I have been doing good things and not focusing on myself lately. People have been thanking me for helping(not the reason why I did it). I was starting to feel good about myself a little.
Then more awareness about stuff from the past came up. I have always known these things but realized they were not what they seemed.
I then started spiraling downhill. Some old beliefs and coping mechanisms are back. I am not comfortable about details and to be honest they are not what I am looking for help for.
I have been thinking this over and over and realized some things:
1. I am sabotaging myself when things go good and others comment on it.
2. I am unable to express how I am feeling in words to people.
3. I need more help and am getting some in 3 months time. Due to me messing up I have to wait until I am 3 months free of doing one thing. Rules

How do I fix this. What steps can I take to not sabotage my good deeds. I can say my thoughts are when people pay compliments I go back to what I was told as a child I am being prideful others come ahead of me always. Knowing and doing are different things for me. I am very aware of how this is wrong. I just don't know how to work on this.
What are some ways to express feelings and thoughts without words? This is very frustrating to me. I feel deep inside of me if I can explain this to people it will be the Aha moment for me to move on. This lack of expression I find frustrating.

"I am sabotaging myself when things go good and others comment on it." and "How do I fix this. What steps can I take to not sabotage my good deeds." Just try to take it easy and breathe deeply as you come across these challenges. The more you try to block these thoughts the more you get interested in thinking about them. There could be some reason to why you can't let go of these thoughts. I don't know what the reasons are; therefore, I don't exactly have a specific advice.

"Then more awareness about stuff from the past came up. I have always known these things but realized they were not what they seemed." I think that you are new to this information maybe that is why you are feeling uneasy. It might take you some time to adjust yourself to this new realization; you can take your time to think about them because there is no point in ignoring or trying to forget them. You don't have to do it by yourself; there must be someone you can share with.

"I am unable to express how I am feeling in words to people." That happens to everyone. Sometimes people look at me in a bewildered expression on their face before they get an Aha moment, and all they do after is smile ridiculously feeling foolish, I am not going to mention any examples, and I like how they give me some kind of response even when they don't know what to say. I accept that and find it nice that they don't confuse me with an awkward silence. I don't think it's always necessary to speak with words.

Sometimes, sounding your thoughts out loud will make things seem clearer than thinking them to yourself, so if you share with someone close to you, it would help you see through this problem. Just like reading a book out loud helps you better memorize and improve your reading skills than reading to yourself.


"What are some ways to express feelings and thoughts without words?" You can express yourself through facial expression and body language or by actions. Actions speak louder, observing how people behave will tell you more about them than hundreds of words can.

“I then started spiraling downhill. Some old beliefs and coping mechanisms are back. I am not comfortable about details and to be honest they are not what I am looking for help for.” I don't know if what you mean is that you don't need help with problems form the past or something else; I apologize in advance if I answered something I am not supposed to.

Each of the commenters will speak based on his/her experience, we may not agree on anything at all.