Tomorrow I am going to talk to my 8 yr old son's psychologist about his results from his evaluation which includes ADHD. The psychologist works with my husband and told him that my son does have ADHD.

Even though I live with my son and see how he struggles, I am not too sure if I believe he needs medication for ADHD. I worry about the side effects and giving him the idea that a pill can solve all his problems now and in the future. I worry it will make him a zombie. I also worry that if I don't, he will hate school, drop out, became a drug addict, etc. I am sooo confused! My husband insist that he be medicated, he is a Dr and knows all, you know. We did try him on a couple meds last year and it made him worst.

At school, he stares blankly at the walls and doesn't do his work. He misses recess and field trips, so he can catch up on past work. At home, he stares blankly at his paper and cries saying he don't know... but yet has not even really looked at his paper. In sports, he runs erratically around the court with no knowledge of the game or care for that matter. He never stops talking, but he has gotten better in the past year. He is quit to anger but it is not a frequent occurrence.

His teachers call me asking me what to do to get him to do his work and I don't know what to tell him. I put him in a private school, so he could be in a small class... 10 students, but it didn't help. He is failing 2nd grade because he won't do his work, but when he does his work he makes A's! His last standardized test he made 91% overall and 99% in a couple of the subjects.

He is a good kid! He doesn't cuss, hit, bite, throw stuff, etc. He pretty much keeps his room clean and eats all his veggies. He does not care for sweets and would rather have fruit. Other than his school performance, his is a perfect 8 yr old boy.

We have struggled with his behavior for 4 yrs, ever since preschool. I have read the books. I have looked at all the web sites. But all their suggestions consist of consistancy and structure, which I have a hard time myself sticking to, so how do I expect him too?

Can a parent or professional please help me help my child?

Meds or no meds?

Diets?

Any ideas?

Thank you!

As for diets, does he have any food allergies that you know of or sensitivity to food additives? You may want to consider having him tested for allergies.

There are new meds out that will make him less "zombie-like." This should most definitely be considered.

Also, children with ADHD tend to respond to touch. My mother-in-law who is a 4th grade teacher who has a few children in her class with ADHD and she finds that when they are having a hard time concentrating she just walks up behind them and puts her hand on their shoulder. It helps them to redirect and focus their attention.

But please, do consider the allergy testing and consider the meds. They are helpful.

This may not be an answer per say, but when I was young I was told I had ADD. My parent's put me on med's for it and omg it worked very well for me. I'd sit still and focus better. That is the most important thing. When I was 12ish I was told I had ADHD very badly. So we tried med's again. It helped once again to make life more focused in school. I'm glad my parent's put me on it. Now, I've heard and I also believe that it's not good to keep a child on it for a long period. ADD or ADHD is part of the child's personaliy and can be used for good rather then bad. Med's over the year's can change the kid's personality. But over the year's. I was only on med's for a few month's at a time. My fiancé has ADD and he is 19. He uses it to his advantage. He's able to do many things at once, focus on different things. It's good to make lists. Teach your child these things in the upcoming years. Like I said, the med's helped me and honestly, think about it. You helping your child get those good marks that will last a lifetime. Remember though, ADD isn't a curse, I have it and to this day, I think it can be used in a good way. I hope you make the right choice. Good luck hope I helped.
~Meg

It sounds like he is suffering from his illness quite a bit and I must disagree with your statement "Other than his school performance, his is a perfect 8 yr old boy." ADHD is more noticeble at school because of the work load demands but it is not limited to school. You need to hear what the psychologist has to say. Meds may be a consideration but your husbands attempt might have been the wrong med. To your son, the world is spinning like a merry-go-round going 100 mph. Sights and sounds blurr to the point where he can not focus or concentrate. When he stares at the paper his mind is not staring at the paper, it is elsewhere due to the distraction of ADHD. You will still be the decision makers over your sons treatment so just wait to hear what the psychologist says.

Thank you J_9 for responding.

He has been food allergy tested and he midly allergic to chicken, cheese, and baker's yeast. It is hard to keep all these foods out of his diet, with pizza, mac & cheese, and sandwiches being a kids favorites, but we try.

He does have a teacher that works with him when his regular teacher has had enough, that does use touch. She rubs his arms or back to help him focus and it did seem to work for a little while, but rarely works now.

Another help might be to give him a Nerf ball, a small one that he can squeeze with one hand while working it helps with settle the figity-ness.

My mother-in-law also lets her children who are having a particularly hard time, walk around the room. They must be quiet, and they must walk around the room with one hand on the wall at all times so as to to be touching other students. This seems to help them calm down after about 5 minutes of walking, then they can focus again.

Thank you all for your help and suggestions. I will take it all into consideration!

My son has ADHD and like you I was very reluctant to treat him with medication. I came to learn he simply needs it because ADHD is basically a short circuit in the chemical mechanics of the brain that makes it impossible for affected individuals to discern between the various places they can focus their attention.

