View Full Version : Mimi
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 01:53 PM
Hi I am with a guy at the moment for 3 years. He was really sweet to me and called me and everything. He has had a past for cheating and it only lasted max 3 months. Longest is me. He use to buy me flowers and gifts. We have been arguing a lot and I mean a lot but make up is still there from his end. He recently bought me a dress it wasn't really my colour but I liked the fit. Anyway recently I just saw one of the girls he dated as a fling wearing the same kind of dress and she had it on two days after he gave me mine? I am really concerned about this? Please help me.
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 02:17 PM
Is it a popular dress? The logical explanation is that the ex bought the same dress, because she liked it.
Have you talked to him about how you're feeling?
Bottom line, you don't seem to trust him. If you don't trust him, there can be no relationship.
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 02:20 PM
I just don't think it is a conicedense a do trust him but how an earth the similar dress?
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 02:21 PM
I just dont think it is a conicedense a do trust him but how an earth the similar dress??
If you trusted him you wouldn't be here asking this question.
Wondergirl
Apr 28, 2013, 02:22 PM
Why is he buying personal gifts for another girl?
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 02:23 PM
He gave me it a few days before she was wearing and asked for me to sens pictures but all he said was you look hot. He has an anger problem and just shuts me up with my feelings he has lied to me before so that he looks the victim and I broke it off but he then begged me to be with him he goz home and say he can't chat and has to go home den shouts down the phone saying talk talk and a can't because he just makes me cry what should I do?
I don't know if he has bought her it am curious that how she has not worn it before its similar to me its so difficult speaking to him that's why I am on this and wanting some help and advise please understand
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 02:26 PM
He gave me it jus a few days before she was wearing and asked for me to sens pictures but all he said was u look hot. He has an anger problem and just shuts me up with my feelings he has lied to me before so that he looks the victim and i broke it off but he then begged me to be with him he goz home and say he can't chat and has to go home den shouts down the phone saying talk talk n a can't because he just makes me cry what should i do?
A relationship should be based on trust, and mutual respect.
It doesn't sound like you're happy in this relationship. Love is blind, but it doesn't have to be deaf and dense too.
I think you know what you should do, you just can't accept it.
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 02:26 PM
Why is he buying personal gifts for another girl?
I don't know what's going on I love him and always try telling him that he deals in anger and I get upset but if I get angry and say something ceeky he just tells me he's off and that's it but if he is rude he says its because of me?
A relationship should be based on trust, and mutual respect.
It doesn't sound like you're happy in this relationship. Love is blind, but it doesn't have to be deaf and dense too.
I think you know what you should do, you just can't accept it.
What do you think I know what to do? From what I am telling you do you think guys that he does love me or just what I cannot uderstand anymore is this the real him?
Wondergirl
Apr 28, 2013, 02:29 PM
he just makes me cry what should i do?
Walk away from him. He sounds like he is a controller, being mean, then saying I'm sorry and buying you pretty things to make you forgive him. Then he will be mean again soon. You will always cry if you are with him.
The real him is the angry and mean one.
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 02:29 PM
I dont know if he has bought her it am curious that how she has not worn it before its similar to me its so difficult speaking to him thats why i am on this and wanting some help and advise please understand
We do understand your situation, I don't understand what you're asking us to do for you.
We can't confirm that he bought the dress for this other girl. We don't know if he's cheating. We're not psychic.
The only thing we can base an opinion on is what you write, and based on what you've written, you're not happy in the relationship, you don't trust him, and he also has anger issues.
Ultimately it's your decision to stay or go, no one else can make the decision for you. I can tell you that if it were me, based on what you've written, I wouldn't stay with him. That's me though. You are not me. You have to decide what to do, you have to figure out what you're willing to put up with, and if it's worth it.
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 02:31 PM
A relationship should be based on trust, and mutual respect.
It doesn't sound like you're happy in this relationship. Love is blind, but it doesn't have to be deaf and dense too.
I think you know what you should do, you just can't accept it.
Accept what?
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 02:34 PM
What do you think i know what to do? From what i am telling you do you think guys that he does love me or just what i cannot uderstand anymore is this the real him?
Love isn't the question.
I think you're confused about love.
He may very well love you, but still treats you like crap. There are people that marry only because they love each other, but every other aspect of their relationship is a mess. Love isn't enough to make a relationship work.
