance alive--why should he have to romance her, is his thought, since he married her?

Women's eyes and minds wander because they (a) feel like they were mislead during dating and (b) need as much romance as when they dated.

EVERYONE changes. Most of the women I know that lose their sex drive after marriage, lose it because sex is the only thing that a guy seems interested in anymore---there's no more cuddling, kissing just for kissing's sake, holding hands, etc. And once kids come... she's usually balancing housework, a job, and the majority of the childcare... and he wonders why she is too tired for sex!

It's about communication, not about married or not married, or kids or no kids. Sure, my husband and I have less sex than we used to have. We also can't skip work the next day if we're up all night having sex like we could when we had crappy jobs in our twenties!

I think a lot of the time in relationships, once the honeymoon period is over, once the sparks have faded, once each partner has won each other, there is not much left to fulfill the needs. This is where the critical point is in the relationship whether it be a make or a break.

It takes a mature couple to realise that love is what is left over after those sparks have gone and work on the relationship to keep it alive. I guess that is when you know you have met>>THE ONE! :rolleyes:

I still don't think anyone should get married before 25, its just too young, especially for men. Not judging your situation Nowwhat because you have obviously met the right one and are an example of a successful relationship.

Why is the divorce rate so high...??

Is it really 1 in 2 marriages that end in divorce??

Thats high..no wonder people are choosing to just live together as common law partners these days.


I don't know if you could use my relationship as an example. Or to say, at this point, we are successful.
Yes, we are still married - but we have had a very rocky life together. We are constantly working on this relationship. We stumble and forget why we are working at this thing called life. Right now, we are on the road to recovery from an affair. At the beginning of this month, I was sitting in an attorney's office - ready to divorce - because of an affair. But, I simply could not do it. I love my husband - all of him - the good, bad and very ugly. I do not want to live my life with out him. I vowed to be with him till death do us part. I took those vows very seriously.

And yes, 50% of marriages end in divorce. I think the rate is so high because of the society we live in. Think back to, say, the 1950's. How was divorce looked at? Very Taboo. Even if you were getting beat everyday and had every reason to leave - divorce just didn't happen. A divorced woman was looked upon as defective. She would be treated as if she had the plague.

Divorce, for some, is easy. It is easier than staying in a marriage that isn't all roses. When that honeymoon period is over and the work begins - it's almost like "Oh crap, what did I get myself into!!" When I first got married, I loved to cook for my man - it was fun. Now it's a chore. I kept the house nice, because it was fun - again - now it's a chore.
And, I have to tell him every once in a while - that "hey, sending me flowers on my b-day is nice, but sending me flowers because it's Tuesday is even better". Those little romantic gestures are great. But, they seem to only happen, the longer a person is married, when an anniversary or birthday rolls around.

So, why is that? Because - by marrying a person - we have won our prize?

So, why is that? Because - by marrying a person - we have won our prize?

Winning the prize is the easy part, keeping it is a lot more work. If your not willing to work to keep what you have then you will lose it. That's why the divorce rate is so high, because people are not willing to do the work to keep what they have and look for the easy way out.

When we say marriage is work - what does that mean? (if you are married - you know) When you first get married and it is just you and your spouse - it seems easy. It's almost fairy tale or playing house.
Then you decide to buy your first house. There is a mortgage to maintain, grass to cut and things to fix. You don't feel as free as you did before.
Then you decide it's time to have kids. You become parents and have all the things that go with that. 3am feedings, dirty diapers, teething. Then as the kid grows, there a ballet lessons, soccer practice, etc.. And if you aren't blessed with 100% healthy child, there are endless doctor's appointments and procedures. STRESS!
With the house and kids, brings bills. You seem to be busting your butt at work everyday and there still is not enough money to make ends meet.
Then it hits you that you can't remember the last time you and your spouse had a date night. Let alone, a romantic evening filled with great sex. You lose each other in the daily trials of life. That is were the work is. With all of the things whirling around you - you have to manage to find the time and energy to nurture your relationship. You realize that your time is not your own anymore - you can't do the things that made you happy anymore because you are balancing all of these other things. And the easiest thing to let slide is the relationship. You will get to it on another day. Or, when you get paid, you are going to take your wife out for an expensive meal. That day comes and your kid had to go to hospital because of whatever.
Marriage is messy, life is messy. And trying to find the time to balance everything is extremely hard. You want so badly to recapture the FUN in life. And, for some, that means divorce. Throw your hands up and say this is just too much work - it must be the wrong thing for me - because life should be fun or exciting. When in reality - anything worth having is WORK!

because life should be fun or exciting. When in reality - anything worth having is WORK!

