Patislost
Mar 8, 2013, 05:27 PM
I sure hope that someone here can give me some sound advice about some issues that have cropped up in my life. I am so unsure how to deal with this, that it has caused me a lot of stress. The only thing keeping me going is my faith and the fact that I know that someone somewhere might be able to see this through glasses that are not tainted with anything in my life.
I am a happily married woman the last 5 years. I met my husband late in my life and am currently 43. I was a single parent of a son who I raised all of his life alone. I always thought myself to be a good mother, sometimes too good. Doing too much for my son because he was all I had. Knowing I would never have another child, I relished and gave him all he needed. (not what he wanted but what I could give I gave) including working hard to provide him with a good home and food.
At 16 years old, my son after 2 years of dating this young girl came home to tell me he was going to have a child. Although heart wrenching I knew it was part of Gods plan. I supported these two teens emotionally... Was there for them and helped to give them the support both financially and emotionally. I had a good job and tried the best to help them as much as I could. My grandson was born and it was the most amazing beautiful experience learning to be a grandmother. Still single at the time, I did all I could to build a loving relationship with the mother of my grandson. When My grandson was 6 months old, the little guy had seizures and had stopped breathing. I stood beside the young parents as they went through finding out what was going on. Not much was found, they diagnosed him as epileptic. (now outgrown) It was a horrid year or so after this, and eventually my son and his baby's mom split up.
Although my son was young, I encouraged him to be the best dad he could be. He gave the mom $100.00 per month and took his son every weekend from that point on. Mom went a bit haywire after this and started running around - drinking and doing things that I didn't agree with. I tried to see good in her though, and knew that she wasn't always this way. Although my son tried to get back into his sons mothers life, it was not going to happen and eventually she got pregnant with another guys child. At this time in her life, her mother decided to kick her daughter out shortly after the little girl was born. So we took them in, and in every sense of the word, I became grandma to this beautiful little girl. So here is my two year old grandson, his new sister and my sons ex living in our home.
Things happened, my son and my grandsons mom almost ended up back together but it didn't work out. The little girl became close to my son, and he loved her and supported her with clothing and even taking care of her as much as he could. (her father had no relationship with her). Eventually things happened, my son met another woman and wanted a relationship the ex lost it and threatened to take my grandson and not come back. She took off moving out, taking the kids and off she went. For over a month we didn't see the little guy. Knowing we really didn't have claim through blood to have any real right to the little girl we attempted to keep in touch. But young people are young, and sometimes not always the best at making rational decisions.
After many years alone my son 2 years ago met this woman who was 4 years older than him. She too had a son who was the same age as my grandson. I initially had no issues with her, she came across as a good girl (or pretended to be) then little by little I found out things I didn't like. But who was I to stand in the way of my son and who he wanted to be with. Just prior to my son meeting this woman, I had gotten hurt at work (I had been kicked in the head by a psych Patient, and ended up suffering from cluster headaches). I lost my mother to Cancer and was struggling with my 33% less salary due to short term disability and our WCB stating that because I waited too long to report my head issues after the kick (due to my worrying about my mom) they denied my claim. My work put me on short term!! But wow...
This woman had an ex who was a gangster involved in drugs/alcohol. Found out the woman had a mother in the hospital who was on a breathing tube after a drunk driving accident, and then found out that the woman had in the past a drug issue with marijuana. (I am a Drug/Alcohol Certified Counselor). I tried to let sleeping dogs lie and hope she was more than what I had heard. Not long after they met, my son tells me they are going to have a child. (WOW) After a year of the pain and suffering - the many visits to emergency to get shots of morphine - the hiding in my darkened room I am now in remission. I emerge and try to get to know this woman. I notice things like my son spends more energy trying to keep her happy rather than worrying about the kids. Hers and his!! They are put in front of a TV and handed a console game. My new husband tries to be supportive to them.
We move to a new home because I can't afford where I am. Lose my vehicle due to my illness and my husband can't work because his permanent residency isn't completed. LIFE IS hard, but I keep thinking it will work out. Then the woman says she had a miscarriage, more things happen like her going out a lot. My son tells us one day about a month after she claims she lost the first baby how she is pregnant again?? I know then something is fishy? But of course I try not to get involved. My son decides to move out and in with this woman not even a year after meeting her. My only child is leaving and despite how hard it is, I accept it and continue to try show my support to them. We still see my grandson every weekend, but I noticed my son son isn't as attentive to him. He feels the need to treat her son and his son as equals despite now living with her and her child full time.
