I, my brother, and my sister (whom of which are twins and two years younger than me) haven't always lived with the same people. We lived with my heroine-induced father, then with our "sober" mother, then with our dying aunt, and then lastly with my cousins. My cousins were 20 years older than me, and capable of talking care of children, or so we thought. As years progressed, we came to realize that my cousins (who we referred to as my parents because we were young and wanted a mom and dad) were prone to cruel and unusual punishment. Some of the lighter punishments were eating a bar of soap and then eating something salty afterward to rupture the sores in our mouths, putting soap in our eyes when watching t.v. without permission, etc. It wasn't just the punishment either. Once they had children, which they conveniently had three, we each were put in charge of one. It was more than in charge, we were their slave. We followed them around everyday, catering to their every need, and punished when we did something improperly. On top of that, we had to do all the cleaning in the house, while my parents did nothing. My dad went to five days a week, and my mom cooked. It went on like this for eight long years. Finally I got the balls to stand up, and report them to the CPS, and everything was resolved, although "resolve" being a strong word. We were all scared to say much, because at the end of the day we were still in their household, and eventually it was decided that with a month of counseling our family would be fully functional.

That really didn't happen until about a year after, that year being full of me skipping school and making bad choices, which was basically a cry out for attention, and wanting to be rebellious after years of isolation. Now a days, everything is a-ok, I spend more time at home, my parents are cool, and we are all all right. I did my best to forgive and forget, and overall I have. The thing is, I can't get over one thing. I can't get over the fact that I stood by and watched my siblings get beaten. What's worse is we'd rat each other out, just to save our own skins. Now, I have a very faint relationship both of them.

When the counseling was over, I stood at friends' houses a lot, and my siblings were stuck at home with my parents. I had lots of arguments with my dad about it, and I knew I was becoming an outcast. Even after the beatings, my siblings wanted to stay faithful to the people we called parents. I could easily forgive my siblings, because they're ignorant and impressionable. I can't get over the fact I did nothing to stop my parents before. I waited eight *****ing years before I spoke up. So ****ing long. I mean, we were scared, sure, but I should have done something. I feel guilty, and felt like a lot of things are my fault. I found out that abused kids tend to feel guilt, as if they were responsible for their cruel punishments, so I've come to terms with that. It's just, sometimes, I end up thinking about it all, and getting a bit depressed and really, really want to get revenge, primarily on my dad. Now, he's the "cooler" parent, but I think that's all because he feels terrible for what he did. The fact remains, my parents were so *****ing terrible to us, and they weren't punished. I just want to confront my parents, and let them feel the guilt and despair and let that be their punishment. They really *****ed me up as a person, and I've done a lot to change and take irresponsibility for the person I am.

My sister became a bit of a kleptomaniac for a while, and my brother became extremely passive-aggressive. In general, my parents were bad people, and I want them to be punished. I want them to feel guilt. I want them to pay, like legitimately pay money, for all those years wearing the same damn school clothes or all the Christmas and birthdays we "lost" for not washing a ing plate correctly. I have all these feelings that I don't know what to do with, and it bothers me. I just want to get over it. There's nothing I can do. Just, waive it over their heads and make them do *****ing back flips.

In reading this remember this is only my opinion and it isn't based on going through the same things that you have experienced.

I had two horrible people in my life when I was alive. They did some very bad things and to this day if they are ever mentioned I just shut down. I wanted to do the same thing that you want to do, and that is make them feel horrible guilt for what they have done. So I approached one and let him know just to make him feel bad. Here's the kicker - it didn't make me feel any better about the situation.

What I have learned in the meantime is that to do what you are suggesting takes a lot of negative energy and that is not something I want or that I want to take the time to invest in now. Yes my childhood wasn't great, but I have moved forward. I now concentrate on positive things, positive energy, and smiling. In that I haven't given the satisfaction of those people winning. I won and that is all that counts.

I wish you the best.

I am surprised you guys have not done family counseling, that were were not made to do it.
I suggest counseling for yourself. It will help you get through this.

Yes, you need counselling or a sounding board. For whatever reason you needed to type out the entire explanation, possibly to get it off your chest.

No one can make anyone else feel bad - if that is your goal. You can make yourself feel worse by blaming, discussing, whatever, but that is not going to make the "bad people" feel bad. They obviously didn't feel bad then, and they won't feel bad now.

I'd say find counselling, perhaps a group, find some peace.