So, I am 35, and have always wanted to have kids, but never have yet, and never been married. My current and NEW boyfriend is 42 and a father of a preteen kid. He is well aware that I want to have at least one kid in my future, as I thought it was important to let him know what track I'm on, and make sure that he is someone that could be on that same track with me. He let me know that he is open to having another in his future so we began dating seriously. We have been together for only 3 months. Exclusive, get along great, see each other almost everyday, met my family, I know his child, etc etc. Looking good so far!

Unfortunitely, I just found out that I am pregnant. 4 weeks to be exact. This is what I've always wanted, and most likely with the person as well, but too soon! I DO NOT BELIEVE IN ABORTION, and is not an option for me, I have had a miscarriage about two years ago with an ex, and it ruined our relationship, due to the stress, sadness and that he ended up not wanting more kids, and I do. Now with my new boyfriend I am afraid this timing issue is going to destroy what we have started. He is going to blame me somehow, its always the girl who gets blamed, like I "did it on purpose ect ect" because he knows I want to be a mother. He knew I was not on birth control, He didn't want to use condoms, because he cannot sustain an erection while wearing one, although I was fine with condoms, we did not use them. Unfortunitely we relied on the ever failing pull out method, that has worked for me most of my adulthood thus far.. not this time though!

I really didn't want this to happen this soon, I haven't even heard an " I love you" from him yet..! I know I'm in love with him, and have not said it, because I was hoping and waiting for him to first. Part of me is happy, because I've always wanted this, and felt the clock ticking away, and the rest is soooo upset due to the bad premature timing.

I am scared to tell him, and due to my last miscarriage, feel like I want to wait another month at 8 weeks, and get an ultrasound without him, to ensure I even see a heartbeat this time before I tell him... but I know that's super dishonest, but I feel like why put him through all this if it ends up like last time, with no baby anyhow, and it will get us to the 4 month dating mark, instead of 3 months of dating before I lay that on him... Yikes! Helpp!!

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Well you better tell him now... or he's going to get really upset you was trying to hide it from him if you drag it out.

Its not like you can hide it for all that long anyway before he figures it out.

I am 35. No kids, never married. But always wanted that. I have a new boyfriend who is wonderful, and a father on a 12 yr old. WE have only been together for 3 months. I recently found out I am pregnant. I am very upset, and scared. I told him, and he is saying that its too soon. and that its better to wait, so see if 6 months, or 1 yr down the road, we are in love enough that we can do it the right way, to plan it out, if we are mean't to be together. That we were stupid for not being more careful. I agree, but the problem is , I already am pregnant now. He said lets talk " options" and of course one, that he argues, is abortion. But I can't bare the thought. But he thinks its best. Now I don't know what to do. If I don't have one, he will blame me for keeping it against his will. Blame me for it all, prob end up breaking up, and I will be alone, and I cannot afford to have a child alone. There is no way I can afford any of this alone! And if I have an abortion, no promises it will work with him in the long run anyhow, and I may emotionally be a wreck, and regret it, and not get over the guilt, and break up and end up single, and almost 40 with no baby anyhow, and no him anyhow... I am so confused. Scared, and feeling hopeless. I feel I almost have no option if he is not in, and willing to be there. I have no where else to turn

I will be alone, and I cannot afford to have a child alone. There is no way I can afford any of this alone!

You would go after him for child support.

Other than that, I can't help you... this is a decision for you to make... not for total strangers.

He wants abortion, so he does not have to pay child support, he is not concerned about relationship, he is thinking what if it does not work.

Next sorry but you chose to have sex and get pregnant, at your ages, you know how it happens.

If you do abortion, you will most likely resent him for it, and blame him, and it will not work either.

You need to sit down and say, abortion is not an option, what do we do.

