I've been talking to this guy online for 3 years and I've got feelings for him and he says he has for me and most of the time I do believe him. He wants me to send a 'dirty' picture and I don't know what to do? I don't want to because I think its wrong but I want to keep him happy and not loose him. Every time I ask him to meet all he says is he does too and that's it, nothing never happens. I don't know what to do send him a picture and probably regret it fir the rest of my life and don't and possibly loose him?

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You can't lose what you've never had - and I don't think you "have" him.

Why in the past 3 years haven't you met?

You know those pictures will come back and haunt you.

How old are you?
Do you have the funds to hire an investigator to see who this guy really is, check out his "game"?

No, don't send any dirty pictures. You will regret doing so.

Why can't he meet you after 3 years? He is hiding something... don't fall for this.

You can't lose what you've never had - and I don't think you "have" him.

Why in the past 3 years haven't you met?

You know those pictures will come back and haunt you.

How old are you?
Do you have the funds to hire an investigator to see who this guy really is, check out his "game"?


Meeting him its always something that gets mentioned and that's it, nothing never happens about it. I'm 17.

Is a 9 year age gap 'wrong' when I'm only 17?

The other person is 8?

The other person is 8?

Nice!

Maybe the other person is 26... but you could be right.

I guess someone has to ask about 8, that was the first thing that went though my mind.

At 17, assuming you mean the other person is 26, it is still up to your parents, since you are a minor.

I am 10 years older than my wife, and my best friend here in China is over 20 years older than his wife.

At 17, a 26 year old is really at a different place in their life, and I wonder what they see in a 17 year old "child" sorry but to a 26 year old, that is what they should see.

Normally the age gaps makes less difference in about 8 to 10 years when you are matured and more expierenced in life

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/what-do-749637.html

Same guy?

So, you've known this pervert since you were 14 and he wanted you to send "dirty pictures" to him. Have I got that right?

You've never met him in person. Have I got that right?

If so, yes, this so called relationship is wrong on so many levels.

I think if you look at it either way... someone is a pervert...

I think if you look at it either way... someone is a pervert...

Exactly!

The other person is 8?

No, he's 25, 26 this year

I am 17, I talk to a guy online who is 25, 26 the end of this year. We've been speaking for 3 years. I had just turned 14 when we startes talking. He's asked for 'dirty' picture (ive not sent any). I haven't met him. He lives 110ish miles away as he had to move further away because he got a new job. When we've said about meeting that's all that happens. People can say he's a 'peado' a 'pervert' and whatever, but I don't and can't see it like that, surly its just like a penpal? Maybe I am wrong because its me who talking to him. But please advice would be wonderful.


I think if you look at it either way... someone is a pervert...

How? He's 25, its wrong because I'm still a "child"?

I am 17, I talk to a guy online who is 25, 26 the end of this year. We've been speaking for 3 years. I had just turned 14 when we startes talking. He's asked for 'dirty' picture (ive not sent any). I haven't met him. He lives 110ish miles away as he had to move further away because he got a new job. When we've said about meeting that's all that happens. People can say he's a 'peado' a 'pervert' and whatever, but I don't and can't see it like that, surly its just like a penpal? Maybe I am wrong because its me who talking to him. But please advice would be wonderful.

Becky, what do you call a grown man who wants 'dirty' pictures of an adolescent? He does know how old you are, doesn't he? You know the pictures would be 'wrong' and you know why.

How far have your 'talks' with him gone? Do you discuss the weather or has he started talking about sex acts?

Has he asked for any non-dirty pictures?

How do you know this man is only 25 if you haven't met him? He could any age. He could be female and posing as a male.

You sound like a young female who has been manipulated (groomed) into thinking of this person as 'safe' and 'just a pen pal'. However, I think part of you is starting to question what 'his' intentions are.

I suggest breaking off contact and getting out and having fun with your friends. Have fun being a teenager and learning how to have a social life. Meeting and learning about dating, figuring out what you like in a boyfriend (and what you don't like), etc. are all a part of growing up.

