Hey everyone,

Ok, so I am 20 and my boyfriend is 25, and we have been together for 4 years. Last fall I was put on an antibiotic which counteracted my birth control so now we have a baby boy on the way. We have had our problems, but we always seem to get through them, except for recently.

A few weeks ago we got into a huge fight and I got really angry and emotional and said I wasn't sure if I still wanted to be with him. Well he took that as he could do whatever I guess and started talking to this girl. This isn't the first time he has talked to other people, just the first time that I know of where it was sexual. A few days after our fight we were all good again, but he was still talking to her and I didn't know about it yet.

One day on the way home from a baby doctors appointment (which again he missed) I got a call from the police station. They were trying to get a hold of my boyfriend and I knew a lady that worked there so they called me. Apparently his car had broke down late the night before and was sitting on the side of the road the next town over. At the time I didn't think any thing about his car being where it was.

Then one night I saw a text on his phone from this girl, so I snooped because I was getting suspicious anyway. The texts were talking about him wanting to be with her and talking about sex toys, etc. I thought I was going to pass out I was so upset. He said it was the first conversation they had had and it was all a joke. I told him it was inappropriate even if it was a joke. Somehow he convinced me to stay with him.

About a week or two later his sister (who is one of my best friends now) tells me that their mom told her that the night his car broke down he called her because he was drunk. When his mom went to get him he confessed to her that he was on his way to see this girl. Well his mom told his sister that she talked to him and he realized it was wrong and promised not to do something dumb like that again. His mom also told his sister not to tell me because if he has cheated it was my fault anyway because I am not the girlfriend that I should be. Meaning I don't do all of his laundry and cook him dinner every night and go out with him. Hellooo! I'm pregnant, extremely sick, on bed rest, and I also have 2 other chronic diseases on top of everything!

So the next day his sister did tell me. When I confronted him about it he said he lied to his mom and told her that cause he was actually trying to get some pain pills or something and didn't want her to know. Ridiculous. Well I was pretty sure he was lying but I dropped it, I wanted to get my own proof. Well that never happened, I was never able to prove he was lying to me so I confronted him again. He admitted to lying because he didn't think it was a big deal because his car broke down so he never made it to her house anyway.

For one, he emotionally cheated on me, and two he intended on physically cheating on me too, just karma bit him in the first. So anyway he is now mad at me because he thinks I don't have a reason to be upset. But this is not the first time I have thought he cheated on me, its just the first time I have any proof, even though he says he never slept with her.

I just don't know what to do anymore. He is mean, emotionally abusive, and he doesn't have enough respect for me to not talk to other girls and possibly sleep with them too. Even after all of that though I still want to be with him. I don't know if it's because I want to have the perfect family where our son has his mother and father together or what. Maybe it's because all I have ever seen is my mom be in abusive horrible relationships.

If I wasn't pregnant I do think this would be easier because I know that I shouldn't be with him, yet I am trying so hard to make it work. I don't want my son to grow up thinking I didn't give it my all. I am so stressed about everything right now. I want to leave him, but at the same time I feel like that might cause my problems because his mom and family have already made it very clear that if I don't stay with him they are going to try to take my son away from me. It's like I'm stuck in this sucky relationship that he doesn't want to be in with me, other than to just control me.

So any advice you have would be greatly appreciated because I think I am going to lose my mind soon if I don't figure out how to handle this.

Thanks

I can understand *though not entirely* you wanting to have a 'perfect family' and helping your son see that you did in fact 'give it your all'. However, consider this: Would you rather have your abusive boyfriend around, cheating on you, having his mother go all Pamela Voorhees on you and yelling at you that you're not the 1940's girlfriend you need to be *doing his laundry and such*? Or would you rather bring your son up in a much more stable relationship, even if it means not having this man around in your life as much?

I know he's the father of your son. But for me, personally, "once a cheater, always a cheater." It is more true than it is said, trust me on this one. You even said yourself that you have been suspicious and thought that he may have cheated on you before in the past. This should be reason enough.

Legally speaking, I'm not sure how the law works where you live, but I'd investigate from more accurate sources and if you need to, you can consult a lawyer if things get too heated with keeping the baby. But as far as I'm concerned, it is YOUR baby. YOU ultimately get to decide. UNLESS, and don't take any offence, but unless the court and your boyfriend's mother and sister see you unfit to raise a child (which by the sounds of it may be their problem in seeing you in that light.)

But I'd strongly consider getting this man out of your life. He sounds like he is trouble: Plain and simple. Just because he didn't go to that woman's house this time, doesn't mean he won't the next time. Heck, him actually making a conscious effort is proof enough. He already showed intent, and on top of that tried to cover it with a white lie.

I think you're a rational person to see better in this.
Hope this helped.

Just focus on yourself and you baby. Forget everything else, as far as your partner consider, if he behaves well, try to use him you and your's child favour. Don't stress yourself, once you passed this stage, you will be able to get on right track. Till then try to make things and people in your side. I hope you know that right now your baby is priority.