This was my original problem question yesterday--

I am 35. No kids, never married. But always wanted that. I have a new boyfriend who is wonderful, and a father on a 12 yr old. WE have only been together for 3 months. I recently found out I am pregnant. I am very upset, and scared. I told him, and he is saying that its too soon. and that its better to wait, so see if 6 months, or 1 yr down the road, we are in love enough that we can do it the right way, to plan it out, if we are mean't to be together. That we were stupid for not being more careful. I agree, but the problem is , I already am pregnant now. He said lets talk " options" and of course one, that he argues, is abortion. But I can't bare the thought. But he thinks its best. Now I don't know what to do. If I don't have one, he will blame me for keeping it against his will. Blame me for it all, prob end up breaking up, and I will be alone, and I cannot afford to have a child alone. There is no way I can afford any of this alone! And if I have an abortion, no promises it will work with him in the long run anyhow, and I may emotionally be a wreck, and regret it, and not get over the guilt, and break up and end up single, and almost 40 with no baby anyhow, and no him anyhow... I am so confused. Scared, and feeling hopeless. I feel I almost have no option if he is not in, and willing to be there. I have no where else to turn

UPDATE..

So, after telling my boyfriend, I missed my period, only by 3 days, took a test (because I'm super regular) and it had a positive, so I told him I " may" be pregnant, I set up a doctor apt, and that I was upset by this, and stressed, because it was not the right time, and I told him, if I'm not I'll get on pill, or get a diaphragm, and we of course did the stressing for a day, and talking about options, what if's etc.. Super stressed. And of course yesterday afternoon, I started bleeding. Sooo I either got a false positive and wasn't pregnant, or I just had a missed pregnancy that didn't take super early and became a period. So not I was in the ER all day testing etc. called him and told him we " dodged a bullet" and I'm not pregnant, and we just need to be more careful, but now suddenly he seems to be retreating from me, asked not to see me last night," for the first time ever" and didn't call before bedtime to talk or say goodnight for the first time ever! I feel very sad that he may be hightailing it the other way, and seems very unfair that number one, I can't get myself pregnant, and two, all I did was share with him I think maybe I am pregnant, and now he seems like he is going to not see me anymore.

I am so distraught and sad. I felt I was falling in love with him for a while now, and everything seemed to be going so good, and now everything is ruined by this scare, and I feel like I should have never told him, and it would have all been fine. But now, he is so distant, and I am angry also that did I mean so little he is gone at the first sight of something serious? I know it's only been 3 months, but he is an adult, he is 42, and claimed he cared about me a great deal, and now he is acting like he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

Should I just let him go?
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He cared for the sex, and now remembers what it does, So at this point, you are still not on pill, and he figures no sex right now.

Also to ask, are sure this isnot just spotting, it is rare to get a false postitive.

This is a 3 month relationship, you want one thing, he does not want what you want. In so many words he is telling you this. Walk away and get yourself on the pill if you are going to be having sex.

You only been going out for 3 months.he has a kid already he needs to step up for your kid now its not completely your fault you got pregnant.But no matter what Don't let him push you into an abortion if your not sure about it.there are places that help new mothers and he will need to help you with the money.dont forget its your baby 2. it's a part of you and his.if you love it it will always love you back when you get older he/she is the one going to take care of you and love you. Good luck

I have merged your threads because they deal with the same subject-your boyfriend and pregnancy. We prefer to keep all questions and advice on an issue in one place. It helps to keep all information in one place so posters can see how an issue develops and what has already been suggested.

Something I noticed in your question about telling him you are/were pregnant is that you already had a very strong feeling of how the discussion would go. Did you approach telling him with an open mind or were you already defensive? Did you give him a chance and attempt a calm discussion or were you ready to disagree and argue with what you thought he was going to say?

How much of your past experience is affecting how you perceive this person's reactions?

Think about how quickly events have unfolded for him. One minute you are pregnant and not wanting to terminate the pregnancy. He wasn't given a chance to come to terms with the thought of being a new father again before you are calling him and telling him you aren't pregnant. You have your emotional (and physical) reactions to sort through. So does he.

You are expecting everything to be as usual a day after a 'pregnancy scare' that occurred three months into a new relationship. A relationship where 'I love you' hasn't even been exchanged. You are looking for stability when there isn't any.

Give him and yourself a chance to calm down and think. Let the storm of emotions die down. Then see where things go. Don't rush into another decision.