Because they cannot focus their attention, they have to pay attention to everything and it's exhausting, frustrating and ostracizing for them. It is, in turn, a nuisance to everyone around them.

Without meds, your child will be held responsible by you and others (people can't help it - we have our limit to how much we can tolerate in terms of interuptions, not following directions, fighting or whatever) and will pay a very high price for a problem he cannot physically manage differently.

It is not a total cure but meds will take him 80% of the way and make him able to be receptive to other things. YOu will need to be clear, consistent and to have set routines in place for him to thrive. You will need to make sure the school continues to academically challenge him. Some teachers lower their expectations for ADHD kids or make accommodations like giving them more time, which is exactly what will not help. ADHD kids are very quickly bored and that boredom is a launching pad to distracted behaviors. They often need their work to come at them at a faster pace, to do less review once they know something, and to have more challenging work that they can become interested in. Once interested in something, or challenged by it, ADHD kids have a higher than average capacity to super-focus on it.

Know that ADHD often comes with a fringe benefit - God tries to be fair, I guess. These kids are very often academically gifted. My son is.

Try the meds. People who have rallied against them may have a point because there are kids who are prescribed irresponsibly, but you have had a valid assessment done and are asking all the right questions. Your son is not being medicated just to make him compliant, and the behaviors you described sound like they have the potential to terribly curtail his life, ostracize him and make him sad.

Please don't put him on meds... this is a normal reaction of schools who "can't deal with it"... read The Minds of Boys: Saving Our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life by Michael Gurian.

I strongly disagree with nikki. Your son was not diagnosed by an impatient teacher or an ill-equipped school, he was diagnosed by a professional. Now, while I encourage a second professional opinion, I don't think you can resolve this situation alone, or by reading a book. Every child is different and reacts differently to medications. The key is to find the right medicine at the right dose for your son. Also, continue regular therapy. That way the Dr can assess how beneficial the meds are. I too am reluctant about medication, but in some cases it is necessary. Please don't be discouraged because of a bad reaction to one medication. There are dozens that work differently. Please note that all medications have side effects, but that doesn't mean they are not worthwhile. God Bless your son.

Thank you vlee for your input and your blessings... we need it!

I wanted to add that my son has been diagnosed with severe ADHD by three health care professionals now. I was in denial, but I must face the truth now.

He has taken two different meds in the past two years, only briefly though, and they didn't work for him. Stratera made me aggressive and irritable. Concerta made him not sleep, eat or drink and he claimed that he felt his "head was going crazy."

We have tried psychotherapy alone, but had to stop because of the cost. It didn't seem to help him either.

Our insurance doesn't pay for mental health care or evaulation and we have paid a lot for him to have it.

I now know that we will have to use a combo of meds and therapy, but I don't know if we will be able to manage the cost for too long.

It will take time, but I know that my son will come out on top! He has two parents that love him very much and we are both dedicated to getting him the help he needs, even if we go broke doing it!

Hun, don't forget that sometimes it takes up to six weeks, sometimes longer, to reach therapeutic effects of meds like this.

Many children don't need therapy once they reach the therapeutic levels. But sometimes the parents do.

Imagine this... sit in a room with the TV loud, the radio playing music you don't like, and the kids running around and screaming. Now, try to concentrate on one thing and one thing only. Read a magazine article during all of this activity and try to comprehend it. Then try to remember it in a half hour.

This is the brain of a child with ADHD. A calm soothing atmosphere with little interference must be present for the child to calm down and concentrate.

The sad part of your example of a child with ADHD, the loud TV, screaming kids, and read article... That is how I get things done!

When I am studying for a big test in college, I can't sit in a quiet room... I need chaos! I sit in the living room with all the children, TV blaring, dogs barking and fighting, and phone ringing and I make a on my test.

If that is his world, then why can I do well, while he is going crazy?

OMG, that is how I function too!! Guess that is why I aced my last test!!

I guess that example does not work for us. LOL

But consider that he has a problem with thought processes, you have to learn how to streamline his thought processes while the meds take effect.

What happens is that one of his neurotransmitters not working right. In thr case of ADHD it would be norepinephrine. He needs a selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, such as strattera, which you have already tried. But you need to give it a while to let it work. It can take at least 6 weeks to reach therapeutic effects of most meds.

Just a couple of points I would like to make. Many many more kids, younger and younger it seems are all of a sudden being diagnosed with problems that need medications.

Now honestly in my own opinion, and I know I might get 3 or 4 red squares and disagrees but putting an 8 year old on medication. I do not think that is right. I think all other possibilities and other options should be looked at first. Even change in atmospere or other teaching methods. Everybody is unique and have certain problems there are things that might make it worse or might make it better.

I feel that too many people are willing to diagnose this in kids that are way too young and medications with a quick fix to control kids but what I am saying here there must be other options out there, and if my child seemed like he had a problem I would do my best to make sure everything was looked at and different teaching tecniques would be used to see which works best for him.

Patience is the key.