Becky, what do you call a grown man who wants 'dirty' pictures of an adolescent? He does know how old you are, doesn't he? You know the pictures would be 'wrong' and you know why.

How far have your 'talks' with him gone? Do you discuss the weather or has he started talking about sex acts?

Has he asked for any non-dirty pictures?

How do you know this man is only 25 if you haven't met him? He could any age. He could be female and posing as a male.

You sound like a young female who has been manipulated (groomed) into thinking of this person as 'safe' and 'just a pen pal'. However, I think part of you is starting to question what 'his' intentions are.

I suggest breaking off contact and getting out and having fun with your friends. Have fun being a teenager and learning how to have a social life. Meeting and learning about dating, figuring out what you like in a boyfriend (and what you don't like), etc. are all a part of growing up.

He has asked for pictures that aren't dirty. Ive always had something in my head saying that he might not be who he's told me he is, that's why I won't send him anything

Do not send any, and stop talking to him, if you send them, he and all his friends will see, they may be posted on interest, how would you feel, if your dad or uncle saw them.

What 22 year old would take a penitentiary chance meeting with a 14 year old they met online? What 26 year old would meet with a high school girl? It was bad enough to ask for dirty pictures of you. That's a pedophile!

ABC-TV ran a sting operation posing as a young girl and inviting older guys from on line to visit someone they KNEW was under aged (like you). They have landed hundred of guys in jail, on camera.

So why would you expect YOUR online guy to be that dumb and meet up with you, obviously without your parents knowledge? Are you so smitten you don't know that you have jail bait written on your forehead, or that you are a target for some normal looking sweet talking perverts, pedophiles, and weird a$$ people?

Wake up and get real. Everyone tells you he is a pervert and pedophile, yet you are still unsure? Then tell your mom about it if you see nothing wrong with this situation, and you see nothing wrong with an adult pen pal that wants a dirty picture of a KID.

And what makes you think you are his only online contact with under aged girls? You better be careful, because believing a stranger you never met is trouble on so many levels, and you don't seem to be aware of it.

I wouldn't care what other pictures he wanted - this would be enough for me: "He wants me to send a 'dirty' picture ..." I think it's otherwise all been said.

You are being groomed. If you don't understand what that means, the implications, ask and I'll explain it - again.

I'm an adult. Someone, friend, foe, penpal, someone else, wants "dirty" pictures of me - he'll be waiting a very long time. I don't need/want the publicity and I have more respect for myself than that.

You should, too.

What do your parents think about this penpal situation?

If your gut is telling you no, than follow that instinct. If you can't trust that he is who he claims to be, than move on.. You don't need to leave making a scene.. maybe just slowly back out of the picture.

If your gut is telling you no, than follow that instinct. If you can't trust that he is who he claims to be, than move on.. You dont need to leave making a scene.. maybe just slowly back out of the picture.

I believe he is who he says he is, but I don't know if it's only me who's talking to him. We've seen each other on skype.

"I believe he is who he says he is, but I don't know if it's only me who's talking to him. We've seen each other on skype."

Becky, I don't mean this with any disrespect, but how does this change anything? If he talked only to you you'd consider sending him revealing photos?

Just because he isn't posing as someone who he isn't, that doesn't mean he's not a creep.

In all honesty, no 24+ year old man should take interest in a teenage girl. You may be beautiful fun and smart.. and you may feel extra special that an older man is taking interest in you.. but in reality, its just plain creepy that an older man is wanting dirty pictures of a teenage girl.

There are other guys out there that you can touch and feel.. other guys who will like you more for just a dirty picture.. Shut off your computer and go enjoy your young life!

"I believe he is who he says he is, but I don't know if it's only me who's talking to him. We've seen each other on skype."

Becky, I don't mean this with any disrespect, but how does this change anything? If he talked only to you you'd consider sending him revealing photos?

