My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 2 months. He broke up with me 2 months ago saying he was unhappy and the fights really bothered him. I didn't see this coming at all and it struck me so bad that I almost tried to kill myself. Sadly, I had to use that to get him to come see me. Regarding relationships, I get very deeply involved and my emotions are all over the place. We got back together, took a break for him to think on it.. he thought about it and said he wanted to stay (at this point I had started to drift away). Also said that he broke up under stress of his family member's illness.
After we got back together, I just haven't felt the same and I've mentioned it him a couple of times. He avoids sex at times, I don't feel the excitement and also to be honest, it seems boring at times. But at the same time, I love hanging out with him.. because I feel safe and warm.
2 days ago, I was at my best friend's house completely wasted on alcohol and weed and her brother kept giving me these looks and I liked him too to be honest, he was good looking and nice to me. I was so badly attracted that we made out, almost had sex.. but I stopped. The next morning of course, I felt like.. I never thought I would be the one to cheat as I was badly cheated on by my first ever boyfriend. I love my boyfriend way too much to hurt him.. but also I cannot stop thinking about that night.. it was different.. and something I haven't felt in a long time. I keep asking myself this question.. why does it have to be so complicated?
I am not ready to depart from my boyfriend again.. I'm too attached to him.. but also.. is it fair to keep it hidden? It's just something I cannot forgive myself about.

The first smart thing to do would be to quit the alcohol and the weed.

Making out with any stranger will be exciting and new and intriguing. Are you always going to look for new thrills, or be wiling to work on what is safe and reliable?

You used the "kill myself" thing and he's together with you now probably because he couldn't stand the guilt trip he was getting. Imagine how that is for someone... if they try to live their own life, they have someone who is trying to kill themselves over it and it's something that they have to try to deal with.

Honestly, he probably isn't happy with you. He may even resent you a little bit. It also doesn't sound like you're happy with him. It seems more like you just want him because you had him and you've known him for such a long time. Yet you cheated on him. Yeah, I consider what you did cheating even though you didn't have sex. I also don't consider alcohol or drugs as an excuse that makes it OK. If you did it, it was something you were wanting to do.

So why not break it off with him and both go your own way? Let him live his life without having the guilt of you trying suicide hanging over his head and you can live your life and see where you go.

The first smart thing to do would be to quit the alcohol and the weed.

Making out with any stranger will be exciting and new and intriguing. Are you always going to look for new thrills, or be wiling to work on what is safe and reliable?

I'm 23. I've only lived in Toronto for about 2 years now.. and only been partying from about half a year. He experienced his partying life when he was my age. He's 26 now and very organised with everything. Yes, I love thrills and no I am not sure if I am able to be committed for life right now. I might not even get into a relationship if this one ends. I'm just too attached to him and used to "our" lives together..

You used the "kill myself" thing and he's together with you now probably because he couldn't stand the guilt trip he was getting. Imagine how that is for someone....if they try to live their own life, they have someone who is trying to kill themselves over it and it's something that they have to try to deal with.

Honestly, he probably isn't happy with you. He may even resent you a little bit. It also doesn't sound like you're happy with him. It seems more like you just want him because you had him and you've known him for such a long time. Yet you cheated on him. Yeah, I consider what you did cheating even though you didn't have sex. I also don't consider alcohol or drugs as an excuse that makes it ok. If you did it, it was something you were wanting to do.

So why not break it off with him and both go your own way? Let him live his life without having the guilt of you trying suicide hanging over his head and you can live your life and see where you go.

The last time we fought.. it was bad. I wanted a break up at that point and he wanted it to work. He kept asking me to talk about it and eventually we did.

I'm 23. I've only lived in Toronto for about 2 years now.. and only been partying from about half a year. He experienced his partying life when he was my age.
Partying life?

Partying life?

Sorry, I can't seem to form sentences today. I meant his fun life, when he partied every week. I don't even do that, I only go out with friends once in a while.. my life wasn't the same before I moved here.