OK. I erased my question because it is against policy sorry guys and thanks for the answer

No, loved ones who have the same problem do not give support or can't be expected to. Join a group like NA or AA or some such for support. And please stop talking about addictions at home.

You've both been addicted to a drug which alters your thinking and moods. Part of the dynamic of the lifestyle and addiction has been that you both defended pot as this great thing, probably taking offense together at those who believe in keeping it illegal. You kind of joined forces against those who disapprove of the habit.

When you stopped using and started finding good reasons to stay away from it, whether being clearer minded and more motivated, or saving money for more productive uses, he probably felt you changed sides on him. He knew you were right and didn't want to hear that it's a dumb habit, which is how your comments sounded to him.

I don't think you need to act any differently because your behavior now is appropriate, before not so much. If he's quit, too, great. In time maybe he'll come around to sharing in the good feelings about it. For now it appears he's blaming the withdrawal on you and annoyed to hear how great quitting is.

I agree that you would be better of going to NA to get support - trying to get support in quitting a drug from the person you've long depended on to not only do that drug with, but who has also been your supplier, is pretty warped. Hopefully you can both quit pot simultaneously and stay together, but I don't think you can quit together. That is, I think you both need your own support and need to each do this for yourselves, not each other.

No, loved ones who have the same problem do not give support or can't be expected to. Join a group like NA or AA or some such for support. And please stop talking about addictions at home.
Thank you I


You've both been addicted to a drug which alters your thinking and moods. Part of the dynamic of the lifestyle and addiction has been that you both defended pot as this great thing, probably taking offense together at those who believe in keeping it illegal. You kind of joined forces against those who disapprove of the habit.

When you stopped using and started finding good reasons to stay away from it, whether being clearer minded and more motivated, or saving money for more productive uses, he probably felt you changed sides on him. He knew you were right and didn't want to hear that it's a dumb habit, which is how your comments sounded to him.

I don't think you need to act any differently becuase your behavior now is appropriate, before not so much. If he's quit, too, great. In time maybe he'll come around to sharing in the good feelings about it. For now it appears he's blaming the withdrawal on you and annoyed to hear how great quitting is.

I agree that you would be better of going to NA to get support - trying to get support in quitting a drug from the person you've long depended on to not only do that drug with, but who has also been your supplier, is pretty warped. Hopefully you can both quit pot simultaneously and stay together, but I don't think you can quit together. That is, I think you both need your own support and need to each do this for yourselves, not each other.
Thank you


You've both been addicted to a drug which alters your thinking and moods. Part of the dynamic of the lifestyle and addiction has been that you both defended pot as this great thing, probably taking offense together at those who believe in keeping it illegal. You kind of joined forces against those who disapprove of the habit.

When you stopped using and started finding good reasons to stay away from it, whether being clearer minded and more motivated, or saving money for more productive uses, he probably felt you changed sides on him. He knew you were right and didn't want to hear that it's a dumb habit, which is how your comments sounded to him.

I don't think you need to act any differently becuase your behavior now is appropriate, before not so much. If he's quit, too, great. In time maybe he'll come around to sharing in the good feelings about it. For now it appears he's blaming the withdrawal on you and annoyed to hear how great quitting is.

I agree that you would be better of going to NA to get support - trying to get support in quitting a drug from the person you've long depended on to not only do that drug with, but who has also been your supplier, is pretty warped. Hopefully you can both quit pot simultaneously and stay together, but I don't think you can quit together. That is, I think you both need your own support and need to each do this for yourselves, not each other.
Thank you but I never suggeste to him that it was dumb or that he should stop I made sure to tell him this. But maybe he still felt I "changed sides" like you mentioned

Alta, the only support you should expect from him is for him to respect your decision to stop and to not sabotage your decision by lighting up in front of you (if he hasn't quit.)

I am glad you feel better and more alive. He doesn't feel the same way you do. You can give him support by backing off and allowing him to deal with his issue in his way.

Sometimes, couples have to take separate paths to reach a common goal. Sometimes, the goal isn't as 'in common' as they thought it was such as when he quit and you didn't.

The best support you can have is yourself. As Wondergirl said, look into support groups who can help you learn how to rely on yourself.

I am going to leave you with this thought, sometimes when we find something that excites us, we can go over-board talking it. When it is something like this, it is easy to accidentally come across as lecturing or preaching. Many people do not react well if they feel like they are being lectured.

Good luck and I hope you continue to feel better.

I'm not suggesting that you said it was "dumb". I'm suggesting that he probably knows that it's dumb, and feels criticized for doing it when you tell him how great it is to stop doing it.

I'm not suggesting that you said it was "dumb". I'm suggesting that he probably knows that it's dumb, and feels criticized for doing it when you tell him how great it is to stop doing it.

OK I understand what you mean. Do you think I should have a sit down with him so we can rationally talk about it? I wanted to tell him that I didn't know I was accidentally criticizing him and it was not my intention to make him feel bad at all. Imnot good with verbally telling him things so I was going to email it to him. Or maybe I should just leave it alone? I don't want him to think I'm against him at all and I know he feels very bad for what happened yesterday.