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View Full Version : I am having a hard time with feeling about getting married.


Sally980
Jan 23, 2013, 09:20 PM
When I was 16 years old I started dateing this guy who was 20 at the time. He was one of my brothers friends and we hit it off right away. I fell head over hills in love. I foud out later he had a son who was 2 at the time. I was so in love that I didn't care but also because he didn't get to see his son much. Which made me feel like it was not a big deal. When I was with him it was just me and him. Then we started getting his son every other weekend which I would be fine with because I loved him but in the long run I was young and still am. Which didn't make me really think about if I could go though this. Well I ended up getting prago. Which made me want to be with him even more because I was having a baby with him. I moved in with him and then I would help him take care of his son when he would get him. That's when I met his mom. My boyfriend kids mom ( the ex) we still to this day which I'm 21 have not get into a fight and I would not get involved with them if they were fighting or what. When we would go pick his son up I stayed in the car. Well now that his son is older and I had my little girl things changed. Me and my boyfriend would fight nostop about his son. He said I was jeoules of him and his ex and that I shouldn't be. Which I'm not and it makes me even more upset when people say that. It's just to the point where I see his ex every other weekend and now I'm thinking I got into this young and am freaking out. I want to be with my boyfriend and he wants to marry me. I keep saying no. It's been 5 years now and I still won't marry him. I get freaked out. I think it's because I don't know if I want to deal with his ex all the time. What makes it harder is that she's so nice to me and I fine that harder then if she was mean I rather her be crazy and this is why... Because my boyfriends family talks about how my boyfriend loved her and she was the love of his life and the fact that they had a family before me. She broke up with him because my boyfriend got in a fight with her family. So it makes me think dose she still love him. I know I sound crazy but I have mixed thoughts and I want to Marry him but then I don't. What should I do.
Also his mom said to me one day after she started crying she said things would have been better if my boyfriend and his ex would have stayed together. My boyfriend says his mom is crazy and not to Listin but his other family says how he was upset when she broke up with him and over getting in a fight with her family. I just feel like I'm the 2nd love and always will be.

teacherjenn4
Jan 23, 2013, 09:38 PM
Your boyfriend had a life before you. You chose to stay with him even though you knew he had a son. You got pregnant and now that you have a baby, you feel you were too young? You may be his second love, but he seems to have a good relationship with his ex. That's a good thing.
You have a lot of growing up to do. I'd get back to school so you can become a better parent for your daughter.

FightingBlues
Jan 24, 2013, 09:42 AM
What is your relationship with you're his ex and his parents? Because the way choose to response to this question is important to understanding the truth behind your reluctancy to marry him. If his ex and his parents have caused you any problems without you provoking them, then it is clear that you are concerned what this would mean for your future as well as your child's future if you continued to stay with this man. You may want a drama-free life and even though you may not see eye-to-eye with his ex or his mom, it is also your responsibility to respect them and vice versa--they must respect you as the woman who is involved in the child's life. If, however, you are doubtful that you can deal with the occasional visits because it doesn't concern you, then you have to be mature enough to say "I need to have a relationship with his son, his ex and his family for the benefit of the child." If you don't, you will further push your boyfriend away because he will see that you don't have his son's best interests at heart. He needs someone who is all in or nothing. Otherwise, it would be impossible for him to sustain a relationship with someone who cannot adapt to circumstances that are not completely in his control.

If you want to marry him you should be able to compromise without giving it second thought. I hope he does the same for you too. However, if you have too many doubts about marriage and realize that your longterm goals have changed, it is time to break it. Otherwise, you won't be truly happy with this man and in turn your daughter will pay the price for your decision to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Good luck!