So, my husband had a 1 night stand 2 1/2 years ago. We got through it however now this girl has gone to family court and got a court order for child support for twins that are about 1 1/2 years old. We didn't even know until his wages were being taken and given to her. He swears he wore a condom and it only happened once. He never hear from her. How can she get a court order without proof of paternity. She didn't even know his last name at the time. What can we do to stop? Who has to pay for the paternity test?

Another side note... he has a 6 year old daughter from his 1st marriage that he pays child support for. If these twins are his, does it then work on a percentage of his income as right now he is paying more then 70%.

Get the paternity test first, and if its his, oh well. I think you bear the costs of the test, but if he is not the father you can sue to get all your money back.

You received NO notice until his wages were garnished? I really find that hard to believe.

But what has probably happened here is the mother applied for public assistance. The family services agency is not going to use taxpayer money when there is a father to foot the bill. So they asked her to identify the father and she identified your husband. They then obtained a court order for child support.

How they did this without contacting your husband and without doing a paternity test is beyond me. But that's water under the bridge. If I were you, I'd get an attorney to put a hold on the support payments pending the results of a paternity test. After the test comes back, you can decide how to proceed. If the tests are negative the garnishment will be rescinded and the amounts taken should be refunded.

I have 2 children, 2 different fathers. I have been through every possible child support situation out there over the past 11 years. I have never seen or heard of a case where they can garnish his wages without his knowledge or without being given the chance to take a paternity test. What if its not his child? They can not force him to pay for someone else's kids. I have both of my kids fathers on child support (even though they don't pay). The first thing they had to do was contact the father to let him know that there is a kid out there that someone is trying to get child support for and he has been named as being the father. The guy is then given the chance to say whether he believes the kid is his, if he says the kid is not his a paternity test is done. If the test comes back positive he is set for court to determine how much will be paid. Some guys request that it is taken out of there paychecks so that they don't have to "remember" to pay it. The only other time that I know they will garnish wages is when he has refused to pay. I have a friend, he has twin daughters 5 yrs old. When they were to the mother received government assistance. She listed him as the father. He was incarcerated at the time. They went to the jail to collect dna for the paternity test. When it came back positive the jail transported him to court when it was time to do so. He was informed that he was to start paying 30 days from his release date. When he did finally get a job his wages were garnished for back pay. So with that being said... YOUR HUSBAND WAS INFORMED, HE KNEW, HE JUST DID NOT TELL YOU AND TRIED TO IGNORE THE SITUATION.

[ So with that being said... YOUR HUSBAND WAS INFORMED, HE KNEW, HE JUST DID NOT TELL YOU AND TRIED TO IGNORE THE SITUATION.[/QUOTE]

When he had the affair we weren't married yet. We just got married this past August. I really believe he's not lying... he couldn't hide that from me. This is my second marriage and I am way to observate and he really isn't that smart.

We did contact a lawyer and he put a 30 day stop to the court order. We meet with him tomorrow. I believe the lawyer now has the court order. I guess the next step is the dna test. Not sure who has to pay for that?

You did the right thing in getting an attorney. So put them to work. I'm not sure what the law would be in this instance, whether the burden of proof is on you or the state/mother. That would determine who pays for the test.

But I would also have a frank talk with your husband. Tell him you understand how he might have been embarrassed by this and want to keep it from you, you appreciate him trying to protect you. Tell him this happened before you knew each other and it doesn't affect how you feel about him, that you plan on standing by him. But he needs to tell the whole story to the lawyer. If he did know about this beforehand (and I really can't believe it got this far without him knowing something), then he needs to fess up to it.

Everyone is assuming he was informed.

There is always a chance they mailed him and it was never received thus never disputed?

I know we get stuff from our state government and it's been going to another address for some odd reason and we don't always get the mail.

If they gave a specific date/time for him to dispute it or they will start garnishing wages and it was never received... well, you get the idea.

I'm not sure if it could work like that, but yeah.

You stated she didn't have his last name, well clearly she did. You also said he isn't that smart.

Maybe he didn't use a condom - or maybe it broke. Maybe he did tell her his last name.

Time plays tricks on memories, he may not have remembered it accurately and told you what he thought was accurate. Especially if he was drunk at the time...

Everyone is assuming he was informed.


