My best friend and I had a massive falling out. It started when he asked me to go see a movie and I told him I can pick him up after my dinner with another friend. Then during dinner he texted me and told me he's bringing two other women I have never met before to join us. I was upset because he should have at least asked me if it's OK before inviting them since I am the one providing transportation. I texted him cancelling our movie and saying my dinner ran long and for them to have fun. He texted me saying they can't go because I am not going. I did not respond. Then I emailed him that night detailing why I was so upset with him and that I felt like I was being used. He was so mad at me, stating I am being too sensitive and dramatic. He refused to talk to me about the problem even though that was how we resolved our issues before. He said he doesn't want to see me or talk to me and that he needs a break and space from me. He said that my attitude is turning him off. I don't understand why he was so mad when he was the rude one for inviting people without asking me. Just to be clear, this is a totally platonic relationship. He is gay so there is no way this can ever be romantic. I already tried to apologize 3x and he still won't budge. I don't know what to do. Thanks!

You leave him to do his own thinking for himself, and go about your merry business. You have done your part, now he must do his.

But was he right? Was I too sensitive about it or was I correct in saying it was rude for him to invite people without checking with me? Even though it doesn't matter because I ended up apologizing to save the friendship, I am curious though.
Thanks!

That's the way you felt so he crossed a line. I would be mad too.

That's the way you felt so he crossed a line. I would be mad too.

Thanks for the input! I appreciate it :)

Were these added invitees people you know and part of your "crowd"? Or were they friends of his mostly? In any event, he had no business inviting them without asking you first, so I too believe the fault is on his end. Let him stew in his own juices for a while to see if he realizes what he did.

Were these added invitees people you know and part of your "crowd"? or were they friends of his mostly? In any event, he had no business inviting them without asking you first, so I too believe the fault is on his end. Let him stew in his own juices for a while to see if he realizes what he did.

Oh no, these invitees are people I have never met before and he only met them 4 days prior. So they were strangers to me and almost strangers to him as well.
He said since he invited me to the movies and he didn't say that it's just us that he can invite whoever he wants and he doesn't need my permission.
Well, to me, since it's my car... he should have asked me first.

Well, to me, since it's my car...he should have asked me first.
And you certainly don't want to end up as everyone's taxi service...

And you certainly don't want to end up as everyone's taxi service....

Exactly! Omg! I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out if maybe I was too sensitive about it especially because he is super mad at me up to now. And I don't get why!
Thanks for the input :)

Exactly! Omg! I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out if maybe I was too sensitive about it especially because he is super mad at me up to now. And I don't get why!
He's mad at you because the ride he promised his new friends suddenly disappeared and he is embarrassed about it ("I'm a bad new friend!"). He hasn't yet gotten around to being mad at himself for what he did to you. He is thinking about how HE feels, not about how you must feel. Empathy is currently not his strong point.

He's mad at you because the ride he promised his new friends suddenly disappeared and he is embarrassed about it ("I'm a bad new friend!"). He hasn't yet gotten around to being mad at himself for what he did to you. He is thinking about how HE feels, not about how you must feel. Empathy is currently not his strong point.

Somebody told me that too! That he's likely embarrassed because he had to look for another ride for his new friends.
For now I think I'm done trying to fix this friendship. I already apologized even though I did not need to and he's obviously more selfish than I thought him to be. Just disappointed because I thought he was better than that :(

Just disappointed because I thought he was better than that :(
For whatever reason, he must have been trying to impress these new friends and bring them into his circle, and maybe got razzed by them when their ride didn't happen as he had promised. Just think! You might have had to come up with popcorn for everyone too! -- so you dodged a bullet.

For whatever reason, he must have been trying to impress these new friends and bring them into his circle, and maybe got razzed by them when their ride didn't happen as he had promised. Just think! You might have had to come up with popcorn for everyone too! -- so you dodged a bullet.
Lol! I actually wouldn't doubt that because I usually end up paying for him when we go to the movies...
Something about not having cash on him when he knows the theater is a cash only establishment. The more I talk about this the more I realized that maybe I am being used... Sigh...

The more I talk about this the more I realized that maybe I am being used... Sigh...
Well, I think you are terrific and also a good writer. (We like good writers here.) You look for the best in people and I hope aren't disappointed too often. Don't change, but be careful that you don't get used either.

Well, I think you are terrific and also a good writer. (We like good writers here.) You look for the best in people and I hope aren't disappointed too often. Don't change, but be careful that you don't get used either.

Thanks so much for listening to me! I really appreciate the input :) I am so glad I found this forum!