There are men that love their wives, but still cheat on them, still beat them. They're always sorry after they do it, and they do feel love for their spouse, but their behavior never stops. They're cheaters and abusers, and love won't make them any different.
So the question is, is love enough for you? Can you live with him possibly cheating? Can you live with the constant tears, the anger, the way he treats you? Is love enough?
To me it doesn't sound like it is.
Accept what?
Accept that the best thing to do is to leave.
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 02:35 PM
We do understand your situation, I don't understand what you're asking us to do for you.
We can't confirm that he bought the dress for this other girl. We don't know if he's cheating. We're not psychic.
The only thing we can base an opinion on is what you write, and based on what you've written, you're not happy in the relationship, you don't trust him, and he also has anger issues.
Ultimately it's your decision to stay or go, no one else can make the decision for you. I can tell you that if it were me, based on what you've written, I wouldn't stay with him. That's me though. You are not me. You have to decide what to do, you have to figure out what you're willing to put up with, and if it's worth it.
Lol no I know What use Can. Help me with and that is only to give advise a cannot speak to family or friends, I thought that when there is a problem from his end and if I speak to him about it bcoz I can't speak to anyone els he gives me da solution to the problem where he just says I don't understand. He is not willing to accept breaking up is there any advise on what I should say to him and how I should please ?
Wondergirl
Apr 28, 2013, 02:37 PM
is there any advise on what i should say to him and how i should please ?
You say goodbye. There is no way to ever please him. (He should be trying to please YOU!! )
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 02:39 PM
Accept that the best thing to do is to leave.
Yes you are ryt lately I have been confused please don't get me wrong but I know what love is and its being respectful of your partner and treating them with loyality and sincerity and I have been doing that always trying to accompany his ways but he says this also' you just think it's a fairytale well its not' he has never hit me or swore at me but I am confused
Will he ever miss how sincere and loving I have been towards him ?
Wondergirl
Apr 28, 2013, 02:42 PM
Will he ever miss how sincere and loving i have been towards him ?
No.
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 02:42 PM
Do use think he will chane if I leave him ?
No.
Whydo u say that? I have tried breaking up with him previously and every time he has said he will make things better
Wondergirl
Apr 28, 2013, 02:44 PM
Do use think he will chane if i leave him ?
No. He wants only stupid girls.
Whydo u say that? I have tried breaking up with him previously and everytime he has said he will make things better
And has he made things better?
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 02:49 PM
And has he made things better?
When you say stupid what do you mean? Have I been stupid putting up with him? Well his behaviour is still the same , he hates it if anyone says anything to me disrespects me he says he has never loved and the only low he has is just for me so he tries to control his anger but he knows how much I hate anger so why does he still doit and if he doesn't speak to me he says after an argument he said he didn't want to say the rong thing
Wondergirl
Apr 28, 2013, 02:52 PM
When u say stupid what do you mean? Have i been stupid putting up with him? Well his behaviour is still the same , he hates it if anyone says anything to me disrespects me he says he has never loved and the only low he has is just for me so he tries to control his anger but he knows how much i hate anger so why does he still doit and if he doesnt speak to me he says after an argument he said he didnt want to say the rong thing
You are stupid and will hurt your heart forever if you stay with such an angry, controlling person. If he says forgive him and he will improve, but he does not improve, walk away. He is full of sweet words that mean nothing. You will always cry if you stay with him.
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 02:56 PM
Do use think he will chane if i leave him ?
No, he'll never change.
You can't change someone. You either accept them the way they are, or you don't. You can't change who someone is. If you don't like who they are you leave, and find someone you do like, without needing to change them.
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 02:58 PM
You are stupid and will hurt your heart forever if you stay with such an angry, controlling person. If he says forgive him and he will improve, but he does not improve, walk away. He is full of sweet words that mean nothing. You will always cry if you stay with him.
Why are you calling me stupid? I have only loved him truly so I am stupid ? Yes I do understand what you are saying as you can see he is controlling so how do I deal with breaking up with him as in see him and tell him that we can no longer be ?
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 02:59 PM
When u say stupid what do you mean? Have i been stupid putting up with him? Well his behaviour is still the same , he hates it if anyone says anything to me disrespects me he says he has never loved and the only low he has is just for me so he tries to control his anger but he knows how much i hate anger so why does he still doit and if he doesnt speak to me he says after an argument he said he didnt want to say the rong thing
He does it because that's who he is. He will always be the way he is, because it's who he is.
