I just need some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year. During such year we have had good moments and bad ones too. I love this man with all my heart and I moved in with him because I am convinced he is the love of my life with all his defects, I have asked him about what he thinks about marriage before, and he says he wants to marry me but he is not ready yet, I have to admit that trying to defend my feelings I have been controlling him a lot and nagging him for everything, we are from different cultures, he is a white boy and I am Colombian, which can make things more complicated but even with all our differences I feel complete next to him.

As a Latina I tend to have a strong temper but I respect him a lot because he is my man, but I am jealous and I think I don't make feel like I could trust him. I have noticed a change in his attitude for a few weeks, I knew something wasn't right, he is been sad and very quiet so I sat on his lap last night and asked him if he could talk to me. After talking him into telling what was wrong he told me something that broke my heart into million pieces. He told me he didn't think we could be together as a couple anymore. I asked him if he wanted me to move out and he told me didn't know. He thinks we have no solution to resolve our issues but he didn't know if he really wanted to talk about that right now, He told me we were very different and that he misses to be single.

I kept myself together in front of him and without making any dramatic scene. I asked if he still loved me he said yes. I told him that I was feeling for a few months that I wasn't being the girl he felt in love once, but that I wanted to change. I know my boy, and I've been doing then things he hates the most for the last few months but I didn't mean it, I just realize about that a few weeks ago. I told him that I needed him to give me a chance to prove him that I can be different, that I see him as my husband and I didn't want to lose him.

I asked him if there was someone else and he said no. I have had really bad experiences with previous guys and I still have trusting issues, but I need to let go of those fears because I don't want to let go of the love of my life. He made love to me last night, but when I asked him if he wanted me to move out again, he said he didn't know. I am losing him. How can I making him fall in love again? How can I keep him with me? A part of me tells me to move out so that he may misses me and wants me back but another part of me tells me to stay with him to show him I can change, I can be his girl again. Please help me, what would you do?

I WOULD move out in order to try to keep him. It does sound like temper, nagging, and mistrust have ruined a good relationship. You told him that you can change, but he probably knows that the odds of that are very low - very few people actually do.
I'm not so sure that moving will help with the trust, because absence may cause you to panic about what he is doing and with whom. You may find it intolerable.
Maybe try this: tell him you are looking for another place to live for March 1, to try to repair the relationship. What you really are doing is trying to repair it while still there. Go around the house and quietly pack boxes of what you don't use much, maybe to a day. Curb all your temper and say very little that isn't pleasant. In other words, BE the person you want to be. If he changes his mind about you leaving, fine.

Oh and when you want to have a heart to heart with a man about something serious, don't sit on his lap. That is sexual teasing, and unfair.

I really don't want to leave because is going to be so painful... what if he doesn't do anything to try to keep me with him

I really don't want to leave because is going to be so painful....what if he doesn't do anything to try to keep me with him

At least you are being honest with yourself and yes it would be painful. But everyone goes through it and everyone survives it.

"He made love to me last night..." He made love or he needed sex?

It seems you know why he is feeling the way he is feeling. Honestly most people don't want drama in their lives. If I was living with someone with no formal commitment (marriage) and that person was "nagging" me a lot, I would reconsider the arrangement. Sorry, just being honest.

You have been honest with yourself in the behaviors that are causing him to doubt the relationship. The next step is to fix your contributing behaviors and go from there. But I am guessing you knew that already.

You really need to back off, perhaps move out, and go back to dating slightly to see if you both still want the same things

Thank you... we both needed to have a moment of intimacy... we both now that's not going to fix the problems we have, but I love feeling him near to me, and that was one of the things he always liked. Should I stop having intimacy with him, do you guys think I should quit giving him sex until he makes up his mind? If so, how do you think that can help me to get his entire heart back?


You really need to back off, perhaps move out, and go back to dating slightly to see if you both still want the same things

I actually talked to him about that, I asked him if he would be OK with dating other people and he said no. But I will back off... he needs peace of mind... I will give him space.


I WOULD move out in order to try to keep him. It does sound like temper, nagging, and mistrust have ruined a good relationship. You told him that you can change, but he probably knows that the odds of that are very low - very few people actually do.
I'm not so sure that moving will help with the trust, because absence may cause you to panic about what he is doing and with whom. You may find it intolerable.
Maybe try this: tell him you are looking for another place to live for March 1, to try to repair the relationship. What you really are doing is trying to repair it while still there. Go around the house and quietly pack boxes of what you don't use much, maybe 2 a day. Curb all your temper and say very little that isn't pleasant. In other words, BE the person you want to be. If he changes his mind about you leaving, fine.

Oh and when you want to have a heart to heart with a man about something serious, don't sit on his lap. That is sexual teasing, and unfair.
When I sat on his lap I didn't do it with a teasing purpose, I was trying to bring closeness and relax him so he could really talk to me and it worked

You don't withhold sex to make someone want you.
He has told you how he feels, I suspect he wants out. I think you need to move out.
I would not stay there and grovel. You don't know if you should have sex, you're walking on egg shells because you don't know what to say or not to say. That is not good.

You are both there together still, so keep working and see what happens. Until there is a final decision you keep working on it. Make your changes and keep working.

He came home and laid down next to me, he kept looking at me and I asked him for a hug he hugged me a told me he loved me, I had to drive to work and was snowing so he asked me to call him when arriving at work, I forgot to do it so he called me to check if I was OK. Why does he do this. I'm confused, I am really trying to put in my mind that I have to move out, I'm checking a new place on Monday, should I let him know?

He does that because he cares. But he can still be unhappy.

Confused, conflicted.
Like many people after a while, he still loves what you WERE. It isn't easy to keep that, but you can try. Neither of you should expect all the super romantic stuff to last, but respect must remain.
The stereotype is that women turn into nagging shrews, and men turn into thoughtless un-expressive jerks who expect you to wait on them hand and foot.
Being a couple is hard work. Lots of talking, lots of compromise. Maintaining mutual respect and admiration.

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to joypulv again.


He came home and laid down next to me, he kept looking at me and I asked him for a hug he hugged me a told me he loved me, I had to drive to work and was snowing so he asked me to call him when arriving at work, I forgot to do it so he called me to check if I was OK. Why does he do this. I'm confused, I am really trying to put in my mind that I have to move out, I'm checking a new place on Monday, should I let him know?

Just because he has honestly acknowledged his unhappiness, its way to soon to panic and impulsively react on your feelings of conflict and confusion. Forget moving for now and keep working and talking.

I think you are right