Ive been with my boyfriend james for two years now, and ever since the beginning of our relationship I have found him flirting with girls on his msn and trying to "hook" up with them, to make a long story short, he will lie to me all the time about things he knows I know! I keep finding him with dating profiles looking for intimate incounters and even asking people he knows at work to come be ack to our place on the weekends cause he knows Im not there and Im at work.. Its beginning to be too much, myself esteem has dropped dramaticaly and I don't feel like myself, but he keeps saying he will change, he's OK for a while then I always find something out like he went on a date with some girl and then would come to my place right after, whenever I try to talk to him about it he just sits there and looks at the floor and when I ask him to say something he says I don't know what to say, my question is why does my boyfriend stray away from me and lie to me all the time and go after girls that I'm sorry to say are not half as pretty as me, am I just stupid to be sticking around for this ? Please help I feel like I'm trapped in a horrible relationship with no trust , I just don't know why he would do this to me , he's a chronic liar and can't seem to stay faithfull, he's even going to counseling, but I still can't seem to trust him whenever he leave the house for whatever reason I wonder and I get angry thinking that he's going to some girls house in stead of where he says he's going. I feel that I need to know where he's at at all times or else I get anxiety and I don't feel good at all, please help I feel like Im losing my mind living with him. Thank you guys so much :(

He is a cheater and a liar, why are you still with him? Is this what you want to put up with for the rest of your life? Living in an untrusting relationship? Not kowing what he is up o, having to fear the worst because his actions make you feel that way? You are worth so much more than that. Cheating is something people do when they don't care about their partners feeling, it is not something someone truly in love does. He will keep doing it because you let him get away with it time and time again. Boot him out and let him know you are not desperate.

Get out of this unhealthy relationship ASAP!
He strays because he isn't mature enough and ready to commit to a relationship.
GET OUT OF IT.
I know it's easier said than done, but the longer you stay with him, the more damage you will do to yourself. You need time to heal and the sooner the better.

He told me he isint going to do it anymore beucase he knows next time that is it and I will kick him out, so far so good, I also told him I would throw all his stuff TV. Dvd player xbox. etc.. Outside on the front lawn for neighbors to take their pick, lol but that would be immature and I probably wouldn't do that I just said it to scare him, but that's not right either :( he's been better lately I havint found out anything yet, I'm a huge snoop and I look through everything to try and find something on him, its became routine which is also sad..

That is very sad. To be honest it doesn't matter if he doesn't do it again, the fact is he has done it, more than once, and that has destroyed your trust in him. That is clear by the fact you go through his stuff to find out what he is doing. He will do it again, almost certainly, he is saying that to keep you sweet. Don't let him treat you like a doormat. Popole can make mistakes, but he is just a cheater through and through. A mistake doesn't involve actively trying to find new partners online, or going on dates with other women.

I have tried breaking up with him many times before, I've kicked him out twice now, he goes back to his parents house (were 23) and stays there for two days then we talk on msn and he keeps saying how much he loves me and misses me and wants to see me and he finds excuses any way he can to come over or to see me , and I let him come over, because I have no car and I'm lonely most of my friends are too busy with school, and I'm stuck here in my apartment, its like a cycle

Bad relationships are a cycle, but there comes a point when you just have to break it. I have been there. I got married at age 22 and my husband did the same thing, he cheated on me more times than I care to remember, he advertised himself on dating sites, and imtimate meeting sites, and went off with a lot of the women he met on them. I was the fool that kept taking hium back, despte threatening to leave him, boot him out etc, he knew damn well I never would. I got paranoid that he was cheating on me even when he claims he wasn't, I lost all trust in him and eventually I had to call it a day. We had the added complication of a mortgage and two babies together, but I did not want to live my life that way. I am now getting divorced (its our hearing tomorrow-yay!) and have been with my current partner for 2 years and couldn't be happier, I never realised what a good relationship was before I found him. I don't ever worry about him straying or whp he is talking to or anything like that, and that is a liberating feeling. Me and my soon to be ex husband get on OK now, we have grown to be friends, But I will never trust him.

Well good for you :) I can imagine how liberating it would feel, I've never been on any site like this one before lol my boyfriend and me actually got in a fight, so he stormed out and left me here once again we got in a fight over his counseling appointment he forgot about yesterday, he hoped in the shower today and I asked him where he was going he said to his councerller so I asked him why doesint he call her before she probably busy with someone else and needs to make another appointment with her he refused saying he would just go there , so I figured he was lying to me cause he wanted to get out of the house and do whatever he was going to do behind my back, then we got into everything else, and he says its stupid that I get upset that he goes to his sisters place and plays video games, and I'm upset that that's all he does, he says that's all he's allowed to do and he got really mad and cried and yelled at me and threw our rottweiler puppys kennal and walked out the door saying F YOU on the way out :S

Once again I don't have a car and its not like I can go out right now and find him, so I have no idea where he is and of course I feel like crap right now, I think he uses the fact that I don't have my license or a car against me and knows I can't go check up on his where abouts and finds it easier to do whatever he wants to do .

