So... Here we are! My story is a little bit different from what you can imagine, I seriously need some help.

Well, I’ve been always attracted to girls but I've never imagined myself dating a specific one, I had many relationships with some guys and it doesn't made me uncomfortable at all, by this you'll tell me I’m bi. For now it’s okay, I’ve been always telling myself that I’m straight, I just like girls because they're cute. But, this year, I found out that I was totally wrong!

The story begins...

I knew my best friend since the first year in high school and we were always together (same classroom), always laughing (from the sunrise till the sunset :D ),always sitting together, sharing with her every single thing (my life, my secrets, my poems... etc.), she knows me as well and I do too. She's so funny, smart, kind, cute, and very nice to the others, she’s one of the type who loves to get in trouble and don't care about what the situation will result. She’s the kind also who'll send the blame on my back when she does a foolishness just to make the scene funnier, when she's okay, I am, and when she's not, am not. In brief, we’re the best best friends ever! Yeah... That's what I thought.

This year is the final one in high school (after 3 years of friendship with her) we must pass the baccalaureate exam, we still in the same classroom, sitting always together. In fact, we are a group of five good friends, three guys, and there's me and her. One of those 3 guys asked her out, and she accepted, in the beginning we were all "ok" about them, the guy really loves her, and she seems too.
After winter holidays, I was kind of really busy in my personal stuff so we weren't always in touch, after the holidays, we were in our classroom and we started to recount what we missed. Suddenly she said “I had my first kiss with him”, and from that moment, I really don't know what happened to me. I felt mad, jealous, shocked, I don't know. At first I blamed her, cause she didn't told me that the day she kissed him (I think I camouflaged myself under this) since that, I don't feel comfortable when I see them together (especially that we're in the same classroom). Many questions came to my mind. Am I in love? W*F am I doing? What’s this supposed to mean?

After some weeks, we begin to talk about the past, somehow (and I don't know how) she confessed that last year, she was madly in love with me. I felt stupid, how could I miss that? She said that she didn't want to tell me, because she was afraid about my reaction, but she did some little moves to show me that she was interested but I was so blind to notice that. I was just in an overturning situation after this, then I confessed to her that, in fact I think am in love with her now (I mean this year) She was shocked! She just said "It's too late for me" she also said: "I'll do whatever it takes to make you comfortable, and to let you forget about these wrong feelings, I also passed by that last year when I was falling for you, so I’ll help you". I said that's okay I’ll forget about all this bull and I started to do everything to forget her, I even burned all the letters she send me.

Nowadays, it’s really weird between us, some days ago I was like... "in the clouds" I smoked some weed and she was with me, but she doesn't smoked (she's a good girl) while I was "high" I confessed to her that I love her, that I want to kiss her, and I said that she doesn't love me cause she still dating her boyfriend. Don't remember clearly but when I was hugging her she said “I really love you, you’re my heart”. After this I didn't show up. In the evening she send me on sms and she was asking if it was the real me who said that I love her or the "high" one. I told her that when we are stoned, people generally are truthful and sincere, she said "well yeah..." I end up the conversation with "So, whatever I said, hope it wasn't wrong..." she didn't reply.

That's my story. Can you please now make it clearer to me? Cause am really lost.

Ps: sorry if my English is sucks, I tried my best.

I think your long fun friendship is ending soon and you are feeling anxious about the changes to come after graduation. Frankly I have never believed the utterances of drinkers and smokers should ever be believed as true feelings. NEVER!!

You didn't hookup, and now it seems too late as other things have taken priorities in your lives. Appreciate the friendship and don't push, and don't get so hyped up over feelings you have while stoned.

I think graduation is a life changing event that intensifies many feelings that are just beneath the surface, and she does have a boyfriend.

I think your intense feelings have you overwhelmed by events you could not control, at a time you are at your weakest, and being stoned helps NOTHING to be honest.