It doesn't matter that you don't like what he does, he can't change what you don't like, anymore than you can change your height, or the color of your eyes.
If you want to stay with him, you have to accept him for the way he is. If you can't, and it seems you can't, then your only option is to leave.
He will never change his personality for you, no matter how much he loves you, or how much you love him. He is who he is. Love him for who he is, or leave him and find someone you don't need to change.
Wondergirl
Apr 28, 2013, 03:01 PM
Why are u calling me stupid? I have only loved him truely so i am stupid ? Yes i do understand what u r saying as u can see he is controlling so how do i deal with breaking up with him as in see him and tell him that we can no longer be ?
You say goodbye and have no more to do with him.
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 03:04 PM
Why are u calling me stupid? I have only loved him truely so i am stupid ? Yes i do understand what u r saying as u can see he is controlling so how do i deal with breaking up with him as in see him and tell him that we can no longer be ?
You tell him that you cannot accept him for who he is, and that you're not happy, and you know he won't change and you can't expect him to change, because that wouldn't be fair or realistic. You tell him that you do love him, but not enough to put up with who he is. Tell him you don't trust him, and the only thing that this relationship has brought you is tears and doubt, so the only option is to break it off, since a relationship without trust can't work.
If he says he'll change, tell him that you know that's not possible, or realistic. He can't change, he is who he is, and he needs to find someone that can accept him for who he is. That's not you.
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 03:14 PM
He will think I never loved him or trusted him which I always have even after he lied I told him it will be hard to trust him so a did my best so now he will say such as why didn't u tell me then? Am I being stupid leaving him or is his behaviour not loving?
Wondergirl
Apr 28, 2013, 03:18 PM
He will think i never loved him or trusted him which i always have even after he lied i told him it will be hard to trust him so a did my best so now he will say such as why dint u tell me then? Am i being stupid leaving him or is his behaviour not loving?
We KNOW he does not love you. His behavior is NOT loving.
He wants a weak woman whom he can play with like a toy, someone he can control and treat her any way he wishes. He has no interest in doing anything to make her happy.
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 03:20 PM
He will think i never loved him or trusted him which i always have even after he lied i told him it will be hard to trust him so a did my best so now he will say such as why dint u tell me then? Am i being stupid leaving him or is his behaviour not loving?
You don't trust him. Why shouldn't he know that? It may not be his fault that you don't trust him, he may not have done anything wrong, but the bottom line is that you don't trust him. Read your question here. You don't trust him. That alone is enough to end this relationship.
Then you go on to say that he's controlling, he has anger issues. That's another reason to end this.
How many issues do you need to have with this man before you realize that the two of you can't be in a relationship together?
It doesn't matter what he thinks when you break up with him. He doesn't need to know the reason, he only needs to know it's over. The only one that can decide that it's over is you. After that you end it, and it's done. He doesn't need to know why.
How old are you?
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 03:21 PM
You tell him that you cannot accept him for who he is, and that you're not happy, and you know he won't change and you can't expect him to change, because that wouldn't be fair or realistic. You tell him that you do love him, but not enough to put up with who he is. Tell him you don't trust him, and the only thing that this relationship has brought you is tears and doubt, so the only option is to break it off, since a relationship without trust can't work.
If he says he'll change, tell him that you know that's not possible, or realistic. He can't change, he is who he is, and he needs to find someone that can accept him for who he is. That's not you.
Should I tell him I do trust him in not cheating on me but I don't trust him to change his behaviour as it has give me a lot of pain even when he knew I would be crying e would leave me alone no text no call nothing until Later at nyt and ask how am feeling why does he do that if I'm not like that and he is in love with me a hope you can understand but its just took my life apart a start getting panic attacks and he just sits there saying he needs to go
Wondergirl
Apr 28, 2013, 03:24 PM
Should i tell him i do trust him in not cheating on me but i dont trust him to change his behaviour as it has give me alot of pain even when he knew i would be crying e would leave me alone no text no call nothing until Later at nyt and ask how am feeling why does he do that if im not like that and he is in love with me a hope u can understand but its just took my life apart a start getting panic attacks and he just sits there saying he needs to go
Say goodbye to him with no other conversation or discussion or apologies or texting or phone calls or emails. Goodbye. That's all. And don't get sucked back into the relationship with his pleas that he will do better. You know he will not do better.
