So the boyfriend pours water down my shirt for no reason. I don't really like it, but for some reason I just laugh it off. He proceeds to pour water all over my shirt again, this time drenching it. I'm mad at this point, and he doesn't realize it (he says so later), so he makes light of the situation.
The thing is, when he realizes I'm mad, he starts making fun of me for getting mad about something so trivial. I get really mad at this point because I really hate being mocked. He asks why I'm mad and I try to explain what is obvious to me -that soaking someone's shirt out of the blue, in public, is a pretty mean and kind of childish thing to do. To my astonishment, he doesn't understand why I would be mad, and says that if he did that to any of his friends they wouldn't get annoyed by it.
Tired of being mocked, and bewildered by the fact that he thinks that what he did is perfectly acceptable to anybody else but me, I lose my cool and ask him what the hell is wrong with him. Which was not cool, I know. He keeps reiterating how trivial it is and how I needed to grow a thicker skin. Eventually I give up trying to explain myself to him. He asks if I want him to apologize, and I think he sounds condescending rather than sincere so I say no, and remind him that he doesn't typically apologize.
Kind of a low blow, in retrospect, but it's true. We've been in a similar situation before, with the same result. He also has a tendency to call me vulgar names on some occasions when we fight. He is of the opinion that people say whatever they want when they're mad, and when the fight is over, whatever is said shouldn't be taken personally. But how can I not? My own parents would never call me names.
I guess it's wrong that I grouped all those past incidents together with this present one, but I can't help it. Every one of those incidents ended with me feeling disrespected, and us moving on with that situation with no resolution. I've grown really resentful over the years.
He told me I should discuss the present situation with my friends and/or family (he seems to think they will tell me that I'm overreacting), but I confessed that I was too embarrassed. The truth is, I don't want them to know that he treats me like this. I don't want to talk to any of our mutual friends about it because I feel like it would embarrass him and me both. Maybe I'm just afraid of what they will tell me.
I'm sure he has no idea what to do now, beyond waiting for me to 'get over it' like I usually do.
For now, I'd like to hear what you think about this whole crappy state of affairs. He has, on a number of occasions, belittled and downright denied my reality, to the point where I begin to question my judgement and/or his.
What do I do now? Do I try to talk to him about it again, and if so, is there anything else I can or should really say at this point? Should I get over my embarrassment and discuss things with my friends and family, to hear what they have to say? Should I see a counsellor on my own to try and get over this resentment?

Is this the same boyfriend you were having problems with last year?

If you are being disrespected you need to stand up for yourself - legally he has assaulted you.

If you are being disrespected you need to stand up for yourself - legally he has assaulted you.

I suppose you're right. I just doubt myself a lot, which gets in the way of me standing up for myself I guess. Standing up to someone who thinks you're making a mountain out of a molehill is really difficult though.

I know, and bullies have a WONDERFUL way of convincing the victim that it's all "her" fault -

They are reacting in a responsible fashion. You're over reacting - or so they always say.

Can you just sit down and calmly and rationally explain how you feel?

I was in a very abusive marriage. I know all about not telling, being embarrassed, being called names. The shock to me was that when I threw him out 99% of the World was not the least bit surprised, saw him getting himself cranked up, knew how he was acting. Your friends will understand.

You have a thin skin; he enjoys taunting you, and he apparently has a thick skin himself.
It isn't within the realm of one being right and one wrong, I think.
But are you two really right for each other?
Can you give us good reasons you stay?

I'm not really sure if we're right for each other, but we get along really well for the most part.

Talking to him about it again proves to be frustrating. He thinks I'm crazy for taking offence for him dousing me with water since I have walked in the rain before, and to him it's the same thing. He asks if I get mad at the sky when it rains. When I tell him other people walk in the rain and might not like it if someone doused them with water for no reason, he says that nobody would react the way I did, and suggests doing it to somebody we know just to prove his point. (Eh?) When I told him that my reaction was the product of both getting doused with water and being mocked for getting mad, he told me if I didn't like getting mocked, too bad, I just need to get over it.

Maybe talking is pointless now after all?

I don't think you have a 'thin skin'. If you had a 'thin skin', you would have yelled at him the first time he dumped water on you. Instead, you laughed it off and he did it again. He was actively trying to make you mad. He stopped because he knew he achieved his objective.

At best he is an immature male who thinks pulling girls' pony-tails is how you show you like them. At worst, he is a manipulative person who is attempting to control you through your own insecurities. Either way, I think you need to say 'enough is enough'. There has been no 'moving on' from the past incidents. You are on a treadmill running as fast as you can but you are staying in one place.

Step off the treadmill. You can try discussing the issues with him and setting ground rules for disagreements and how you behave with each other. However, I don't think he will stick to them. I think he may be nice for a week or two, but will very quickly return to the controlling behavior.

I think you need to walk away. I think once you get some distance from the relationship and his manipulations you will see there is more habit than love left. The fact that you admit you are feeling resentful (or the feeling is growing) is a sign telling you to leave now rather than later.

I think it is time to rebuild your relationship with yourself. Build up your self-confidence and you will feel a lot more secure about your own thoughts and feelings.

I think you need to walk away. I think once you get some distance from the relationship and his manipulations you will see there is more habit than love left. The fact that you admit you are feeling resentful (or the feeling is growing) is a sign telling you to leave now rather than later.

This is hard advice to swallow, but thanks for replying.

I don't know why he would have been trying to make me mad though. He says he thought I would try to reciprocate his playfulness.

he says that nobody would react the way I did, and suggests doing it to somebody we know just to prove his point.
Do the same thing to him ("somebody we know") or hey! To his mother (twice, like he did to you) unexpectedly. Wonder what his, or her, reaction will be.

Yes, what Cat said!!

He is a jerk and I understand why this would make you mad. I can't get why he would think this was nothing.

Cat said it all really... me? I'll just say that I think you're wasting your time with him and you can do better.

Other than 'we get along for the most part' we still don't know what you DO you like about him.

People come as a package. Isolating part of him to complain about, while liking the rest of him, is not helpful.

Other than 'we get along for the most part' we still don't know what you DO you like about him.

People come as a package. Isolating part of him to complain about, while liking the rest of him, is not helpful.

As with anybody else, there are things I like about him, and things I don't. He's a good person I think, and for the most part he's been a good boyfriend. Our relationship has been mostly happy, and in my opinion, worth salvaging, if it's at all possible.
It would be sad if we broke up over such a tiny incident. But to me, it's not just about this incident, but rather a recurring problem. I don't know how to make him understand that. From his point of view, he's walking on eggshells and has no idea what will set me off.

From his point of view, he's walking on eggshells and has no idea what will set me off.
Before he does something "playful" to you, he needs to take a ten-second breath and think, "Would I want her to do this to me, especially in front of my friends who will laugh at me and point at me and make fun of me?" It's called empathy, getting inside your skin to imagine how it will feel.

Before he does something "playful" to you, he needs to take a ten-second breath and think, "Would I want her to do this to me, especially in front of my friends who will laugh at me and point at me and make fun of me?" It's called empathy, getting inside your skin to imagine how it will feel.

I asked him what he would do if he were in my shoes, and he said he would've just splashed me back.

Trying to explain to him that a dry shirt is sometimes preferable was like explaining reality television to an alien. He was like, 'how can you say that when we've walked in the rain before?' Trying to explain how a weather phenomenon differs from a prank was futile. Water is water, he says.

I think this is the silliest argument that has ever frustrated me.