I just found out from our boss (I work pt and he works ft in the same job) that he's been asking him and other people lately what my schedule is and when I work. They all think it's because he's in love with me. Nobody knows we are fighting and he's also in the closet at work. I think it's so he can avoid working with me. But that is just too dramatic... even for him. So I had to come up with some excuse to my boss why he was acting that way about my schedule.
I don't think our work needs to know about our personal issues... at least it's not going to come from me if they found out.

I don't think our work needs to know about our personal issues...at least it's not going to come from me if they found out.
Smart lady! Let him continue to work through this.

Smart lady! Let him continue to work through this.
I will. Thanks so much!

He's my closest friend in the world and I hate this feeling of wanting to talk and vent because I am not OK but the person I usually talk to is the person I am now living without.
He asked me to give him space and I am respecting that. I have not contacted him even though there is nothing else I'd rather do. It is difficult and heartbreaking and my other friends don't understand. Yes, it is not like we were dating, but to have this big of a rift over something so shallow is heartbreaking to me.
I just miss my best friend and I don't know how long I can handle not contacting him but I know I have to
:(

He's my closest friend in the world and I hate this feeling of wanting to talk and vent because I am not ok but the person I usually talk to is the person I am now living without.
He asked me to give him space and I am respecting that. I have not contacted him eventhough there is nothing else I'd rather do. It is difficult and heartbreaking and my other friends don't understand. Yes, it is not like we were dating, but to have this big of a rift over something so shallow is heartbreaking to me.
I just miss my best friend and I don't know how long I can handle not contacting him but I know I have to
:(

I'd contact him and send him a link to this thread. That way he can read how he feels, and how total strangers feel about what he did. May be the best way to make him understand.

I'd contact him and send him a link to this thread. That way he can read how he feels, and how total strangers feel about what he did. May be the best way to make him understand.

I actually saw him accidentally when I stopped by to pick up my schedule at work. He was barely acknowledging me but I just went up to him to start small talk. He chatted with me for about 15 minutes but nothing personal, mostly nature and hikes (things we have in common). I'm not sure if he felt forced to talk to me because other people were around or he genuinely was OK talking to me. I'm going to take baby steps and maybe we can start rebuilding our friendship again. I'm crossing my fingers that we are on our way to recovery :)

After that conversation yesterday, I sent him another email last night stating that I am hoping that pride and misunderstanding will not get in the way of our friendship. I said how much I miss him and his company and I extended an invite to eat sushi (our favorite food). I hope he accepts my invite so that we can proceed to repair our friendship.

If not, I think I have done everything I can possibly do on my end and all I can do is wait for him to come back when/if he is ready to.

Doesn't stop my heart from breaking though :(

Give him time. If he does accept the invite I would suggest you both sitting down and having a long talk about what caused this to begin with. Just like all relationships, when there's an issue communicating about it is a must.

Good luck.

Yesterday evening you had hope but this evening back to heart break. Do something good for yourself to get off that emotional roller coaster for a few days at least.

Yesterday evening you had hope but this evening back to heart break. Do something good for yourself to get off that emotional roller coaster for a few days at least.

Oh no. I am still hopeful that we'll work things out. I meant heart break if he declines. I've actually been doing a lot of hikes lately. It helps me keep my mind of things :)

He agreed to meet up for dinner and we talked at length about our friendship and our issues. We realized we need to work on some things but in the end we hung out and grocery shopped like we were back to being the best of friends!

Thanks so much for all your input!!
I appreciate it :)

He agreed to meet up for dinner and we talked at length about our friendship and our issues. We realized we need to work on some things but in the end we hung out and grocery shopped like we were back to being the best of friends!

Thanks so much for all your input!!!
I appreciate it :)
Thanks so much for letting us know! I'm glad there is a happy ending to this.

Thanks so much for letting us know! I'm glad there is a happy ending to this.

Me too! He texted me last night and said he's glad that things are looking up for us. I told him me too!

Thank you so much! :)

I had a falling out with my best friend (B) over a week ago (thread: Falling out with friend) and we already resolved our issues and everything seem to be OK now.

However, during the one week we were not talking he vented and confided to a new friend, S, about me. He admitted that he was so angry with me that he actually said some very bad stuff about me to some people we work with. He told me he will do damage control and backtrack his words so that people at work don't think I'm a psycho girl (apparently that's what they all thought based on the version he told them because he thinks I went overboard in being mad about the whole situation). I lectured him that, that is why even though I had the opportunity to bad mouth him (and even had the opportunity to out him--he's in the closet) to people at work I never aired our dirty laundry in the work place. I wanted to be mad at him because he didn't show me the same loyalty as I did him (by not bad mouthing him) but I figured it's a lesson he will learn as he tries to fix MY reputation at work. After all, he will look silly if after he bad mouth me people will see us as close as we used to be.