Sorry I keep going on and on but its like he just can't do what he's suppost to do, I have a password on my comp so he can't use it when I'm not home, yet osmetimes ill come home and I will see a diff screen savor which means he turned my comp off and went on it in safe mode when I told him I didn't want him on it! He used it for porn various times before and I keep giving him chances again to use it and every time he messes up and I find porn on my comp! Like just the other day I didn't tell him he could use it and I went for work, when I got home porn was on my comp I checked the history I got so mad I went in the kitchen and slapped him across the face, yes I know that was wrong but I'm so sick of this I could explode inside :( its scary like he doesint have a conscience or h ejust doesint think of the consiquence to his actions.. very baffling.

he told me he isint going to do it anymore beucase he knows next time that is it and I will kick him out, so far so good, I also told him i would throw all his stuff tv. dvd player xbox. ect.. outside on the front lawn for neighbors to take their pick, lol but that would be immature and I prolly wouldnt do that I just said it to scare him, but thats not right either :( hes been better lately I havint found out anything yet, im a huge snoop and i look thru everything to try and find something on him, its became routine which is also sad..


Really?? No, come on, really? I'm saying that because you are such a cute girl, where is that brain that I know you have, come on, I know you got it, and I can bet it's a good one too!

This guy has no business being anywhere near you, no where near you. He told you he isn't going to do it anymore because the next time you will kick him out?? So, because there is a negative consequence to him, and he has the potential of losing the place where he sleeps (probably for free), he won't do it?? Not because you're a great girlfriend and you love him with all your heart or because you've put up with all his stuff. Not because you're probably the best thing that ever happened to him. Not because he has repeatedly hurt you and disrespected you and he feels bad about it, no, cause then he'll have no place to plug in his xbox?

Guys like that don't change, at least not overnight. Not in a week, or a month, probably not even in 6 months. What he has is a classic case of massive immaturity and character flaw, and you can't fix that. Not with your threats or anything else. He is like a little kid who will push his mom as far as he can without getting spanked. A little time-out here and there is no big deal cause he knows it will only be for a little while and then he can go back to having his cake and eating it too.

Be the grown up here and throw him out on his... ear. Leave him. Tell him he can be with whoever the heck he wants, whenever he wants, you're finding a real man who doesn't need to play these games. He doesn't respect you and never will until you dump him. For good, not just a "gonna scare him" dump, a permanent one.

Your completley right, its just hard, I think I'm keeping him around for the wrong reasons, for him to pay half the 600 rent and bills and that he has a car and can drive us ( me ) where we need to go, an plus I do love him and I would miss him

You know what to - time to dump him forever.

Nothing more clearer to me.

It's for oyu to find happiness - not hang out with a complete jerk.

I am sure you will miss the lying and cheating. Deal breakers for life.

Hun when you can't trust someone you are with then yes the relationship is already over.. why not try finding someone who you can trust and believe in?

You don't need to put up with it. You are a very attractive young lady who could find a man that would never feel the need to look elsewhere. He only keeps doing this because he knows that eventually you will crumble and accept him back. Stay strong, you won't have a hard time.

See - he has you - game over.

That's why I would never advise younger people to live together first. Have separate housing - keeps some of the mystery up.

There are some things that are worth giving up for the sake of your dignity. If it means you get a smaller, less expensive place and take the bus for a while, that is nothing in comparison to having a stress free life back. Respect yourself, always, always. You would never tell your daughter (if you had one) to allow that kind of behavior or to stay with someone because he has a car. Your relationship is not in tact anymore, he made sure of that. Don't let him weasel his way into staying by promising you the moon and the stars. He can't deliver, don't be foolish enough to think he can. I know you said it's hard, and I'm sure to a certain extent it is, but it's not impossible.

How difficult is it to walk away from chaos, disrespect and deceit? Choose to walk away from the drama, you don't need it.

I'm beginning to think guys are not to be trusted.. are there any guys out there that won't cheat on u given the chance? Or lie to you I seem to attract the ones that arnt faithful and its quite depressing. Your all right I need to leave him, I just need to think of how to go about it...

