Basically, we have been together for 3 years since we were 17. We have always been so happy, so in love. We don't argue much we have our healthy tiffs but nothing like I see my friends experience.

We have been fine up until last week he rang me saying we need to talk, we met up and he explained how he loves me so much that he can never see himself breaking up with me and would quite easily want to marry me a few years down the line. He therefore went on to say how this scares him and as neither of us have had other relationships he worries what is out there. I can completely understand where he is coming from, but I love him so much that I just want to enjoy everyday together and not worry about what the future holds as anything can happen! However, his worries of him not being good enough for me, or mindlessly marrying your first love is really dwelling on him. He finally came to the decision that although he loves me so much and wants to be with me, that we need to break up.
I was obviously heartbroken. He later text me saying he is very confused and is going away for 2 weeks to clear his head and he doesn't expect me to wait around as he can't promise he'll feel any different.

Now, my situation is sitting around waiting. I don't know weather to allow myself to move on, hold out hope or what. I'm really struggling and all I know is that we love each other so much and that's what hurts the most.

Sorry to hear this.

Life can throw us some cruel curve balls sometimes and we have to accept them. Unfortunately he controls what he does and you don't get a vote for the most part. You do control how you react to whatever comes of this. If he decides that he wants to stay apart from you, just remember we have all been through this and we have all survived.

Let him have this time alone to think things through. Go out with your girlfriends during this time and have some fun. You are allowed to have some fun and hanging out with the girls will be good for you.

He wants out of the relationship clearly. It may be he is speaking to another girl. Either way remove yoursef from this situation by going no contact. Deleting all contact information, removing all memories and getting on the path to healing.

First things first... plan your next few weeks out to be very busy. Get out and have fun... the sooner you get yourself in the happy/fun place you need to be the easier it will be to see you can live without him and have a happy life.

I think you need to tell him what you can live with. For me it would be three possible options - one is that you stay together and enjoy your great luck that you found the right person early in life. This does happen to some people. A lot of people I know who went off to college and so on, still married their high school love.

The second option would be to agree that you're still together and neither will date anyone else but you also will not talk with, text or see each other for a month. The reason for not dating anyone else (or flirting online or whatever) is to prevent either of you doing something during the break that will damage the relationship if you get back together later. Plan a nice date for a month in the future to talk again about how you're both feeling and if you want to stay together or not. I would suggest you really make the month count - don't let him have his cake and eat it too. If he wants a break, you aren't available - he can't call, email, whatever unless he's on his deathbed. You don't want to go through this multiple times, so he doesn't get to call in a week and cut the month short. And make clear to him that you'll also let him know YOUR decision at that time. It's not going to be you pining away while he makes a decision. After a month apart, you might change your mind. He should know that's a risk.

Option three is to break up, and it's the same deal. You BOTH move on. This isn't a deal where he gets to sow his wild oats and you're supposed to wait for him. It's not fair to you to have some "open" relationship or some expectation that you let him do his thing and wait in the wings, or agree to take him back if he changes his mind. If he's gone, he's gone and you're a free agent.

I don't think he's necessarily met anyone else but he might be wondering things like whether he'll ever date one girl in his life. You did meet really young, so it's a reasonable concern on his part. Then again I think that given how he said he feels about you, he will be away from you for 2 weeks and be miserable.

Thank you all for your responses, really made me feel better. We are going no communication now for the next 3 weeks. To then come together and talk about it. Only problem is I feel he has the upper hand as he's the unsure one and I'm pretty sure I know I want to be with him. Therefore I am not going to force him or ask him how he feels, if he is 100% he'll come to me right? Can't help but wish he would contact me though...


He wants out of the relationship clearly. It may be he is speaking to another girl. Either way remove yoursef from this situation by going no contact. Deleting all contact information, removing all memories and getting on the path to healing.

First things first....plan your next few weeks out to be very busy. Get out and have fun...the sooner you get yourself in the happy/fun place you need to be the easier it will be to see you can live without him and have a happy life.

Does he want out though? Wouldn't he have just told me, he's very very honest. Definitely no other girl, he would tell me as I did ask to begin with. It's to do with him afraid of what may be out there not that he's not happy now.

Yes he has the upper hand if you want to look at it that way. I don't think he is. I think he is genuinely confused. You say he's very honest. How you act before he leaves and when he comes back will probably have a huge effect on his feelings, so plan every minute of those 3 weeks with girlfriends and family and events and doing those little projects you've been putting off, and be glad to see him when you do again. Staying positive will help a lot.
Keep in mind that men throughout thousands of years were expected to 'sow their wild oats' as some sort of rite of manhood (probably based on an ancient biological protection against inbreeding, by getting women pregnant in clans outside their own). His friends might have been giving him a hard time.

I'm missing him so much, I heard from him last Monday just a quick message to say he was doing a volunteering course for 2 weeks to help him find.himself. The message was just about what he was up to, I replied saying Im glad he's enjoying.himself. He hasn't spoken to me since, what does this mean :( he's not back until 29th Jan. I've become a wreck :(

No one knows what it means except him, and you when you do get to talk to him.
Yes, we all know the feeling... just be a busy wreck and a patient wreck.

Hi. I can infer from your article that you and your boyfriend are both 20 years old. In my view, your boyfriend is vacillating with boyish indecision. In other words, he is still thinking like a juvenile and not a man. The fact that you have not had love affairs before is not enough reason to abruptly terminate a 3 year old relationship. To sit and wait for a guy like this is tantamount to shooting self in the foot. Leave and let go. The world is full of serious people who need real love, not "trialist' or "experimentalists" like this man. Keep your head high, think positive, clearly and objectively. God bless you both. My name is Nick in West Africa.

