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View Full Version : Did I do the right thing? Am I in the wrong?


Mallyx
Jan 10, 2013, 09:31 PM
Keep in mind this is a high school relationship, so inevitably it involves drama. I am a Senior, she is a Junior. I graduate at the end of May.

There's this girl that I've been friends with for awhile, and we've had a couple classes together throughout our high school lives. She's smart, kind, and I've always found her awkwardly cute, and eventually I started to have mixed feelings about her around the end of my sophomore year. Summer comes and goes, we'd have little chats here and there, and before I knew it, Junior year starts for me.

I was going to tell her how I felt sooner or later, but then she gets asked out by another guy, and says yes. I'll admit I was disappointed, but I figured "Hey, at least she's happy", and I just let it go, and we continue on as friends for the rest of the Junior year, while she remains with her boyfriend for the year too. Summer comes and goes again, with our friendly/flirty little chats on and off.

Here it is, my last year in high school, and my last chance to be young and naïve. From when this year started, we were becoming closer as friends. She breaks up with her boyfriend early in the year, and I'm there to comfort her. There was a time she decided to come to my house after school, and of course, I'm a nervous wreck. She may have picked up on my feelings for her then, but I'm not too sure, it was the first time we'd spent time "together". Apart from the fact that I started feeling even more strongly about her, nothing happened that day.

About a week from then, there was a school college tour, and we both end up going on it. I spent a lot of time with her that day, and on the bus ride home, we actually end up cuddling, because it was pretty damn cold. About 3 days later, I finally told her how I felt, and she tells me she feels the same way, but she wasn't over her ex yet, and that she needed time. That was the first fallout, I felt terrible, and it was pretty awkward to look her in the eye for about a week. I made a mental resolve to try to become a better person for her until she was ready. Then she took the initiative to try to amend things, and she said she wanted to try to be friends again. I wanted her to be happy so I agreed I'd try to be friends again. Time passes, and she starts dropping hints that she's still into me. So I invite her back over to my house to hang out, and she agrees.

She comes over, and it's pretty much a movie date. We watched a horror movie called Autopsy (which was terrible, by the way) and we cuddled for pretty much the whole movie. Once the movie was over, she was smiles and looks at me in such a cute and adoring way, so I jokingly ask her if she wants a closer look. She inched closer to my face, and the whole while, my heart was about to burst out of my chest. She stops close to my face, and I whisper “You can come a little closer if you want... " and there goes my first kiss to this girl. The next hour was spent in each other's arms as we smothered each other in kisses, and talking about how we felt about one another. I asked her what our status was then, and she says she's still trying to "find herself" and to get over her ex. I get a little frustrated at this statement, but I shrug it off and say I understand, for the sake of the moment. We eat dinner and she tells me she has to be home soon, so I walk her to her car and send her off with a kiss farewell.

From this point on, it becomes rough, because weeks pass and she still won't fully accept me. I become frustrated, because she "needs time", but that's something I'm running out of. Quickly. I told her I wanted to spend as much time with her before I graduate, but then she ends up telling me she just wants to be friends again. I go into a bout of depression for a week, and I'm scared to look her in the eye again. The week passes, and this time, I took the initiative to try and amend our friendship. I tell her I'm sorry, and that she didn't deserve the silent treatment I gave her.

So now she's just "friends" with me, and I'm emotionally attached to her. I frequently tell her how much she means to me, but she just won't let me get any closer at this point, and I'm holding in all my frustration.

Tonight, I told her that I'm frustrated, and she feels as if it were all her fault, I tell her it isn't, and it's just that I let myself become vulnerable. I say that I want some time to recollect my thoughts and my normal state of mind, to see how I feel about her after awhile. She agrees and says she thinks time to ourselves is what we both need.

So, I'm going wait until Valentine's Day, and tell her my feelings haven't changed (because they probably won't).

---Here's the actual question part of the story: Did I do the right thing by giving us some time to ourselves? I'm so scared she'll forget about me for some other guy while I'm not there. There's a part of me saying that I'm just not good enough for her. I'm so confused.

Homegirl 50
Jan 11, 2013, 09:51 AM
She is obviously more comfortable in the friend zone. She already knows how you feel about her so there is no point in telling her again.
I think you need to slowly remove yourself from her.

odinn7
Jan 11, 2013, 09:59 AM
You're beating yourself up over this... don't. Just ride things out and see what happens. If someone else comes along in the mean-time, go for it. She is certainly not going to wait around for you based on what you wrote. Don't wait for her.

dontknownuthin
Jan 11, 2013, 10:00 AM
Well, now you're into the second semester of your senior year. What are you doing after high school? If you're going away to college, I think you're better off not having a serious girlfriend at this moment in your life. It's a terrible situation to be in college, away from home, and have a girlfriend back home. When you go to college, a lot of the fun will be going out with the guys, meeting girls. If you have no girlfriend, you'll be unconstrained in making new connections. If you meet a cute girl in the dorm laundry room you can flirt without guilt. Get to know a nice girl in class, you can ask her out for coffee after class without worrying about whether it's fair to your girlfriend.

I think this girl likes you but doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship. How about staying friendly and light, and not pressing her for some commitment - a commitment which, frankly, you can't keep! She could be a lovely person to go to a movie with from time to time, and maybe a good prom date. You could see her when you're home on college breaks and reasonably maintain a friendly relationship with her.

The problem is trying to create some commitment in a time in your lives when neither of you can sustain one. You can date and continue to see her as a woman rather than "one of the guys" without leaping to into this serious, exclusive thing with her.

Oliver2011
Jan 11, 2013, 10:09 AM
Stop torturing yourself over this. If she wants to just be friends, then you will just be friends. You are going to have to accept it at some point. But the longer you keep up hope the more difficult it will become.

Also regardless of what anyone says or does to you, don't allow those people top control your mood or happiness. You are in total control of that so control it.

talaniman
Jan 11, 2013, 04:27 PM
Boy, just think if you didn't have to have a title, or had a more mature control over your emotions, you would have a great friendship as you lived your life. Naw, don't bring up YOUR FEELINGS again. Just realize she doesn't feel as you do and drop the drama.

If you can't be a friend, leave her alone. Being a friend doesn't mean being with her all the time in the hope she changes her mind.