This story is told by my friend who is a 21 year old male. I have a friend that I recently found out was gay on accident. He is still in the closet, but someone who has hooked up with him told me out of anger and gave good proof. I have nothing against gay people at all, but I am a straight male. For the last 4 nights in a row, Ive had sexual dreams about this guy. Some just holding hands others extremely explicit and I wake up pretty excited. I also have a girlfriend that I love. I'm not sure if I should tell the guy since that would be super awkward and my girlfriend is a homophobe so she would really freak out. What does this mean? What should I do? I don't want to keep having these dreams because it is extremely awkward.

I think you are conflicted with yourself, and your solution since you don't want to spread gossip, or act on the words of anger from a third party is to do NOTHING. However you are busting to tell someone.

Unless your in the "closet" friend was caught in the act, then he would be a victim of a vicious rumor, so consider the source of your information. If you are afraid to talk to him directly, talk to no one. When you have NO facts you can't be part of the rumor mill, from someone that may have an agenda you know nothing about.

What is this "good proof"?

Well the guy hooked up with my friend and had proved it through pictures. I have already confronted the friend about the pictures though so I know the guy was being honest.

Sexual dreams are not exactly about what you see. You have to see your relationship carefully. Is there anything about your partner troubles you. Think carefully about your conscience.

What do you think the right thing to do is? Give it thought.

It's NOT your business in the first place. I would still say NOTHING, as being involved in the drama of others is adversely causing conflict within yourself.

I suspect having a homophobic GF is at the root of all this because when the story comes out and spreads she will probably bite your head off for not talking to her, especially if she finds out the role you played in this mess.

No easy answers if the circle of friends is that small.

Why is it that every time someone rights about someone who is gay, most of the time it is written with a negative tone.

"He is still in the closet" - there are reasons people stay in the closet and it is for behaviors much like you write about. If you were a good friend he would trust you enough to tell you. Think about that aspect.

"I'm not sure if I should tell the guy" - What possible motive could you have other than to make him feel bad or whatever?

"my girlfriend is a homophobe" - she sounds like she is a perfect girlfriend, accepting others because they are different than she.

You should not do anything and work on your own issues. GEEZ!

This story reminds me of something I've read relative to the abuse of teenage boys by Catholic priests. That is, many of these teenagers carry shame into adulthood because they have always been oriented in their sexuality as heterosexuals. However, they experienced and remember the sessions of abuse by their predators, who had psychologically manipulated them, as physically pleasureable and arousing. They feel shame as adult men that they were aroused by another man.

The thing to understand is that for men in particular and to a lesser extent for women, physical sexual stimulation can be arousing even if it's not entirely welcome and even if the attraction is not there, particularly if the person is manipulated emotionally.

I would imagine something similar could come into play if a straight man dreamed about a sexual liaison with another man. If they are vividly imagining a sexual feeling, such as receiving oral sex, the imagination of that physical stimulation could be very arousing even if, in a fully conscious state, the man knows he is heterosexual.

So, if you - or your friend, or whomever this is about - is confident when awake that you are straight, you are straight and had a weird dream. If you have feelings of attraction for men when you are awake, you could be somewhere along the spectrum of sexuality other than strictly straight, or could be gay.

If your girlfriend is so intolerant of homosexuality that she turns it into a sexual taboo, that can make it more appealing.

Just know that many people have all kinds of sexual dreams and fantasies from time to time that they really don't even want to act on.

Oliver,
I feel like you are misunderstanding my question! I at no point asked if I should tell anyone except him about MY DREAM not telling people what happened. How does that make him feel bad. Before attacking maybe you should reread the story. Also he did tell me!

I agree you should not do anything about this. I suggest that you control your dreams.
It is not impossible, use your head and think about it; everything that your conscious mind witnesses effects your unconscious mind. Do you get it?

So what's the real problem? Mixed loyalties or what? Oliver wasn't attacking you,jut hunting for feedback. Why are you defensive?

Before attacking maybe you should reread the story.Also he did tell me!

Sure he told you... after you "confronted" him...


Well the guy hooked up with my friend and had proved it through pictures. I have already confronted the friend about the pictures though so I know the guy was being honest.

Why was that even any of your business? If he had wanted you to know, he would have told you without needing to be confronted about it.

As for your dream... why does he need to know about that? Why does anyone need to know?
Are you maybe worried that you're gay because of the dream or that maybe you're intrigued because your friend is gay?

Why worry about it... it was a dream.

"Well the guy hooked up with my friend and had proved it through pictures." He took pictures while he was having sex? What kind of friend do you have?

I happen to be gay and a lot of people who write on here usually make "gay" a horrible thing to be. Or something bad, terrible, etc.

I agree with Odinn. Why worry about a dream? It isn't something that you can control, I think.

I think the OP wants to know if someone has a gay dream might be gay. And he is providing the back story of the that someone having just found out that a friend, whom he had thought was straight, had been involved in a homosexual liaison.

I think, OP, "confront" was a poor choice of words.

As for this whole situation with the homosexual liaison - a few things. First, if one man is showing pictures of himself having sex with someone else, chances are that the "someone else" is not aware they were photographed. This is not a legal thing to do, nor ethical, nor moral. I highly doubt a man who is not open about his homosexuality would consent to be photographed having homosexual relations.

I do think it's appropriate to tell - not confront, but tell - the victim of these illicit secret photos that are being shown to third parties about the photos. I would not confront him about his sexuality or pass any judgement. But if this happened related to one of my friends, I would tell them. That conversation would be something like, "Bill, I have something sensitive to discuss with you. Do you have a moment when we can speak privately?" Then I would tell him, "John approached me and showed me some photographs of what appears to be a sexual liason between you and John. I do not know if you were aware of or consented to the photos. I am not going to tell anyone else about it." I would also say something to the effect of, "to my knowledge, you have never identified yourself as gay, nor as interested in John. As far as I'm concerned, it's none of my business unless you make it my business. Just know, whether you're gay, straight or in between, I accept you as my friend." You should also tell John that you cannot keep this from Bill and are going to have to tell him about the photos. I would do this by phone to avoid a physical altercation.

I think this whole conversation has turned into people thinking I want to embarrass or hurt my friend. He is my friend, so we were all together at a bar and a guy came to me and was threatening to show everyone the pictures. I told him not to, got my friend and told him we should probably leave. Obviously I had to say why.

What was the friend's reaction? My experience with people coming out is that the person coming out is more relieved in the end. So hopefully that was the case with your friend.

Now if the other picture taking guy is a friend, well then you need to choose better friends. What he did was just mean. I don't hang around people like that.

The guy who was photographed should press charges if it was done without his consent. Particularly if he was asking for anything under threat of showing the pictures, it's blackmail.

The guy who was photographed should press charges if it was done without his consent. particularly if he was asking for anything under threat of showing hte pictures, it's blackmail.

Agreed. Ultimate act of meanness. Hopefully he didn't have a good time.