Hi. I can infer from your article that you and your boyfriend are both 20 years old. In my view, your boyfriend is vacillating with boyish indecision. In other words, he is still thinking like a juvenile and not a man. The fact that you have not had love affairs before is not enough reason to abruptly terminate a 3 year old relationship. To sit and wait for a guy like this is tantamount to shooting self in the foot. Leave and let go. The world is full of serious people who need real love, not "trialist' or "experimentalists" like this man. Keep your head high, think positive, clearly and objectively. God bless you both. My name is Nick in West Africa.

Thank you! This has opened my eyes, if he truly loved me, he wouldn't put me through this right? I just hope I can love like this again.

Someone said on here that if a couple loves each other, they stay together and work on things no matter how difficult.

I don't agree with who said this...

There is a time when people must throw in the towel. Even people who love each other.

Relationships can be hard, however, shouldn't be too difficult, and sometimes couples need to realize that they're not exactly the best fit for one another. Also, sometimes love for each other can turn into a great friendship, and not necessarily mates.

So no, I don't agree that people should stay and work things out no matter how difficult, because if it's too difficult than obviously they are not meant to be.

I think that you should take this time to find yourself as well. I know it's something you don't want to do but you can't control what he does. You love him but if he comes back with the decision that you two have to break up then he is not the one for you. You are still young and the universe has someone else in mind for you. He might still come back and decide that he wants to be with you, if he does then this rough patch would have made your relationship stronger. Sometimes destiny has different plans than the ones we have for ourselves, and I think destiny's plans are probably way better =) good luck to you, stay strong.

Be grateful for the time you spent and explore your world. Eventually you will love again, even better than before and this will be a memory of good times you had. I know hard to imagine while you are going through his, but your heart heals if you let it.

Just takes time

Starting to feel better, he finally wrote to me but it was very formal and not how he would speak to me. He says he's having the time of his life. My decision is to not write back and attempt to move on. If he truly us the one for me well end up together somehow.

'If he truly us the one for me well end up together somehow. '

No, that's not how life works. There's no magic wand, no destiny, no 'meant for each other.' Relationships take work: sharing but giving space, talking, compromise, forgiving, negotiation, understanding, and a bit of sacrifice at times, without doing it so much that you resent the person you love.

Starting to feel better, he finally wrote to me but it was very formal and not how he would speak to me. He says hes having the time of his life. My decision is to not write back and attempt to move on. If he truly us the one for me well end up together somehow.?

That is a healthy decision. Congrats.

He is not confused. He is cowardly. He doesn't want to tell you that he has another woman that has turned his head. He wants to avoid "the scene". He's young and inexperienced, and doesn't know how to end a relationship. He feels some guilt and some responsibility, but with time, that will fade. As you can see, his communication is less and less romantic, and more formale and detached. He obviously doesn't want to hurt you... can't bring himself to see you in pain, especially if he's embarking on a new, exciting association.

Don't sit and wait for him to ultimately cut you off. You have to read the writing on the wall and save yourself. Even if you are not ready to move on to another relationship, it's imperative that you realize that this one is over. First things first.

Realize what is going on, acknowledge that you are about to travel down a painful road, pull up your boot straps, and get started on your travels. At 20, you have at least 15 years worth of experience to rack up before you know who you are and what you will tolerate.

This may not help, but he's decent enough not to carry on behind your back. Although he's not coming out with the complete truth, he's not making a fool out of you. In his own way, he's giving you enough clues. Take the clues, and move on.

'He is not confused. He is cowardly. He doesn't want to tell you that he has another woman that has turned his head.'

You don't know that at all. Ours is not to draw conclusions about him. He isn't here to tell his side.

I think it's better not to wait around for him, hoping that he will come to his senses and carry out his future plans with you. If you do and he doesn't change his mind, imagine how you'd feel then. You will feel pathetic and very insecure.

Live your life to the fullest in the meantime. This could just be a phase he's going through. My cousin went through this. They had been dating since Grade Six and by the time they reached adulthood, they both agreed that they should date other people to experience what's out there. In the end, they both ended up getting back together, marrying and having a couple kids. They are now in their forties and still married to this very day! So I believe there is nothing like a true love and sometimes you don't need to date a bunch of people for the sake of experiencing other people. Although rare, some people get extremely lucky on the first try!

Let him have the space he requires and if he finds himself missing an important part of his life if you're not in it, then he will find his way back to you. If he doesn't, then this is probably a blessing in disguise. You will realize this the moment you do some exploring and self-reflection and find that there are things out there that you wished you had experienced before.

You're young and have your whole life ahead of you so even if you part now, it's not like you will be experiencing this much later in life. Imagine how much harder that would be!

We have officially broken up, thank you for all your help. Need to begin my road to recovery now!

I was divorced after 7 yrs of marriage, then remarried. Life is not always fun, but we have to deal with it. I think you should go your own way, meeting new people. If he changes his mind later, he might try to get back with you, or not.
But, it's time to move on for now. Be honest and respectful with any relationship, and you will make some new friends. I do wish you the best.

I feel truly heartbroken, we have ended on good terms and it was a nice end but it just hurts so much to feel so rejected when all I want to do is be with him. How do I accept it's the ebd and move on :(

By building a life that you enjoy without a boyfriend. That means spending a lot of time with friends, family, work, and some fun activities.