Hey, it's hard even writing this I'm shaking so much..

Here it's, My ex and me broke up about 2 months ago, I took it hard to say the least, I loved her very much, but I forgot what I had and I wasn't loving her like I use to, it was a 9 month relationship. I moved away, quit my job, I did everything just to get her out of my mind, during this time I was hounding her Like a complete wuss for her to come back to me.

A month ago I called her balling my eyes out basically asking her for one last chance, she wouldn't listen to a thing I said so I basically said if this is how you want it, never phone me, never talk to me and never try to contact me again UNLESS you want to be with me.

So, a month goes by, me never talking to her, trying to get my life back together, then, one day.. she texts me saying these exact words.. "I miss you and Im Sorry for saying That. You Dont have to text me back, If you dont text back, I understand, sorry." and another saying "I'm Sorry," and 1 missed call.

I phoned her, she seemed very sad and lonely, I talked to her.. We talked about what was going on, normally she is telling me how wonderful life is and stuff but this time was different, instead, I was the one telling her about my new job, my new flings. I asked her about her relationships and what not and she said she hasn't found anyone, she complimented me a few times.. I Don't know..

She was asking about my family and stuff, so was I but she just seemed so interested in me asking what I have been up to, I basically answered fast so that she thought I was over her, I didn't say anything like I love you or anything stupid like that, I just listened and talked like a good friend, I complimented her a few times, she complimented me..

It just felt so good and I need to know what to do next.. It is like I'm alive again and I don't want this all going to my head because tomorrow morning with my luck she might have been drunk and not remembered anything..

Ive never been this happy and sad in my life..

If you are this scared, and upset about not talking to her again, it seems that the phone call may have been too early. She may have been upset, but she needs to understand that by breaking up, she is choosing to be alone. She shouldn't depend on you to help her when she is hurt, your not there for that anymore... at least not for a while.

If you can't talk to her, and just enjoy the conversation, and continue afterward as if it never happened, it seems you still have feelings for her, and talking is only going to hurt you.

I say, try to move on like the phone call never happened, don't let it set you back so much. Going a month on NC must have been tough, but I'm sure you can do it again. Maybe give it another month or two?

Just my two cents

Well yah, I'm pretty much back to square one.. wish she wouldn't keep doing this to me.

I saw all my Ex's friends, ex bf's and sisters last night, god knows what I said - I was so drunk, apprently she has tried to text me, blllx has she. That bought a few of the old feelings back. Its been 7 weeks now of NC apart from one message on myspace.

It hurts but you must keep yourself busy as I have. Every weekend I am out meeting new people and doing new things. Its great! It sux when your alone, but most of us are in the same boat here. Time will heal :) Stick to NC and delete her contact details.

Join the gym etc. If you both give each other space to move on who knows what will happen in the future. I know people who split at 18 and didn't speak for 3 years then got back together - 10 years later are having children.

But an ex is an ex for a reason

I dsiagree - take it slow... don't rush... don't call her for a while. Show her you're strong. Show her you have evicted the WUSS!!

Don't answer her calls or return her text right away... wait a day or two or longer.

She can be part of your life again IF you take this very slow... most guys screw this up though.

You need to make up your mind what you want.. she also needs to make hers up as well

As for you if you get this second chance or even want it then don't make the same mistake again.
I would wait though a few days to contact her.. that is the tricky part of all this.. don't wait to long or move to soon on it .

Well as usual being the moron that I am I called her, first time, she was sleeping, 2nd, buisy, 3rd she said how she was drunk last night and so she didn't really mean it.

So.. I'm back to wanting to kill myself again.. Why did I even bother.. such a moron.

Hey c'mon. She is probably just embarrassed because she basically did the same thing you felt so humiliated for doing! Truth be told, whatever fantastic fling she had before, probably just ended in disaster, so she called you, her pining ex for a little pick-me-up. You shot her down. Now she's mortified.

I agree so much with Jiser and Wildcat, and I think you handled the conversation really well. I think she is just using the drunk thing as an excuse. She obviously still has feelings for you, so the next time she calls, like wildcat says-take it slow and DO NOT return her calls right away. :)

I don't think you should bother with games. If she calls, answer, ask what she wants. If she wants to get back together, and you do too, tell her to meet you somewhere so you can talk about it face to face. Then decide. If she's just mopey and upset tell her flat out, you're sorry, but you can't be her "go to guy" every time something crappy happens in her life. Tell her you want space. Then take some.

My comments on sypher373 post says that I agree-I don't agree-I accidentally checked the wrong spot-but my comment is correct. Sorry sypher but Wildcat is right-totally wrong answer in every way.

I phoned her again about 2 hours after that phone call.. I had to get the reason...

Basically the guy she jumped to after me was a complete loser, She says he was just some shoulder to cry on, I figured this already so I was just waiting for her to figure it out on her own.. During the relationship I wasn't exactly the most driven man on the earth, I had a normal job working as a delivery boy but I was miserable, I didn't have a future and I even told her one time I don't see myself going anywhere.. BAD IDEA.. That and insulting her mom.. yup, I'm an idiot lol.