I don't think even if I did know him id send him any kind of revealing photos because I wouldn't have the confidence to send them.

BeckyLouise, I am growing concerned. You are saying if you were more confident you would send this stranger revealing photos? Haven't you understood anything about the folly and danger of this situation?

I am beginning to become concerned on several levels, and I am starting to think this is not a sincere question.

BeckyLouise, I am growing concerned. You are saying if you were more confident you would send this stranger revealing photos? Haven't you understood anything about the folly and danger of this situation?

I am beginning to become concerned on several levels, and I am starting to think this is not a sincere question.

If I had the confidence I wouldn't send anything! And I do understand but I guess I don't want to believe it, everything that everyone has said because its me who's talking to him.

Its never easy to believe new facts when you have spent so much time thinking and believing in a certain thing. Takes time to adjust.

I understand what everyone is saying and if it wasn't me who was talking to him I'd be telling someone else what everyone is telling me to do. But it is me who is talking to him and it's easier said than done. 3years is such a long time and I can't just stop talking to him just like that.

Why can't you just stop talking to him "just like that"? That's what many physically abused women say - "I can't just leave him."

I don't understand your fixation (and I think that's what it is) with this guy.

Did you look up sexual grooming as I suggested?

Is this fantasy better than the reality of your life?

We are strangers to you. We are trying to advise you to do what we think is best, but we don't know you personally. Ask your parents. Get their advice. They know you, they presumably know something about him. What is their advice?

Why can't you just stop talking to him "just like that"? That's what many physically abused women say - "I can't just leave him."

I don't understand your fixation (and I think that's what it is) with this guy.

Did you look up sexual grooming as I suggested?

Is this fantasy better than the reality of your life?

We are strangers to you. We are trying to advise you to do what we think is best, but we don't know you personally. Ask your parents. Get their advice. They know you, they presumably know something about him. What is their advice?

It's a lot easier said than done! 3 years is a hell of a long time just to stop all contact! I know what grooming is, I don't need to look it up.

"Its a lot easier said than done! 3 years is a hell of a long time just to stop all contact! I know what grooming is, I don't need to look it up."

I work in the legal field - I have heard these words from unhappy people for years. It's easier to stay in a relationship for 4 years than suffer the loss of the relationship after 3. And, no, in the grand scheme of things I don't three years is a "hell" of a long time.

I think it's all been said. I don't know why you asked the question when your mind is made up.

You've looked at all sides of things and decided the relationship, whatever it is, is worth pursuing. You know all about grooming and do not believe this is the case.

Whatever happens - good, bad, indifferent - you are going forward with your eyes wide open, and I think that's a good thing.

Good luck.

Its a lot easier said than done! 3 years is a hell of a long time just to stop all contact! I know what grooming is, I don't need to look it up.

Stopping all contact is the first step in healing, and moving on to better things by letting the past go. Yes its hard, and doing the right thing for yourself is often very hard.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't try your best just because its hard. After all its for your best interest, dignity, and self respect, and future happiness.

It's not as hard a you think.

I can't get back into my post to edit it so...

You’ve been talking to a guy on line for 3 years, since you were 14 and he was 23; you have feelings for him and “he says he has for me and most of the time i do believe him;” “He wants me to send a 'dirty' picture and I don't know what to do?. I don't want to because I think its wrong but I want to keep him happy and not loose him. Every time I ask him to meet all he says is he does too and that's it, nothing never happens. I don't know what to do send him a picture and probably regret it fir the rest of my life and don't and possibly loose him?; “He's asked for 'dirty' picture (ive not sent any). I haven't met him. ... we've said about meeting that's all that happens;” “He has asked for pictures that aren't dirty. Ive always had something in my head saying that he might not be who he's told me he is, that's why I won't send him anything;” “He lives 110ish miles away;” “I don't know if it's only me who's talking to him;” “revealing photos because I wouldn't have the confidence to send them; “3 years is a hell of a long time just to stop all contact”

What did a 23 year old man and 14 year old girl have in common three years ago?