I wish my ex would have realised this but then she was only young..

Being young is about fun and excitement and above all, learning and growing.

Cheating is as old as the Neanderthals... The 60's and 70's were wild times pre-aids...

I think the only thing new is the internet... it has created a new crop of ez-cheating opportunities... but I think, those who will - will.

Sad, but true.

Character is fate, as a wise English writer once said.

Consider that before you say "I do" or "I love you" or "I want your babies"
Or anything else with an "I"

You know this is a great question Geoff. I can't really add anything to what other posters have already said, but I would like to ask those that have cheated what was the reason or reasons they did so? Was it something you've always done or was it just one time with one particular partner and what circumstances lead up to the cheating? Help us on the outside see what's going on, on the inside... inside the relationship and inside your thought process during those times.

First of all, it's important to define what's meant by "cheating." If someone you're dating has sex with someone else and you've made no explicit promises to each other, is that "cheating?" At what level of a relationship is faithfulness and monogamy expected to occur? I think you'll find mixed opinions on this. Certainly when marriage vows have been taken we expect our spouse to be faithful to us ; I'm referring primarily to the pre-marriage stage. A person who's engaged, in my opinion, should certainly be faithful and monogamous just as though (s)he were already married. But what about someone who's not yet engaged? Someone who's made no real promise or commitment to their "significant other?" What expectation do we hold them to? This is the greyest area on this topic. I believe this is why so many moral codes hold to the idea of marriage before sex. As is touted so often, "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" Expressed more directly, why have sex with someone who isn't willing to commit to marriage with you? Why give them something and get nothing in return? I'm sure than many will rationalize, whether they admit it or not, that they want the enjoyment of sex but don't want the commitment of marriage. To anyone with that mindset, my response is to be prepared for the resulting emotional fallout. I believe that therein lies the heart of the matter under discussion here. We can always reverse the popular cliché ; "if you want the milk, you gotta buy the cow!" If one is avoiding marriage for a practical reason, such as being too young, then they are too young to have sex. The bottom line is, if you're going to hop in the sack with someone who's not your lawful spouse, you have no right to an expectation of monogamy.

You can tell, but many people are not willing to admit it to themselves. My ex would go out two or three nights a week, (and leave me at home with a 2 year old), And stay out all night, usually till about 9 am (the time I would have to go to work. She told me that she was going out with her girlfriends, but would always drink too much, so she couldn't drive home. I would have gone along longer if one of her friends had not gotten mad and told me. And you got to remember if you have kids, especially men, your choices are stay married or see your kids three or four days a month. Is cheating wrong in this case, and one of the people has totally let themselves go, and forgotten personal hygiene, and does not attempt to make themselves attractive. Or if one no longer wants sex? I think it is not black and white. People judge too harshly and quickly.

Is it wrong to cheat when your spouse is cheating? Would you rather cheat and stay married because of your kids?
That is a tough one. I think in this case, you may want to have a conversation with your spouse and talk about an open relationship. This way, you both know where you stand in your relationship. You both are getting what you need. I don't know of anyone that has ever done this, so I don't know if it would even work.
As far as cheating because they don't attempt to make themselves attractive to you or any of the other things listed above - that isn't a reason to cheat. Those things need to be discussed as things that bother you. If you can not resolve it on your own - then go to counseling.
I really don't think there is acceptable cheating. I think it is black and white. You made a commitment to another person. "forsaking all others" was in your vows. Not- forsaking all others as long as you smell good and look pretty.

Yeah I was just speaking theoretically.

I think marriage fail because:

1. you or your partner (or both) did not develop a strong sense of self identity
2. the two of you do not share similar values and interest. (eg. Goals, attitudes, socioeconomic status, and ethnic backgrounds)
3. the couple is not contributing equally to the relationship.

As far as cheating because they don't attempt to make themselves attractive to you or any of the other things listed above - that isn't a reason to cheat. Those things need to be discussed as things that bother you. If you can not resolve it on your own - then go to counseling.
I really don't think there is acceptable cheating. I think it is black and white. You made a commitment to another person. "forsaking all others" was in your vows. Not- forsaking all others as long as you smell good and look pretty.

