I'll try to keep this short; I really need help with my perspective. About 5 years ago I met a man who seemed to be my soulmate. He claimed to be living a separate life from his wife and living in the basement; but was staying married until his last child went to college. I know I was naïve, however he is really convincing and a charmer and I fell for it. This started a cycle of him breaking up with me by letter, and then crawling back 6-8 weeks later. After 2 1/2 years of this, I received a phone call from his wife who found my number in his cell. She said everything he told me was a lie and they were still a couple, sharing a bed. Again, he convinced me to let him back in, and 2 years later he is divorced. Will he cheat on me, too?

He also seems to have shut me off from seeing anyone else. I've wondered if he's an abuser, however, he's always giving me compliments and trying to build up my ego. However, he can get very cruel when he's angry and reduce me to a mass of jello. I've tried talking to friends about it, but can't seem to get a grasp on this. He keeps telling me that if I dump him, I'll spend the rest of my life alone. We've broken up several times, however he always comes back for me and will show up at my house and knock until I let him in. I feel like I've lost control of my brain, and my life.

Has anyone been in this situation, or seen this? It's like I've disappeared and am only alive when he's with me. I was always very independent and am freaked out by how much I've changed.

He cheated on his wife, he could very well cheat on you. That fact that he is separating you from your friends is troubling. As is this desperate need yo feel you have for him.
Separate yourself from him so you can get some perspective.

I have seen this many times when reasonably smart people get stuck on stupid and cannot break the clutches of a lying cheater.

When you stop believing his lies then you realize you can do better if you love yourself more than you love this lying cheater. His wife found out the hard way, but you don't have to.