I should probably start by saying she's a stripper & and all the time we spend together I have to pay for. I try my absolute best to try and get to know her and compliment her. I always tell her "take care of yourself" when we part and I mean every word of it. She says the same to me. She also laughs at all my jokes, but with her being a stripper and all I can't tell if it's just an act or if maybe I AM more than just a customer to her.

Sir if you like a girl then

For your own good you are a customer, and being nice is part of her job. Its not hard to fall for a stripper, but this is no place to look for love... not at those prices.

You're a customer. It is her job to be nice to you and every other man who comes there.
If you are looking for love, a strip club is the wrong place to start.

Her being a stripper has nothing to do with who she is as a person. That you've described her as a stripper, means what exactly? She's less than human?

I think more important is that you don't know this person, beyond what she does for a living. I see nothing you've said so far to indicate that you have developed anything with her, other than what you see of her at her job.

If you are interested in her; getting to know her outside of her workplace, why not just test the waters a bit.

Ask her for her phone number or email address, and (assuming she doesn't have much time for talking at work like the rest of us), simply ask if it would be okay for you to contact her. Maybe set up a date to go out for dinner or a movie.

If all you are doing right now is guessing, you have no facts, and could be missing out on an opportunity to develop a friendship with a very good person. She may not be asking you out because she may feel she's being judged as 'just a stripper'.

Break the ice. Take the next step, and see where it takes you.

Her being a stripper has nothing to do with who she is as a person. That you've described her as a stripper, means what exactly? She's less than human?

I think more important is that you don't know this person, beyond what she does for a living. I see nothing you've said so far to indicate that you have developed anything with her, other than what you see of her at her job.

If you are interested in her; getting to know her outside of her workplace, why not just test the waters a bit.

Ask her for her phone number or email address, and (assuming she doesn't have much time for talking at work like the rest of us), simply ask if it would be okay for you to contact her. Maybe set up a date to go out for dinner or a movie.

If all you are doing right now is guessing, you have no facts, and could be missing out on an opportunity to develop a friendship with a very good person. She may not be asking you out because she may feel she's being judged as 'just a stripper'.

Break the ice. Take the next step, and see where it takes you.

Absolutely not! I don't think of her as less of a person one bit, you had that totally wrong. I was just giving background information. I know a little bit about her, we've probably spent close to two hours combined speaking with one another.

But you're totally right about testing the waters and all I am doing right now is guessing. I just fear that "testing the waters" may completely back fire though.

To try and fail is no shame, but not to even try is a shame. There is always a chance things will fail with affairs of the heart. Because you are smitten doesn't mean she is or is even as nice as you think outside of her job that requires her to be nice.

Wednesday will be the next time I see her and I'll probably hint at how I'm feeling and maybe ask for her number or email if I'm not to afraid. I'm almost completely positive she's nice outside her job, but that is based on intuition rather than fact. Even if she isn't nice outside of her job I'd still be willing to be in a relationship with someone who isn't very nice.


To try and fail is no shame, but not to even try is a shame. There is always a chance things will fail with affairs of the heart. Because you are smitten doesn't mean she is or is even as nice as you think outside of her job that requires her to be nice.

I feel like the chances of it going well are slim to none and by asking or telling her how I really feel will ruin what little we have. I can tell by the way she talks and the things she says that she really is a nice person. I mean she wants to be a nurse. I know that it's somewhat based on intuition but I'm almost certain she's a very nice person. Even if she is a very mean person I'd still love to be in a relationship with her. I feel the opposite of your signature. I feel like I'll never truly be happy unless I find a relationship and I wouldn't mind making someone a priority even if I was only an option to them.

You're thinking with the wrong head here. Do you see what you just ended your last statement with?

You'll still be willing to be with her even if she isn't nice... What? Why?

I know why because I had a friend just like you. He was obsessed with a dancer at a place we used to hang out at. She soaked him for everything that she could. She was so nice to him and he felt like it was part of their "relationship" for him to keep giving her money for dances and all. In between sets she would come and sit with him and he would buy her food or drinks or whatever. Oh, the poor thing didn't have any money for gas... so he would give her gas money even though you could see the tons of cash she was picking up off the floor each night when she danced. She used him and he loved it because it made him feel like he had a chance with her. He didn't of course. Finally, at some point, I think it hit him when it was just another excuse of why she couldn't go out with him. Guess what? All during this... she had a boyfriend that she was living with.

