I have a little brother who is younger than me by 2 years. We were originallly very close as kids I remember running around with him on adventures and what not and kissing cheeks and holding hands.

Recently though he has gotten very possessive and protective of me. He won't let me go outside of the house by myself, even if it's just retrieving mail from the mailbox, and he has serious issues with me talking to other people in general, not to mention guys. He also had a serious fight with my boyfriend which ended up in violence, pain, tears and broken hearts.

When I try to confront him about this and ask for privacy, he breaks down crying, and I just can't bear to see him cry. He sometimes ask if he can sleep in my room because he feels insecure and scared and fears that his nightmares will keep him awake the whole night if he sleeps by himself. Reluctanly, I let him sleep in my room. But I want him to be more independent and all, seeing that I won't always be with my little brother.

Is this normal between siblings? How can I possibly get my little brother to be less attached and more independent?

What are your ages? Are your parents aware of his actions?

I'm turning 18 and he's 16.
And no. Our parents are usually away for work, and currently they are overseas.

I'm turning 18 and he's 16.
And no. Our parents are usually away for work, and currently they are overseas.
Did all of this start when your parents went away?

Did all of this start when your parents went away?

I think he was always attached to me. But I feel like it's gotten worse. I feel suffocated. Every time I told him to give me some breathing space, he guilts me into regretting ever mentioning such ideas.

I think he was always attached to me. But I feel like it's gotten worse. I feel suffocated. Every time I told him to give me some breathing space, he guilts me into regretting ever mentioning such ideas.
Who is watching over you while your parents are away?

Who is watching over you while your parents are away?

Our neighbors take care of us. They live in their own house, but come over or we go over and eat together and spend time with each other.

U both are so young to be left alone... How long has this been going on?
Anyway, teenage is a tough age,, I am guessing he feels insecure,, not having your parents around, may be he feels he needs to take care of u,, also since you are the adult in the house, you are responsible for him. It's a mixed and confusing age. Talk to him about it. Ask him how he feels and what you can do to help.

Both parents work?

No this is not normal and I would have fear of brother at this point. You need to talk to the neighbors about it, and perhaps stay at their house or have brother stay there.

Next just tell him no, he can not stop you from going outside and going to town, just do it and don't listen to him.
Lock your door, do not let him sleep in your room.

No this is not normal and I would have fear of brother at this point. You need to talk to the neighbors about it, and perhaps stay at thier house or have brother stay there.

Next just tell him no, he can not stop you from going outside and going to town, just do it and don't listen to him.
Lock your door, do not let him sleep in your room.

Teenager with parents far away,, if his sister pushes him away, there might be negative consequences. Don't you think it is better she tries to talk ti him about his insecurities?

If he insists on sleeping in your room, wait till he falls asleep, then u go to his room and sleep there... if he insists on sleeping in the same room, make him sleep where it is very uncomfortable. Couple of days later, he might think twice.

No, it is not her place to try and cure him and he appears to have serious issues, She needs to get an adult involved and keep distance to keep herself safe.

He has already been physcial with others, I see this turning really evil very quickly.
I would even suggest she stays with neighbor and not even go home and be alone with him,

No, it is not her place to try and cure him and he appears to have serious issues, She needs to get an adult involved and keep distance to keep herself safe.

He has already been physcial with others, I see this turning really evil very quickly.
I would even suggest she stays with neighbor and not even go home and be alone with him,

Hey Hey,, your jumping into conclusions,, Did she ever mention him being physical with anyone?
Yes, she needs an adult to help her, but that doesn't mean she needs to stay away from him. She is his sister. She says she always has been attached to him. Isn't it obvious, he's clinging on to her with his emotions. There is nothing evil in it.
She is just 18. Don't scare her.

Hey Hey,, your jumping into conclusions,, Did she ever mention him being physical with anyone?


I think you need to read her question again...


He also had a serious fight with my boyfriend which ended up in violence, pain, tears and broken hearts.

Right there at the end of the second paragraph she talks about him fighting her boyfriend. To me, that seems like he got physical with someone. And I really don't think Fr_Chuck is all that far off. This could go bad... do you know for sure that it can't?


To the OP... you need him to grow up a little. Stop letting him sleep in your room. Stop letting him control you. Explain to him that you are capable of dealing with yourself and you need space. Don't let him control you with his crying. He knows that bothers you so that is why he does it.

Oh Yes,, I failed to keep that in mind,, my mistake,, but I still feel keeping him away might lead to something more serious,, y not consult a doctor,, specially since he is having nightmares,, there might be something bothering him and he is unable to express it,, He is 16 and is crying for help,,

Oh Yes,,,, i failed to keep that in mind,,,, my mistake,,, but i still feel keeping him away might lead to something more serious,,, y not consult a doctor,,, specially since he is having nightmares,,, there might be something bothering him and he is unable to express it,,, He is 16 and is crying for help,,,,

He's 16 and trying to get into his sisters pants! That's the issue here in my opinion.

He forbids her from going out, he causes a scene until she allows him to sleep with her. This is sick, and it needs to be addressed by an adult, not this girl that shouldn't be responsible for this kid.

Better that he pout in his room because his sister won't let him molest her, than have it actually happen, because that's where I see this going.

He's 16, not 5, he can sleep in his own room. She's 18, not 2, she can go out when she wants to, it's not up to him.

You're worried about him? I'm worried about his sister and what he's going to do to her. I also think someone should report the parents in this case. They should be the ones dealing with this, not an 18 year old.