The ex by this point is not impressed with how often her son is not picked up so we get to spend more time with the little guy almost every other weekend he is with us. Then my son is calling us asking my husband if he can pick him and his son up (midnight, two am, three am) she kicks him out. Repeatedly this happens, and I try so hard to not say anything. Until one day after about the fourth time the new woman has kicked him out, she calls at 1 am asking for my son. I tell her do you realize how late it is, that the boy is sleeping along with us. Her behavior was erratic and she insisted on speaking with him because he refuses to answer his cell. Finally after about the third call she states she is outside. I wake my son and explain that this is ridiculous and that he needs to ask her to come back and deal with this at a decent hour when people are not sleeping. He tells me I will talk to her and he heads out of the house and gets in the vehicle where I can see her son sitting up awake at that hour with them. She drives away...
I didn't know how to react what to think, here his son is upstairs asleep and he drives off with this woman. I try to call his cell, and it is at the house. So we wait... 5 am nothing, try calling her cell no answer. We didn't know what to think, what if all those stories I heard about her ex?? All kind of things went through my head. So finally about 6 am, I head up stairs and check on my grandson to see his phone sitting there. SO I open it thinking I might be able to find another number and there is a text there and it says "if you don't deal with this, I am going to abort this baby" And how she never wanted to have a child. I shut the phone but it hurt because then I knew how she was manipulating him. And despite the anger I felt toward this woman for becoming the terror in our lives now I could not help but feeling pain toward the text and my latest grandchild that was growing in her. At 7 am we are still up and my grandson comes down and asks where is my daddy?? What do I say, how do I react? I tell him he was with the woman. I spend the day awake hoping to find out what happened. Still phoning her phone, texting her to no avail. Finally at about 4 pm, she calls. Like it was all good and tells me, WE are coming to get the clothes for my son and to pick up my grandson. SO I blasted her, and told her that both of them were irresponsible to just up and leave and not say one thing. Leave his son like that, and then I made the mistake of saying I saw that text. OH GOD forbid but I turned into the evil mother in law. How dare you, you you this you that. For almost a year I had no relationship with her... I tried so hard to let the words go, I still had a relationship with my son. She had a boy, I tried so hard to be part of his life. But every time something happened Somehow it was our fault. She would throw that specific night in my face and state how I had breeched trust etc... etc... My son never has drank or used drugs, but she still wanted to go out once the little guy was born. I kept my mouth shut, but when the baby wasn't even 5 months old she decided that I could be part of their life again because she thought I might take on the responsibility of raising her son while she went off to work on the oil rigs with my son. I refused!! Well that started another war.
Recently she decided to start smoking pot again, and her son made mention that mom makes them go to their room when she smokes that stinky stuff. I brought it up with her or tried to, in a good way. Well heaven forbid what I did... she flipped and on New Years Eve she blew up my phone with over 100 texts that I finally changed my number. How she hated me, how I was an addict because of all the meds I had to take, how my son thought the same thing... it went on and on. Berating me, putting me down and got to the point that I could not even phone my son. I have not spoken to him since Christmas day, he told my niece he loves me, and is embarrassed that he is acting the way he is. But he wants his family! I live now 2 hours from them, so on top of that my new daughter in law refuses to allow me any access to my newest grandson claiming I am abusive and neglectful to him and her son. Only because my ex daughter in law still allows me access to my oldest grandson and my little gal who is still so much my grand daughter. But that is where it gets bad, I love these children more than hers. And I will never be allowed to see her kids because I don't care for them. The list goes on and on, and now she is attempting to get my ex daughter in law to stop letting me visit?? Which she is fighting because she knows it is important that my grandchildren are part of an extended family. My son does not say nothing, it is all the woman. Even with the ex it is her not him? I am so hurt, lost and confused by this. It is like I am fighting a war... I don't want to hurt my son, but I need my grandchildren in my life. But how when I have no way to contact him at all. HE isn't allowed a cell phone, and she won't let anyone except her answer her phone and no one answers the house phone. Been like this for a year! Now what do I do where do I go... It is so bad!
