He is taking a shower and I'm here trying to calm down. He lasts 1 minute every time we have sex. Sometimes not even a minute and 1 time a week if I'm lucky.
I tried going out with one guy, but I just didn't feel the way I feel for my husband.

It's not just sex, I want him to want to be with me. He ignores me and say that he is tired and not in the mood and that he doesn't like sex anymore. I bet he is masturbating right now. What can I do?

Oh, and I can't even touch him. He would push me away and gets really mad at me.

Time for marriage counseling and hopefully a doctor visit for your husband.

How old are both of you and how long has this been a problem?

Does your husband know you tried cheating? If he even suspects you were unfaithful, it may be affecting his desire for intimacy.

I agree that counseling and encouraging him to see a doctor are your best options.

I also suggest you look at how you have been reacting to his problem. Have you been pressuring him to have sex? Does he feel like he can show affection without it turning into sex which appears to lead to other problems for him?

What are your expectations? Are you measuring your self-esteem and attractiveness by how often you have sex? Are you allowing his issues to affect how you feel about yourself?

Something to think about is he has erectile issues. They are obviously affecting how he feels about intimacy and sex. Add to those issues stress, pressure (from himself as much as from you), concern, frustration, etc. and you can see why he would be backing away from wanting sex. Have you tried looking at the issue from his point of view?

It's a long story.
He says he doesn't love me that he's only with me because he what's to get the green card.
For the first 3 months sex was great and after that he would hide himself in the bathroom to masturbate and avoid having sex with me.
Verbal and physical abuse were constantly
Now he doesn't hit me anymore now its just a verbal abuse.
He tells me to find someone to have sex with or just find a new boyfriend that he won't mind if I do that.
We broke up last November and he went out with some girls and I went out with somebody else. He knows and I know everything that happened.
He gets really mad and kind of jealous if I talk to another guy or if I get home late from work.
I am devastated because I want him to want me to that's not going to happen.
He is really sexual that's one of the main reasons that I know the problem is me and not him.
He just don't want to have sex with me just me.
He won't kiss me or hug me he doesn't even let me touch him.
It's a tough situation I have to stay near him because of the processes and everything but I can't have what I want that's really making me go crazy.
Sometimes he even tell me that if I don't stay with him and ask for the divorce that he will kill me. Because he's green card is almost ready.
I don't believe I love him its just the fact that he doesn't want me and I keep trying to change myself just make him love me.
I'm always wrong its always my fault I always make him do bad things. Its never his fault.
Sometimes I don't want to have sex with him either its just the fact that I want him to have sex with me and not go find somebody else.
Like I said it's a nightmare

You better get your courage up and get out, and let him deal with his own demons because his agenda is about using you to get what he wants, as opposed to building a life together.

Love has nothing to do with this terribly unhealthy situation from which you should completely remove yourself from.

Protect yourself.

I know I should leave. I left a couple times, but I miss him to death. Its like a drug. Its hard to move on. I used to be so tough. Sometimes I think he is all I have, and I won't find anybody else.
He is the first guy I ever enjoyed to have sex with.
But all he talks about is his last girlfriend.
I think I'm addicted to him. Not the abuse. I have to stop trying to fix him and think about me.
Im way too messed up with all this situation. He used to withhold sex jyst to get what he wanted, he wanted and he always had power over me.
Im still trying to leave him for sure. Still trying to put myself together.
He is a, player and he will never lose.

And no matter hiw bad he wants sex... he will never ask for. He will just watch porn and will be fine.
If I don't ask we won't have sex at all

Why do nice girls always go after arseholes and why do they never see they're arseholes?

You won't change him. He doesn't want to change. You know nothing good will come out of this so why do you expose yourself to this mental abuse? What is your excuse? What possible hope can you have left that he'll turn into prince charming.

You've done all you can do and sticking around isn't going to do you any good. Get the divorce. Leave him. Get alimony. Move on. There is no other choice and no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise you can't fix this. Leave.

I know you're thinking of ways to stay. Stop that. Move if you have to. Drop him like the drug he is. It is honestly like a bandaid, rip it quickly and go.

The way to break an addiction is to get away from your drug with the proper help and support, NOT keep taking the drug and hoping for a good outcome. That's insanity by definition.

Get help and support to get out. Some things we cannot do alone. Got family or friends to talk to, or a place to go?

I used to think like " why people just dont move on and leave them?"
Its way harder than wt eople think.
Its like crack. Its an addiction.
I understand now.
It hurts so bad, that you just think that being with them hurts less.
People think that its easy to leave. But you love (or believe you love) that person so bad that you will give up on yourself for them.
Don't ask me why. That could happen to anyone.
Im still trying to leave. But its hard.
I keep thinking he will find someone else.
And that person will have him.
I saw texts from him to this girl he went out with when we broke up, saying that he loved to kiss her, and how he wanted to see her again so he could smell her again and sleep the whole night next to her

Damn if you don't sound like a crack addict. Just because its damn hard to clean up your act and heal and get healthy is no reason not to do it.

We understand how hard it is and the pain and misery you suffer. You are not alone nor the only one who has to face making damn hard choices.

I do have family but they are far from where I work.
I will go to a meeting this week. I will feel better I guess.
Thanks everybody :)

What kind of meeting?