Wildcat what does that mean.. when u said " see- he has you - game over"

Just this particular guy. There are great guys out there. Just go SLOW and get to know him first. Do not rush things. Do not live together until you REALLY know and trust him.

This guy seems like a louse for a long time - it's probably all you know right now.

"he has you - game over"

You guys live together - you have surrender completely to him... no more challenge... no more mystery... he knows he has you.

I have a feeling you are a big time giver - too much giving and people will take advantage of you.

Now get this guy out of your life today and get busy having.g a fun life

I must admit I do more for him than he does for me ,I tell him he's the one that's made me this way , paranoid, snoopy distrusting and I ask him about answers to how I can get over it or feel better and he just says he doesint know and doesint know what to say then gets mad at me and storms out and I havint talked to him since today

Look I want to be honest with you but it doesn't seem to do anything for you. You are a beautiful girl but you are with this guy for all the wrong reasons. You will never know if there are good guys out there because you are afraid(or have to make excuses to say there is no way to find happiness outside of this guy.

Either you take this advice and do something about it or let this guy use you until he ends up leaving you for someone else. He cheats, he lies, and doesn't offer you anything besides a car and 300 dollars a month. Do you honestly love this guy? You may love certain aspects of him and the convenience of a relationship but I think you will be hard pressed to love a guy that treats you like crap. He doesn't respect you. He can do whatever he wants and even if he was doing or being good in your mind you think he isn't because he did it before.

Guys like him don't change. If he truly loved and cared about you he would respect you enough to not treat you like this. Words are meaningless when he follows it up with these actions. You can do much better and a man doesn't make you happy or make your life. He is only a SMALL SMALL PART. Figure out a way to have fun outside of him. Wait let me correct that figure out a way to have fun WITHOUT him altogether. You don't need a car and 300 dollars for that to happen.

OK then, how should I go about dumping him

This is such an unhealthy unloving relationship. It sounds like a business arrangement between a nagging mother and her really bad kid. You will be miserable and resentful until you boot his lying, cheating butt out of your life.


ok then, how should i go about dumping him

Tell him to pack his stuff and hit the bricks and don't come back and if he gives you any crap throw his stuff out the front door.

Easier said than donen, any ideas why he's doing this to me in the first place ?

He is a low down lying cheating SOB. And this is what they do. In the future you will have to make better choices.

Hi Terri, I don't have anything to add to what others have said, but I can relate to your struggle. Just want to wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you will find the strength to rid your life of him and find yourself someone who truly loves you. It is plain to me that he does not. Get him out and get some hobbies, meet new people, make a better life.

Hi Terrie ( I assume that's your name)
I find it interesting that so many people with problems (and who doesn't have 'em) also seem to know solutions to them. You initially began by asking for advice, while at the very same time you knew exactly what you have to do, and that is to get out of this (so-called) relationship PRONTO! But that's OK, we all often after Q's to which we have A's, we just need moral support, and I think you have been given plenty of it. We are all saying the same thing to you, in many different ways, and that's to dump him in the nearest dumpster, lol.
You say you love him... I say you do not. I say you are USED to him, and I say u USE him in the way that you already admitted, to pay half of everything. However, if you ask me, you are paying a very heavy price for it. What he has is a cheap-ish place to stay, someone who does all the household things for him that you do (I assume he doesn't ever help out) and he still does as he pleases. He is completely irresponsible and immature and ill-prepared for life within a partnership. You on the other hand are an intelligent and attractive young lady who would/will have as much trouble finding a real man as it is to boil water. What you need is more self-esteem, self-respect. You said that your self-esteem is low, but it is so only because you let it be so. You allow him to use u. why? WHAT do you get out of it?? Nothing at all. Surely you do not wish to spend your entire life with a pathological liar!!
I assume you will not be able to afford to live on your own once you kick him out, FOR GOOD.
Would it not be better to go back home to your parents?
Or, why not look for a girl to share with? You two could have a lot of fun, go out together, etc. and when you meet someone else, you'll wonder why you wasted 2 years on a fool who didn't realise what a wonderful person he had by his side.
So, pull yourself together, realise that the relationship (if you can call it that) MUST end, and get on with the rest of your life. It might be difficult, but why should it be easy?? Nothing worthwhile is EVER easy, and getting rid of this guy is WELL worth it.
Go on, do yourself a favour, and follow up on your own solution to your own Q and dump him, you'll fell all the better for it, a new woman.

Tell him to move out your done.

This guy really doesn't care about you. He takes you for granted.


