Hi, I have a problem that I have been with my girl for over 10 years and for the last six month my life has been hell.

The story goes is whilst on holiday I found evidence on her phone that she was telling someone from her workplace that she was in love with them and had a connection with them like she hasn’t connected with anyone before. A right kick in the balls this was.

From the holiday I moved out because I loved her and it was the gentleman thing to do, as she told me she needed time to sort her messed up feelings out because she was still telling me she loved me. Well after a week she had slept with him for the first time this guy is 10 years older than her 40 and lives with his parents and hasn’t had a girlfriend for the past 5 years. He also suffers from a medical condition which is M.E.

So after this nightmare I went home and kicked her out of the house went to this bloke’s house and give him what for which ended up me being in trouble with the police. So I starting living in the house on my own and went through a lot of pain and a lot of JD. She went to live at her mums and from what I know she didn’t do anything more with the other fella.

Due to the fact I love her we starting seeing each other again and 4months later she started to move back in and we decided to go away for a weekend which was good. Things were getting better I was beginning to forget and I stopped checking her phone because I couldn’t trust her I was doing this every other day. Which she knew about but then she started saying I had to trust her.

1 week after coming back from the weekend away the affection I was receiving from her had gone her attitude had changed and I questioned her. The other bloke had been texting her again saying he loved her which she hasn’t told him back but has admitted to me she still has feelings for him.

So at this point right now I’m living with my girlfriend who is telling me she loves me sees a future with me but has these feelings for another bloke which I don’t know what to do as I love her.

Dude. Dump her unless she committs to you only

I don't know what ME and JD are?

Trust is extremely difficult to get back. I suspect that you didn't really trust her again, checking her phone every other day. Lack of trust shows in a million other ways too. You sound a bit hot-headed, going to the other guy's house. It isn't about him, it's about you and your girlfriend! We can't know if she had that affair partly because you were suspicious and possessive from the start, or not. Now she is being totally honest with you about him, a sign that she wishes you two could work, BUT you still mistrust her.
I'm not blaming either one of you. But I don't see this relationship working.

Things doesn't work like that. Love you and feels for another one. May be she doesn't love you any more but she sees her future secure with you. So leave her before its too complicated.

Are there children involved here?

It is a terrible situation to be in, where a long term relationship is crushed by infidelity. To add insult to injury, you discovered it, she did not confess.

That you took her back, and you had a nice little holiday (honeymoon) time together, did not solve any problems, or address any issues. It was not a fix by any means. Trust, and in your case, the confidence in her to trust her again, should take time, caution, and patience.

And a lot of hard work on her part.

It is possible to recover from being betrayed in this way. I think it might be time to take control of your own life, and set some basic boundaries.

It may be a good idea for the two of you not to live under the same roof for a while. If she is seriously willing to give up the other man, then she should have no trouble agreeing to couples counselling to get to the bottom of it. There must have been reasons for her to stray, and reasons she can't make a decision about what she wants. This is NOT your fault, you are on the receiving end of the decisions she chose to make.

After all, at any time she could have made a choice not to involve another man in her life while living a life with you.

I would personally not accept anything less than counselling, and an honest effort on both your parts to speak, and to be heard.

Thank you for the honest answers so far I appreciate it.

No children involved.

After this weekend I have asked her rightly or wrongly, that if she wants to be with me she has to change her phone number and her job. I don't know if I'm asking too much but I think it maybe what I need to even start to try and trust her again.

Its not easy at all to overcome infidelity, but If your snooping has found no contact or return contact from her then why does she have to quit her job? That's a bit of over reaction in my view, and not showing the trust you are trying to rebuild especially given you can snoop anytime, and she seems to have made no effort to hide it anyway. I just don't like the whole making her pay for his actions now.

Tome that's an ultimatum, and a lack of trust, and undermines the whole getting back together thing and working things out in my view. If you are not going to trust her despite getting back together, I fail to see the point. Change her number, sure, but a job is a bit much at this time.