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 03:57 PM
Should i tell him i do trust him in not cheating on me but i dont trust him to change his behaviour as it has give me alot of pain even when he knew i would be crying e would leave me alone no text no call nothing until Later at nyt and ask how am feeling why does he do that if im not like that and he is in love with me a hope u can understand but its just took my life apart a start getting panic attacks and he just sits there saying he needs to go
You don't need to ask him why he does what he does, nor do you actually need to tell him how it makes you feel. You just need to end it, and walk away.
He does what he does because it's who he is. You asking him why would be like asking a fish why it lives in the water. It does it because it does it, because that's the way it is. Just like him.
He tells you he needs to go. So let him go.
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 04:03 PM
You don't trust him. Why shouldn't he know that? It may not be his fault that you don't trust him, he may not have done anything wrong, but the bottom line is that you don't trust him. Read your question here. You don't trust him. That alone is enough to end this relationship.
Then you go on to say that he's controlling, he has anger issues. That's another reason to end this.
How many issues do you need to have with this man before you realize that the two of you can't be in a relationship together?
It doesn't matter what he thinks when you break up with him. He doesn't need to know the reason, he only needs to know it's over. The only one that can decide that it's over is you. After that you end it, and it's done. He doesn't need to know why.
How old are you?
I don't know why maybe being in this relationship I have took all the blame and for everything. I do trust him not to mess around but I don't trust him to treat me like a princess he only wants to meet , leave stay on his terms. I am 25 n he is 33
Say goodbye to him with no other conversation or discussion or apologies or texting or phone calls or emails. Goodbye. That's all. And don't get sucked back into the relationship with his pleas that he will do better. You know he will not do better.
Ok I won't get sucked in to the relationship and I want to make it clear to him I'm not stupid or he can control me so can you advise what to say on that party
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 04:07 PM
I dont know why maybe being in this relationship i have took all the blame and for everything. I do trust him not to mess around but i dont trust him to treat me like a princess he only wants to meet , leave stay on his terms. I am 25 n he is 33
You don't trust him. You're fooling yourself if you think you do.
If you trusted him you wouldn't be asking about his ex and the fact that she's wearing a similar dress to the one he gave you. That's not trust. You don't trust him at all. You want to, you pretend to, but you don't.
If you want to be treated like a princess, I would suggest you start dating a prince.
Look, I said it before, and I'll say it again. We aren't the ones that have to decide to stay or go. You asked for our advice, we gave it to you. It's your choice whether you take that advice or not.
So you either stay with him and accept how he treats you, and stop complaining about it, or you leave because you don't like the way he treats you and you can't handle it. Those are your options. It's up to you to choose one.
Ok i wont get sucked in to the relationship and i want to make it clear to him im not stupid or he can control me so can u advise wat to say on that pary
Say "I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. Good luck, and good bye".
Then leave and go no contact.
Done and done.
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 04:20 PM
Say "I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. Good luck, and good bye".
Then leave and go no contact.
Done and done.
Ok thanku very much for your advise just need to know something is it really my fault I don't trust him or his actions from what I haw told you has made me feel like this is no healthy relationship
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 04:30 PM
Ok thanku very much for ur advise just need to know something is it really my fault i dont trust him or his actions from what i haw told u has made me feel like this is no healthy relationship
I don't know how to answer this.
Is it your fault that you don't trust him? Well, trust is earned. If he didn't earn it, then why should you trust him? But, I don't know you well enough to determine if you're just a jealous person, have trust issues, see deception in everyone. Most of the people I've met that don't trust their partner, have trust issues, and their partner isn't to blame at all. So I really can't tell you if it's your fault or not.
Let me put it this way. If he isn't trustworthy, then no, it's not your fault that you don't trust him. If you don't trust him because you have issues with trust, then yes, it's your fault that you don't trust him. I don't know you well enough to tell you which category you fit into.
Either way, this is not a healthy relationship. He makes you cry, he doesn't communicate with you, when things get tough or you try to communicate, he walks away and ignores you. That's not a relationship that has any hope of growing and thriving.
You really are better of without him.
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 04:47 PM
I don't know how to answer this.
Is it your fault that you don't trust him? Well, trust is earned. If he didn't earn it, then why should you trust him? But, I don't know you well enough to determine if you're just a jealous person, have trust issues, see deception in everyone. Most of the people I've met that don't trust their partner, have trust issues, and their partner isn't to blame at all. So I really can't tell you if it's your fault or not.
