FrostAtronach
May 28, 2013, 12:50 PM
After a couple months of beating myself up and tearing apart my good moods, I've decided to get help here. I've neglected it for awhile because I'm not sure who would actually read all of this, but here is my situation:
I've dated this girl in a long distance relationship; the relationship went on for nearly ten months. The relationship was very loving, for being long distance, and it seemed as though her and I were going to be together for awhile. For lack of formalities, I will call her "Ashley". Anyway, this relationship was loving, as I said, and it got to a point where both of us were considering marriage and raising a family. Ashley sent me pictures of drawings she drew of us together, things we'd do, places we'd go to see - a little while later, I sent her an email saying, "Hey, I just got enough money to travel and come over-seas". I waited a bit for a reply and I then received a long email saying that, "we should be out exploring other people, making friends, and the stress of this relationship is making me crazy. I can't be with you anymore..."
Months past and I beat myself up a lot. I had a few months of depression; yelling, screaming, etc.. I admit that I was certainly not taking this break-up well considering that the whole idea of her and I together just seemed like such an amazing love-story and I didn't want to let it go. It was the happiest ten months of my life. After a few months, we decided to not speak to each-other for a bit and get a grip on our lives - that's what we ended up doing.
During this break, I was still attending my senior year of school. I was at lunch one day and my friend brought up this girl to our table. I'll call her, "Mary". Mary approaches the table and I'm already thinking about if I should ask this girl out. With the conversations we had when she came up to the table, she liked everything I liked and was a really cool person. Days go past and I'm texting her and learning more about her, until I end up asking her out and we begin dating. The first couple months were less-than-stellar and this is where my story begins to get long.
She admined a Facebook page and the admins on the page were in love with her - the admins would constantly post things about her and it made me uncomfortable. To the point where I had asked her to stop going onto the Facebook page. She ignored my requests and said she'd, "give them another chance". I decided I'd listen to her and let her do her thing; then I get wind that one of the admins is asking her to marry here. I get upset and question it and she tells me she doesn't know what to do because this admin is telling her he'd kill himself if she didn't. She ends up cutting herself, I get irritated and start to yell at these admins over Facebook. I'm getting bombarded with insults. To make this story short, I was only trying to describe how incredibly stressful my relationship with Mary is. Through all of this struggle, I've grown to be incredibly jealous. I find this to be odd considering that I wasn't jealous in the other relationship, but now I am always wondering if Mary is cheating on me, etc.. During those months, though, I loved her with every ounce of my being. We even discussed things like my old relationship partner and I did: marriage, family, etc.. Because I thought I loved her and got over my ex.
Then one night it just suddenly went away. I looked at her picture and I didn't feel the same feelings anymore. I didn't feel like I loved her and I didn't feel that emotion of love in my tummy like I used to.. . and this has been going on for about 3 months now and somehow I got to thinking about Ashley again. I keep thinking about my love-story with her and going back to the way everything used to be; that feeling of love and being loved. I wake up feeling guilty every morning because I'm thinking of this girl across seas when I should be thinking of my girlfriend instead.
I became friends with Ashley again, just to be sure she wouldn't go away because I made a promise to myself that I'd visit her over seas. I'm playing video games with her online and legitimately wanting to build a relationship with her again, but I still don't want my current girlfriend to leave.
[Solutions that I've tried: Taking a break from my girlfriend to re-establish feelings, hanging out with my girlfriend more to re-establish feelings, trying to talk to my ex less, trying to think of my ex less, checking to see if I legitimately have depression (which I've found out depression can make you not love), and my last solution would be to visit Ashley over-seas to get "closure".]
I've dated this girl in a long distance relationship; the relationship went on for nearly ten months. The relationship was very loving, for being long distance, and it seemed as though her and I were going to be together for awhile. For lack of formalities, I will call her "Ashley". Anyway, this relationship was loving, as I said, and it got to a point where both of us were considering marriage and raising a family. Ashley sent me pictures of drawings she drew of us together, things we'd do, places we'd go to see - a little while later, I sent her an email saying, "Hey, I just got enough money to travel and come over-seas". I waited a bit for a reply and I then received a long email saying that, "we should be out exploring other people, making friends, and the stress of this relationship is making me crazy. I can't be with you anymore..."
Months past and I beat myself up a lot. I had a few months of depression; yelling, screaming, etc.. I admit that I was certainly not taking this break-up well considering that the whole idea of her and I together just seemed like such an amazing love-story and I didn't want to let it go. It was the happiest ten months of my life. After a few months, we decided to not speak to each-other for a bit and get a grip on our lives - that's what we ended up doing.
During this break, I was still attending my senior year of school. I was at lunch one day and my friend brought up this girl to our table. I'll call her, "Mary". Mary approaches the table and I'm already thinking about if I should ask this girl out. With the conversations we had when she came up to the table, she liked everything I liked and was a really cool person. Days go past and I'm texting her and learning more about her, until I end up asking her out and we begin dating. The first couple months were less-than-stellar and this is where my story begins to get long.
She admined a Facebook page and the admins on the page were in love with her - the admins would constantly post things about her and it made me uncomfortable. To the point where I had asked her to stop going onto the Facebook page. She ignored my requests and said she'd, "give them another chance". I decided I'd listen to her and let her do her thing; then I get wind that one of the admins is asking her to marry here. I get upset and question it and she tells me she doesn't know what to do because this admin is telling her he'd kill himself if she didn't. She ends up cutting herself, I get irritated and start to yell at these admins over Facebook. I'm getting bombarded with insults. To make this story short, I was only trying to describe how incredibly stressful my relationship with Mary is. Through all of this struggle, I've grown to be incredibly jealous. I find this to be odd considering that I wasn't jealous in the other relationship, but now I am always wondering if Mary is cheating on me, etc.. During those months, though, I loved her with every ounce of my being. We even discussed things like my old relationship partner and I did: marriage, family, etc.. Because I thought I loved her and got over my ex.
Then one night it just suddenly went away. I looked at her picture and I didn't feel the same feelings anymore. I didn't feel like I loved her and I didn't feel that emotion of love in my tummy like I used to.. . and this has been going on for about 3 months now and somehow I got to thinking about Ashley again. I keep thinking about my love-story with her and going back to the way everything used to be; that feeling of love and being loved. I wake up feeling guilty every morning because I'm thinking of this girl across seas when I should be thinking of my girlfriend instead.
I became friends with Ashley again, just to be sure she wouldn't go away because I made a promise to myself that I'd visit her over seas. I'm playing video games with her online and legitimately wanting to build a relationship with her again, but I still don't want my current girlfriend to leave.
[Solutions that I've tried: Taking a break from my girlfriend to re-establish feelings, hanging out with my girlfriend more to re-establish feelings, trying to talk to my ex less, trying to think of my ex less, checking to see if I legitimately have depression (which I've found out depression can make you not love), and my last solution would be to visit Ashley over-seas to get "closure".]