Hi all,
Recently my ex and I have become friends again, and he's dating a new girl (his first girlfriend after me). I am over him, and do not have feelings for him anymore. I'm not currently dating anyone, but have gone on dates since we've broken up. He appears to be over me too, and we talk at least every other day, just about life, nothing about our previous relationship.
His new girlfriend is really nice, I have met her several times, and we are friendly acquaintances. I know he isn't nearly as close with her as we were when we dated, and she knows it too. Even though he's dating her, I am his best female friend, and I know a lot more about him than she does.
Unfortunately, this threatens her a lot. She doesn't act threatened when I'm around her, but my ex-boyfriend has told me that she feels this way. She always asks him about our relationship and me. She says things to him like "why aren't you two still dating?" and "She's so pretty and talented and you guys are so close, why aren't you dating?"
She even says these things to him when I'm around them...
My ex has explained to her that we have no intentions of dating, and that there's obviously reasons he's dating her and not me, but she's very persistent.
I make conversation with her when I'm around her, and invite her to things that my ex and I go to. She has even borrowed some of my clothes and hung out with me, just the two of us, which was not unpleasant.
As for my ex and I, our relationship as friends is much better than our romantic relationship, and neither of us want to be in a romantic relationship again. I love him, but I don't want to date him again (he feels the same way).
I don't want my ex to be in the position that he'd ever feel like he has to choose between me and his new girlfriend since his friendship means a lot to me, so I'm trying really hard to be unthreatening to her... but I don't know what else I can do.
Any ideas?

We're both 17, she's almost 16.

I will advice you to limit the way you talk to your ex,because the more you talk to him,the more your feelings for him will increase.try to avoid him,if you see him like everyday,change it,by seeing him 3times a week,but don't let him know you are trying to avoid him.jurt stay far from the lovers OK.

The kindest thing would be to bow out of a friendship with him and stop being a constant presence in their lives.

The kindest thing would be to bow out of a friendship with him and stop being a constant presence in their lives.

Hi, thanks for responding,
My ex's friendship means a lot to me though. We've been best friends for near two years, and he's told me before that the two people who mean the most to him are me and his mother. He says he doesn't know what he would do without me, and I feel the same way about him.
--not romantically!--
We've also been in a band together for a year-ish and our parents are friends.
Is it possible for two people of the opposite sex with a history to just be best friends?
I think it is, but his girlfriend obviously thinks otherwise. I feel awful for making her suspicious and causing any kind of a rift in their relationship, but I can't just leave him as a friend.
And he's made it clear that he doesn't want me to go, either.

Is it possible for two people of the opposite sex with a history to just be best friends?
Yes, it's possible, but you know you are creating problems with this relationship.

If you refuse or are unable to relinquish it, please crank it down. Consider how you would feel in her shoes.

There are times in a friendship when you have to cut off the relationship just to make your lives better. This is one of those times.

If he really is a friend, as close to you as you say, then do the best thing for him. Forget about how you feel, and what you want, and let him move on. Give him a chance to have a healthy relationship with someone else. Put yourself in this new girls shoes, how would you feel? Be honest with yourself.

If you won't let him go, then at least admit why. It has nothing to do with friendship.

I think you both are either very naïve or playing a bad game on this girl. You say you don't want to come between them but you are not willing to stop talking to him so often and being in her face all the time. That is selfish. If he is really into this girl, why would he want to throw you in her face at every turn. Get real with yourself. If you care so much about him and his relationship with this girl, you will give it a chance and bow out, and so would he.
How would you feel if this girl was you?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-tangled-mess-best-friend-ex-boyfriend-band-mate-726727.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/feel-so-alone-now-best-friend-abandoning-me-too-733610.html

Its very unhealthy the way your band/group is dependent on each other as when one has a problem, it affects all of you in some dramatic way. Now the conflict is with his new girlfriend, the outsider. The new drama, and my suggestion is to back away from this friendhip for a while and develop yourself outside the group, or be caught yet again in a dramatic emotional mess.

Yes, your ex is as dependent as you all are, so he won't do what's right for his girl, or you, or himself, so its really up to you to fade into the backgroud, and do the right thing for you both.

How would you feel if a guy you were dating had an ex he spent as much time with as you do?

I read your other threads, you went from saying you could not go anytime without talking to him, to being completely over him. Sounds like a lot of hormonal emotion floating around.
Back off from him and his girl, he needs to back off from you himself but it appears he is not mature enough to realize what he's doing. Give the new girl a break. What you guys are doing is just cruel.

I read your other threads, you went from saying you could not go anytime without talking to him, to being completely over him. Sounds like a lot of hormonal emotion floating around.
Back off from him and his girl, he needs to back off from you himself but it appears he is not mature enough to realize what he's doing. Give the new girl a break. What you guys are doing is just cruel.

You're all right.
I have to erase him from my life.
I'm crying writing this now. This is a miserable time of my life. My father is in the hospital again.
He's trying to kill himself.
Everything is crumbling around me.
I hope my ex will be happy with his new girl once I cut myself out of his life.


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-tangled-mess-best-friend-ex-boyfriend-band-mate-726727.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/feel-so-alone-now-best-friend-abandoning-me-too-733610.html

Its very unhealthy the way your band/group is dependent on each other as when one has a problem, it affects all of you in some dramatic way. Now the conflict is with his new gf, the outsider. The new drama, and my suggestion is to back away from this friendhip for a while and develop yourself outside the group, or be caught yet again in a dramatic emotional mess.

Yes, your ex is as dependent as you all are, so he won't do whats right for his girl, or you, or himself, so its really up to you to fade into the backgroud, and do the right thing for you both.

How would you feel if a guy you were dating had an ex he spent as much time with as you do?

Yeah. It is somewhat unhealthy.
I'd rather be alone than find new friends though. I have a hard time making friends.

I hope things get better with your father. You have a lot going on right now.