Back to the new friend S. Well, I have never met S before and the first time I met her was on my first day back in the job (since the fight). I introduced myself, knowing that she has the impression that I am a psycho girl thanks to my best friend. I tried to do small talk with her and be friendly. However, she was giving me the cold shoulder and when she started a discussion about B (like trying to get information about him) I didn't divulge any information to her because it is not mine to give. I figured they are friends, if she wants to know him, she can ask him.

Later on, I overheard her talking to one of our supervisors and was bending her ear off about everything she and B did the week me and B had a falling out. She was discussing to the supervisor their future plans, her hopes of coordinating her schedule with his and it was just "B and I did this" and "B and I did that" and "B and I were planning". The supervisor was even cautioning her to be careful about making plans without checking the schedules first. The way she talked about my best friend sounded so nauseating to me because it's almost like she's infatuated with him.

B and I talked about laying low in hanging out because he said people at work were thinking that we are dating (since he is in the closet) and I said that is fine by me. I don't talk about our plans to anybody anyway.

However, after hearing S talk about him non stop to the supervisor, I wanted to warn him that maybe he shouldn't worry about us hanging out so much that people are thinking things. That maybe he should worry about his new friend who seem to be infatuated with him to the point that she's planning for their future and talking to a supervisor about it. I know my best friend well. He doesn't plan in advance. He's spontaneous.. which sometimes drives me nuts. I almost feel bad for this girl because she seem to be crushing on someone who can never, ever like her back.

But I don't know if it's my place to speak up about all of this because I think it's my best friend's choice if he wants to lead her on instead of coming out. But at the same time, I want to protect him from work because people might start thinking things about them based on what she's telling people.

I also want to tell B not to discuss me to his new friend S because I do not trust the girl. I also do not need the drama that will most probably happen if she is indeed crushing on my best friend and find me a threat to her love life. I don't want her to spread rumors about me based on information that B told her so I'd rather she doesn't know anything about me at all.

Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance!

Honesty is best policy.


But sometimes the truth hurts, my momma used to say.

This is far too much relationship hum drum, sorry. It all falls under the basic response of Keep It To Yourself. Once you start doing damage control or warning people, you are caught up in the vast network of misunderstandings, lies, and jealousies that feed off and compound everything that is said and done. The ones who know how to keep a lid on words are the ones who are respected, ESPECIALLY at work.

This is far too much relationship hum drum, sorry. It all falls under the basic response of Keep It To Yourself. Once you start doing damage control or warning people, you are caught up in the vast network of misunderstandings, lies, and jealousies that feed off and compound everything that is said and done. The ones who know how to keep a lid on words are the ones who are respected, ESPECIALLY at work.

I do not talk about him at work at all. However, I was concerned because the new friend was talking about him non stop. I know my best friend enough to know that he values his privacy that's why I wanted to warn him.

You were right. I talked to my best friend last night and just gave him a little heads up. He gave me a spiel about being too negative on his new friend.

So for now I am on shut down mode. Since obviously this new friendship of his matters quite a bit more than our friendship, I am backing off. Maybe in that one week that we stopped talking things have changed and maybe we were growing apart and I was too blind to see it.

Maybe you should expand your social circle and get some fun activities to keep you from being so stuck in the business of others.

Now you choose who can have a crush on him? Back off, too close.

I do not talk about him at work at all. However, I was concerned because the new friend was talking about him non stop. I know my best friend enough to know that he values his privacy that's why I wanted to warn him.

You were right. I talked to my best friend last night and just gave him a little heads up. He gave me a spiel about being too negative on his new friend.

So for now I am on shut down mode. Since obviously this new friendship of his matters quite a bit more than our friendship, I am backing off. Maybe in that one week that we stopped talking things have changed and maybe we were growing apart and I was too blind to see it.

Jealousy is an emotion that's often hard to deal with. He has a new friend, he likes his new friend, and you're jealous.

You can have more than one friend. A true friend accepts that it's not all about her. You are being negative, and possessive. Let him have his friends, stop the jealousy.

Maybe you should expand your social circle and get some fun activities to keep you from being so stuck in the business of others.

Now you choose who can have a crush on him? Back off, too close.

