littletrudis
May 22, 2013, 06:22 PM
I just noticed how he's trying to push me away. He keep telling me how he hates me, how I irritates him, he even told me that I’m just a little trash for him. I was speechless. I cried. All I can think about is I want my family. I live very far from my family (I’m in USA they're in the Philippines). I’m 20, my boyfriend is turning 21. Anyway, after he told me all these hurtful words, I just kept crying and thinking about how we used to be really in love and sweet, but right now, I don’t know if he still loves me. I don’t know if I can still trust him after seeing a random girl's at his phone, seeing those pornography, seeing his lubricant, I even saw he’s planning to buy the flesh sight.
This is really awkward. I never told him I saw these stuff. If I tell him this, he would flip out, and he might kicked me out. He always kicks me out, even at 12 midnight, or evening, he didn’t care. I hate how much I love him, and I’m tired and sick of him treating me like. I kept telling to myself he's going to change because after all the fights in the end he always tell me that he didn’t mean it, he was just really mad. And I kept telling him he wasn’t even supposed to get mad because I’m not doing anything that can get him mad or irritated. (I’m usually quiet, and sweet and I like hugging him) but he still keep telling me he didn’t mean it. I don't know if I’m going to trust him. :( I feel so alone. I feel very depressed. Sometimes all I can think about is dying to end this. Please advise :(
There were times that I just want to hug him but he keeps refusing. He keeps saying "hold on" or instead he pretends that he's sleeping. (Isn’t that ****ed up) I want to punch him in the face but at the same time I’d rather be quiet than starting a drama. :( I want to be a bigger person than him :( he's so controlling. :( I don’t know if he’s not even afraid to lose me. :(
This is really awkward. I never told him I saw these stuff. If I tell him this, he would flip out, and he might kicked me out. He always kicks me out, even at 12 midnight, or evening, he didn’t care. I hate how much I love him, and I’m tired and sick of him treating me like. I kept telling to myself he's going to change because after all the fights in the end he always tell me that he didn’t mean it, he was just really mad. And I kept telling him he wasn’t even supposed to get mad because I’m not doing anything that can get him mad or irritated. (I’m usually quiet, and sweet and I like hugging him) but he still keep telling me he didn’t mean it. I don't know if I’m going to trust him. :( I feel so alone. I feel very depressed. Sometimes all I can think about is dying to end this. Please advise :(
There were times that I just want to hug him but he keeps refusing. He keeps saying "hold on" or instead he pretends that he's sleeping. (Isn’t that ****ed up) I want to punch him in the face but at the same time I’d rather be quiet than starting a drama. :( I want to be a bigger person than him :( he's so controlling. :( I don’t know if he’s not even afraid to lose me. :(