Let me put it this way. If he isn't trustworthy, then no, it's not your fault that you don't trust him. If you don't trust him because you have issues with trust, then yes, it's your fault that you don't trust him. I don't know you well enough to tell you which category you fit into.
Either way, this is not a healthy relationship. He makes you cry, he doesn't communicate with you, when things get tough or you try to communicate, he walks away and ignores you. That's not a relationship that has any hope of growing and thriving.
You really are better of without him.
Honestly I am not a jealous type of person I think your right trust is earnes he lied with an issues of a girl and then I went back to him not relising how he commuicates and if he was to be trusted faithfully then he would not make me cry or walk away from me because then natrually he would feel the remorse that I gave him a chane after such pain he give me and e just went from bad to worse. And if after this long he can't decide to treat me right then its not right to stay in the relationship. I once was breaking it off with him on his birthday as there waa an issue from his end and after that time on numerous occasions I tried to makit up to him at da moment he would say its so nice but occasionally he has said I hurt him and he can never forget it no matter how much I made up for it every time he ant meet up or something he says hel makit it up2 me but that time never comes and he says it's the way his life is. He has said to me many times am anything but stupid and I think maybe he is being mean and distant because e knows I catch him on his lies or broken promises
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 04:50 PM
It really doesn't matter what he's done, or why he's done it, or why you stayed. What matters is what you do now. So you have to make a choice. Stay or go. That's your choice to make.
Good luck. :)
Mahiya1212
Apr 28, 2013, 04:55 PM
It really doesn't matter what he's done, or why he's done it, or why you stayed. What matters is what you do now. So you have to make a choice. Stay or go. That's your choice to make.
Good luck. :)
Yes I understand thanku for helping me make a choice that is right for me I was just telling you that so that it can be declared a haven't been wrong about breaking it of and been dragged tight in there to feel this way and he has maniuplated me I think it will be best for him too
Alty
Apr 28, 2013, 05:05 PM
Yes i understand thanku for helping me make a choice that is right for me i was just telling you that so that it can be declared a havnt been wrong abt breaking it of and jus been dragged tight in there to feel this way n he has maniuplated me i think it will be best for him too
There is no right and wrong when it comes to breaking up a relationship. It's all about how you or the other person feels. You don't need to justify your decision. It is what it is.
Good luck to you.
Mahiya1212
Apr 29, 2013, 05:48 AM
Hi guys last night he contacted me saying he wanted to facetime but I was busy and he said when I could when I told him he said if I could earlier than the time and I said no, he then said just say you don't want to and that hel wait 15 if not he knows its not important so I said why are you even waiting when your not going to wait for the time am free he said gundnyt and that is not in the mood to argue so I said to him to stop pointing the finger when he can't compromise he has not text bck or called me I don't know if I should contact him and say its better to stay away from me than to ignore me and contact me when you want?
talaniman
Apr 29, 2013, 06:38 AM
Ignore him, and don't contact him at all. He didn't want to talk before, what's there to talk about now? When you break up, you leave the ex alone, and not just continue the argument.
Mahiya1212
Apr 29, 2013, 07:17 AM
Ignore him, and don't contact him at all. He didn't want to talk before, what's there to talk about now? When you break up, you leave the ex alone, and not just continue the argument.
I haven't broke up with him yet he has contacted me and I answered and he asked if I was still in a mood which I told him you know how I am and defo don't hold grudges so you can ethier be with me or no am not hanging about waiting for you its simple if you do then be with me propa if not go away and all he can say is I love you and will speak to you soon as am free from ma work so a just hungup! I need him to know he has hurt me over the years as I have feelings for him a want to chat2 him in a mature way because he doesn't like conflict but a feel he needs to know he has done bad so I want to speak an leave him but need to be able to tell him straight I trusted him and that I feel hurt and no longer want to be with him period so please some words of wise ?
talaniman
Apr 29, 2013, 07:56 AM
Harshness Warning.
You are one big wishy washy marshmallow. You want dignity respect and love with good treatment yet allow bad behavior and mistreatment. He knows what he is doing, and keeps doing it because you do nothing about it but emote and give in until next time.
Stop whining and complaining and actually demand respect, dignity, and good behavior or kick the immature jerk to the curb.
Sorry its not him, its YOU. Change it or forget it.
Mahiya1212
Apr 29, 2013, 01:18 PM
Harshness Warning.