Oh no. I am not choosing who can have a crush on him. I don't even know if she does. However, been around my friend enough to know he's uncomfortable about these scenarios. He expressed it to me many times when things like this happen.

However, I do agree that we've become too close. I am backing off.

I do have other friends that I currently hang out with. Of course, he's still my best friend but right now I think we both need space from each other.

Thanks for the input as always! :)


Jealousy is an emotion that's often hard to deal with. He has a new friend, he likes his new friend, and you're jealous.

You can have more than one friend. A true friend accepts that it's not all about her. You are being negative, and possessive. Let him have his friends, stop the jealousy.

You're right. I acknowledge that I was jealous. It's a new feeling and I am not used to it. When you are someone's first choice all the time and then suddenly you are not, it throws everything for a loop. It's a nasty feeling and I am not proud of myself for feeling that way.

I am also getting a little bit suffocated by him lately (I mean since we started talking again). He's been telling me not to drive, or not to go for coffee with someone, or not to do this or that. It was just getting too close, too much.

That's why I said I am backing off and hanging out with other friends. Doesn't mean we are no longer best friends. Just that right now, it's time to expand our horizons. I think that it will definitely benefit us both.

You're right. I acknowledge that I was jealous. It's a new feeling and I am not used to it. When you are someone's first choice all the time and then suddenly you are not, it throws everything for a loop. It's a nasty feeling and I am not proud of myself for feeling that way.

I am also getting a little bit suffocated by him lately (I mean since we started talking again). He's been telling me not to drive, or not to go for coffee with someone, or not to do this or that. It was just getting too close, too much.

That's why I said I am backing off and hanging out with other friends. Doesn't mean we are no longer best friends. Just that right now, it's time to expand our horizons. I think that it will definitely benefit us both.

I'm proud of you (sorry, it's the mom in me). You admitted that you're jealous. I honestly thought you'd make excuses, that's what most people do.

Jealousy is an emotion that most people feel at one time or another. I understand why you're feeling the way you feel. I'm going to throw something else at you, and I think you already know this, and you'll accept it.

Friends don't make you feel jealous. He's doing things, saying things, that are making you feel this way. That's not what a friend does.

I think it's great that you're distancing yourself from him a bit. I do think you shouldn't be calling him your best friend anymore. He's not a friend. Friends don't make you feel the way you're feeling right now.

You're smart, you're a good person, and frankly, he's treated you like crap. He's not your friend. I have enemies that have treated me better than he's treated you.

I really think you need to sit down and reconsider this friendship.

Let me put it this way. What about him, right now, do you find so appealing? At this point in your relationship, what does he add to your life? Is he making your life better? Is he making you happy? That's what friends do. Yes, arguments happen, and real friends resolve them. He's making you question your friendship with him, he's making you feel jealous. He's not enhancing your life, he's making it worse, but you still call him your best friend? I'd call him my worst enemy if I were in your shoes.

Just something to think about.

I'm proud of you (sorry, it's the mom in me). You admitted that you're jealous. I honestly thought you'd make excuses, that's what most people do.

Jealousy is an emotion that most people feel at one time or another. I understand why you're feeling the way you feel. I'm going to throw something else at you, and I think you already know this, and you'll accept it.

Friends don't make you feel jealous. He's doing things, saying things, that are making you feel this way. That's not what a friend does.

I think it's great that you're distancing yourself from him a bit. I do think you shouldn't be calling him your best friend anymore. He's not a friend. Friends don't make you feel the way you're feeling right now.

You're smart, you're a good person, and frankly, he's treated you like crap. He's not your friend. I have enemies that have treated me better than he's treated you.

I really think you need to sit down and reconsider this friendship.

Let me put it this way. What about him, right now, do you find so appealing? At this point in your relationship, what does he add to your life? Is he making your life better? Is he making you happy? That's what friends do. Yes, arguments happen, and real friends resolve them. He's making you question your friendship with him, he's making you feel jealous. He's not enhancing your life, he's making it worse, but you still call him your best friend? I'd call him my worst enemy if I were in your shoes.

Just something to think about.

Thank you! There was no point in lying about my emotion. I am here to ask for input from people who don't know me and if I want an honest answer then I need to be honest about how I feel :)

My closest friends (who've known me years before he came along in my life) have been begging me to close the lid on this friendship. They don't understand why I'm still even friends with him, especially the way he's been treating me. I was totally defending him all the time to people.

We used to have a lot of fun together. That's how our friendship formed. Things in common, fun and spontaneous adventures, fondness for the same food and just things that bonded us.