But you know what it really all came down to as far as I could see? He liked the attention she gave him. She sat with him and other guys would look and be jealous. She talked to him and everyone would see it. And on top of that all, here he was... getting attention and "love" from a dancer. The whole thing of her being a dancer was important to him.

So I ask... if this woman wasn't a dancer, would you still want to date her even if she wasn't nice?

To be completely honest with you, I have been watching this thread since it started and I agreed with what people were saying to you... but now when I saw that statement about dating her even if she wasn't nice, that is where I see the problem.


Even if she is a very mean person I'd still love to be in a relationship with her. I feel the opposite of your signature. I feel like I'll never truly be happy unless I find a relationship and I wouldn't mind making someone a priority even if I was only an option to them.


Wow... I was replying to your post before this one but now I saw this and it's even worse.

Your idea of happiness is just finding someone to be in a relationship with even if they don't care about you... and you would make them the focal point of your life even if you didn't mean much to them... really?

Why would you be willing to settle for someone that doesn't care about you and how would this make you happy?

Wednesday will be the next time I see her and I'll probably hint at how I'm feeling and maybe ask for her number or email if I'm not to afraid. I'm almost completely positive she's nice outside her job, but that is based on intuition rather than fact. Even if she isn't nice outside of her job I'd still be willing to be in a relationship with someone who isn't very nice.

Wow. That is pretty desperate. Why don't you just put an ad in the paper for someone, anyone. Just kidding but you may as well since you are just looking for anyone to be in a relationship with.

I don't think I'm thinking with the wrong head. I'm thinking with my heart. I wouldn't mind being with her if she wasn't nice because she could still be someone I could share my life with, talk to and constantly aim to please.

I don't think this girl is as cunning as the one who manipulated your friend. In fact I'm sure she's different. I love it when she sits with me because I feel like I can tell her anything and I love listening to her talk about anything and everything. How she feels is important to me. Making other guys jealous is not an intention at all. I couldn't care less if other dudes are "jealous" that is not even CLOSE. Like I said I absolutely love the attention and "love" that I get from her.

I'd be more than happy to be with her even if she wasn't a dancer and wasn't very nice. She could be an accountant for all I care. I'd rather find someone who actually cares about me but just having someone pretend to would brighten everyday of my life and I'd like to make everyday of their's a little better too. I want to make someone the focal point of my life. Someone to gravitate to and to lead me. I'm so tired of being alone. Really really tired of it, I've been single all my life.

There are plenty of women out there looking for a nice man. Why don't you go on a dating site or meet someone the old fashion way. Get to know her and see where it takes you. Do you have social life?

I'd rather find someone who actually cares about me but just having somone pretend to would brighten everyday of my life and I'd like to make everyday of their's a little better too. I want to make someone the focal point of my life.

That really is sad. I feel for you because you are setting yourself up for all kinds of pain with an attitude and desperation like that.

Take care.

There are plenty of women out there looking for a nice man. Why don't you go on a dating site or meet someone the old fashion way. Get to know her and see where it takes you. Do you have social life?

I'm on a dating site. I talk to women on there (I know it sounds shallow) but I'm just not physically attracted to. I don't have a big social life. Two of my close friends moved away and the other one has the opposite work schedule so we never really hang out.

So you have made her your life without knowing her very well? Work on your social life my friend, and leave the booty bars for strictly entertainment. I suspect any female you spent money on in such places would give you the same attention. Its not healthy for you as its clouded your judgement while it captures your heart.

So you have made her your life without knowing her very well? Work on your social life my friend, and leave the booty bars for strictly entertainment. I suspect any female you spent money on in such places would give you the same attention. Its not healthy for you as its clouded your judgement while it captures your heart.

I guess I sort of did develop quite an attachment too hastily as I often do. I don't have much of a social life because my friends either moved away or have opposite work schedules with me on third shift and all. I'm just going to meet her one more time and at the end I'll slip her my number and whatever happens happends. Think I will give the clubs a break as it has clouded my judgement and depleted my wallet.

There's that old notion that if someone you want to date doesn't want to date you, simply date someone else and the other person will get jealous and want to be with. Has this ever worked for anyone? I'm ashamed for even considering it but nothing else I'm doing seems to work.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-do-you-tell-if-girl-really-likes-you-731813.html

Same female?