You are one big wishy washy marshmallow. You want dignity respect and love with good treatment yet allow bad behavior and mistreatment. He knows what he is doing, and keeps doing it because you do nothing about it but emote and give in until next time.
Stop whining and complaining and actually demand respect, dignity, and good behavior or kick the immature jerk to the curb.
Sorry its not him, its YOU. Change it or forget it.
Maybe a just don't know how to demand that anymore I've said that I was not like this and this is why I asked for advise so stop being so harsh , those things really matterd to me and I've been lost in this love so just wanted to see if I'm really being stupid towards him or being in this relationship. On one hand you say demand respect and the other kick this immature ? Please without being harsh just tell me the words to say to him to demand that , that is all?
Alty
Apr 29, 2013, 02:50 PM
Maybe a just dont know how to demand that anymore Iv said that i was not like this and this is why i asked for advise so stop being so harsh , those things really matterd to me and iv been lost in this love so just wanted to see if im really being stupid towards him or being in this relationship. On one hand you say demand respect and the other kick this immature ? Please without being harsh just tell me the words to say to him to demand that , that is all?
You have to figure out the words to say. This is a relationship, not an exam. If you can't even talk to him, because you don't know what to say, that speaks volumes.
We can't write you a script. You have to decide what you're going to do, and then do it. If you stay, then stop complaining about the way he treats you, learn to live with it. If you decide to go, all you have to say is "I don't wan this anymore. Goodbye, and don't contact me". Then you stick to no contact and move on with your life.
There is no script for keeping a relationship, or leaving one. You really are going to have to put on your big girl panties and figure this out. I'm sorry, but this is up to you, and there's really nothing further we can do for you.
Good luck.
Mahiya1212
Apr 29, 2013, 03:16 PM
You have to figure out the words to say. This is a relationship, not an exam. If you can't even talk to him, because you don't know what to say, that speaks volumes.
We can't write you a script. You have to decide what you're going to do, and then do it. If you stay, then stop complaining about the way he treats you, learn to live with it. If you decide to go, all you have to say is "I don't wan this anymore. Goodbye, and don't contact me". Then you stick to no contact and move on with your life.
There is no script for keeping a relationship, or leaving one. You really are going to have to put on your big girl panties and figure this out. I'm sorry, but this is up to you, and there's really nothing further we can do for you.
Good luck.
Yes you are ryt. Can I ask what you mean by it speaks volume ?
Alty
Apr 29, 2013, 03:20 PM
Yes u r ryt. Can i ask wat u mean by it speaks volume ?
"It speaks volumes" is a common phrase. In this case it means that the fact that you're afraid to talk to him about this, that you come here to ask for us to write you a script, shows how far off this relationship is, how unhealthy it is. What you posted speaks volumes about your relationship. It makes things loud and clear.
Wondergirl
Apr 29, 2013, 03:29 PM
"It speaks volumes" is a common phrase. In this case it means that the fact that you're afraid to talk to him about this, that you come here to ask for us to write you a script, shows how far off this relationship is, how unhealthy it is. What you posted speaks volumes about your relationship. It makes things loud and clear.
And "it speaks volumes" that she can't let it go, can't stop the discussion, with US. Whatever we have said, she has an argument or a question and doesn't "get it," doesn't seem to understand what to do. Her relationship with us is just as unhealthy as it is with this guy.
Mahiya1212
Apr 29, 2013, 03:31 PM
You have to figure out the words to say. This is a relationship, not an exam. If you can't even talk to him, because you don't know what to say, that speaks volumes.
We can't write you a script. You have to decide what you're going to do, and then do it. If you stay, then stop complaining about the way he treats you, learn to live with it. If you decide to go, all you have to say is "I don't wan this anymore. Goodbye, and don't contact me". Then you stick to no contact and move on with your life.
There is no script for keeping a relationship, or leaving one. You really are going to have to put on your big girl panties and figure this out. I'm sorry, but this is up to you, and there's really nothing further we can do for you.
Good luck.
Yes you are ryt. Can I ask what you mean by it speaks volume ?
"It speaks volumes" is a common phrase. In this case it means that the fact that you're afraid to talk to him about this, that you come here to ask for us to write you a script, shows how far off this relationship is, how unhealthy it is. What you posted speaks volumes about your relationship. It makes things loud and clear.
