Hello,

Just looking to get some feedback on a issue that I`m having.

I`m a young man in my mid twenties and about a year ago I started dating a pretty young lady. This relationship has been interesting because both of us have had experience with short term relationships in our lives but the idea of spending this long with anybody is pretty new ground.

Anyhow, it started with a winter and summer of pretty much all fun. I guess this is what they call the "honeymoon phase." A lot of trips on the weekend and partying and sharing things with each other. I have always lived alone and enjoyed my privacy quite a bit`, but I found myself stepping out of my regular boundaries and giving up my time alone to spend it with her. And we have spent A LOT of time together.

I should mention she is the nicest girl to me. Although a year may not seem like a lot to most quite a bit has happened and we`ve grown together. She has intertwined herself into my life (as I`m sure happens with most long term relationships) with my friends becoming close with her and my hangouts becoming her hangouts and even my interests becoming hers, as well. Her family has fallen in love with me and constantly tells her how she better hang on to me. Also she has brothers and sisters that all seem to be getting married and like to make jokes about when we might be getting married (which I don`t plan on doing unless I`m absolutely sure).

So things were going great, but they seemed to have hit a wall as early as six months in and I feel this is mostly on me. Little things started to annoy me about her and the sexual attraction I once had for her started to get replaced with a feeling of resentment for her being around me all the time. I went from being excited to spend so much time with her to just wanting my own space and identity again. This seemed to happen almost overnight.

I am not particularly nice to her as I know I should be anymore. I don`t cuddle with her as much as she wants and I know this. There are a bunch of things I do (and don`t do) that don`t feel like they are conducive to a healthy relationship. And I`m not sure if these things things that I`m doing (or not) are me trying to spite her or whether they are products of other stresses in my life that seem to overflow onto our life together. I am not a head. I am there for her in countless other ways that a boyfriend should be. I go to family dinners, have spent long hours with her in the hospital and dentist for troubles she has had. She has told me she appreciates all of this. The thing is I know I am there for her in a practical sense, but I feel in an emotional and sexual sense I am far from being where I should be to her.

But the crazy part is I've addressed some of these issues and she says she would still rather have me there in this lesser sense and work on the other issues then not have me there at all.

It has occurred to me that through emotional and sexual negligence that perhaps I am trying to push her away and have her break off the relationship. Perhaps I want her to do it because she is a beautiful and kind girl and has done absolutely nothing to warrant me leaving her and breaking her heart.

But other little things have now started to creep into the picture.

I am a fairly good looking guy and when we do go out I find amazing looking girls will still flirt with me and this has started to intrigue me as it did when I used to be single and it was a lot more regular. I find myself flirting back and my mind wandering from my relationship. I'm not proud of this, but I feel the old me taking over my thought patterns.

So I guess my questions is pretty basic. Do I work on this relationship or do I muster up the courage to break it off? I do care for this girl deeply and we do have some great history. I did find her more attractive and sexually arousing at one point so is it possible to get back there? Sometimes I'd like to ask her if we could just be friends, but I know logically that never works out. Am I just wasting both of our times? I want her to be happy and safe and I get the feeling she is far more scared of this ending than I am. This is likely due to to a lack of self esteem. I know if everybody who went through rough patches in a relationship broke it off without trying there would be very few relationships between partners in the world. So do I put the time in or has this thing gone sour?

Any thoughts are appreciated :).

You are being dishonest trying to make something work when your feelings have changed. The further you go, the worse it gets. You already know that relationships fizzle all the time.

You need to be honest with her and break it off. You obviously don't feel the same way and I think it sad that she knows but would rather have half of you than none of you.
This is not good. The relationship has fizzled. End it.

You need to be honest with her and break it off. You obviously don't feel the same way and I think it sad that she knows but would rather have half of you than none of you.
This is not good. The relationship has fizzled. End it.
The same point with U.