However, I think maybe it's really time to let go. I think (and oh my other friends will so rejoice when they hear this) that it was fun while it lasted but I think that it really is time to move on from this friendship.

Thanks so much :)

You're more than welcome.

I think you're making the right choice.

I do have to address something, because I've been on this site for a long time. You posted that you're not going to lie because you want input, and honesty. You're not the norm on this site. Not at all.

Most people post here wanting a specific answer. When they post they tell a story that benefits them. When they don't get the answer they want, they make up another story, or get mad. Sadly, that's the norm, and because of that, it's often hard to tell someone what you really think, because most people don't take it well at all. They don't want advice, they want confirmation about how they feel.

You're a breath of fresh air. Sadly, you're one in a million.

I hope you stick around, answer questions. You're obviously smart, you write very well (which is the only thing we can use to judge intelligence when it's all the written word), you're willing to listen, and you're willing to accept the often harsh reality of the advice given. You'd be a major asset to this site.

I do hope you stick around, and I do wish you the best of luck with this issue. Ultimately, we can give advice, but you're the one that has to choose what to do. :)

You're more than welcome.

I think you're making the right choice.

I do have to address something, because I've been on this site for a long time. You posted that you're not going to lie because you want input, and honesty. You're not the norm on this site. Not at all.

Most people post here wanting a specific answer. When they post they tell a story that benefits them. When they don't get the answer they want, they make up another story, or get mad. Sadly, that's the norm, and because of that, it's often hard to tell someone what you really think, because most people don't take it well at all. They don't want advice, they want confirmation about how they feel.

You're a breath of fresh air. Sadly, you're one in a million.

I hope you stick around, answer questions. You're obviously smart, you write very well (which is the only thing we can use to judge intelligence when it's all the written word), you're willing to listen, and you're willing to accept the often harsh reality of the advice given. You'd be a major asset to this site.

I do hope you stick around, and I do wish you the best of luck with this issue. Ultimately, we can give advice, but you're the one that has to choose what to do. :)

:) Thank you so much for the kind words.

I'm pretty new here but I do intend to stick around. The advice and input I have received really helped me in making my decision. It will be hard but I know I need to do it.

I sure hope that I'll be able to give back as much as I received from this community. It's been a blessing to find this site and get great input from people whose main intention is to help confused/conflicted/heartbroken people like me.

Again, thank you :)

:) Thank you so much for the kind words.

I'm pretty new here but I do intend to stick around. The advice and input I have received really helped me in making my decision. It will be hard but I know I need to do it.

I sure hope that I'll be able to give back as much as I received from this community. It's been a blessing to find this site and get great input from people whose main intention is to help confused/conflicted/heartbroken people like me.

Again, thank you :)

I won't lie, it's not always easy to be helpful. Like I said, most people don't want to hear the truth, and many will tell you where to go and how to get there. But, once in a while someone comes along that listens, accepts the truth, and follows the advice. Once in a while you really help someone, and that makes all the other times when you didn't get through, worth it.

I've been on this site for a lot of years. In that time I've been told to go to hell, I've been told I'm mean, I've been told to medicate myself, all because I answered a question honestly. But, in that time I've also saved the life of a newborn puppy (no time for the owner to go to the vet, she posted here in a panic, we had literally seconds to help, and I posted my advice, she followed it, and the puppy survived), I've had many girls PM me thanking me for making them realize that having sex has consequences they're not ready for. There are more haters than there are thanks, but those few thanks, they're why I'm still here.

Along the way I've made friends, people I've never met, but they're like family to me. I never ever thought that would happen online. In fact, I used to scoff at people that thought friendships could be formed online.

You can't reach everyone. You can't make everyone see the truth. When you do, it's a moment you'll never forget. It's not always easy, but this site, it means a lot to me, because the people here, doing what they do, are the best people I've never met. :)

FOLLOW UP and UPDATE:

Since it's regarding the same friend, I figured I'd keep it in the same thread...

Since my last post I have completely changed my attitude regarding this friendship. We are still friends but I have totally limited my emotional attachment to this friend. I no longer text him everyday or respond to his text immediately as I receive it. I only text him when necessary/important. I don't spend time with him as much anymore nor do I invite him to go out to hang out. If he wants to spend time with me, I let him do the asking. I have backed off from the friendship in a healthy way. If he responds to my text, great. If not, oh well, it's not the end of the world. If he wants to eat out, awesome. If he's busy, oh well, there are other days in the year.

