I am 22 my boyfriend is 23. We have been together for almost 3 years. We moved in together after 2 years. Our sexlife was good before we moved in together. We were very adventurous with sex which helped keep in interesting. We would always have time for foreplay and would spend around an hour having sex.
After we moved in together, he stopped spending much time for foreplay until it became nonexistent completely. In the beginning I thought that the lack of time for sex was due to us trying to balance settling in, being full time college juniors, and working part time, but it has been almost a year since we have moved in and nothing has changed.
He spends 15 minutes at the most for getting me in the mood and the actual sex. We have discussed this issue from day 1 but his response is "I'm trying". And even if he starts to get me somewhere during sex he finishes and leaves me to finish myself off (and he has never been able to make me orgasm orally or through clitoral stimulation (the only way I can make myself orgasm is by either using a vibrator or showerhead, using my hand doesn't even get me started)). The best way for him to successfully make me orgasm was first by getting me aroused and if I was not already it could take 30+ minutes, then we would have a few particular positions which would hit the g-spot and again depending on how aroused I was could take me around 30 minutes to orgasm. So overall the amount of time that was spent on sex was around an hour.
Now as I said, he spends around 15 at best on sex and foreplay, usually it is just sex and no foreplay so it lasts around 6ish minutes. So for him it is a quickie and for me it's getting me started for less than 10 minutes and then I have to go and take care of myself.
Before we moved in we used to have sex on a daily basis and if we were extra energetic or had extra time we would have sex multiple times. But now the sex is at most 3 times a week and I never get the time to orgasm. I can even say for a fact that he has not made me orgasm since we have moved in, so I haven't gotten off with him in almost a year, this I have told him many times which is disappointing to him he says, but he still does nothing to try and solve the issue. I guess it is just easier to have me get myself off than for him to try and spend the extra time.
I have even thought about telling him that if he wants to have sex with me he will have to spend the time and put in some effort as he used to, but if he has only those 15 measly minutes then I'd just tell him to go jack off to porn. But I haven't tried this yet though, so I'm not sure how he would react.
Frankly I just do not know how else to fix this problem. I have tried to find more time for both of us, I have talked to him about this (we are very open about all topics so communication is never an issue, maybe laziness on his part is), I don't know what else to try. I have told him numerous times that women do not have an "on and off" switch so you need to take time to turn them on and get them going in order to have them satisfied with sex, he says that he "knows" but even if he does it sure doesn't feel like he cares all that much. To me it just somewhat feels like since we are now living together he doesn't have to try as hard to please me sexually, or like I said he is just lazy, but to me lazy means not caring enough about the other person and just being selfish. So I am really out of ideas.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
N

This statement is a recipe for disaster, guaranteed: "I have even thought about telling him that if he wants to have sex with me he will have to spend the time and put in some effort as he used to, but if he has only those 15 measly minutes then I'd just tell him to go jack off to porn."

He can't MAKE you orgasm? You have a partnership in this, too.

If you cannot communicate with each other, if neither one of you knows the cause or the solution, you need to go for counselling. You are very obviously very frustrated. I'm not reading that you communicate very well. You may talk to him "very well." He either isn't listening, doesn't want to listen, somethingelse. That is not communication.

On the other hand if every facet of the relationship isn't what you want, sometimes it's time to leave.

This statement is a recipe for disaster, guaranteed: "I have even thought about telling him that if he wants to have sex with me he will have to spend the time and put in some effort as he used to, but if he has only those 15 measly minutes then I'd just tell him to go jack off to porn."

He can't MAKE you orgasm? You have a partnership in this, too.

If you cannot communicate with each other, if neither one of you knows the cause or the solution, you need to go for counselling. You are very obviously very frustrated. I'm not reading that you communicate very well. You may talk to him "very well." He either isn't listening, doesn't want to listen, somethingelse. That is not communication.

On the other hand if every facet of the relationship isn't what you want, sometimes it's time to leave.

Thanks for your answer.
Yes, I understand what you mean, saying that may not be the best idea, but at least maybe it can get him to see how much of an issue it is for me.
And I have thought about counseling, but I'm not really sure where to start with that.
But my biggest issue is why this drastic change even happened because we didn't have any issues with sex before we moved in together.

He's the only person who knows why things have changed -

I think can see at least one issue that you might want to give some thought. It is going to start being blunt but it isn't meant to upset you. I just want you to think about what I am saying.

He may be tired of having to do most/all the work to get you aroused. You talk about sex taking an hour when you were living apart. Starting with 30 minutes of 'foreplay' followed by 'let's see what it takes this time.'

Do you know that for most females arousal and orgasm begin in the brain? If you aren't mentally ready and wanting sex, then you are not going to find it easy to get aroused or climax.

I would guess that while you were dating there was some anticipation helping with getting you aroused. Now, the waiting game is happening and you are relying on physical stimulation for arousal and climax. It is making it more difficult for both of you. Add into the issue that you only orgasm through penetration hitting a certain spot, a vibrator, or the shower head. I don't know how you expect him to 'finish you off'. Use a vibrator on you?

What is your definition of foreplay?

What is the longest you have gone without having sex? What are your expectations? How much pressure are you putting on him to have sex? Do you put as much energy into non-sexual forms of intimacy? Does he?

I do think you need better communications. I don't think they are quite as open as you want to believe they are. I think it might help if you both understand that it safe to say what you are thinking and need. I think might also benefit from 'dating' each other. Just because you live in the same house does not mean you should take time together for granted.

Last thing I am going to say is that one of the greatest gifts a woman can give herself is to know how to make love to herself. Learn what really turns you on. Experiment with all of your erogenous zones. There is more to your body than what is between your legs or on your chest. Let your mind explore and your body enjoy.

I agree, you have as much say as to what happens as he does, You talk with him and make plans. You may need to show and tell him how you like it what you want, take turns, do it yourself some.