I agreed with what you said here NowWhat, I think that this is what separates the brave from the weak in that the weak will run away from problems and choose the easy option rather than doing what the brave will do and face their problems and work on the relationship. I think it also separates the emotionally mature from the emotionally immature too.

disagrees: Just because someone cheats does not make them selfish and dishonest. The act maybe not the person. Especially when you are unaware of the circumstances.
That's the point, ignorance is no excuse for a bad choice and you should make yourself aware. It would be pretty dumb not to don't you think.

I think that cheating does make a person dishonest and selfish. How could it be any different? To be unselfish would be to end the relationship and then pursue whatever it is you feel you must. Cheating by it's very nature is dishonest and to disguise it by circumstances is just denial of what you are doing and that is no excuse...

I agree with you tal!

disagrees: Ignorance is an exscuse, until you are there you would not understand
I do not let my emotions blind me into falling for just anything, that is why I have never been there. Nice try but doesn't change the fact that ignorance is no excuse for making a bad choice.


Disagrees: There is allot more to it than right or wrong, the heart does not care about reason

That's why you don't listen to your heart when making choices that are important to your life.

Well It's just my opinion, I certainly am not an "expert".
And you do have valid points. But people are not always logical.
And cheating is certainly wrong, I am just saying that sometimes people feel that it is the only option. Sometimes it is not so easy to get out of a relationship. But is it wrong, Yes.
Is it anymore wrong or right than allot of things people do, it's debatable. But It is good to have strong moral convictions, and you should be proud of that. I think the real issue here is that people often don't treat others properly, and keep the focus on their mate.

Darn it Matt, I was hoping you'd say something I could return your red square back to you, but I agree with what you said-

I think the real issue here is that people often don't treat others properly, and keep the focus on their mate.
All to often when a problem cannot be solved we take the easy way out and that never solves any problems.

Cheating is more common in today's society YES!
Look around, marriage is no longer sacred, the unity of marriage is not COOL.
People throw each other away, look at TV and magazines, the SINGLE life is glorified.
Do you see happy maried people being glorified?
We are flooded with messages of sex, drugs, alcohol,beauty (outter), and sex sex and more sex.
I grew up in a poor country in central america, cheating happens EVERYWHERE and it has happened since the beginning of time. However, today's society is at its low.

I agree that a cheater is selfish and dishonest. They are only think of themselves and what feels good in the moment. But, if they knew the heartache that their selfish act would cause - would they do it?
My husband cheated (as I have stated so many times - I am tired of myself!) - when we finally sat down and communicated - I told him everything that was in my heart (I didn't have anything more to lose) and he saw the damage he did to me and our family - it hit him like a ton of bricks. He realized that all of things he had been doing weren't worth what he was about to lose.
Do you think cheaters (and I'm not talking about serial cheaters) would cheat if they truly understood the repercussion of that act?
When someone cheats on a spouse - it isn't just the other spouse getting hurt - there are kids, families on both sides - joint friends, etc. It's like setting a bomb off in the middle of a busy street - it touches everyone.

Good question. Ive read that cheating percentages are in the upper eighties. I think that suggests that it is common. I think that it has always been common for men. Weomen are just getting in on the action.

I hαte cheαters, I hαte homewreckers-- ugh cheαting!

What is said about affairs - you TRULY don't know what you would do until you are faced with it.
Up until recently, I had always said - if someone were to ever cheat on me or hit me - I would leave - it's not up for discussion.
Then, I got a hard slap in the face and I did the opposite of what I thought I would do.

I've been in situαtions where I hαd the opportunity to cheαt but I didn't tαke it, αnd I've been with stupidαss boys in the pαst thαt hαd someone else on the side- when I found out, no girl they were crying αnd begging for me to tαke their trifulin αss bαck-- αnd hitting been there with αn ex. I left his αss- αin't no one in hell gonnα try me like thαt.

Women need to get whαt they wαnt αnd not settle for whαtever is offered to them- sαme with guys, if your girl is αcting wrong get it right or leαve the hoe.

I need to clarify one thing - when I said "hit me" - I added that in as, basically, my 2 conditions to walk away.
And when I said "hard slap in the face" I meant figuratively.(a dose of reality)
My husband has NEVER hit me. Cheated - yes, hit - no.

Oo good! I wαs kindα worried there... plus I think cheαting hαs different consequences when your mαrried thαn when your dαting. Essh I'm mαrried αnd I would hαve NO ideα whαt I would do if thαt hαppened [which is NOT:-) ]... I'd wαnt to beαt his αss αnd thαt heffers-grrr >:-|

Hi guys and gals.