BUT, I know women like you... they for some reason need this drama - actually want the hurt... I know a women who was in a non-loving marrigae for 15 years - a man she never loved, not her life partner - yet she stayed and had two more kids. A waste of 15 years with the wrong, abusive person.

She finally divorced him - and her life took off.

Exscuse me, women like me? I am not that kind of women thank you very much, I hate the drama and I hate the lies and him taking me for gr anted, what Im scared of and what makes me hold on is the fact that I can't afford living here on my own and I must find a roommate and get a car and get more finacialy stable and I shouldn't have to explain all this to you in for first place, If your not here to offer support to my situation than bugger off, that's all I need right now is to be put down.

Calm yourself Terrie. I'm sure Wild didn't mean to offend. He just lacks tact. Your plan to find a roommate is excellent, and a car will give u independence. This transitional period will be hard, but when it's over you'll feel very much better about yourself, and u will have learned a lot, a lot of it about yourself, and that is always good. Good luck, and stay strong, don't give in, make a plan and STICK 2 IT!

Yes I know what I need to do and I already have a plan I just need to put it in action thanks dude :)

You're welcome :) best wishes! AND TAKE NOOOO PRISONERS!. silly saying really :O/

You sud seriously stop this relationship. He is not worth it, if he cheated and lied to you, how can you trust what he says. The longer you are with him the more it will hurt you inside and make you crazy. If you don't do anything about this he will take advantage of you.

Try doing some of the same things he's doing to you. You sign yourself up on dating sites and intimate sights and lie and cheat oh him. Then leave his sorry .

If you ever have to wonder what your boyfriend is doing then you obviously do not trust him and I will tell you now one of the most important things in a relationship is trust. If there is no trust there can be no real love, the only love you will feel will be those pains in the middle of your chest which you may say to yourself of I just want and love him so much!! This is not true that is what I thought with my ex who was always out cheating but then when we broke up and I met someone else I realised what trust was I could let het=r go out and she made me feel safe and secure she told me and taught me to trust her and I did it was a great relationship and I never new what trust was. When you can trust the poerson your with you will know it is love...

Your young go out and find someone who respects you. It will not get any better. Down the road 10 years you will ask yourself why you were with him at all. It's a mans world
(or they think)and many do not think we deserve respect. Respect yourself and make a point, move on. You deserve better. Maybe that will wake him up. Good Luck!

Well here goes, I've been with my boyfriend for two yrs, and the sex has dwindled down quite a bit, he will initiate sex maybe once a month, I try to initiate it a few times a week, and when I do most of the time he turns me down, and he never has a reason, sometimes he says he's tired and that's fine, but you can't use that for every time, I've told him it makes me fee undesired and ugly and hurts my feelings and embarasses me every time he does it.. I feel rejected by my own boyfriend, I've literally tried getitng on top of him and doing whatever I can to get him to have sex with me and he just doesint do anything except moan for me to get off him, I'm not ugly and I can't see why he just never wants too, sometimes he will come home like lately and say he wants sex then we have dinner and watc TV then when I suggest we go to bed in a seductive voice , he just tried to cuddle me and thinks that's good enough and forgets that he's says he's wanted to have sex earlier and I try hinting to him and it does nothing.. I'm getting so sick of trying to have sex with me boyfriend and always getitng shot down, il admit I have a higher sex drive than him, but he used too too, its not that he's that tired or stressed cause I know he isint, he's got a good job he is happy most of the time, I've asked him if he's getting it else where and he swears he's not, I'm just so sick of it, its starting to make me angry I mean what can you do lol it is getting to the point of dissapointing me regularly and I don't know what to do anymore somebody please help me I'm losing my mind. Like is this my fault or his ? I tell him he has a problem and he says he will work on it and this is twice now I've initiated sex and nothing.. I don't know what else to do . Thank you:confused:

OK my dear
I think he need more from u like dance inky baladi front of him or seating without[F] clothes .he needs admire from u
atmorsh

it isn't about you, I'm afraid. Well, no wait... that's the good news. If your avatar is you, you are absolutely attractive. Your actions toward him are clearly seductive. What straight man doesn't get turned on by a woman's desire? Your desire to have sex is not unreasonable. You don't say that you are after him 5 times a day, after all. And you have tried talking to him about it and communicating your needs.

lets see... attractive, seductive, reasonable, and open communication about your desires.

well... if that doesn't get him off the couch, I don't know what will...

so lets run through some problems.

first... there's the monotony thing. I think guys, including me, are just wired differently than most women. We are largely "programmed" to seek out many partners. Doesn't mean we do, or should. Doesn't mean a guy should get a pass at being a skank. But in talking to women, I've had women tell me if they see an attractive guy they might get aroused a little, but most of the time it isn't the same as the primal, raging crap that runs through a guys head.