Not quite. But for this to go as far as a garnishment, it just seems unlikely. If he was not served in the original court case. To garnish his wages they have to know where to contact him. So its just hard for me to believe this came as such a complete surprise.

Whatever the circumstances a DNA test is recommended and needed.

You can through checking court records who was and when and how they were served, so make sure hubby knows this, and askhim one more time if there was something he may have forgotten, but if they did get all of this without, you will challenge the DNA but basically if the DNA is a match.

But also for the child support, they had to know where he worked, how much he made at this job and more to get the child support order issued.

But the first thing is to find out if the DNA matches or not. And go from there.

So what happened was we had a fight and he went out of town drinking with a friend. The girl was a friend of his friend (that is probably how she got his last name). It looks like there was something mailed out last July 2006 to his old address. We moved in together in December 2005. He only did a 6 months mail forward on his address. So we never received anything.

It sounds like she applied for assistance and they asked for the fathers name. I think these children must have been born around June 2005. I can't believe someone would wait over a year before the go after the potential father. I'm thinking maybe her situation changed and she needed the money.

His wages started to be garnished Jan 2007. He was on a return to work program so we didn't realize why his cheque wasn't what it should be. He didn't talk to anyone from family maintenance until mid Jan.

Its very likely that she tried to make it on her own but couldn't and asked for public assistance. Once she did that, there was no way they weren't going after the father.

In the state/county I live in - Child support is based on income. How would they know what to asses to him?

So paper work came in from Family maintence. The court order was last July 2006. It states in his absence the decision was made. There was nothing before that date. Afterwards there was the Family maintence -debt enforcement forms - all send to the wrong address and returned to sender. What a mess!! Waiting to see the lawyer and the 'big test'. Does anyone know who should be footing the bill for the DNA test??

In the state/county I live in - Child support is based on income. How would they know what to asses to him?


I am not sure as they have the income wrong. So I don't know if they estimated it or what.

The DNA test will most likely be footed by the person requesting paternity,which is your husband. Sometimes, the court will split it in half and both have to pay. In the beginning when the girl applied for public assistance and they sent the paperwork to the right address, the agency would have footed the bill. Nowadays, when child support is ordered, it most times, automatically taken out of the wages. Sometimes you don't have a choice, unless there is an agreement between custodial and non custodial parents (her & your husband). Because if your husband were to get another job and quit his current one, the child support would follow from job to job. Some people try to quit their jobs thinking that they are getting out of child support, not saying that your husband is, but that is why it is done, and if child support is defaulted on, they will take the income tax, report to credit report, and revoke the drivers license. The paternity test doesn't cost that much anyway, so that, of course, is the most important thing, and can potentially cost you and your husband a lot less money if it comes out that he is not the father. So, no matter which way, the cost of the paternity test is worth more than it's weight in gold. And if he is the father, then he should pay, and the value will be worth it to the woman and her twins.

So, why is it the woman has all the power in these cases. If a woman gets pregnant 'accidently' she can decide what to do. The father has no choice. He is forced into whatever the decision of the female is. Yes I know it takes two but seriously... how does anyone get accidentally pregnant now a days. If you are in a relationship and get pregnant I can see where both are responsible. But in a 1 night stand... every female knows the chances she takes. I personally would NEVER have made the 'father' of a one night stand be responsible for an accidental pregnancy. But I guess I have more class. Anyway... still waiting results of the DNA test.

But in a 1 night stand... every female knows the chances she takes. I personally would NEVER have made the 'father' of a one night stand be responsible for an accidental pregnancy. But I guess I have more class. Anyway....still waiting results of the DNA test.

I'm sorry, but the above statement shows a LACK of class not more of it. Yes every female knows the chances she takes, but every MALE knows them just as well. Promiscuity makes it even worse. In my opinion recreational sex requires MORE responsibility not less.

No form of birth control is 100% so accidents DO occur. You don't mention whether you took precautions on this "one nioght stand" or whether you relied on the girl's word. If you didn't you have no right to complain In my opinion.

I agree with ScottGem... your comment shows a lack of class for you to say that if a female becomes pregnant from a one night she should take full responsibility and not expect anything from the father. You stated that if you became pregnant from a one night you would have too much class to hold the father responsible, you would have sounded better saying that you have too much class to have a one night stand but clearly this has nothing to do with class because if it did that means that your husband has no class for cheating on you and you have no class for staying with him. This woman has supported 2 children without any help for as long as she possibly can... that's class, downing her for having her children shows a huge lack of class.