I really appriciate your answers I just can't talk to anyone and your advise has been da most helpful thanku so much for it
Alty
Apr 29, 2013, 03:45 PM
I really appriciate ur answers i just can't talk to anyone and ur advise has been da most helpful thanku so much for it
You're welcome. I do have to ask. If my advice has been so helpful, why aren't you following it?
I'm married, I have been for almost 18 years. I met my husband when we were both 19. We've been together since then.
I have never had to ask someone "what should I say to my husband? How do I communicate with my husband". Do you know why? Because I have a healthy relationship. I can talk to my husband about anything. He's my best friend, my lover, the father of my children, my partner in every way. Not that we don't have problems at times. Every relationship does. But no matter what comes our way, we work it out.
That's a healthy relationship.
The fact that you can't even talk to him, without asking strangers what you should or shouldn't say, is very troubling.
This is not a healthy relationship. It's a relationship you need to get out of. Stop putting it off, stop worrying about the exact right words to say. All you have to say is "I'm done, good bye. Don't contact me and have a great life". That's it. Then you walk away and start working on getting yourself confidence back up. You don't have any self confidence at all. I don't know if that's because of you, just the way you are, or him. I have a feeling he has a lot to do with it.
So get rid of this dead weight, work on yourself, work on getting your confidence back, work on becoming a better you. Also work on not writing using text talk. I haven't said anything before, but it's really not okay to use text talk (texting abbreviations) on this site. It's actually against the rules. Also, when we see that sort of "language" we make assumptions of the person using it. Not good assumptions. Remember, we can only base our opinions on what you write, and when you write in text short hand, we don't usually come up with a good opinion. You can work on that. I'm sure you can. :)
Dump this guy, and start living for you, start making the changes in your life that you need to to get back your confidence. Don't you think you deserve to be with someone that will listen to you no matter what you say? That will love you unconditionally? That can be your best friend? I think you deserve that. Why do I think you deserve that, more than you do? That's not good. You should be your biggest fan, not some stranger you've never met. Right?
Mahiya1212
Apr 29, 2013, 04:25 PM
I couldn't agree with you more, your relationship seems healthy enough to fight through any trouble. I really felt that with this guy. I wanted advise because he has been telling me his behaviour is my fault . You are right about my confidence I even have spoke to him about this that I am scared to speak to him I have tried everything and I can assure that I did believe in him being my everything from my best friend to boyfriend but nothing has changed. To be honest he has really scared me to end it , I know how to tell if someone is treating me wrong but been blind and doubted myself to believe I am wrong. Its been really difficult for me but thank you so much for te advise you have given it means a lot as you have reminded me to put myself first and not take any disrespect. Thank you
Alty
Apr 29, 2013, 04:36 PM
You're welcome. Now stand up for yourself. You really do deserve better than this jerk. End it and get yourself back on track. Do it for you. If you can't love yourself, you have no chance at loving anyone else. This guy has made you question who you are, and made you afraid to even be who you are. That's not love. I've had enemies that treated me better than that.
Dump him and get yourself back on track. You can do it! You really can. Find that self respect you know you have. He hasn't take it all away from you, yet.
Let me know how it goes, and stay safe. You can do this.
Mahiya1212
Apr 29, 2013, 04:46 PM
You're welcome. Now stand up for yourself. You really do deserve better than this jerk. End it and get yourself back on track. Do it for you. If you can't love yourself, you have no chance at loving anyone else. This guy has made you question who you are, and made you afraid to even be who you are. That's not love. I've had enemies that treated me better than that.
Dump him and get yourself back on track. You can do it! You really can. Find that self respect you know you have. He hasn't take it all away from you, yet.
Let me know how it goes, and stay safe. You can do this.
Thank you and yes I will do
Mahiya1212
Apr 30, 2013, 12:52 PM
Hi he called me yesterday and he told me he will be going away for a day twice any way he was saying he will call me later and I told him not to ever call me again and hung up he called and I ignored did not contact him until again he phoned in the morning and I told him stop calling me am done and not to ever contact me . Do that's about it now I have not and will not contact him again
Alty
Apr 30, 2013, 02:42 PM
Hi he called me yesterday and he told me he will be going away for a day twice any way he was saying he will call me later and i told him not to ever call me again and hung up he called and i ignored did not contact him until again he phoned in the morning and i told him stop calling me am done and not to ever contact me . Do thats about it now i have not and will not contact him again
Good for you. It's going to be hard for the next little while, but stick to your decision, go out with friends, keep busy, and forget about him. You can do a lot better than this guy. :)