what does this mean? Well... even in the best relationships with the most beautiful woman, a guy can get distracted in time... or a guy can take what he has for granted. It's the "been there, done her" mentality. I know. That sounds absolutely awful. As a happily married guy who, I think, is pretty reasonable and rational about life in general, I apologize for me and my kind.

in my relationship, which I think is solid and going to last the ages, I've been lazy at times. Distracted. I know what my partner likes, does, feels like, tastes like, etc. so its just not as new. She's every damn bit as attractive. So I'm the one that broken in this aspect. What it means is I need to remind myself how damn lucky I am for a beautiful woman to still put up with my shyte.

so option one is that he's just gotten lazy and its from the "not new anymore" syndrome. Hard to fix this if he's not willing to remind himself how lucky he is to have you.

next, well... it could be a performance issue or a legit sex drive issue... he might find you as attractive as ever but just not have the drive. I understand he seems disengaged. When you are lucky enough to actually get him in bed how does he perform? Longevity an issue?

do you take a long time to climax, as in does he have to hold back a long time? If so, he might suppress the urge so long that he can't get there. Do you ever let it be all about him first? Or do oral? In other words, can you get him to orgasm, and if so when. Again... he might not be vocal about what he wants. I know if I didn't have to care for my partners needs the things id like during sex would be different than when I'm trying to get her along too.

um... long post, I know... I don't know. All I can say is even if you aren't on the same page exactly, you guys need to be on the same PLANET sexually. Sometimes my drive is more than my partners, sometimes hers is more than mine. Sometimes we misread each other. Sometimes we have had tiffs about sex, or the lack of, or miscommunication about. But for the most part, I think I'm pretty much on the same path as my partner.

there is no shame in questioning your relationship if the sexual compatibility isn't there. You have a long, long sexual life in front of you, and intimacy is a part of emotional well being. I know of a 20 year marriage about to end because the guy was never quite on the same page and it only drifted further and further apart. Now his wife is tired of being a maid and a roommate. She gets no real emotional intimacy. Sure, he says he loves her. That's about all she gets.

so... I haven't solved anything. And probably just told you some things you already know or suspect.

cheating is a possibility. Does he get himself off (like you'd know if he really was trying to hide it)? Porn a big thing for him?

hell... when he did seem to like sex, what did he like? Did he favor on top or you driving it? Did he initiate? What about time of day? Night? That was one thing my partner and I didn't realize. When dating wed always fool around at night. Married and into a different routine, she's a morning person and I'm a night person. I initiate at night more, shell wake me up at 4AM. We compromised... which means I get sex at 4AM. =) but time of day does affect my drive some.

out of breath. Hope this made some sense. Some things to think about at least.

uh... just read some of your other posts about this loser boyfriend.

ill make this one short.

you don't want to hurt and you don't want to be lonely. You might have to hurt a little and be lonely a little. This guy is absolutely no good for you.

the gift of your life is too short and too precious to waste on a person who doesn't value it enough.

short term pain will be outweighed by a long term gain. He is only dragging you down. Don't spent another year of your life on a man who is using you for the moment.

short answer: the relationship is over. You are prolonging it and he is glad to go along for the ride. You deserve better, but you only get the respect you demand.

demand more.

First of all allow me to say you are every man's fantasy... a sex stronger drive than your boyfriend! Second, have you openly asked him about it? Not by asking if he found it elsewhere, but by asking him outright why he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore? If he isn't able to communicate with you, the relationship is over. Problems can't be fixed if they can't be brought to light.