I am worried about both,,

No where has she mentioned that he is trying to molest her,, he wants to sleep in her room,, where she is present,, why? Like you say,, if he wants to get into her pants, then she has my full support,, but what if he wants her for a different reason? What if he is scared for some reason? His sis is the only one he has,,

The reason I am saying he might need help is because my ex-BF (b4 I was married) used to threaten my cousin who stayed with us,, my cousin was so scared that he didn't talk to me for ages,, my cousin and I were more than a bro-sis,, we were best-frens and he was very protective of me,, he had actually warned me a couple of times about my ex,, but I ignored,, my ex came to know about the warnings and threatened my cousin,, since then my cousin started to ignore me, he'd bunk our classes together, came home late and would leave very early,, it was only after I broke up did I realise what was going on,, my boyfriend was physically abusing my cousin almost everyday,, so that my parents are not informed of our relation,,

I don say the OP has to deal this on her own,, I suggest she take him to a doc or some other adult whom he can talk to,,

Every person is entitled to a benefit of doubt,,

I don say the OP has to deal this on her own,, I suggest she take him to a doc or some other adult whom he can talk to,,

Why should she be the one taking this kid to the doctor? She's only 2 years older than him, this isn't her responsibility, it's her parents responsibility.

Talk to your parents immediately, and if they don't intervene, talk to your neighbors/adult supervisors.

You should not deal with this on your own. He is dangerous, and needs real help ASAP!!

What country do you live in? Your parents are really at fault here. It is TOTALLY inappropriate for them to be travelling all the time and being overseas, leaving a minor teenager. You are not his legal custodian apparently, and the neighbors are just checking in? I could see this arrangement for a week at most for a vacation, but longer than that I feel is totally inappropriate.

You need to contact your parents and let them exactly how your brother is behaving. I think he has a totally inappropriate attachment to you which is highly abnormal. Normally, teenage siblings might be able to be friends and share some friends in common, but they also argue and don't want to be together all the time. Your brother needs psychiatric care and you need protection from him.

I think there is a real danger of rape here as I would presume he is physically stronger than you. He is jealous of your boyfriend, which is a real red flag. I think his being afraid to sleep alone at the age of 16 is just an excuse to sleep in her room, which is another huge red flag.

If your parents have always abandoned the two of you like this to go gallavanting around the world and have the neighbors "check in", they have probably contributed to his dependence on you.

You need to make a phone call, "one of you needs to come home today. I am leaving the house and not telling my brother where I am going. I do not feel safe with his behavior. I cannot be responsible for him." Don't tell your brother where you are going. At 16 he can take care of himself until your parents get home. Let the neighbors know as well. If your parents refuse to return home, let them know you aren't taking responsibility for your brother and it will not be your fault if they, or he, get in trouble over the situation.

Your parents are really negligent in this situation.

Why should she be the one taking this kid to the doctor? She's only 2 years older than him, this isn't her responsibility, it's her parents responsibility.

It might not be her responsibility, but he is her brother,, not some stranger she met on the way,,

Brother or not she has no legal standing as a minor to give consent to anything a doctor has to do for her brother.

Do you think you could have him open up about his past without it resulting in a fight? I have a feeling that his insecurities, fears, jealousies, etc. are a result of a tragic and perhaps traumatic childhood. Maybe he is trying to protect you from the same harm that was inflicted upon him as a child, but his approach is totally out of line and causing more damage.

On the other hand, it doesn't sound right that he's asking to sleep in the same bed as you. Why can't he just sleep on the floor in the same room if he's that concerned? Why the same bed? If you were little kids this could be something easily overlooked, but the two of you are teenagers! I say this is a major indicator that things could escalate to something highly inappropriate.

Secondly, we don't really know if the fight that resulted between your brother and your boyfriend happened because your boyfriend really is no good, or because your brother is a controlling person by nature. It sounds like by your main question that he is, in which case you have a right to defend yourself and ensure that your brother doesn't inflict any more harm to you or anyone else that is connected to you. So I suppose it doesn't really matter who provoked the fight or if your brother did you a favour by getting rid of the guy or if he did you a disservice. The fact of the matter he is letting his possessiveness impede on your life and his attachment is straining the relationship you have as siblings.

I understand that you may want to protect him because he's your little brother and your parents are not able to do most of the things they had promised to do for you, but for the sake of your sanity and perhaps your life, you must resort to somewhere safe until your brother gets the required help he needs. Otherwise, I am scared what this may mean for you and your immediate future.

It might not be her responsibility, but he is her brother,,,, not some stranger she met on the way,,,,

She's also 18, and she's not old enough to have to parent a 16 year old boy. This is a parents responsibility, not a child's.

She's also 18, and she's not old enough to have to parent a 16 year old boy. This is a parents responsibility, not a childs.

Of course it is not her responsibility, it is her parent's... but their parents' are not around and she is the only family he has,, unless someone takes some action, he will not get the help he needs,, u don run away from the problems, you face them,,

It is better to seek help than ignore the matter and let it take its course,, if her brother is possessive/protective/dangerous/rapist or whatever it is that everyone is predicting, he deserves a chance to be heard.

IT IS NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY,, but he sure is her brother and they were very close as kids AND he needs help, which she can give. She can take him to a psychiatrist, or a psychologist, or to some adult/guardian who can help them both. Leaving him at his fate and leading your life is not humanity, neither is it what family does... her parents might be insane to have left them on their own, but she shouldn act like her parents and leave her brother,,

Also, the OP hasn't replied after the first few posts... is she still active?

Is there any way for you to communicate with your parents while they are away? Email? Phone? You should talk to your parents about this and see what they say, if not your parents then your neighbors.