My faters ex spouse filed in New Mexico a complaint for declaritory judgement against me invoving my dad bank acct I foud one of the publishing in the paper How can she not contact me personally and how do I know how to respond?

You may want to consult a lawyer and they can tell you what it actually says. Without reading the wording it is hard to say what they are asking for. If this is part of discovery or if its part of a charge being levied against you.

There also should be some kind of time limit listed for you to respond. You can get an extension if needed but you have to apply for it.

... I foud one of the publishing in the paper How can she not contact me personally...

Because, evidently, she was able to persuade the court that she didn't know how to serve you with notice any other way, than by publication.