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axdwdrgc
Mar 12, 2013, 06:44 PM
13

Can I go back to a purer time
When everything was simple
Before my mind was so corrupt,
Can I go back to a purer time
When everything was simple
Before my mind was so corrupt,
Before all of my thoughts were consumed,
Before I looked in the mirror and cried
Or screamed
Or hated the refection I saw
I want to go back to the times when split,
Bleeding wrists were not a route to dissolve pain.
I want to bring back the past
A past where I wasn't ridiculed for my clothing and
Hollister didn't dictate lives
A past where jokes were humorous and not a weapon.
Before my thoughts withered
Before I lost my mind.
I can't take it
I've lost control and there's no escape.
No escape
I never thought that I,
As 13 years old,
Would get to this extreme state of internal trama.
It will not stop. It seemingly will not seise.
13 and insane, may I go back to the past?

Please don't be too harsh

teacherjenn4
Mar 12, 2013, 06:58 PM
Is this supposed to repeat in the beginning? I'm not sure that's necessary. Check your spelling on the word "seize." Otherwise, it's very good.

Alty
Mar 12, 2013, 11:20 PM
Is is seize or cease that you're going for in the line:

"It will not stop. It seemingly will not seise."

Also;

Trauma, not trama
Reflection, not refection,

Over all it's good writing, just a few spelling mistakes. :)

axdwdrgc
Mar 15, 2013, 02:39 PM
Is this supposed to repeat in the beginning? I'm not sure that's necessary. Check your spelling on the word "seize." Otherwise, it's very good.

It wasn't supposed to repeat the beginnin, I copied and pasted it and I guess the second time when I pasted it I didn't delete all of the first paste

teacherjenn4
Mar 15, 2013, 04:57 PM
It wasn't supposed to repeat the beginnin, I copied and pasted it and I guess the second time when I pasted it I didn't delete all of the first paste
Then, it's even better!