BeckyLouise, read what you’ve posted. You have doubts about him. No one read your mind. You posted that you have doubts. He’s 110 miles away, an adult, but he can’t manage in three years to find the time to come and visit? If you don’t send “dirty” photos you might lose him?

You question whether he “talks” to other people. Do you for one second think this 26-year old man (23 when this relationship started) spend shis nights at home, waiting for you to text/chat/skype him?

Get as angry (and hostile) with me as you wish - read your own words and tell "us" what you would tell a stranger who posted this same info, looking for advice.

I can't get back into my post to edit it so ...

You’ve been talking to a guy on line for 3 years, since you were 14 and he was 23; you have feelings for him and “he says he has for me and most of the time i do believe him;” “He wants me to send a 'dirty' picture and I don't know what to do? ... I don't want to because I think its wrong but I want to keep him happy and not loose him. Everytime I ask him to meet all he says is he does too and that's it, nothing never happens. I don't know what to do send him a picture and probably regret it fir the rest of my life and don't and possibly loose him?; “He's asked for 'dirty' picture (ive not sent any). I haven't met him. ... we've said about meeting that's all that happens;” “He has asked for pictures that aren't dirty. Ive always had something in my head saying that he might not be who he's told me he is, that's why I won't send him anything;” “He lives 110ish miles away;” “I don't know if it's only me who's talking to him;” “revealing photos because I wouldn't have the confidence to send them; “3 years is a hell of a long time just to stop all contact”

What did a 23 year old man and 14 year old girl have in common three years ago?

BeckyLouise, read what you’ve posted. You have doubts about him. No one read your mind. You posted that you have doubts. He’s 110 miles away, an adult, but he can’t manage in three years to find the time to come and visit? If you don’t send “dirty” photos you might lose him?

You question whether he “talks” to other people. Do you for one second think this 26-year old man (23 when this relationship started) spend shis nights at home, waiting for you to text/chat/skype him?

Get as angry (and hostile) with me as you wish - read your own words and tell "us" what you would tell a stranger who posted this same info, looking for advice.

You have no idea how hard it is. Don't you think I've gone through all of this in my head? Well I'll tell you I have. I know everyone is giving me advice and that is what I wanted but everything is getting to me at the minute. So yea I am getting slightly annoyed

LOL, most of us are older and have gone through this many times. Trust me we know how hard it is! :)

You should be "annoyed." You should be "annoyed" that this pervert is grooming you and that he is a pedophile. You are young and impressionable, and he KNOWS this. He KNOWS how to string you along and make you believe that he cares for you.

He is emotionally raping you. Do you get that?

We are parents, grandparents. We care for your safety and well-being. But you don't get that. You are "annoyed" at us for trying to protect you from this freak of nature.

Don't you care how many other children he is contacting? You aren't the only one. I promise you that. How will you feel if, and when, you find out that he traveled 50 or 150 miles away and raped a 12 year old child just to get his rocks off? Won't you feel guilty for not preventing this and/or turning him in?

"You have no idea how hard it is. Don't you think I've gone through all of this in my head? Well I'll tell you I have. I know everyone is giving me advice and that is what I wanted but everything is getting to me at the minute. So yea I am getting slightly annoyed"

I have no idea how hard it is? You know nothing about me, so a good starting place might be to stop making assumptions.

Everything should be getting to you - maybe, just maybe, something is getting through to you.

And you never answered an earlier question I asked - this fantasy boyfriend is that much better than your real life? When you aren't communicating with him, what do you do with your life? You are undoubtedly in school. Dating? Sports? Something else?

And in the beginning, ages 14 and 23, what was the common ground?

DO NOT SEND AN INAPPROPRIATE PICTURE!! That pervert will us it against you for as long as you live. Smart choice: block him on all social networks, and do not speak to him in any way.