I see a lot of threads here on AMHD about cheating and the pain and trouble that it causes. I am completely against cheating and believe that a person should be 100% faithful at all times, otherwise get shown the front door and change the locks (so to speak).

This has only happened to me once when I was much younger (17) and it was only a short relationship of a few months. One thing I am 99% sure of about my recent ex was that she never cheated on me and I was with her for 3 years. I think she was scared though that she may cheat because of her desire to explore the single life and go wild for a while..LOL

Anyway, I have been thinking back to that woman many years ago who cheated on me, and even though it was a short term relationship, it still hurt me albeit she was not exactly morally right in the head, in fact she turned out to be a serial cheater..LOL

Anyway...My question is do people think that in today's society, Cheating either physically or emotionally is commonplace?

Basically, would others here conclude that there is a high percentage of cheaters out there? Also, is there a relationship between age and cheating and is it something which you believe that becomes less commonplace with age or something that follows people throughout life?

Just a general question really while I have my thinking cap on!!
I think it's an interesting observation...


We are only human and falling in love or fallling for somebody else is one thing.. what we do with it is a completely different ballgame... it's a choice. I do not believe that "it happened, I did not mean for it to happen"... it's always a choice whether you give into temptation or walk away from it.

I sometimes get the impression that people do not want to fight for their marriage/relationship and let the good things slip away... it's hard to be in a relationship and when you look at the number of divorces nowadays I often wonder whether people really make an effort to save the relationship.

I think cheating is very common these days. I am not sure that it is more common now than 10 years ago, but it is talked about more now. I do not agree that you are either a cheater or you are not. I think cheating is totally wronf and I could have never seen myself doing it. But about 1 1/2 years ago I fell in love with a married man. I knew it was wrong and tried not to do it but my heart was so in love with him. Another thing I have noticed is that you see a lot of older men having affairs with younger women.

Some great responses on this thread.

Can I ask another question.

In others opinions, would you say that cheating is more common in men or women or is it a 50/50 thing.

Also.. someone mentioned in this thread that a lot of older men have affairs with younger women. Why is that apart from the obvious? Do they see those women as an easy catch because younger women like maturer men or is it something else?

I would say it is about 50/50 between men and women. I know just as many women that have had affairs as I do men. Not sure why older men go after the younger women. I think a lot of women in their 20's and early 30's like to have an older man. And most men that are older are married. So this may lead to them being with a married man even if they think it is wrong. That is what happened to me. I think messing with a married man is totally wrong but eventually I started having feelings for this guy even though I knew he was married. I have told him over and over that older men are what younger girls like and that older men are smooth talkers.

I think men cheat more than women. It could just seem that way because you hear about men more than women.
As far as the older/younger thing - I would imagine that younger women are drawn to an older man because of he is more experienced in life. He could be established, etc. Men in their 20's are trying to work their way up the ladder and may not know as much as someone who's been around the block a time or two.
I think the older man goes for the younger woman to recapture his youth.

I think a big part of it is society in general.

We make the older man into someone more experienced, with more money, and generally more maturity.

We make the ideal age/look for a woman to be about 18 and skinny... which, try as I might, I can't seem to do at 32.

I think it's that each goes for what looks good on their arm as much as anything else. Some people feel better about themselves if others envy who they are with.

I think cheating is wrong and I'm young 19 year old male... I never cheated on any of my girlfriends and I never will... I feel like if your with that person you should only be with that person... cheating is so commen these days hell there's all age's doing it... age don't stop a thing... snf once a cheater always a cheater I just got out this real long relashinship and I still don't see myself dating for a few months... I have to give myself time to I can't think of the word... some finish it off for me!!

But yeah Once a Cheater Always a Cheater... Even if you don't cheat in the future you cheated in the past so you still have that label... thats were the label comes from...

Presently I would say some people cheat because they want more in life while others do it because they are simply not happy in their relationship. They cheat on their partners thinking to get revenge or simply getting that false happiness even if its for a short period.
But, what people do not realise is that they are just putting themselves really down. In fact going a level lower than the partner who is making their lives miserable.
People should try to look for other alternatives to make themselves happy. If they think that being with some one else will make them happy then first leave your partner and then get into another relationship. In that manner, no one can accuse you of being a cheater.