This is sort of hard for me to explain since it is a secret that I have tried my best to keep buried away. Well, here goes: I gave birth to a baby girl when I was in high school, and kept this a secret from my entire family. I was messed up at the time, and didn't know I was pregnant until it was too late to legally have an abortion (I was on the depo-provera shot at the time which prevented me from having a period in the first place, and my stomach was flat until much later in the pregnancy). I did what I knew was best for her and put her up for adoption. I met the family and knew immediately that they were compassionate, loving people and would be amazing parents. Finding out I was pregnant and putting her up for adoption was the saddest and scariest experience I have ever gone through. Despite this, I chose to do an open adoption because I thought maybe someday I would get over the shock of it all and would want some sort of contact with my daughter and her adoptive parents.

Fast forward 7 years later- I recently graduated college, got a job, am starting to find my way in life, and I still don't really want contact with them. Her parents and I have emailed back and forth here and there throughout the years, I even met with them a couple times at the beginning, but I still feel as though I just want to move on with my life. They have just recently started trying to get back in touch with me after living overseas for the past year and a half. I acknowledge that I made mistakes in the past, but I feel that I did what was best for both of us at the time and have absolutely no regrets about putting her up for adoption. I feel horrible for not wanting to keep in contact with them, but I feel as though that was a chapter of my life that I want to leave behind and I want to move forward.

Am I being cruel or unreasonable? Should I tell the adoptive parents this? What is the right thing to do?

No, in fact this is what a large majority of mothers who adopt their children. Most do it in closed, so it is not as easy to be found. But you provided for the child a better life, and have no requirement to be part of the child's life

No you are not a bad person. Many people who have gone through what you did feel similarly.

What I would do is explain to the parents, that you are just getting your life on track and don't feel that going back to your past is a good idea at this time. Thank them for keeping in contact.

I understand your feelings but as the child gets older they may well want to know you. I think honesty is the best path to follow with the adoptive parents, but you should be prepared to not be understood by them or your child in the coming years if they indeed become curious.

They should know how you feel right or wrong so they can be prepared themselves to deal with their adopted daughter.

I think that maybe you should set limits on the contact.

While it is normal to just want to move on, it's also healthier for the child to have some contact with you---and to be able to share medical updates, etc.

I get it--I do. I'm a birthmom who had minimal contact with my child. But it has really helped her to have that contact, and it has been important for medical updates a few times.

I would suggest rather than severing contact that you just set limits on it. This way if you change your mind later there is an opening for you.