I would be too ashamed myself to stoop to such devious game playing since you have to fool someone else into going along with this jealous scheme, and worse, if they are not aware of your scheme they may well indeed be hurt.

Or do you mean, if it's the same stripper, giving another stripper your time, attention, and money to make the other stripper jealous?

Please clarify.

That sounds like a horrible idea. Maybe horrible isn't a strong enough word. So you want to start a relationship by game playing? Move on, there's nothing to see here.

Any good relationship must have honesty, respect, caring, and a willingness to talk about anything. This will Not start a good relationship, even if it did work. I wouldn't try being dishonest and play games. Good luck.

If you've been direct, asked her out, and she's said no, then why would making her jealous work? The person has to be interested in you before you can make her jealous.

Yes, I've done that, back when I was 16. Are you a young teen as well?

The reason adults don't do it is because it doesn't work. Any relationship started because the other person was jealous, doesn't last. Jealousy is not an emotion that can start or sustain a real relationship.

You left out what happened in the last month, since you were going to give her your number.
If you did, and she didn't call you, then she has a boyfriend, or many men interested in her - or she just isn't romantically inclined toward you.
'Slipping someone your number' is to my mind a real let down. It's cheap, easy, has nothing special put into it. I actually hope you didn't do that. I would have stayed until closing, handed her a bouquet with a big smile, and run out the door before she could respond, saving her from having to think on the spot.
You do realize that the odds of success are very remote. She is attractive! She is in the public eye constantly! She can have any number of men, and probably has one.
When you hand her the flowers, you could say 'Your man is a very fortunate one.'
And still walk away. If she wants to tell you it isn't so, she will.

Um, yeah. Same female but that's not the point. I'd make sure the other person is aware of it, I'm not that devious. And also.. Yeah to the third part of your answer as well.

Yeah, I did slip her my number and she didn't call but on the plus side she acts like it never happened. I wish you would have told me how bad an idea it was to begin with! It is sort of a cop out to just slip someone my number but I didn't want to be confrontational you know, I just wanted to give her my number and not pressure her at all.

Attempts to manipulate the feelings of others is devious in of itself, just don't do it, and now that you have slipped her your number, and she hasn't called, drop it, let it go, and stay out of the booty bars before they eat you alive, and fart you out.

Looking for love in the wrong places put you in a terrible position of a desperate fool who will be used and abused. Like her work mates won't talk to her and help her screw you. Even if you get a friend to help you with this dumb jealousy game, it will fail, because she won't fall for it, and turn it against you.

You sound like a decent guy, just lonely, so don't be a zip darn fool, because this will not solve your problem, but will add to it.

Yeah, I did slip her my number and she didn't call but on the plus side she acts like it never happened. I wish you would of told me how bad an idea it was to begin with! It is sorta a cop out to just slip someone my number but I didn't want to be confrontational you know, I just wanted to give her my number and not pressure her at all.

Let's be honest here... in that last thread, you were grasping at straws. You were pretty much ignoring what we told you to do... or not do. Would you really have listened if anyone told you not to give her your number? Really? I don't think you would have listened at all...

... kind of like you are not going to listen to what you're told in this thread.

Let her go. Forget about her. That jealousy game is ridiculous and utterly childish. Clearly she is not interested in you. If you try to play this game, you are going to wind up looking like a fool or an idiot.

Just forget about her.

Perhaps I would have. I mean thinking about it from hindsight giving her my number like that was kind of dumb. I'd like to THINK I would have listened. I also realize that the jealousy thing is stupid, I'm glad I didn't go through with that one... As for letting her go and forgetting about her. That is out of the question at this point. I can't give up, I don't want to move on and I don't want to be with someone else. Developing an outside the club relationship with her would make me extremely happy but if need be I'll keep paying for her attention... So. Do you or anyone else have any advice on what to do considering?


Let's be honest here....in that last thread, you were grasping at straws. You were pretty much ignoring what we told you to do...or not do. Would you really have listened if anyone told you not to give her your number? Really? I don't think you would have listened at all....

...kind of like you are not going to listen to what you're told in this thread.

Let her go. Forget about her. That jealousy game is ridiculous and utterly childish. Clearly she is not interested in you. If you try to play this game, you are going to wind up looking like a fool or an idiot.

