Hello,

I'm new here and I need advice and support. I'm 22 and she's 19.

I was with my ex girlfriend for 1 year 1 month. Her family disapproved of me but she stayed by me no matter what and whoever said what. But during the last weeks of our relationship, she was pressured by her family, her mum saying she's going to commit suicide if she was serious and was going to marry me. I was controlling, possessive, and immature. She knew she couldn't depend on me and I wasn't a good boyfriend. I didn't show much of my feelings and was guilty of a lot of wrongdoing.

She started to change and I could feel our relationship slipping away. I got drunk one night and I asked her straight out if she's seeing someone else. She admitted it and said she likes him now. I went to her house but she didn't come out to see me at all. Next day I did the same and we spoke but only for a few minutes because I was extremely upset and angry. I hit her. I know it's so wrong to hit a woman but I did and she went back into the house.

My mother came by and took me home. Same night I went by again and we wanted to talk on the front porch but her mum and boyfriend insist they sit down as well and didn't give us alone time to talk. She kept saying she loves him and is going to marry him which cut me deep inside but I remained calm and patient. He's 6 years older than her and is understanding and a lot more mature. That's what she wants in a guy. After the conversation, she walked me to the car and I asked for a hug but she said hug me so I did and they were watching. I told her I'll call her and promised to pick up, and we pinky promised because we always do that when we promise each other. She did pick up when I called but only spoke for a minute or two. She asked me not to contact her anymore.

I bombard her with messages and calls, no reply! Next day in the middle of the night she messaged me 8 times saying she misses me, she loves me, apologised for the moments when she wasn't a good girlfriend to me, looked after my health and everything reminds her of me. I didn't reply cause I was going for NC (no contact) Next morning she messaged me again several times saying she misses me and looks for me, repeated similar stuff then last message she said she is going to delete my number cause she's tempted to message me.

I couldn't help it and next morning I messaged her. She said she's truly sorry again. I pretended to be all right with the whole thing when I was actually dying inside. She said I am strong and surviving, I will find someone better than her. She's deleting my # again. I asked her why she must delete my # and she said because she's so used to having me around, telling her problems to me and she misses it. "I'm glad you've moved on and are so strong so I can move on now. Bye again."

Deleting her # I asked her out for an ice cream today and it'll be platonic but she declined the offer because she said her feelings would all come back and its so hard to forget about me. She misses me but she better not and she's crying for the last days and still want to cry so she doesn't want to see me yet and maybe in a few years we go out for lunch. I replied, as you wish then. I wanted to be left with power and door of opportunity for a potential future with her.

I know begging and crying isn't attractive to girls but I am worried if I go NC for years she will forget about me and would have really moved on? Does she feel guilty or does she really love me? If she feels guilty, I would be hurt because then it means she doesn't love me. Should I contact her once in a while to show her that I am still around and care but I don't want to be the rebound guy if her new relationship fails.

Right now, I want to improve on myself - my behaviour, my attitude and reach my personal goals. I want to become a better man and one day I want to attract her again. Is that possible? I have to be better than the new guy right now. I'm occupying myself but she stays on my mind all the time. I love this girl heaps. We both need to be older, wiser and more mature. Am I doing the right thing? I am lost and confused. I want her back but I can't right now. If I push, she's going to go further right into the new guy's arms. :(

Sorry for the long story. I really need some thought and opinions. I'll appreciate it. Thank you so much.

Hey buddy... really sorry that you're caught in this conflict... but I'm going to point out some things to you that you've done:

1. you hit her.
2. you harangue her with messages, texts, and what nots
3. you admit you are controlling, possessive, and immature.

Despite all that, I think you should never talk to this girl again. Don't get me wrong, I bet your good intent is all there, however you've done something critically wrong that in the social standards ABUSE is very VERY VERY forbidden. You sound like you've put her through some emotional abuse, and physical too. Please don't think I'm criticizing you, you might be a good guy, however you need to sort yourself out really badly and not think of this girl.

Heartbreak is bad, but obsession is worse. So fix yourself up and hope for a woman who will be with the man you will become, but do not hope for this girl because after hitting her even once, her family and her friends will never trust you and you'll only prove them right by keeping in touch. So get over your heart break, forget about this girl, and fix yourself up. Goodluck man, I believe people can change, and hopefully you really are a good man who made bad decisions

Go no contact. Remove the pain from your life and fill it with new things.

Go complete No Contact and free yourself from distraction because you have a whole lot of work to do on YOURSELF!

Start right now because its going to take a lot of dedication, and hard work, and may take years. You are a mess.