I was a terrible mother, always mad and always yelling. I was angry at the world. My son was so loving, then after a bad facelift I became angry and hated myself. I did not believe I could be loved by anyone. My son brought me breakfast in bed once and I criticized it, and yelled at him don't act like you are worried about cause you are not. He never showed affection again. My yelling continued for years. My daughter was always ashamed of me even before surgery. She never introduce me to her friends and boyfriends. I used to think what goes around comes around.

I was embarrassed of my grandma who raised us. My son on the other hand always did. In any case both hated me, then each other. They became mean to each other and my son became meaner and verbally abusive, even when he knew my daughter had months to live. He yelled at her and told her I never want to hear your *******ing voice again. He told me that also a month ago. We are no longer speaking. I feel he is heartless. I don't want that abuse anymore. My daughter asked us both for forgiveness. We both cold heartedly did not hug or console her. I because I was so used to being rejected, him probably the same. I take the blame.

Now my daughter is gone and I did not know how to show her love, except to hold her hand and sleep with her. When she was bad she was very bad but when she was good she was very loving. Her love was so pure like a baby's. I miss her and I can't forgive my son for being so mean to her as she was dying.

Now, you need to try to develop some kind of relationship with your son. Why don't you get into grief counseling? It will help you, and then hopefully you can find some peace.

He only know what you taught him, hate and anger. Forgive him, and teach him love and caring. Or maybe learn it yourself first.

You should love him..