My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 and half years and moved in together after a year. We didn't have sex for the first couple months we were dating, but once we did it was great. We had great sex a couple times a week and then right before we moved in together we were both working a lot and I was also going to school things slowed down because we didn't get to see each other much. We never were a super sexual couple having sex 8 times a day or anything, but what we did have has slowwwwwed down to a snails pace. I literally don't remember the last time we had sex.

Our relationship is perfect in every other way, but since then our sex life has been seriously lacking. He's brought up that he's self conscious (I am too now sometimes because of how little we've been intimate and sometimes it makes me feel like its me) and his old job made him feel bad about himself, but he has a new job now. He never makes moves unless its for a blow job. We've talked about it multiple times and we both say we will make more effort and then nothing changes. He cuddles with me every day and is very affectionate in every other way. I make the effort and then get shot down a few times and back off and then I ask him to use his iPhone to Google something real quick and there's porn in the browser. I don't care if he looks at porn, I just want him to have sex with me too. I know I want to be with him for the rest of my life and sex isn't everything, buy I just want to improve this part of our relationship. Help!

Things aren't as perfect as you think they are then. He's upset about something... no that's assuming he isn't on certain meds... has certain medical consitions... and isn't overworked and overstressed.

Has he even had a complete physical... and I mean yearly... not once a decade.

He never makes moves unless its for a blow job.

Have you asked him why he's interested in blow jobs but not in sex? Is he just too tired perhaps? Or lazy?


We've talked about it multiple times and we both say we will make more effort and then nothing changes.

If you've talked about it (calmly and without accusation) many times and you've tried unsuccessfully for sex, then I don't know what else you can do. If he doesn't have a physical condition, as smoothy suggested, and he isn't exhausted/distracted/depressed, then perhaps it's time to move on. You can't make him want sex with you and you don't seem as if you can continue in a relationship without sex.

What does he provide as his reason for not initiating or wanting sex when it's offered?