Just forget about her.

"I can't give up, I don't want to move on and I don't want to be with someone else."

Oy vey!!

Then be miserable because that is what your future holds. Hasn't she been clear enough that she doesn't want you?

Advice is the only way you are going to be happy is moving on. Forget her. Move on to someone else. And in the meantime figure out what it is about you that makes you become obsessed, which is unhealthy by the way.

Incredibly unhealthy but you've already made your point here and in the last thread. You are so obsessed over what COULD be that you're not even thinking realistically. Nobody can make you see this if you are unwilling. So, as Oliver said, enjoy the life of pain you're setting yourself up for.

I do find it funny though... I can understand how someone that's been dating and then broke up may have a problem letting go. I mean, that makes sense to me. But you? You haven't been in any relationship with her other than giving her money to watch her dance. How can you be so obsessed over her that you are going to waste or ruin your life over her? You haven't even been out with her once... yet THIS is the woman that you have dedicated your life to. And I guarantee that she sees this in you and is just doing the money thing.

I also wonder since this is so unhealthy for you at this point... I wonder if you will ever get to the breaking point where you start to cross the line because she won't go out with you. Will you become a stalker? Will she need to file a RO on you? Maybe not but I have to say that you sure seem like you're in the early stages of that cycle.

Incredibly unhealthy but you've already made your point here and in the last thread. You are so obsessed over what COULD be that you're not even thinking realistically. Nobody can make you see this if you are unwilling. So, as Oliver said, enjoy the life of pain you're setting yourself up for.

I do find it funny though....I can understand how someone that's been dating and then broke up may have a problem letting go. I mean, that makes sense to me. But you? You haven't been in any relationship with her other than giving her money to watch her dance. How can you be so obsessed over her that you are going to waste or ruin your life over her? You haven't even been out with her once....yet THIS is the woman that you have dedicated your life to. And I guarantee that she sees this in you and is just doing the money thing.

I also wonder since this is so unhealthy for you at this point....I wonder if you will ever get to the breaking point where you start to cross the line because she won't go out with you. Will you become a stalker? Will she need to file a RO on you? Maybe not but I have to say that you sure seem like you're in the early stages of that cycle.

I don't just give her money to dance for me. The dances are actually secondary to me/not even really important to me. She usually talks with me for like a half hour or more before the dance. That's my favorite part, and she usually hugs me before I leave which matters way more than any dance. I'm not ruining my life at all. I budget myself wit her AND my performance at work has shot WAY up since meeting her. I'd be unhappy if she just wanted to do the money thing but I'm willing to do that for at least a little longer.

Define "unhealthy". I can also say indubitably I will not cross a line. Her being happy is what matters to me. If she ever said "don't talk to me again", I'd be heartbroken but I would certainly respect her wish.

Define "unhealthy". I can also say indubitably I will not cross a line. Her being happy is what matters to me. If she ever said "don't talk to me again", I'd be heartbroken but I would certainly respect her wish.[/QUOTE]

Unhealthy = your behavior on this issue. Plain and simple. I can't be more clear.

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As for letting her go and forgetting about her. That is out of the question at this point. I can't give up, I don't want to move on and I don't want to be with someone else. Developing an outside the club relationship with her would make me extremely happy but if need be I'll keep paying for her attention... So. Do you or anyone else have any advice on what to do considering?

Since you asked, with a stripper see how much attention you get without giving up any money. Over a few visits, that will tell you all you need to know.

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Hit the nail on the head.

Despite agreeing with all the advice to drop this, I'm going to give you some ideas for the future, with women you have a chance with. The fact that you slipped her your number so as to not be confrontational is half right, and I thought I made it clear how easy it is to let someone know you are interested: you say something sweet or give something nice but inexpensive like flowers, and WALK AWAY.
Is there another one like you at home?
Your man is a very lucky man.
I'm sure you are taken, but how can I not let you know how beautiful you are to me?
These are for you, just in case you need someone to talk to.
My heart goes pitter pat. I'm sure you can hear it from there.

I have known men like you, I think. They actually would rather live in a fantasy than do the work to get to know women in the slow, sometimes embarrassing or even painful ways that are generally required. I think you know by now that she doesn't want you. Like the alcoholic who can't go near booze, you have to force yourself to stay away from that club. If you don't, you end up like the professor in The Blue Angel. You might want to watch that movie (the 1930 version). Go to rottentomatoes for a synopsis.

