I have a small group of friends that I have known for well over a decade. We host a social gathering once or twice a month at various locations with a large group of people sharing a common interest. Many people would bring friends and acquaintances and the social circle grew, yet there was always my close group of friends at the core. There was a beautiful and intelligent lady that would show. She was dating someone that was a friend of a member of my close friends group. They were pretty serious, but it was an unhealthy relationship. Eventually it fell apart and her ex moved out of the state for work. I began getting to know her better. She would often show up to dinners out with my close knit friends and we would often hang out and had become closer friends. This went on for six or seven months. We became interested in wanting to go further than friends. We talked about it in-depth, discussing the pros and cons of dating each other within our social circle and deemed it worth the risk.

"Honeymoon time" was fantastic. We would see or talk to each other every day. Within a couple months, we each had "a drawer" or "closet space" at our respective residences. We had been dating for almost four months and the "L" word was exchanged. I started it, what can I say, I'm a romantic. We started spending even more time together and serious discussions about the future were more prevalent.

Some of my close friends and my girlfriend went to a convention out of town for a weekend. I couldn't go, I had work. My girlfriend hooked up with someone at the convention in the Biblical sense. When she got back, I had gone to her apartment to see her. She told me right away of what happened. I was devastated. It seemed she was truly sorry and she obviously felt like ****. I thanked her for being honest with me and told her I needed to leave to sort through it all. She texted me that she stilled loved me and missed me on my drive home. The following day, I took off work because I needed to be with my close friends to vent and help me sort through my problems. Maybe that was a mistake pulling them into it, but at the time I was hurting and needed support. I should have went to family members instead. This was mid January. I called my girlfriend the following day having decided to forgive her and try to work through this speed-bump of life. Over the next couple weeks, we talked a few times and saw each other only once. She wanted time alone. She decided on a break. On Valentines Day, I dropped off flowers and what-not at her work and asked her to dinner, but she declined. I was heart broken, but I couldn't force her to see me anymore, so I left it at that. A few nights later, a couple of my close friends were going to dinner with some people that are members of our social club. I went with. We sat down and placed our drink orders etc... when my ex shows up with another guy in the social group (knife twists). All kinds of emotions ravaged through me. I understand that we aren't dating anymore. I don't understand why she is dating so soon after our break-up, unless this was the guy she hooked up with. She had claimed it was someone else entirely when she told me of her indiscretion.

I also don't understand why my friends of 15+ years wouldn't warn me of the possibility of her showing up; especially with her new boyfriend. I had forgiven her for cheating on me and probably made myself too available when I said I still wanted to be with her and work things out. I have accepted that I'm not going to be with her anymore. I'm just having a hard time dealing with a sense of disappointment toward my close friends who obviously knew she was dating this douche bag and didn't warn me or tell me. It's been three months, and I still go to the social gatherings because when you cultivate friendships that have lasted well over a decade, you still try to stay in touch. However, she is there with her new boyfriend every time. I feel like I should confront my friends about my feelings and ask if she lied to me about who she slept with.

I just need closure now more than anything. I hope my friendships endure. Any advice would be appreciated.

I have never gotten closure through confronting, though many have, as I find acceptance a less tortuous way to move beyond those sad, hurt, feelings. I think, close friends or not, for a while any way, a change of scenery and routine could help, like that family you should have sought out for support.

Try not to blame your friends though, as why wouldn't you have known she would be part of this group, when she was before? Nevertheless I can understand the shock and hurt especially after the cheating thing, but you must still have the outward calm and decorum to get you through this with your best foot forward. That's the problem with relationships in a tight group, you may have to see the person again, soon, and often.

The biggest lesson here is to not give your heart away so fast, or forgive bad behavior so easily and cheating is as bad as it gets. Recognize your part in this and get beyond it and understand and cope with the rest, her and your friends, as coolly, and calmly as possible. In time you will regain your inner composure, as you keep the outward composure.

Thanks Tal, I appreciate your objective opinion, it will help out in the long run. Too often friends and family won't be objective or will tell you what they think you want to hear to avoid hurting your feelings.

Just because you told your and her business to your friends, it does not mean she did. She may not have told them about her new friend. It was not their business.
Perhaps you should not spend as much time with the group until you are over her and don't jump head over heels into another relationship so quickly the next time.