It took a lot of talking but in the end she finally told me that she broke up with me because she just wants to be selfish right now, she wants to go to school, she wants to do these kind of things and she thinks that I need to as well.. Why we can't do this together I don't know but I have to respect her.

She says she still loves me, she wants to be my friend, she says talking to me makes her feel so good about herself, and it does the same for me.

I agreed that she can call me whenever she wants.. As much as I love her and as much as it will hurt when I hang up, I do love her, and I want to be there for her no matter what, even if calling me just for me to remind her how beautiful she is.

She is 18, I am 21, I finished the whole party life, drinking, smoking thing a long time ago, I understand she is young and she still wants to do those things. The call really helped me and we both pretty much hung up crying.. We both understand that we need to love ourselves before we can really love each other, our relationship wasn't perfect but she is the only women I want to have my children with.

I guess it's time for me to just move on and Hope the whole "if it's meant to be," thing works out.. I just am afraid she might find someone else, but if she does, I want her to be happy.

Thanks for the help guys.

Ahh yes so I been there 2! It sux bad, unfortunately life is sh*t sometimes. We gota move on to heal in ourselves. I know of people who went there separate ways then met up 3 years later and have been together for years and years since. Nothing is ever constant unless your life is boring ;) Relish the change and improve yourself and with your new self worth, you'll be irresistible in no time!

Get down the gym, go climb a mountain, travel :P Immerse yourself in the new and find the new you, be kind and enjoy life. And about the ex - abide by NC.

Well hun pull up those boot straps and get on with life.. Sure you hurt but geez if you only knew the pain I went through in a breakup but I survived and so will you...
So at least now you know where you stand with her better than not knowing right?.
Now you can really move forward with that new life you already started and be honest here.. You were not truly sure you wanted to go back with her... Good thing after all you didn't cause now she can go after some other poor man and play the juvenile mind games with him.

You are at a time in life where your future needs to be the focus. Forget a relationship from the past, and do what you must to secure your future to bring something to the table when you are ready for a mature relationship, with a mature female. Leave her alone and let her grow, and you as well. Go to vocational school and learn a trade that you can work and be proud of.

Dude - you have to stop with the over communicating - it's what will kill it for oyu again.

These aren't games - it shows you're busy and have a life.

I think he did the right thing. No point in playing a game if she wasn't going to be interested in the long term. The way its been left they both know where they stand. Sad but just sounds like wrong timing.

She still has feelings. You needed to take this slow!! Why call back so soon - espcially after what happened.

I don't know, same reason I did a lot of stupid things during the breakup, I don't think when it comes to having a chance to get back together with her.. everything and everyone goes out the window and she is the only person that matters.

I slept till like 3pm today thinking about how to get back together with her, then I realized I care more about her then I care about myself and no one can love anyone if they don't love themselves.. I really got to just man up and be selfish right now. I have never really cared about myself, never really thought about what I want to be... maby that is exactly what she is trying to tell me.

I don't know, the lonyness is killing me, there is another girl that wants to be with me but I can't put my heart towards a new relationship right now, when she talks, I don't listen or care and that hurts me more then anything in the world.. I don't want someone else to hurt for my gain.

"Well hun pull up those boot straps and get on with life" You're right.. I think I really need to grow up and be a man about this.

You are at a time in life where your future needs to be the focus. Forget a relationship from the past, and do what you must to secure your future to bring something to the table when you are ready for a mature relationship, with a mature female. Leave her alone and let her grow, and you as well. Go to vocational school and learn a trade that you can work and be proud of.

You're right, thank you.

My focus right now is getting into graphic design in about a year going to community college.

So.. Talked to her again

She says I am amazing in bed and that she just wants a friendship with benefits.. What's the normal protocol for this guys lol..

In almost every instance I have seen one or the other develops deeper feelings and wants more than just a sexual arrangement. Even worse when one partner already has feelings and is miserable when the relationship doesn't go farther than sex. Either way it is almost always a painful disaster for one partner. Think long and honestly on your own feelings before you get talked into an arrangement that can blow up in your face down the road. Your already on a good path so why jeopardise it for a roll in the hay. Not healthy and I just think your g/f is desperately trying to keep some sort of control.

Don't do it. Soemone alwasys gets hurt. Tell you need more. She may come around she may not.

But be cool about this.

Don't tell her you need more.. don't tell her crap just be like no hard to get

So your not good enough for a relationship with but she wants you to help getr her rocks off? Nice girl.

Don't be their sex object. It will only end in pain for you. You still have feelings for her and she doesn't.

She doesn't sound like a very nice girl to me. Her true colours seem to be shining through recently.

Id forget her and move on.

That's sounds perfect. Focus on that. Sooooo mucfh time left in your life.