Hi~

I sent you an email privately regarding your question... I am new to this site, so if it does not work, please let me know, as I saved a copy in a file.
Your situation exactly mirrors mine, and your post really hit home.
I am debating whether to just call it quits, or keep waiting things out and remaning unhappy. All I know is I love him so deeply, and I often wish I didn't, so I could just move on (I have tried a couple times to no avail, I always end up back with him)
I have passed up so many wonderful men in the process, and my theory that "life is short" is really beginning to take hold on me. So far, trying to date others, on the occasions we have briefly broken up, only last a month at most and then I miss HIM so terribly, I return back to our relationship, it will be good for a few days to a week, and then I fall back into his routine, and stay for a few months... this has gone on for over 2 yrs. (It is like he begins to take me for granted, which is something I have ALWAYS been very careful NOT to do with people)
I am still looking on this site for some input, and fear I may have to come to the conclusion it may never get better, and I may just have to either put up with it, or leave.
His latest excuses for ZERO affection or intimacy whatsover are "I have a lot going on right now, and that is the furthest thing from my mind, so if you want someone who will give you sex more than once every couple weeks, you are not ever going to get it from me, I have never been like that" (which is not true because in the beginning, we would have sex sometimes 2-3 times per day, even during the day if I showed up to his job site <he is a general contractor>, he always had a very high sex drive) AND he says "Normal couples don't have sex all the time" (I have been married twice as well as had relationships and NEVER once had ANY "Disfunction" between us in the sexual department, in past relationships... we had sex more than ONCE per week or two? EVEN BEFORE I reached my 30's and hit my "Sexual prime" so they say, I wasn't all that interested in sex in my 20's, BUT still had it more than once per week?? )
He has taken a bar *&^$% home in recent months (Oct. '06), on the first night of meeting her (which he informs ME "You and I were broken up"... HELLLOOO?? I don't run right out and jump into the sack with a person I JUST met in a BAR? GROSS!! )... and she is an ugly one who puts out for anyone (She is known as being a bar &*&%$ in our area, and he had JUST met her, they both got drunk, and the rest was history) but yet he cannot even be intimate with the woman he supposedly LOVES for over 2 yrs??
It is not even about the sexual act, it is about the compassion, affection (he has none... a kiss on the lips every other day like my grandma would give me), snuggling, feeling close to someone, I long for it. This is like living with my brother... and I too, do not know what to do but cry.
And yes, he also looks at porn occasionally (after "Cutting me off for several days", he has the interest to look at porn? ) and it is always "things" that are far different from what I am... what I mean is he does not look at beautiful, hot looking women, etc. He looks at people very different from what I am (I am petite, large breasted.. which he DOES LOVE, attractive, intelligent)... so I just do not understand what the problem is... I have asked him "do you just not find yourself attracted to me anymore?" Considering that perhaps, although I am attractive, perhaps the novelty has worn off, and he is desensitized to what we have, since it is familiar now. But he says "No, I just have a lot on my mind" (he does have some legal issues he is contending with currently, but PRIOR to all of that, this was STILL an issue beteeen us.)
I don't want to be unfaithful to him, but I am not sure how long I can have this emotional rejection hurting me constantly... and what scares me is until I am OVER how I feel towards him (Or rather, I should say IF I EVER get over him), I find myself unable to engage in any sort of relationship with another man :( I have tried on the occasions we have been "Broken up"... no one captures my heart the way he does.
I am trying to see all of this in an objective light as to what the REAL problem is, but it is so hard when I am in the middle of it. I only remember ONCE in the past several months that HE has initiated sex when we have had it (Ironically after spending a night in jail for a traffic offense). And I remember it because I was shocked HE actually initiated it! And it was one of the best encounters we had in a long time, probably because of that.
My guy friends have even suggested "Maybe he is gay?" LOL which would not be likely... he is very masculine, a stubborn Norwegian, and 51 this month, not that those are all anti-gay reasons, but I just find it highly unlikely this is a possibility!
I do have a lot of wonderful friends who try to be there for me, and have asked (secretly/quietly) some of my men friends if this is all normal, and every one of them have told me they are shocked he could lay anywhere close to me and not want to touch me?! Don't most men find a woman appealing sexually? He is a very selfish person, and controlling, has a temper, so not sure if this plays a part.
Another interesting point... when he is in the shower, I will sit and talk to him and love looking at him (this is about LOVE, not that he is so good to look at, my friends all think he is not, but I am in LOVE with him, so to ME he is appealing) when he is out of the shower, I always look at him, he usually hops in bed with his underwear and sometimes even a shirt (? ) so seeing him naked is refreshing for me. On the other hand, HE never comes and talks to me when I am in the bath (won't ever take one with me, either, although he USED to occasionally)... he rarely, if ever, looks at me when I in naked out of the bath, or in bed naked, or wearing my silky babydoll nighties, etc. Isn't this weird? Or is this normal?
I ask him in bed sometimes to sleep with nothing on (if nothing else, just so we can snuggle, skin on skin) and he rarely will, saying "I like sleeping with my underwear on"... yet on a few occasions when I have come home after he is in bed, he is sleeping NAKED? And clearly not waiting for me, because we STILL don't have intimacy.
Okay, this is long enough, please if someone has any objective opinions about what the trouble is, I would love to hear them... This hurts deeply, I wish things could just be normal :(

1.) your picture is attractive.. I'd have sex with you IF I were single haha...