However, regardless of how much I back off from him I still feel somehow that he contacts me only when he needs me. For example, this weekend he asked me to go out of town with him Saturday night when the ferry leaves Sunday at 6 am... and he only asked me because his new friend bailed and he didn't want to go alone. I declined but I did offer to drive him and his friend (who suddenly he was able to talk into going) to the ferry at 5:30 am Sunday. I did not offer to pick them up when they come back at 5:45 am today. The entire time he was gone, not a text, not a word, nothing. I did not make the effort of communicating either because I figured if he wanted to tell me something he knows my phone number. Then, after 2 days of silence he texted me last night (at 10:45 pm which is when the ferry is about to leave to take them home) just saying that the place they went to was beautiful and sent me a pic. I did not respond because I have a feeling this is a prelude to him asking me to pick them up today from the ferry. I responded this morning after I knew his ferry already arrived in town and that they would have already made arrangements for a ride home. I said that I'm glad that the place was beautiful and hope they had fun. He didn't respond.

I don't know if he was mad at me for not taking the bait and opening myself up to be his personal chauffeur but I am tired of being used. I already backed way, way ,way off from this friendship but maybe it's really, really time to cut the cord?

Thanks for reading and any advice is appreciated!

I think your continued discretion toward this person will bear good fruit. :)

I sure hope so. It was difficult at first because my first impulse was to respond. I had to remind myself that I deserve a better treatment than being remembered only when someone needs a favor :)

He definitely uses you, and I think it's great that you didn't respond to him until after his ferry arrived. He probably is mad, because he expects you to be at his beck and call, do his bidding, and you're not longer letting yourself be used. He won't like that at all IMO.

Keep it up, I think you're heading in the right direction with this friendship. :)

Thanks so much for all the words of encouragement. My other friends are giving me kudos as well and telling me that I am finally seeing the light on this friendship. I guess I was just too close that I didn't see it but after I distanced myself, I realized what everyone was telling me all along :)

Thanks so much for all the words of encouragement. My other friends are giving me kudos as well and telling me that I am finally seeing the light on this friendship. I guess I was just too close that I didn't see it but after I distanced myself, I realized what everyone was telling me all along :)

The best advice I've ever gotten are from people that aren't close to the situation. That's why I love this site.

Sometimes it's hard to accept the advice, or to implement it, but most of the time the strangers on this site can see the situation a lot clearer, mainly because they're on the outside looking in.

Sadly most people don't want to hear the truth, they want us to tell them what they want to hear. You listened, and you're implementing the advice given.

I have a feeling that it won't be long before you completely cut him out of your life. But, that's your choice. I'm just happy that you're not allowing yourself to be used as a doormat anymore. :)

I saw him at work today and he was
Giving me the cold shoulder. I ignored it and just tried to have a work conversation with him and asked him about his trip. He referred to what time he got home today several times and I know he's waiting for me to ask how he got home. I didn't. Then he started nit picking at things I said/did trying to push my buttons to get an argument out of me. I didn't let his actions affect me. I continued calm and collected. I could tell the anger inside him is festering because he is mad that I wasn't at his beck and call this morning. However, I refused to participate in that drama or feel like I have to apologize when I really did not do anything wrong.
Hopefully, he'll figure out that I'm not going to fall for his tricks into making me feel guilty and apologize for this morning.

Good, he seems to have a strange idea of friendship, and boundaries. You both are learning though.

Good, he seems to have a strange idea of friendship, and boundaries. You both are learning though.

Yes! I am definitely learning! And the more I distance myself from him and our friendship (note how I don't refer to him as my best friend anymore) the more I am "turned off" by his personality and I am increasingly questioning why am I even friends with the guy.

Funny how things have a way of sorting itself out :)

UPDATE:

Since my last post I have distanced myself from this so called friend or as I refer to him "ex best friend". I still talked and texted with him once in a while but no longer daily and I am definitely not always hanging out with him or be around him. (this is from May until mid June)

However, that changed on my birthday. He promised me that we will go out and celebrate my birthday. It was my birthday so I figured, why not. However, he picked a fight with me on my birthday and made me cry by saying that I am so unreasonable and it's selfish of me for tying up his day by thinking that he would have dinner with me on my birthday. I told him that he was the one who told me about our dinner plans. I didn't ask him to. I just asked him to confirm what time we are going. That was just the last straw! Pick a fight with me on my birthday? Come on... even people I don't get along with don't do that to me.