I'm glad I didn't listen to you guys. No offense and I appreciate the advice and perspectives majorly. Tonight though, I spent time and money with her and she revealed some personal info (still don't have that number or real name though). I feel like it was a real breakthrough, and when she hugged me before I left, it was more real. She held me for a while. I told her if she ever needed anything from me to just ask and she nodded her head. So all in all a good night and I'm feeling (for now) positive about the prospects of our relationship.

How nice. We aren't there to use our jaded minds on observing whether it sounds genuine or just a nice easy way for her to make more money by the hour.
Statistically the odds are against you, but they are just that - odds. There's always the chance of being the ink blot on the far end of the curve.

Remember in your other thread when I told you I had a friend that was being milked by a dancer? Yeah, she used to talk to him too... and hug him... some of these women are good at reading guys and they know what they need to do to keep the money coming.

I hope for your sake that it works out for you but I would bet against it.


You know... as a side here... I'm just wondering something. IF you two ever entered into a serious relationship, how would you feel about her dancing for other guys? Just curious.

Remember in your other thread when I told you I had a friend that was being milked by a dancer? Yeah, she used to talk to him too...and hug him...some of these women are good at reading guys and they know what they need to do to keep the money coming.

I hope for your sake that it works out for you but I would bet against it.


You know...as a side here....I'm just wondering something. IF you two ever entered into a serious relationship, how would you feel about her dancing for other guys? Just curious.

I'm positive she is not that manipulating and I could tell she was being genuine.
As for her dancing for other guys. I'm completely sure it would not bother me. I'm not the jealous type and on top of that. It's her job, she does it to make money. She actually plans on quitting in the fall to go to school anyway.

Get a real relationship that you don't have to buy. I recognize its your time and money but if it doesn't work, have no regrets. Any endeavors of romance have their risks and you have assumed yours.

She ain't going to turn your money down. Nor will she give you time unless you PAY for it. What are you scared to try it my way and blow the fantasy in your head?

No it's not that. I have tried it your way and things never seem to work out. Also I live in a small town, I work a lot, I'm not very gumptious. In other words I'm not real comfortable just walking up to a stranger and starting a conversation. At clubs like those the girls actually come up and start talking to you, which is really nice for me... Not that I'm interested in other girls at this point.

So instead of learning how to relate and be comfortable with strangers you rather settle for paying for some conversation... with strangers... OOOOOOOOOOOOOkay!

The easy way out may not be the best way, but its your hard earned money. You are just one of many CUSTOMERS she may have and she isn't lonely when you aren't there. And you have NOT tried my way with her!! If you did, what happened? (nevermind, I already know... no attention from her, or conversation, you sat there ALONE, with a drink!)

Hell guy, all you can see is her, and she has to be paid for. That's good as long as the money is there. No substitute for dinner and a show, a concert, or a coffee, or even a friendly phone call. But you have high hope to buy those things from this female. Let me know when you get her real name and number so I can ask how much it cost you.

So keep accurate records. I mean do you know what you have spent already and still don't have a name, a number, or a date?

HOW MUCH SO FAR?

So instead of learning how to relate and be comfortable with strangers you rather settle for paying for some conversation...................................... ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOkay!


HOW MUCH SO FAR?

Just give it up... he's not going to listen to us. He comes here saying things, asking for advice, and we're wasting our time giving it to him. Anything we say makes no difference as he has an answer for it all.

I'm done with this as I see it only as a waste of time now.

So instead of learning how to relate and be comfortable with strangers you rather settle for paying for some conversation...................with strangers......................OOOOOOOOOOOOOkay!

The easy way out may not be the best way, but its your hard earned money. You are just one of many CUSTOMERS she may have and she isn't lonely when you aren't there. And you have NOT tried my way with her!!!!!!!! If you did, what happened?? (nevermind, I already know.................no attention from her, or conversation, you sat there ALONE, with a drink!)

Hell guy, all you can see is her, and she has to be paid for. Thats good as long as the money is there. No substitute for dinner and a show, a concert, or a coffee, or even a friendly phone call. But you have high hope to buy those things from this female. Let me know when you get her real name and number so I can ask how much it cost you.

So keep accurate records. I mean do you know what you have spent already and still don't have a name, a number, or a date?