2.) Your man might be playing ball for the other team! I think any man that turns down a young, attractive, and sexually aroused woman in a relationship is totally crazy... This guy needs to be given the boot!

Dear RDC girl... I may not be right a about this but from what your telling me it seems to me that your man might be having problems with his own intimacy, you say he's in his 50 right? Well a lot of guys have erectile problems as they get older.. viagra.. could help, maybe he has tried getting off himself and just can't seem to get it up? And is too embarrassed to tell you his problem or try and fix it a lot of guys are like that they just can't talk about such an embarrassing thing, he's most likely scared of his proformance in bed and that solves the taking home the bar slut thing.. he would be embarrassed if he couldn't get it up in front of you right cause of your history and he wouldn't be afraid of it around someone he doesint know.. get what I'm trying to say? My boyfriend recently idmited to me after I kept asking him over and over what the friggin problem was and he said he was embarrassed about his proformance that he can't last very long enough to get me off.. I said that was a stupid reason and he flipped out and smashed stuff and cried uncontrolably.. I guess he was teling the truth! I have to idmit he doesint have a large penis its more on the small side and its true he hasint gotten me off while having sex in way over a year and I always kind of wonderd if that botherd him.. I guess it does! So that was my answer to why he never initiates it. He says its getting boring and we do the same ol stuff and I always go first( at least he gives good oral) and he's sick of it and that he can't last long enough.. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship with your man, but maybe try asking him about his ability to get aroused a lot of men that age lose their testosterone and their leveles dip very low and there are pills for that I know my dad takes them.. the boost your testosterone levels I think maybe that would be your answer.. talk to him about it and see if he's willing to go to the doc and get some or your local pharmacy I'm sure that will make things better, as for the intimacy and cuddling tell him straight out.. im a woman with needs damnit! And I want to be cuddled and held and kissed or I'm moving on else where cause I deserve better than this.. if he can't hack that then leave him. Hope this helps !

You know there is a strong possibility you just aren't compatible enough if he has no medical problems. Its not a black and white thing. There are lots of shades of grey here. Its hard for us to judge this very well. Its something you need to be objective and do. A well matched mate not only is compatible out of bed but in bed... or willing to do what it takes for their significant other to be happy. My wife entertains what I want when I want it. (within reason) and I also do the same for her. However either of us may take the initiative based on who is horniest at that moment. If he's having problems he would see a doctor about them if he really cared about your needs. Now if he had physical limitations that can't be addressed then that changes things.

Don't initiate anything with him... The next time he initiates it with you turn him down! Perhaps he will quickly see how it feels to be rejected...

Ok, I'm a guy. And I feel horrible when I read these kinds of questions & posts... we aren't All like these guys who treat their ladies this way. I'm certainly not like this and could never imagine treating a woman like this.
David

Well for me it has now been 4 weeks and nothing! This is a joke. I am starting to not even find him appealing anymore at all and decided he is just not worth passing up a lot of nice men for. It has been one excuse after the next. I am getting past the hurt feelings (My guys friends all tell me "Geez, if you were MY girlfriend I wouldnt be able to keep my hands off of you!")
2 years ago he said to me "Damn I have my own little playboy bunny"... BUT not a nice comment since (and I have not changed in appearance)
So, life is short, I am moving on.
Funny, when we got together long ago, he told me he had been single for a long time and that he had not had sex in 2 yrs. I found that doubtful (YEAH RIGHT!! ) since he was a guy and all... but now I am beginning to believe him (only he has NOT been single, but with me), but I guess he has some sort of issue he is not willing to be honest about. Perhaps he has hidden desires or fantasies he is too inhibited to share (even though I am VERY open minded, which he KNOWS, and might even partake if that were the problem)... who knows?
Take care Everyone :o)

Oh and one last realization that helped me reach this point... In retrospect, reflecting on the lack of affection he has always shown me... I realized in over 2 years of being with him, he has NEVER ONE TIME Kissed me any different than say, my grandmother would!! Even in the heat of the moment. Closed mouth quick kiss. VERY STRANGE. And almost ALWAYS Initiated by me. Oh Well, they say the best revenge is HAPPINESS :o)

It's good to hear an update, even though the outcome is rather sad. It seems you've made the best decision, considering all the information you've shared. Moving on is never easy.
I wish you all the best of luck... you're bright, thoughtful, and so much more. Someone will be so very lucky to meet you.
David