Needless to say we did not go out. I am resolved at cutting off ties with him so I asked him to pay me back the money he owed me for the concert tickets we were supposed to go to in October. He yelled at me and said that why am I asking him to pay it back now when he thought that I gave that ticket to him. I showed him the text agreement we had where I specifically said that it is a loan and that he would need to pay me back for it (it's a $350.00 concert ticket). He picked a fight again and I ended up just leaving than be yelled at some more.

I was doing my own thing and not even contacting him anymore for anything because I figured that I'd just cut my losses and if he doesn't pay me back then that's just the price I paid for being such a gullible person. I was not going to feed his need for constant drama by having any contact with him at all.

However, my friend Layla, who lives in another town informed me that he was staying at her place for 2 days during the 4th of July weekend. She did not know him (but knew what he looks like because I showed her a pic once) but her roommate was apparently friends with him and he invited himself over there for a weekend of partying. I was just in shock how small this world is for this incredibly random event to occur! What she texted me afterwards just shocked my very core. She said that once my ex best friend found out that she and I are friends, he proceeded to tell her that I am obsessed with him, almost in love with him even though I know that he is gay. Oh I was furious! I was seeing red! I cannot believe the audicity of that guy to say such things! And to think he just met my friend! I can't imagine what he's been telling people that we used to work with (I quit that job in June just so I don't have to deal with him anymore). I have never felt so betrayed in my entire life!

It's almost like since I stopped paying attention to him and I cut off ties with him he decided to do character assassination on me! My first instinct was to post my anger on Facebook, to tell people what a liar he is to save myself from the embarrassment. However, I stopped myself. If I do that then I would give him the attention he craves and since I am mad I would be posting from a place of anger. It will give him the ammunition to tell people that I am creating drama. So I logged myself off Facebook and just basically ignored him. I think that maybe if I ignored him long enough, he will go away.

Is that the right thing to do, though? Ignore him and walk away from all the drama? Or should I try to "save face" by posting on social media about his lies?

You are doing all the right things. Defriend him on FB if you end up having to. Sounds like he wants life as a happy go lucky group hug thing and if you let him down he's going to twist things to his liking.

Thank you! I feel like right now the best thing for me to do is nothing.I mean nothing in a sense that cease all communications with him.

He texted me last night just saying hi and he misses me. I deleted the text and did not respond. I don't know what he was trying to do by texting me after everything he did (spreading lies about me). If he just wants attention and he thinks he can get it from me then I'm sorry but I am no longer providing it.

He probably needed a ride or a favor

He probably needed a ride or a favor

Sad, but probably true.

I am leaning towards a favor. I have a feeling he will try to contact me again at some point. Eventually I am hoping he gets the hint (my not responding to his attempts of contact) that I no longer want to be friends with him. If not, I might be forced to actually tell him to stop contacting me.

If you do ever end up in a confrontation and he wants an explanation just tell him you don't like the things he implied to your friends and it makes you feel that he really doesn't know you or respect your friendship

If you do ever end up in a confrontation and he wants an explanation just tell him you don't like the things he implied to your friends and it makes you feel that he really doesn't know you or respect your friendship

Thank you! I definitely will.

I asked my friend if he explained why he said those things about me. She said, he said it's because I was always nice to him and that I gave him gifts. I told my friend, I gave him a Christmas gift and little trinkets from my trips. She said she told him that I do that to everybody (because I do, I bring trinkets to my friends from my trips). I was nice to him because I considered him my best friend. Doesn't mean I was obsessed with him. Seems like he doesn't have a concept of what being a friend or having a friend is like.

I really think that he doesn't know me even though he claims he does and I really felt so disrespected many times in this friendship but that last incident was just too much for me to let slide.

Thanks for listening and the input! I really appreciate it!

Thank you! I definitely will.

I asked my friend if he explained why he said those things about me. She said, he said it's because I was always nice to him and that I gave him gifts. I told my friend, I gave him a Christmas gift and little trinkets from my trips. She said she told him that I do that to everybody (because I do, I bring trinkets to my friends from my trips). I was nice to him because I considered him my best friend. Doesn't mean I was obsessed with him. Seems like he doesn't have a concept of what being a friend or having a friend is like.

I really think that he doesn't know me eventhough he claims he does and I really felt so disrespected many times in this friendship but that last incident was just too much for me to let slide.

Thanks for listening and the input! I really appreciate it!

Cutting off contact is the hard part, but it does get easier, once he gets the message and stops this childish behavior.

He's a user, you know this. You're not allowing him to use you anymore, and he's mad about it, that's why he's starting rumors. You're no longer in his control, and control freaks like him don't like it when the people they think they control, break free from that control. He's attempting to get you back in the fold, and it's not working. That's very frustrating for a control freak like him.