HOW MUCH SO FAR?

Do people just randomly go up to people and start conversations? Is that acceptable? I don't have that much gumption. Besides she's not a stranger anymore.
I acknowledge the fact that if I tried your way I'd fail. I feel like as we keep seeing each other it'll slowly start to sink in that I'm relationship material and that I could be everything she needs.
When we start talking about money I do feel bad. I mean in all honest I've probably spent close to 300$ already :/ I feel like an idiot when I think about it.
I keep telling myself that if something doesn't happen the next time I'm there I'm going to stop going for a while. But then next time turns into next time turns into next time :/

$300? Phew. I thought you were talking $3,000 or $10,000. Many a man has lost his house, his job, his savings paying for a woman's time, hoping for love.
She may be going to school, or she may be just saying it. It's the thing to say these days, not only to show intelligence and ambition, but also to be respectable, and even get extra tips.

DUDE, get some gumption, and stay out of the booty bars. Your fear of rejection is the problem and its disgusting to pay a few bucks to not be. Learn how to take rejection in stride and try again with some one else.

You can't buy gumption, you have to grow it like we all do, by doing it. At first you fail, but you learn and try again. You are looking for love in the wrong place plain and simple, and when you stop looking for love and find a fun date companion without falling in to deep instantly, your life will be better.

Imagine your life with a little gumption. Beats spending $300 bucks to fail and start over (with another stripper no doubt!)!!

Do people just randomly go up to people and start conversations? Is that acceptable? I don't have that much gumption. Besides she's not a stranger anymore.
I acknowledge the fact that if I tried your way I'd fail. I feel like as we keep seeing each other it'll slowly start to sink in that I'm relationship material and that I could be everything she needs.
When we start talking about money I do feel bad. I mean in all honest I've probably spent close to 300$ already :/ I feel like an idiot when I think about it.
I keep telling myself that if something doesn't happen the next time I'm there I'm going to stop going for a while. But then next time turns into next time turns into next time :/

I just read this thread and I have to say you are a very gullible person. First, she is a still a stranger. It will be a long time before you get to know the real woman instead of the character she plays.

She is performing whether she is on stage or off. It is her job to be a fantasy and sometimes that means telling customers what they want to hear. She is supposed to do what it takes within the law to get you to part with your money. It is a bigger part of the job than taking her clothes off.

Customers are banks. You are becoming an ATM.

Some of what she says may be partly true. Just enough of it so that when she accepts a date and lets you get to 'know' her, you are ready to give her your wallet when she suddenly can't pay her tuition or her car needs tires or the kid you didn't know about is sick. And it will be your idea to give it to her.

Stop with the thought of 'next time'. Stop going to there. Find a better place to hang out. Find activities that expand your horizon instead of hiding.

If you lack 'gumption', then get up and learn ways to increase it. You won't find your self-confidence sitting in a bar paying women to be nice to you. It isn't you they are interested in. It is your cash.

Self-confidence is gained when you fail but keep trying. So what if you fail. We all do. It's a part of life they don't tell you about in erotica or fairy tales.

Look at how much energy you have put into obsessing over this one woman who may never give you her name or phone number. That is a lot of 'gumption' you could be using in other places to meet women who are interested in the same things you are such as building a relationship not based on your wallet.

This isn't complicated. No games. If you are interested in dating a young lady, you approach her, in person and in a polite, respectful way, you say to her, "I would love to spend some time with you. May I take you to dinner and a movie Saturday night?" If she says, "I have plans Saturday", you ask her, "I don't want to put you on the spot - if you're not interested it's of course ok - but is there another time you'd like to go?" Then she has the option to say, "yes, Friday would be better for me" or she can say, "well, the thing is I'm interested in dating John" or she can say, "no thank you" or she can say, "I don't think so but I'm flattered you asked". If she says anything other than "yes" or "how about X date instead?" the answer is no. You remain friendly to her and forget about it. Keep looking around and noticing other young ladies and when you meet another young lady who appeals to you, repeat the process.

When you get a "no" or an excuse, let it go. That's it. Not interested, dead end, move on.