Mmmmm... I guess if you are in the situation you would look at it from a different light. I have 3 planned children from my previous marriage. And my husband has a child from his previous marriage. He pays child support and all travel costs to see her as well as 1/2 all special activities. He's a good father. To all of a sudden have some sleezy girl effect our families income it's a little hard to swallow. Do remember that she never told him she was pregnant or anything. He finds out when his wages are ganished.

I just don't see how it's fair for the guy. He has NO rights when it comes to child support. Think about it... I know women who don't take their pill without telling the guy or pinholes in the condom that she supplies just so she can get pregnant. Woman can be very sneaky and dishonest. What rights does the guy have... NONE. Except to say No. Well we all know how well that ends up.

Everyone can have an opinion and that doesn't make it right or wrong. Opinions sometimes change when you are right smack in the middle of a situation that changes your life.

Mmmmm...I guess if you are in the situation you would look at it from a different light. I have 3 planned children from my previous marriage. And my husband has a child from his previous marriage. He pays child support and all travel costs to see her as well as 1/2 all special activities. He's a good father. To all of a sudden have some sleezy girl effect our families income it's a little hard to swallow. Do remember that she never told him she was pregnant or anything. He finds out when his wages are ganished.

I just don't see how it's fair for the guy. He has NO rights when it comes to child support. Think about it....I know women who don't take their pill without telling the guy or pinholes in the condom that she supplies just so she can get pregnant. Woman can be very sneaky and dishonest. What rights does the guy have...NONE. Except to say No. Well we all know how well that ends up.


Which is why one of the things that everyone should be asking themselves before they have sex with someone is: Do I want to be paying for this for the next 18 years of my life? The knife cuts both ways... there are women out there who will trap guys, and there are guys out there who will thumb their nose at any child support order and leave the woman to pay. So, it's always been my belief that if you don't know someone well enough to trust them, and you aren't willing to be tied to this person for the next 18 years, then you really probably shouldn't be having sex with them.

Oh, and as an armchair psychologist, I'd say that a lot of the reason that you are upset with this woman is because you do not want to be upset with your husband. Keep in mind that he is just as at fault as she is in this issue.

What rights does the guy have... NONE. Except to say No. Well we all know how well that ends up.


If he is indeed the father, for whatever reason, he is responsible, and since we know what happens, when as a man we lay with a woman this can happen. His rights end when he didn't say NO, and the rest is about responsibility, and meeting ones obligation. We make choices and bear the consequences, or the blessings of that choice.

Mmmmm...I guess if you are in the situation you would look at it from a different light. I have 3 planned children from my previous marriage. And my husband has a child from his previous marriage. He pays child support and all travel costs to see her as well as 1/2 all special activities. He's a good father. To all of a sudden have some sleezy girl effect our families income it's a little hard to swallow. Do remember that she never told him she was pregnant or anything. He finds out when his wages are ganished.

I just don't see how it's fair for the guy. He has NO rights when it comes to child support. Think about it....I know women who don't take their pill without telling the guy or pinholes in the condom that she supplies just so she can get pregnant. Woman can be very sneaky and dishonest. What rights does the guy have...NONE. Except to say No. Well we all know how well that ends up.

Everyone can have an opinion and that doesn't make it right or wrong. Opinions sometimes change when you are right smack in the middle of a situation that changes your life.

I do understand and empathize with your position. But you are taking a very narrow and biased view of this. You ask us to look at your side of it, but you show no inclination to look at the other side. Your (understandable) ire at this situation loses sight of the fact that your husband could have said no. He could have made sure he was protected. As Froggy said, BOTH parents in the sex act need to ask that question about paying for 18 years. If they don't and they go ahead then both parties are, at least partially, responsible for the outcome.

I know that I am emotionally involved here and I know that both parties are responsible when they lay down together. I know that both parties have the right to say No. That's not my issue is this...

If there is an accidentally preganacny the female can decided 1 of 3 things, either to have it and keep the baby, have the baby and give it up for adoption or have an abortion. The male has no choices but to do whatever the female decides. He has no rights to help make this decision and the next 18 years of his life is decided for him. It just doesn't seem fair.