I am a happily married woman the last 5 years. I met my husband late in my life and am currently 43. I was a single parent of a son who I raised all of his life alone. I always thought myself to be a good mother, sometimes too good. Doing too much for my son because he was all I had. Knowing I would never have another child, I relished and gave him all he needed. (not what he wanted but what I could give I gave) including working hard to provide him with a good home and food.
At 16 years old, my son after 2 years of dating this young girl came home to tell me he was going to have a child. Although heart wrenching I knew it was part of Gods plan. I supported these two teens emotionally... Was there for them and helped to give them the support both financially and emotionally. I had a good job and tried the best to help them as much as I could. My grandson was born and it was the most amazing beautiful experience learning to be a grandmother. Still single at the time, I did all I could to build a loving relationship with the mother of my grandson. When My grandson was 6 months old, the little guy had seizures and had stopped breathing. I stood beside the young parents as they went through finding out what was going on. Not much was found, they diagnosed him as epileptic. (now outgrown) It was a horrid year or so after this, and eventually my son and his baby's mom split up.
Although my son was young, I encouraged him to be the best dad he could be. He gave the mom $100.00 per month and took his son every weekend from that point on. Mom went a bit haywire after this and started running around - drinking and doing things that I didn't agree with. I tried to see good in her though, and knew that she wasn't always this way. Although my son tried to get back into his sons mothers life, it was not going to happen and eventually she got pregnant with another guys child. At this time in her life, her mother decided to kick her daughter out shortly after the little girl was born. So we took them in, and in every sense of the word, I became grandma to this beautiful little girl. So here is my two year old grandson, his new sister and my sons ex living in our home.
Things happened, my son and my grandsons mom almost ended up back together but it didn't work out. The little girl became close to my son, and he loved her and supported her with clothing and even taking care of her as much as he could. (her father had no relationship with her). Eventually things happened, my son met another woman and wanted a relationship the ex lost it and threatened to take my grandson and not come back. She took off moving out, taking the kids and off she went. For over a month we didn't see the little guy. Knowing we really didn't have claim through blood to have any real right to the little girl we attempted to keep in touch. But young people are young, and sometimes not always the best at making rational decisions.
After many years alone my son 2 years ago met this woman who was 4 years older than him. She too had a son who was the same age as my grandson. I initially had no issues with her, she came across as a good girl (or pretended to be) then little by little I found out things I didn't like. But who was I to stand in the way of my son and who he wanted to be with. Just prior to my son meeting this woman, I had gotten hurt at work (I had been kicked in the head by a psych Patient, and ended up suffering from cluster headaches). I lost my mother to Cancer and was struggling with my 33% less salary due to short term disability and our WCB stating that because I waited too long to report my head issues after the kick (due to my worrying about my mom) they denied my claim. My work put me on short term!! But wow...
This woman had an ex who was a gangster involved in drugs/alcohol. Found out the woman had a mother in the hospital who was on a breathing tube after a drunk driving accident, and then found out that the woman had in the past a drug issue with marijuana. (I am a Drug/Alcohol Certified Counselor). I tried to let sleeping dogs lie and hope she was more than what I had heard. Not long after they met, my son tells me they are going to have a child. (WOW) After a year of the pain and suffering - the many visits to emergency to get shots of morphine - the hiding in my darkened room I am now in remission. I emerge and try to get to know this woman. I notice things like my son spends more energy trying to keep her happy rather than worrying about the kids. Hers and his!! They are put in front of a TV and handed a console game. My new husband tries to be supportive to them.
We move to a new home because I can't afford where I am. Lose my vehicle due to my illness and my husband can't work because his permanent residency isn't completed. LIFE IS hard, but I keep thinking it will work out. Then the woman says she had a miscarriage, more things happen like her going out a lot. My son tells us one day about a month after she claims she lost the first baby how she is pregnant again?? I know then something is fishy? But of course I try not to get involved. My son decides to move out and in with this woman not even a year after meeting her. My only child is leaving and despite how hard it is, I accept it and continue to try show my support to them. We still see my grandson every weekend, but I noticed my son son isn't as attentive to him. He feels the need to treat her son and his son as equals despite now living with her and her child full time.