Well she saids she doesn't want a relationship with anyone she says... she says a relationship and sex with anyone else just doesn't appeal to her, but she says sex with me is amazing.. I don't understand why this is happening, she has to still have feeling for me because I know I'm not that great in bed..

I feel like I am in a perfect position to play some game, but I don't want to because I feel the same way, being with someone just doesn't appeal to me, the only person I want to be with is her... She basically feels the same way about me minus the relationship part.. how is that possible..

God this really sucks, I felt so good last night, now I feel like crap because I'm so afraid..

Is it possible all she wants is control? Errr I hate this..

That 'minus the relationship part' is a pretty BIG part wouldn't you agree.

What she wants to do is use you. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. If she can tie you down to a no strings attached sexual relationship then she is free to go off to any other guy as she pleases. It is a load of BS that something with someone else doesn't appeal to her.

Your feeling like crap because your letting her dictate to you how this thing will work. Don't let her. She is toying with you and in my opinion showing you no respect at all.

YES!! ALL she wants is control. She wants to know she still controls you. And at this point in time it appears she does. Are you willing to let her continue to or are you going to stick up for yourself and tell her that if she isn't wanting a proper adult relationship with you then she won't be having a sexual one either.

And it doest look like to me that she is ready for any type of serious relationship.

Time to head 'em up and move 'em out. All the way out. You don't need this kind of drama.

Errr as usual you're right,

For some reason I just figure if I were to be her friend, with benefits, maby one day we would be lying in bed together and her maby realize that she loves me like I love her, I know it's stupid.. I just don't want to lose her.

She isn't the perfect model girl, no one really knows her like I do, she has problems, many problems but I don't know, I just feel like she is hiding so much, all the time.. Like there is something she did in her past that she is afraid of, Ive never even looked at a girl yet she accuses me all the time, she is the most insecure girl I have ever met and it scares me sometimes, Sometimes I just want to sit her down and ask her about her past and ask her if there is anything she did that she is afraid to tell me, I want her to understand no matter what she did she can know that I will always forgive her and love her no matter what.

Is this normal? Is it normal for a girl to think their BF is like to good for her? I was a virgin before I met her, I have an extremely basic life, I have never really had a problem, she has many, she considered herself to be a, "whore" at one point and she has been raped twice, her parents are none existent her mom runs away every time something goes wrong and she met her real dad at 9 who is just high all the time.. People say I'm forever doomed because I'm attracted to people that need my help, I hope that isn't what this is cause I'm obsessed with her and her life.

About 6 months into our relationship she told me a few things, I took them badly, she told me she had sex with a few people that I knew before we went out, sure.. that's bad but it was before us, but the thing is, I took it badly and called her basically, a whore.. and I think that destroyed the trust for her and me, she trusted me with this information and I cast her aside.. I want her to know she can trust me..

She has never cheated on me, I know that, it just seems she hates her self in some way.. I wish I could explain it but I just want to help her..

Jeezus, I can go on and on, I think I need a shrink lol

Brother, I just went through this.
All you want is to get things on your terms.
Not to "play" her, but to avoid the dysfunction of her games - and get to a level playing field.

It is still tilted her way because she knows your limits: you'll come back - especially for sex.
NO ONE wants to hear negative talk of their lover - past or present - so, I'll just say that I am not a big fan of her line of FWB conversation.

**How old are you all?
If you are over 25 this is nutty. That's the age to see if someone has lifetime potential.

In summary:

1) Hold your line. Don't go back in. If she wants you, she needs to work for it. And being a F Buddy is NOT what you want or what you deserve. If you were Snoop Dogg go for it, but you are not rolling Compton style here.. You want a real realationhip. Tell her that's what you prefer.

2) Then, retreat. She needs to work a bit more.

3) continue focusing on your life and job

4) if she is your soulmate she'll step up. If not, you are not getting de-railed by her need for attention from an old flame that she seems currently incapable of properly returning - yet.

Sorry everybody-I must have been tired or something. There is nothing wrong with what Sypher said. I misunderstood what I was reading. Forgive me?

The new you is probably attractive to her now, if you fall back into the old you because of the contact you will probably go back to being unattractive, just be patient!

It sounds as though she has some massive issues with her self which are no doubt sadly due to harrowing past. IT is sad and there wouldn't be one person here who wouldn't feel sorry for her but unfortunately and as much as you'd like to, you can't fix her problems. She probably is hiding things from her past that torment her. You already know some of it and it is fairly clear that this wreaks havoc with her self esteem. As it would anyone I assume. But until she works it out and gets the help she needs and is comfortable with herself and who she is again then she is in no position to get into a relationship. And anyone she does enter will more than likely fail and it won't be for the right reasons.

She has some deep seeded problems I think that you can not help her with and to try would do her and yourself more damage.

I think your best option is to be kind and gentle with her but firm on your stance that right now a relationship isn't what is best for both of you. And trust me, hearing all of this it is quite clear that it isn't!