I guess it won't be so bitter if this female had told him at the beginning and he had the chance to do the DNA test to prove he is the father or not the father. It's the fact that she had the babies and then 2 1/2 years later ganished his wages. Who does that?? We are waiting for the tests now. I will tell you that if he isn't the father we will ganish her wages to recover the money that I feel was stolen from us. If he is the father, he will pay the child support.

Oh, and as an armchair psychologist, I'd say that a lot of the reason that you are upset with this woman is because you do not want to be upset with your husband. Keep in mind that he is just as at fault as she is in this issue.

If you think I am not upset with him, you are wrong. We have been doing consulting and honestly... I don't know if I will ever get through this. Me being upset with her has to be with the way she handled the situation , I think it is cowardly not to stand face to face and tell someone this kind of news, instead of hiding behind a court order. I believe in humbling yourself and admitting your mistakes. I have more respect for someone who does that.

If there is an accidentally preganacny the female can decided 1 of 3 things, either to have it and keep the baby, have the baby and give it up for adoption or have an abortion. The male has no choices but to do whatever the female decides. He has no rights to help make this decision and the next 18 years of his life is decided for him. It just doesn't seem fair.

You continue to ignore the fact that the male had options before the pregnancy occurred. I agree that there is a degree of unfairness, that the mother makes the decision after the fact. But it's a biological imperative that she alone has that choice.


I guess it won't be so bitter if this female had told him at the beginning and he had the chance to do the DNA test to prove he is the father or not the father. It's the fact that she had the babies and then 2 1/2 years later ganished his wages. Who does that??? We are waiting for the tests now. I will tell you that if he isn't the father we will ganish her wages to recover the money that I feel was stolen from us. If he is the father, he will pay the child support.

I've explained that before as well. Maybe the mother didn't want to involve your husband. Maybe she showed some class by not going after him. But maybe she just couldn't do it. After 2 years she found that she needs help in providing a decent life for her child. So she was left with no recourse but to go after the father.

You also have to remember too that maybe she did try to tell your husband, but just like those court papers didn't find its way to your husband, maybe she couldn't get ahold of your husband either to let him know. You never know. It makes no sense to play the blame game. Just wait for the results and all of your answers will stem from it. There is no reason getting yourself all heated up on a situation that can be argued in many ways. Just wait & let us know how the results went.

The best thing to do at this point is to calm down and wait for the results. I know that's easier said than done but at this moment there is nothing else to do. There is a possibility that the twins are not his, there is an equal possibility that they are. If the twins are not his, chances are the agency that garnished his wages will have to reimburse your husband his money because his wages were garnished before a paternity test was done, then you will go on with your life and hopefully this will be a lesson for your husband to think about the next time he thinks about cheating. If the twins are his, the only thing he can do is step up to the plate. Chances are he will not be a part of these innocent kids lives and I base that on the comments you have made, I don't see you as being supportive of him being a part of the kids lives because you seem to have so much anger toward the mother. I hear men say all the time "she tricked me into getting her pregnant". If he was conscious, he was not tricked. He made an adult decision when it came time to have sex, so now its time for him to pay the grown up price, VERY EXPENSIVE, if these kids are his. If you were willing to forgive him cheating, you don't have a choice but to forgive the results of cheating. If you can't get past this than maybe you need to think about moving on. If these are his children, you need to encourage him and be supportive of him being a part of these kids lives. If these are his kids, they are the most important in this situation, they are innocent. They did not ask to be here and they did not choose to have "one night stand booty call parents".

I posted on here to get some advise, and that is what I got. Thank you.

I guess what I really needed was just someone to talk to and maybe have someone say... damn that sucks... sorry about your luck! It's not like I can tell my friends and family what's going on.

He sees his lawyer on Monday again to have the tests set up. I will let you all know the results.

As for what I am I going to do... I don't know. We have only been married for less then a year and I already have 1 failed marriage after 13 years... I don't want to be one of those people who can't stay in a marriage, and I don't want to be alone. But on the other hand, I deserve to be happy. And right now... I am hurt and angry. So, I guess only time will tell what will happen.

Thanks again for slapping me in the face and reminding me that those 2 babies are innocent and not a fault.