I know what everyone is going to say, "don't hide your feelings it's unhealthy" but I'm a loner, and I write and draw my emotions to help me feel better. But whenever someone asks what's wrong, everything I've worked out on my own comes crashing down and it's just a long walk down memory lane. I don't want to exploit all the reasons I'm feeling depressed.

Some people on this thread know I'm pregnant, but no its not mood swings, I've had these issues before I was pregnant. I just want to know how I can hide it, I don't want my fiancé knowing I'm sad because when I have to explain it to him everything gets worse and I end up really depressed. I have a history of self harm, but it's been over a year since the last time I did it.

But recently whenever he notices something's wrong I get really depressed reliving the whole issue and I think about self harm. I fight the urge and I know I'm strong enough, but this is something I have to work out on my own, I need to hide my depression from him in order to work it out myself.

Please don't say talking will help. It never has, I've only ever been able to help myself through things.

So far as I can tell, you haven't been doing a very good job of working through your depression. You said, "I don't want to exploit all the reasons I'm feeling depressed." That is the ONLY way to find healing, to explore (not exploit) your feelings and the reasons you have them.

It's time to get an unbiased person, a counselor, to help. Why are you knocking yourself out to avoid doing that?

So far as I can tell, you haven't been doing a very good job of working through your depression. You said, "I don't want to exploit all the reasons I'm feeling depressed." That is the ONLY way to find healing, to explore (not exploit) your feelings and the reasons you have them.

It's time to get an unbiased person, a counselor, to help. Why are you knocking yourself out to avoid doing that?

Because it never help talking to anyone. Even theraphists. I feel like I'm just sitting there talking to someone who thinks "she's just like every other patient, give her anti depresants" (wich by the way NEVER worked. I don't trust easily, when I'm on my own it's easier. When people butt in, it gets worse, and the more they talk the worse it gets, that would ussually be the time I resolved to selfharm. When I don't talk about it, it goes away, until some idiot feels the need to bring it up. Like "hey, do you you remember that time..." As if I accually wanted to be reminded.

Because it never help talking to anyone. Even theraphists. I feel like I'm just sitting there talking to someone who thinks "she's just like every other patient, give her anti depresants"
If that was what happened to you (did it?), then you are going to the wrong kind of counselor. Or is that what you imagine will happen?

You can hide from others, but you will never hide from baby daddy, your baby or from yourself. Your solution is to find one you trust and let them help you because none of us can deal with reality without some help sometime.

Your family needs you healthy, in mind, body, and soul for them to be healthy. You can no longer isolate yourself.

If that was what happened to you (did it?), then you are going to the wrong kind of counselor. Or is that what you imagine will happen?

Every therephist / councler said I'm "going through a phase, and I feel neglected" (because it was between the age of 8 - 14) and gave me anti depresants wich only made me feel worse. Since then I refused to see anyone about anything.

I'm aware I need to be healthy to give the best for my family, but no-one has EVER been of much help. I don't know if depresion can be passed down to future generations, but I know my mother had it bad, but we don't even show the same emotions or symptoms, so I don't think it's depression, it's just a whole lot of unresolved issues.