I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We were both young teenagers when we got together through school and were crazy in teenage love. We have had many ups and downs together as the relationship has had to change with us both changing and the relationship has had to go from an immature to mature as we are both now 20.

I am away at university and he is still at home. The distance isn't an issue, but I feel maybe going to uni has made us grow apart as I have had to become more independent and learn about myself. I've spoken to him about it, and the result being that he doesn't share my feelings as all and is madly in love with me and knows what he wants. I know I love him deeply but I just don't feel it anymore. And knowing how he feels makes me feel guilty knowing I can't say the same in return.

Just before Christmas I met a guy online. It was a rather pervy accident on his behalf but once we started talking we clicked instantly. I don't click with people, and there's only a few people I am completely myself with and I felt I could be with him. He is older than me but I don't feel a difference if anything I feel much more myself. We couldn't stop talking to each other through curious conversation and when Christmas was over I had to go back to university. I realized I started to have feelings for him because he's incredible and of our connection.

People may snicker at his complication, with it being he's in Canada and I the UK. I told myself how ridiculous the whole situation was and tried to forget about it. But then conversation became heated and it was revealed that he felt the same as I did. Since that point we decided to test the chemistry and Skype, which only resulted into being even stronger.

I decided to call it off with him, so that I could focus on my current relationship. He agreed and supported it fully saying he wanted me to make it work as we both know the situation is crazy. But it didn't last, we both missed each other so much and buckled. Since then I have fallen even further talking throughout the day and skyping most nights.

My current boyfriend loves me, and is also amazing. There's nothing he has done wrong or could do more which makes me feel even worse that I can't be sure I feel the same, yet know that I care deeply for him because I do love him. I just don't know what to do, I'm in love with them both. And I know a relationship from Canada to the UK is extremely difficult, but I've never had a connection with anyone like this before and wonder if that counts for anything.

Just help, please.

Humans are capable of having feelings intense ones for many. We cannot control having those feelings, but we can control what we do about them. A chance meeting with a stranger is no excuse for bad behavior.

Get off the fence and decide if you want to explore or not. In my mind the minute you decided to test the chemistry you became a cheater. The minute you decided not to share the truth about your honest feelings with your boyfriend, you became a liar. I don't mean to be harsh but this is a self inflicted dilemma you have created by lying to yourself about the distance and growing apart. That's when an honest discussion was needed.

Decide to get out of your comfort zone, or manage your feelings about how to be honest with yourself and others. I mean damn, visiting a fellow you met online and clicked with is really beyond the boundaries of good behavior, when you have a fellow back home waiting for you. You should have dumped the guy at home, and done as you pleased, without the confusion.

My advice, be single and figure out what you want instead of following these new intense feelings that lead you to confusion. Explore or settle, its your choice. Honest, or dishonest, that's your choice too.

Thank you for your response, but there are a few things,


I mean damn, visiting a fellow you met online and clicked with is really beyond the boundaries of good behavior, when you have a fellow back home waiting for you.

I haven't met with him. I didn't just hop on a plane and have told him not to do the same. Testing chemistry does not make me a cheater. All I have done is spoken to him like you would a friend. It's as if you met someone and wanted to see how much you actually did have in common in order to become closer friends.

And I did have an honest conversation with my boyfriend when I felt this way as I stated, and he didn't understand what I was talking about and didn't reciprocate any feelings on it. He decided to take it with a pinch of salt and every time I talked to him about it he just looked for quick fixes saying what I wanted to hear then carrying on as normal. The distance and stuff is not a lie, it's been happening for a year.

Sorry just wanted to clear that up.

So he knew of your trip, and knows of this fellow as your friend? Or was this all online? Or was there meetings in person? Please clear that up for me.

The thing I was trying to point out was the part you played in accepting his quick fixes, instead of insisting on your own fixes. That's where the honesty comes, in the way you state your likes and dislikes, and act on your own, since obviously you chose to let it ride and have him think you are satisfied. That's why my advice was for you to be single, since you are dissatisfied with the relationship, and are disconnected because of distance, and have to solutions for bridging the gaps or moving forward,and are now distracted by the attentions of a new friend.

Like you say, you have strong feelings for two guys but the priority is resolving the differences between you, that either gives agreement to a path forward, or agreeing to be apart.

So what did your boyfriend say when you were going on a holiday to meet a new "friend"? It obviously got carried away, and you can't seem to end it and focus on this relationship.

That is what you need to do. As you already have blurred the lines of good behavior under the guise of "friends". You don't have to take my word for it, just ask your boyfriend.

So he knew of your trip, and knows of this fellow as your friend? Or was this all online? Or was there meetings in person? Please clear that up for me.

It has all been online through talking through skype. I haven't gone off or anything. I wouldn't do anything like that while I was with my boyfriend (you can call it rich and laugh if you want but it's true). It's massive hurdles like that, that have kept an arms length.


The thing I was trying to point out was the part you played in accepting his quick fixes, instead of insisting on your own fixes. Thats where the honesty comes, in the way you state your likes and dislikes, and act on your own, since obviously you chose to let it ride and have him think you are satisfied.

That's because I believed in what he was saying. And I was satisfied because I thought it would be fixed that he understood and listened, but instead got emotional and demanded if I was going to break up with him which stirs away from what I was originally saying to him. I have had another blow out with him and made him listen (very recently), and he has agreed that we need to start again, I'm just worried he hasn't listened and I will be in the same rut with my feelings for my boyfriend again. Like I have said it's not that I don't love him but sometimes it doesn't feel like it's enough. I know your advice was for me to be single which I told him (not that it was your advice but that I wanted to be on my own), and he gave me answers of "am I not supportive enough?" "how will getting rid of me help?" And I don't have a response. It's not that he's doing anything wrong, it's just I'm incredibly confused and want to be on my own to focus on me alone for once. But he wants me to have one more try, so I agreed as I feel I would regret it if I didn't, but if we end up in the same place I will be firm and tell him I want to be on my own.


That is what you need to do. As you already have blurred the lines of good behavior under the guise of "friends". You don't have to take my word for it, just ask your boyfriend.

The just ask your boyfriend bit is amusing because last year he had a girl on the side who he was flirting and talking to and planned numerous occasions to meet up with. She was much younger and he insists he never had feelings for her and felt "played" by her. I also know he flirts with other girls. At least I have feelings for mine and it's not a game to me.

Thanks so much for clarifying things Miss EP, it does bring things into better perspective, so I can only say that your confusion is natural, and will only be resolved when you know what YOU want, and weigh it against what HE wants. The two don't appear to be compatible at this time.

Let me clarify my advice as its totally based on what you wrote, that screams of someone who wants to be free to explore their world and see the options, and opportunities life has for you, and your boyfriend is the anchor for the comfortable world you came from, and its hard to erase that at the moment. Even the second chance you have given him has a time limit to it, and you have not told him its getting close.

Your confusion comes with not having made the decision for yourself that you need to because you are AFRAID you will regret that decision. Maybe you will, but I suspect the need to explore your own freedom to define yourself won't leave you with as much time for regrets than you think. Especially if you give yourself enough time to unpack your old baggage and get over the ties to the past by not giving up your new freedom easily, or foolishly. Time to cut those old emotional attachments and have time to wipe the slate clean.

That's why I think you move forward with no regrets, on your own to grow the way you want to. Don't look back, and there will be no regrets.