I found out she is a homosexual tonight so I guess the thought of a real relationship is over with :/... I still love her though. I don't want to be with someone else. I feel like I'd really be missing out if I ended our relationship. Who else will hug me, show me that much affection, listen to me and care for me unconditionally (almost). I feel like I don't deserve to be loved. Having her makes me so happy and I get to MAKE her happy. Ever since she's came into my life I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I want to remain wrapped around her finger, I like that analogy. She'll always have me if she needs me. Always always always. I feel likes it's worth every penny I pay her to have a love life. To have someone to look forward to, to have someone I know I can't talk to completely openly with. I don't think I could ever find someone like that even if I tried. Perhaps I'll change my mind one day.

You've gone from ridiculous to absurd. She's not into you and she's not into your entire gender, but you're still willing to "pay for" the love she gives you? It's not love - it's pity at this point.

Where else will you find what you need from a woman? Most likely from a woman who is into men, and specifically into you. As long as you have this pseudo partner in this Lesbian friend-like person who doesn't have a clue how to get rid of you without devastating you, the right girl can't get within the same zip code of you - you wouldn't even notice her.

You are infatuated. Stop spending time with this woman, see other friens, family - do anything but spend time with a woman who cannot, will not, does not want to reciprocate your feelings - EVER. After a while you'll get used to being without her, and you'll be open to other people, and one of those people will eventually be the right thing.

Dating isn't so hard unless we either stick with someone who's bad for us (which you are doing - not that she's bad as a person but the relationship is bad for you) or we refuse to take very clear "no" responses from other people. You are wallowing in your suffering - on purpose. Not very smart.

Why are we wasting our time on this? Keep buying love, and keep living this pathetic existence. Masochism like this is an illness, but you aren't remotely interested in getting out of it.

I found out she is a homosexual tonight so I guess the thought of a real relationship is over with :/...I still love her though. I don't wanna be with someone else. I feel like I'd really be missing out if I ended our relationship. Who else will hug me, show me that much affection, listen to me and care for me unconditionally (almost). I feel like I don't deserve to be loved. Having her makes me so happy and I get to MAKE her happy. Ever since she's came into my life I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I want to remain wrapped around her finger, I like that analogy. She'll always have me if she needs me. Always always always. I feel likes it's worth every penny I pay her to have a love life. To have someone to look forward to, to have someone I know I can't talk to completely openly with. I don't think I could ever find someone like that even if I tried. Perhaps I'll change my mind one day.

This is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard anyone say.

From minute one she made it clear that she wasn't interested in you, but would you let it go? No, you continued to try to get her. You were told time and time again on this site to give it up, but you wouldn't.

Now you find out she's homosexual, and you still won't let her go?

You really need therapy.

I no longer believe this is real... not at all. I think we are being played.

All we've said has been met with crazy reasoning and answers. He spent all kinds of money "buying" her love but it only turns out to be $300 over weeks. He's willing to be with her even if she doesn't care about him. All the excuses... Now she's a lesbian but that's not enough to turn him away. No! He will still love her! No Matter what!

But what really did it for me... what really makes me say he's playing us. After all we have said, that he supposedly understands, he says this:


Who else will hug me, show me that much affection, listen to me and care for me unconditionally (almost).

Unconditionally... LOL... unconditional doesn't include having to pay for the attention. Nowhere else has he said anything about her caring for him.


Having her makes me so happy and I get to MAKE her happy.

What is that supposed to mean? How does he make her happy? He PAYS her. Nowhere else has he even hinted that he makes her happy. Now, he somehow does.


I want to remain wrapped around her finger, I like that analogy. She'll always have me if she needs me. Always always always.I feel likes it's worth every penny I pay her to have a love life.

Now he's saying this is a "love life"... how? How is it a love life? They've never been out. Never seen each other outside of this place. She's a lesbian. He pays her for attention. This is a love life.

This is why I think we are being had. None of this makes any sense at all. Even if he was so wrapped up in her, I still can't see how he could reason these things out like this. It all seems like it is going over the top now to try and get more responses. I no longer believe it and I am done answering these questions of his.

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to odinn7 again.

I'm not sure that we're being had. I think we simply have a very naïve, very needy OP that really doesn't get it. That's why I suggest counseling.

Basically, he's paying her for affection. That makes her a hooker, and him a John. But hey, he's willing to pay for the illusion of love. That doesn't make it love. In fact, considering his thought process on this thread, I really think the girl in question, should be very afraid. He's just one step away from doing something he will regret for the rest of his life. But, if he does go that far at least he'll be getting affection. Plenty of guys in prison will be lining up to do more than just hug him.

