So I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year, he has 3 children (I have none) he's 25 I'm 23. His older two children live with their mother and he has them every other weekend, his youngest son however he has full time, like every single day seven days a week because he is estranged from his mother. While I have no children I'm around and have been around children my whole life. I've lived with my nephew for the last 3 years who is the same age as his youngest (3) and I also watch said nephew 4 days a week for 10+ hours while my sister is at work. I know I'm not a parent but I've seen it all, changed diapers I never knew possible, tended to boo boos, heard the fake cries, the laughs, given time outs, been spit on, vomited on, hit, pooped on, you name it, I get it ! At least as much as a non-parent can. I applaud his great fatherhood for looking after his son and essentially being a single father but being the girlfriend in this case is a tricky role to fill.

I spend at least 3 days out of the week with them and usually the weekends. While his son and I get along pretty well I feel my boyfriend never disciplines his bad behavior. Yes, I know that typical 2 and a half year old behavior isn't the prettiest but I truly feel his behavior is Crossing the line. My boyfriend lets him walk all over him and I believe he is coddled to the point of fault. He hits, bites, pinches, pulls my hair and just flat out tries to hurt me (he does this with his father as well and siblings) boyfriend tells him to stop but really when his son does this to me it's when boyfriend isn't around. I just hold his hands away from me but it gets ridiculous when a toddler is bullying me and bossing me around. He tells me to shut up and yells no over and over in my face. Very dependent on dad, will scream bloody murder if boyfriend tries to go in a store without him and screams for candy and pop when we're inside. It embarrasses me. He sleeps in the bed with us which are fine but the thought of him not sleeping by daddy every night is a joke.

Just the other day he was throwing large rocks at my car and almost broke the window, I just purchased a new car and boyfriend doesn't have a license so I drive them everywhere, I wouldn't mind (he's appreciative and gives me gas) but his son is a nightmare in the car. I find myself wanting to do things alone just so I can enjoy silence or play my music without constant screaming for french fries (which he demands and gets) he walks all over my leather seats and has broken a few minor things already in the car) we haven't had a night alone in over 6 months which isn't the child or bf's fault. I truly feel like I'm not being selfish to just want an adult night from time to time. I don't feel it's my place to correct this child's behavior but if I'm going to be dealing with it all of the time I feel like I have the right to get at least baseline respect. I'm growing tired of it and I'm unsure if I should continue, I understand all kids go through these phases but is it worth it?

I care for him and his son, for the record I'm not trying to "come between them" I just want some peaceful nights or maybe an adult date every now and then. I understand the life of a parent but do I need to forget about any romance if I stay with this man? Feeling annoyed, am I being selfish?

Bottom line from what you state, this child has some mental issues which manifest in this type of behavior. Sure there are the terrible twos but what you describe is way over the top.

Why does his father condone sleeping with the two of you? Should be in his own bed even if he has to scream it out.

Sounds like you are at the end of your tether but I think you should suggest some remedial action before you throw in the towel. Your relationship does not have to be like this.

Do you look after this child 24/7?

You are in a difficult spot, but, you clearly have options.

I'm not going to diagnose the kid with mental illness, but will say that the kid is out of control, lacks discipline, and the father is not providing what he needs (or the mother, or both). A parenting class would work wonders for both of them.

Then he has two other children he has every weekend, which no doubt adds to the normal family chaos.

You have jumped into a relationship where you have no authority, or any say, in how you are treated- this is the father's responsibility.

And even if things were great, and comfortable, and you had the younger child in his own bed every night, you would at least get to work on the relationship with your boyfriend.

For half of the relationship, you haven't had a night alone!

You are getting into turbulent waters in my opinion, and at your age, some serious thought has to go into what you are, and are not, willing to take on. You have a pretty good idea what lies ahead, and I don't hear you saying that your boyfriend is addressing any issues.

You are only 23. He's had three kids by the time he's 25. How does he support all three children?

What are YOUR dreams? What do you want in a career, and where do you see yourself being in even two years. In college perhaps? Working toward a good job so you can support yourself and make good choices for your future?

It sounds to me like you are thinking about taking on way too much at this stage of your life. If you can't comfortably put yourself and your own plans in the picture and see yourself managing it all, then it might be time to move on, and away from him, and his children.

Its got to be tough being a caretaker for kids at home and then being one for kids during date time. He needs a baby sitter, and you need time away from being a caretaker of the kids of others.

Don't stay over night with this fellow if he sleeps with his child. NEVER! And never be alone with the little monster. Let them go to the store without you. Under the circumstances normal dating is out of the question and should you continue with him you both must agree to boundaries and adjustments to enjoy each other. It may take him a few more years to get a handle on his own situation and he has to be allowed that time.

Regardless, if you are tired of the routine change it, or remove yourself from it.

Tal- Excellent advice.

I will agree, set your rules, and find new boyfreind I he can not agree, sleep with dad with girlfriend there is one big issue, You have to have some dates without child, so a baby sitter is needed. And if child damages your car, boyfriend knows he has to write you a check for it