My 22 year old daughter lives at home and has a 2 year old. I know she has been drinking (a lot). The floor of her closet is lined with empty and partially empty 40 oz. beer cans and my other daughter said she saw a beer can in the cup holder of her car when she was picking up her child from daycare. I have seen her under the influence at home about 4pm a few times and questioned her. Her answer, at least I'm not driving. Ok but her child is with her.

Even without alcohol, she lets him get into things that are my husband or mine just so he won't cry. He breaks items and she doesn't care. She is working full time and hasn't missed work yet since starting this job 5 weeks ago, her longest job yet and says the beer relaxes her. After all she is a single parent and hasn't had a break she also says. Really?

My husband and I are 59 years old, still work FT, have a nice home and haved raised 3 daughters. Although she works I still pay for most of her expenses. I know we have enabled her in ways but this is it. I thought this job would turn things around. Instead she is acting more entitled. BTW, her work hours are Sat, Sun, Mon, and Tues from 9-7pm. Her son is in daycare Mon-Fri and home with me Sat and Sun. It's too much for me. She is never with him except to put to sleep. And she does nothing when she is home. I have no problem telling her to leave but what about my grandson?

She doesn't have friends, no idea where they would go. My heart is breaking. Please give me some insight. We are going to speak tonight. Knowing her, it will lead to nowhere. Next step CPS? This is destroying our family. Thank you

My heart is breaking too, for you and that grandson.

Would she agree to family counseling with you and her dad, say on a weekday or weekend evening?

I doubt it. We have tried before. She forever makes excuses. She and her dad can never have a conversation. It gets ugly. He has wanted her out for years but I always convince him she needs to stay. Had I done something sooner, maybe things would be different now. I live with so much guilt. I've offered to keep her son (legally of course) but she screams that no one will take him from her. It's okay that he calls me mom though? I actually have 4 grandsons but my other daughters are doing okay. They are always telling me I need to get tough. To be honest, I haven't told my husband of my recent finds. He loses control with yelling and everyone shuts down. My daughter thinks because she is an adult that there are no rules for her and that our house is her house. That mindset will be explained tonight. Did I mention that this talk tonight is between her and I? He and I must speak separately to lay down rules for the three of us to talk otherwise nothing will be accomplished. He gets worked up too easily. I will bring up counseling. I pray she is open to it. Thanks for responding. I could literally write a book on this journey with her since she was a small child

There are counselors or social workers who will come to your home too, so consider that as a possibility. That's how we find out what REALLY is going on!

Just me, I would lay out boundaries concerning her son's behavior, and stop enabling her by paying her personal expenses. She should be saving up for the future be it on her own or still with you.

What puzzles me is the lack of a father in her child's life either physically or financially. Some body ain't handling business, but the ray of hope, she works everyday for the last 5 weeks. With this one though firm patience for a while as you guide her to get on her feet. I would be upfront with that and give her a timetable to think about, then I would just watch.

LOL, you should have expected one out of 4 kids to be a handful, and I suspect she is the baby girl. I know she tries your patience, but for the next 90 days, be more patient, let her have a chance to put some time in on this new job, but be firm as you set boundaries you all can live with.

Without a first hand look I cannot address the beer issue so is it a problem that's hers, or YOURS? I don't know, but I was 22 at one time, and was no teetotaler, and yes we went from one friends house to another every weekend we could, kids and all. I won't judge, she has no friends, but I feel she needs time to screw her own head on straight. I would give her that time.

The last one is the hardest, especially if the first three were so good. Tell your husband to chill unless he is the bad cop to your good cop role. Please keep us posted. We all have our fingers crossed for you all.

You don't deserve treatment like this. I am 71 yrs old, use to drink a lot, haven't for 21 years now. She is giving excuses for drinking... a bad sign.
Social Services, or whatever it's called in your area, would be a good place to start talking with people about help. Your daughter is not likely to want to change or want help.
Maybe a Social Worker can give you some advice as to what to do. I would tell the daughter to leave in a heartbeat, but the grandson is going to suffer, staying with her.
I do hope something can be worked out. You have had enough through the years, and don't need this. Good luck.
PS;; I agree with stopping paying for her expenses, or paying for anything for her. It's called "enabling", and she will continue doing the same things as long as someone lets her.