The ex by this point is not impressed with how often her son is not picked up so we get to spend more time with the little guy almost every other weekend he is with us. Then my son is calling us asking my husband if he can pick him and his son up (midnight, two am, three am) she kicks him out. Repeatedly this happens, and I try so hard to not say anything. Until one day after about the fourth time the new woman has kicked him out, she calls at 1 am asking for my son. I tell her do you realize how late it is, that the boy is sleeping along with us. Her behavior was erratic and she insisted on speaking with him because he refuses to answer his cell. Finally after about the third call she states she is outside. I wake my son and explain that this is ridiculous and that he needs to ask her to come back and deal with this at a decent hour when people are not sleeping. He tells me I will talk to her and he heads out of the house and gets in the vehicle where I can see her son sitting up awake at that hour with them. She drives away...
I didn't know how to react what to think, here his son is upstairs asleep and he drives off with this woman. I try to call his cell, and it is at the house. So we wait... 5 am nothing, try calling her cell no answer. We didn't know what to think, what if all those stories I heard about her ex?? All kind of things went through my head. So finally about 6 am, I head up stairs and check on my grandson to see his phone sitting there. SO I open it thinking I might be able to find another number and there is a text there and it says "if you don't deal with this, I am going to abort this baby" And how she never wanted to have a child. I shut the phone but it hurt because then I knew how she was manipulating him. And despite the anger I felt toward this woman for becoming the terror in our lives now I could not help but feeling pain toward the text and my latest grandchild that was growing in her. At 7 am we are still up and my grandson comes down and asks where is my daddy?? What do I say, how do I react? I tell him he was with the woman. I spend the day awake hoping to find out what happened. Still phoning her phone, texting her to no avail. Finally at about 4 pm, she calls. Like it was all good and tells me, WE are coming to get the clothes for my son and to pick up my grandson. SO I blasted her, and told her that both of them were irresponsible to just up and leave and not say one thing. Leave his son like that, and then I made the mistake of saying I saw that text. OH GOD forbid but I turned into the evil mother in law. How dare you, you you this you that. For almost a year I had no relationship with her... I tried so hard to let the words go, I still had a relationship with my son. She had a boy, I tried so hard to be part of his life. But every time something happened Somehow it was our fault. She would throw that specific night in my face and state how I had breeched trust etc... etc... My son never has drank or used drugs, but she still wanted to go out once the little guy was born. I kept my mouth shut, but when the baby wasn't even 5 months old she decided that I could be part of their life again because she thought I might take on the responsibility of raising her son while she went off to work on the oil rigs with my son. I refused!! Well that started another war.
Recently she decided to start smoking pot again, and her son made mention that mom makes them go to their room when she smokes that stinky stuff. I brought it up with her or tried to, in a good way. Well heaven forbid what I did... she flipped and on New Years Eve she blew up my phone with over 100 texts that I finally changed my number. How she hated me, how I was an addict because of all the meds I had to take, how my son thought the same thing... it went on and on. Berating me, putting me down and got to the point that I could not even phone my son. I have not spoken to him since Christmas day, he told my niece he loves me, and is embarrassed that he is acting the way he is. But he wants his family! I live now 2 hours from them, so on top of that my new daughter in law refuses to allow me any access to my newest grandson claiming I am abusive and neglectful to him and her son. Only because my ex daughter in law still allows me access to my oldest grandson and my little gal who is still so much my grand daughter. But that is where it gets bad, I love these children more than hers. And I will never be allowed to see her kids because I don't care for them. The list goes on and on, and now she is attempting to get my ex daughter in law to stop letting me visit?? Which she is fighting because she knows it is important that my grandchildren are part of an extended family. My son does not say nothing, it is all the woman. Even with the ex it is her not him? I am so hurt, lost and confused by this. It is like I am fighting a war... I don't want to hurt my son, but I need my grandchildren in my life. But how when I have no way to contact him at all. HE isn't allowed a cell phone, and she won't let anyone except her answer her phone and no one answers the house phone. Been like this for a year! Now what do I do where do I go... It is so bad!