I’ve been in a relationship with a man for 2.5 years. We have lived together for almost 2 of those years. Everything started wonderfully of course, but after about the 8th month I started noticing that he was still keeping contact with his ex. Talking as if he was single. Later I found he cheated with her, and then came more drama every few months after.

Sneaking and flirting on Facebook and keeping sexual contact with exes were his down fall. He treated me good. But was a sneaky bastard. We tried to work through the issues and move on with life. But of course me snooping around. I found the same crap. He blamed the fact that I don’t like giving oral sex as the reason for his actions.

After a while I stopped feeling for him. His actions numbed to the point that it didn’t hurt anymore. So I left. I felt that me being alone was better. So now I’m gone and he’s begging and pleading for me to come back. He wants to change and be more mature for me. I still feel for him, but unfortunately I heard this before, but I never left back then.

My question is... should I really believe he'll change? Or am I just wasting time and he'll just go back to his old ways once he’s comfortable? I keep arguing with myself about this. I hate and love him, but I need to love me first too.

If you are numb to him, why would you go back - on those grounds alone?

And you know him , we don't. It sounds to me like he's a bad bet, not only because of the cheating but more because of the lying.

What does your gut (not your heart) say?

To stay with him you are going to have to trust him. But can you trust him without snooping around so much? Or will it always be a trust but verify situation? That isn't a relationship I would want.

Oliver, I am also troubled by the "it's not my fault that I cheat, it's yours." In this case the cheating is supposedly caused by her dislike of oral sex.

He's a manipulator.

On another note - great answer, as always. Love your answers on the relationship boards. Experience/heart always show.

To stay with him you are going to have to trust him. But can you trust him without snooping around so much? Or will it always be a trust but verify situation? That isn't a relationship I would want.

It does sound more ridiculous when someone else repeats my situation back to me. But I don't trust him and I won't. I just hate that when I find someone with decent qualities and a head on there shoulders, they're an undercover douchebag.. its just still hard because I still care for him.


Oliver, I am also troubled by the "it's not my fault that I cheat, it's yours." In this case the cheating is supposedly caused by her dislike of oral sex.

He's a manipulator

On another note - great answer, as always. Love your answers on the relationship boards. Experience/heart always show.

He wants to be manipulative, but I'm pretty stubborn so I guess he felt what I won't do someone else will.. and apparently that's true. But every time I think about it.. my head is like no don't do it. But my heart still is kind of weak still

It does sound more ridiculous when someone else repeats my situation back to me. But i dont trust him and i wont. I just hate that when i find someone with decent qualities and a head on there shoulders, theyre an undercover douchebag.. its just still hard because i still care for him.



He wants to be manipulative, but im pretty stubborn so i guess he felt what i wont do someone else will.. and apparently thats true. But everytime i think about it.. my head is like no dont do it. But my heart still is kind of weak still

You know what Zelda, chalk this one up to a learning experience and move on. He isn't worth the time you have spent on this subject. There are lousy jerks out there and we have all met a few. But that doesn't mean we won't be a better person from it.

You know what Zelda, chalk this one up to a learning experience and move on. He isn't worth the time you have spent on this subject. There are lousy jerks out there and we have all met a few. But that doesn't mean we won't be a better person from it.

You're absolutely right Oliver.. I appreciate the input. I have just sucked it up and learning to move on. The self loathing has bern enjoyable :)

What a manipulator. So he cheats and then tries to use his disrespect of you and the relationship to manipulate you into giving him oral sex. That's what he's doing. He's thinking, "if I can make her think this is her fault I can get blow jobs for a while".

Block him for your phone and be done with him. He's a toddler.