I think it's time to close this thread. The OP never came here for advice. He came here for validation, and he's not going to get it from us.

I really think the girl in question, should be very afraid. He's just one step away from doing something he will regret for the rest of his life.

I had made a comment to this effect on post #12.

Anyway, I still don't believe it.

I had made a comment to this effect on post #12.

Anyway, I still don't believe it.

Sorry, I lost interest around post 10, because of his other thread on this topic. I didn't see that you'd already mentioned that this girl should be very afraid of him.

I'm not 100% sure that he's really this screwed up, but hey, it does happen. There are people like this in the world, that's why there are stalking laws. I'd rather err on the side of caution. Sadly, I think the person that really should be posting is the girl this guy is obsessed with. She's the one that really needs help.

I assure you, what I am feeling is very very real.
1.If you think about it she does love me unconditionally, I mean other than giving her money there isn't really a condition. She doesn't care that I get picked on or that I'm not super good looking or that I've never been in a relationship before and I can talk to her about nearly anything and she at least pretends to care for me.
2. By giving her money I do make her happy! Also throughout our conversations I can get her to laugh a handful of times. She told me I'm her favorite customer, and I'm probably the best looking and most respectful.
3. It's the closest thing I have or have ever had to a love life. I look forward to spending time with her on my days off and sort of view them as dates.
As for me being "dangerous" that's just kind of absurd. If she ever expressed to me that she no longer wanted my patronage I wouldn't even GO to the club anymore. And by "affection" I do not mean sex, she's not a hooker. I'm not a John. I'm fine with ending this thread as I no longer need advice on this matter. I do acknowledge how I am feeling/acting isn't normal and have considered counseling but I'm not sure it's that big a probably to go through all that trouble for.

Robert Palmer jokes aside can a person be addicted to love/need therapy for it? Say for instance someone who is in love with a person who (might not) doesn't love them back and only wants money out of them. I'm in a relationship sort of like that and at times I hate it, yet feel powerless to even attempt to end it, almost as if I derive my entire self-worth from the person I am seeing. Do they make therapy for that/is therapy expensive?

Yes, there is therapy for that, and most therapists have a sliding scale based on your income.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/has-anyone-ever-used-jealousy-win-someone-over-738983.html

Same girl that you were talking about in the above thread? The one that is a lesbian and doesn't want to date you at all?

Yes, there is therapy for this sort of thing, and you are in desperate need of it.

Good luck.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/has-anyone-ever-used-jealousy-win-someone-over-738983.html

Same girl that you were talking about in the above thread? The one that is a lesbian and doesn't want to date you at all?

Yes, there is therapy for this sort of thing, and you are in desperate need of it.

Good luck.

Actually she may not be a lesbian, it's just someone referred to one of her friends as a "girlfriend" so maybe she is maybe she isn't.

Therapy seems pretty heavy. Is the way I'm acting/thinking really that abnormal, doesn't everyone experience these feeling?

I'll soon have my own insurance so I'll be able to keep it a secret from my parents and it is becoming quite a temptation to see one, it's weird one minute I'm totally happy with my situation the next I'm crying or resentfully dwelling on it. Like tonight, I spent two hours waiting around just to talk to her.

Arnold Palmer? He was a golfer.

Arnold Palmer? He was a golfer.

ROBERT, my mistake.

Actually she may not be a lesbian, it's just someone referred to one of her friends as a "girlfriend" so maybe she is maybe she isn't.

Therapy seems pretty heavy. Is the way I'm acting/thinking really that abnormal, doesn't everyone experience these feeling?

I'll soon have my own insurance so I'll be able to keep it a secret from my parents and it is becoming quite a temptation to see one, it's weird one minute I'm totally happy with my situation the next I'm crying or resentfully dwelling on it. Like tonight, I spent two hours waiting around just to talk to her.

You were given advice on your other thread, over and over. We've already told you that your behavior is not normal. I'm not going to waste my time telling you again because you never listen.

Get therapy, that's the only advice anyone can give you, and you really should follow that advice. As for your "relationship" I think I can speak for everyone on this site when I say that we've heard enough about it, and we've talked enough about it, all to no avail, so why should we spend more time talking to someone that doesn't have the ability to listen?

Good luck.