I need some advice and quick, my boyfriend of two years left me yesterday because he couldn't get our rent money because he wasint trying and didn't work enough hours, he was being very lazy and we had to get an extension on our rent of 600 and I had mine but he didn't have his.. yesterday I got upset with him and told him that I thought he was lazy and irresponsible and he went for a walk and came back with his sister and they moved his things out and he said he was moving out , and there was nothing I could do, now I'm short 300 dollors , a boyfriend and I'm alone with no roommate, I'm freaking out and I don't know what to do my family won't help me and no one I've told offerd to help me, I know this is my problem but I don't know what to do anymore, I'm hurt because he's gone for good now and he's not coming back and he's left me with no rent money and unpaid bills in his name which are over due.. help guys. :(

If his name in on the lease he will probably have to pay his share and you shouldn't have to. As for bills in his name, they are his problem not yours. Change the bills to your name and leave the companies to find him. To be honest if my partner called me lazy and irresponsible I would probably walk out too, even if it were true! But his bills are his bills so he will have to pay them, Talk to your landlord, and read your lease very crafeully to see what it says about who is responsible for what.

Quote from Squiffy To be honest if my partner called me lazy and irresponsible I would probably walk out too, even if it were true!


Why would you walk out because they said something true? I'm confussed. I mean sure, we don't like to hear bad things about ourselves, but when your lazy and not paying your part you deserve to get confronted. Life shouldn't haded to anyone on a silver platter. He deserved what he got, and you did have a right to call him what you did. Truth hurts. Too bad he's not man enough to take it. It sucks that you have to be in the situation your in. Try to get a small loan, put an ad in the newspaper wanting a room-mate, get rid of un-needed bills, change needed ones into your name and look up companies that help people with money. Welfare helps people as well. So there are options, you just have to help yourself.

Oh, by the way, if he comes back don't take him back. He's an ars-hole and you don't need a lazy bum like him. He's probably a bad lover too, so get yourself a REAL man who will love you and take care of you as well as himself. Good luck.

Make sure you call all of his bill senders and tell them the situation. You can let them know were he lives and subsides. Make sure you do this today. Do not delay. Also right down all the expenses that he owes you and make sure you have a clear outlay of all his bills, rent, etc. You can then go to small claims court without an attorney and get a public defender. Do this immediately. Do not delay. Once he receives a notice from the court he will his pants. You have to do this. Make sure if you have a checking account, highlight and prove all of his spendings and what he owes you. You lived together so that makes him responsible for his actions. Do not delay. Make sure anything with your name on it is only in your name. Go to the place were you reside and talk to them see, if you can get an extentsion for at least you tried. Also if you can't put up fliers and stuff everywere you can to see if you can get a roommate. This will help you out finanically. Forget about him. Move on if he loves you then he will help you out.
Damien

First Of All, No Matter What He Says, Leave Him. Then, Before Finding Someone Else To Be With, Work On Yourself Esteem (a Good Booster Is To Go Out To The Mall And Get A Free Make-over At One Of The Maek-up Counters, Or Join A Local Support Group For Girls With Low Self Esteem. You Could Also Go To A Local Book Store A Purchase Some Self-help Books About How To Rebuild Yourself After A Bad Relationship. Then Start Dating Again, And Use Good Judgement When Selecting The Guys You Date. Do Not Get Emotioanlly Attached (no Sex) Until You're Sure He's A Good Catch. If You're Not Sure What Your Type Is, Write The Things That You Like In A Guy, And The Things You Don't Like (the Things Your Ex Has Done To You). Then If You Meet A Guy That Has Characteristics From Your Bad List, Cut Off All Communication With Him And Move On... say To Yourself: Next! Do This Until You Find Someone Who Treats You With Love And Respect.

Leave His Sorry .
=]

Hi terripie84,

This sounds very familiar to my problem, but.. I am the guy who is cheating. In a similar way to yours.
But your problem seems a bit bigger and more developed than mine.

Long talk short: Leave him

He lost his respect for you. In the moment you are started to accept his behavier (U did, because you didn't react hard enough, which had been probably leaving him :)

I don't think there is any hope for you two...

Why wouldn't he do it, he's been doing it since you met him and before. If you have a chance be grow up quick do it and then walk away from this sinking ship before you go under.

My husband does the same thing he lies to me all the time and cheated on me with numerous women I am pregnant and went into the hospital last week for my heart dehydration and malnutrition and he cheated on me when I was in there as well. He promises he will stop and I gave him a few chances after getting the truth out of him and not even 24 hrs later he lied and cheated on me again. He says he loves me and he is a great husband in every other way but he doesn't put me first. I am giving him a few more chances because I'm pregnant and have a high risk pregnancy and can't do this without him and also I do believe deep down people can change but if he doesn't by the time I give birth I am out the door so my suggestion is put a time limit on everything