Stay strong. You're a bright young lady, you know what he's doing, and you're doing the right thing. Stick to your guns, don't let him get the better of you.

Cutting off contact is the hard part, but it does get easier, once he gets the message and stops this childish behavior.

He's a user, you know this. You're not allowing him to use you anymore, and he's mad about it, that's why he's starting rumors. You're no longer in his control, and control freaks like him don't like it when the people they think they control, break free from that control. He's attempting to get you back in the fold, and it's not working. That's very frustrating for a control freak like him.

Stay strong. You're a bright young lady, you know what he's doing, and you're doing the right thing. Stick to your guns, don't let him get the better of you.

Thank you!

Yes, it was really difficult for me to cut him off because at one point in my life I considered him my best friend. But I know I have to do it because I believe that I am a good friend and have been a good friend to him and I deserved better treatment.

I had to put away pictures of us having fun on our trips and avoid the songs we used to sing to on our road trips. I haven't gone back to our favorite sushi restaurant for over a month now because I don't want to run into him.

I really appreciate the input I received from this board. I don't think I would have had the courage to let go if not for the wonderful messages and words of encouragement from everybody :)

Thank you!

Yes, it was really difficult for me to cut him off because at one point in my life I considered him my best friend. But I know I have to do it because I believe that I am a good friend and have been a good friend to him and I deserved better treatment.

I had to put away pictures of us having fun on our trips and avoid the songs we used to sing to on our road trips. I haven't gone back to our favorite sushi restaurant for over a month now because I don't want to run into him.

I really appreciate the input I received from this board. I don't think I would have had the courage to let go if not for the wonderful messages and words of encouragement from everybody :)

Any loss is hard. Losing a friend, especially one that played such a huge part in your life, is like mourning a death. There are stages of grief you have to go through.

In some ways it's harder than losing someone to death. A death leaves nothing, you have no options, so you have to deal with the loss and move on. When it's the breakup of a friendship, that person is still available, which makes it very hard to simply move on, cut all contact.

You're doing great. Let yourself grieve this loss, and then find someone that's worthy of being called your best friend.

Any loss is hard. Losing a friend, especially one that played such a huge part in your life, is like mourning a death. There are stages of grief you have to go through.

In some ways it's harder than losing someone to death. A death leaves nothing, you have no options, so you have to deal with the loss and move on. When it's the breakup of a friendship, that person is still available, which makes it very hard to simply move on, cut all contact.

You're doing great. Let yourself grieve this loss, and then find someone that's worthy of being called your best friend.

Thank you! Your encouragement has really helped me :)

Thank you! Your encouragement has really helped me :)

I'm glad. Often times we get questions that we really can't help with, or people that don't want advice, they just want someone to tell them what they want to hear.

It's a lot easier to give advice to someone that actually listens. You've been a breath of fresh air. :)

It's also nice to talk to someone that's obviously intelligent. It's been a pleasure helping you with this issue, and I'll continue to post as long as you need advice.

I'm glad. Often times we get questions that we really can't help with, or people that don't want advice, they just want someone to tell them what they want to hear.

It's a lot easier to give advice to someone that actually listens. You've been a breath of fresh air. :)

It's also nice to talk to someone that's obviously intelligent. It's been a pleasure helping you with this issue, and I'll continue to post as long as you need advice.

Thank you :)

Wow! I don't know how else to avoid this person! I am actually at that point that I am getting scared of what he would do next.

I woke up and got a very, very, very long email from him saying that he thinks I NEED professional help because my obsession with him is not healthy. He said that my interacting with people we both know is creeping him out because it's a desperate ploy to get HIS attention (all I discussed with the person he was referring to was the 4th of July and fireworks). He said that I tried to buy his friendship by giving him gifts (the one for Christmas and the trinkets) and that it reeks of desperation on my part to attain his friendship that way. He said that I only spend time with my other friends to cope with his absence and that I need to work on my life without him. He constantly mentioned how everything in my Facebook is about him (in my mind I was thinking, if I am the one obsessed why are you always on my FB?) which I thought was funny because I post about things I eat, travels and funny internet memes.

A friend mentioned that his attitude sounds like someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I am at the point of getting devalued and discarded. I am not a psychiatrist so I can't say that he does have that but when I read about it, it is eerily spot on.

I am at that point that I think I need to change my phone number. I already blocked his email, blocked him from FB but I can't stop him from sending text messages to my Iphone. Right now he is not because from his email he said he is done with me, but I don't know for how long will he really stay away.