Joe

I agree, med's aren't good for kid's BUT in moderation it is. I was given med's in 4th grade. It really helped me to focus and I didn't take too many to change my personality. Patience to me, woln't do anything for those who truly have ADHD. My doc told my parent's when I was 12 that I had the worst case of ADHD that he's seen. It's something that will be wit me forever. I think some parent's are focusing on how to ''fix'' the problem more then how to live with it. It's hard on kid's with ADD or ADHD. I know I can't do more then one thing at a time and I have to make lists. My fiancé has ADD, but he learned to live with it because his parent's are very kind and helped him. That's what kid's need these days, helpful loving parent's. I was unlucky, my parent's weren't parent's so I had to deal with these things basically on my own and I got bad grades all through out school. It's hard to grow up and live with your ADD or ADHD when it makes parent's angry because their child cna't listen or focus on chores. Lol, I certainly remember getting yelled at a lot because of my ADHD. I just hope that you woln't try to treat the problem only. That's all people do. I'd rather focus on the person with it, and help them live with their problem. Did you know in some ways ADD or ADHD can be a good thing? It can allow those who learn to live with it to do more then a few things at a time, to be more driven then other's. In my book that's fantastic. So I wish you and your child best of luck. I hope you are more loving and caring parent's then mine, that you'll help your child, not just to make life easier but to make the way of living it better.

Here is an article I read. Anybody interested in a four year old being medicated and over medicated. Possibly on purpose or by accident. Please read this is hard breaking but this shows that medication is not always the answer in a child.

CTV.ca | Four-year-old's overdose death raises questions (http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20070323/od_death_070323/20070323?hub=Health)

Jesushelper,
I read the link you posted... it is a very sad story. However, I don't feel it is related to this one. The girl in the link was clearly intentionally over-medicated by her parents, who did NOT follow the doctor's orders. Of course that is tragic and devastating, but it doesn't negate the benefits of medication for those in need of it. Maybe there needs to be stricter limitations on refills so parent s are unable to do this. For example, only 10 day prescriptions for all children, and mandatory blood labs on any child who needs more medication before the script is due to be filled again. Just my opinion.

That is the thing. In the article it also says that maybe the doctor is responsible.

For me personally and well the laws here in canada. Doctors are the ones that prescribe the medications. I believe they need to be more careful. Also the pharmacist. They should all be accountable, not just the parents.

Medicating a 4 year old, medicating a 8 year old. I do not think it is helpful and could cause more damage but that is just my opinon.

Vlee, mandatory blood labs on any child who needs more medications to be done before more refills sounds like an excellent idea. Good opinion. Like it.

Honestly Vlee, I know the link I provided might have had nothing to do in this situation. I felt like I needed to share the story and how medications for children should not be given or taken lightly...

Joe

You are too diplomatic to argue with Joe! I think you are right, if this dr said it was OK to over-medicate at night she should be called out and punished. I agree that there has to be a clearer line of responsibility somewhere, I just don't want to see the kids who need the meds not take them because of the stories of abuse of the meds by parents who choose drugs as a way to tune out their children. Maybe parents need to be evaluated before these meds are prescribed to determine whether they will administer the meds properly.

Jesus helper... you said that all else should be tried before medicating and I agree. My son has been diagnosed by 5 health care professionals, 2 psychologist, 2 MDs, and a child therapist, over the past 3 years. We have tried all our alternatives to meds, such as: diets, chiropractors, vitamins, fish oil supplements, exercise routines, regular therapy sessions, schedules, homeschooling, private school, and even laser therapy. None worked! Trust me, medicine was a very last resort!

We just tried his 3rd med this week, Adderall, and it lasted 2 days before he had to stop taking it. He was having dizzy spells, nausea, and double vision... SCARY!! The doctor said stop immediately and we did. He has now tried stratera, concerta, and adderall with all negative results. I don't know what to do?

The school is threatening to kick him out, not from ADHD, but from his GPA, which is a requirement for his school. He is failing, but has a high IQ? We are at our wits end and are almost out of options.

His teacher at school is wonderful and is working with him and us to help, but there is only so much she can do. This is not a case of a teacher wanting her students to sit down and shut up, she really tries. For the past 3 years in school, we have constant contact and calls from his teachers and so far all have worked well with him. We have been lucky with that, but his teacher can not pass him if he doesn't make the grades!

I don't know what to do now, but please don't think that I am eager to jump at the opportunity to medicate my son. That I am not! Confused, tired, and pulling my hair out... now that I am!

Well this sounds exactly like my story. My son is now 12, in 6th grade and makes all A's and 1 B in math. He was exactly like your son at that age. I struggled with the decision too. After trying several medications we found one that doesn't give him side effects, and keeps him focused the whole school day. It has really made a positive difference in our life. He has self confidence and we don't struggle with the blank stares anymore.

I am 21 years old, I was put on ritalin at the age of 6 and stayed on until I was 12 or 13. My opinion it does make you feel like a zombie. Also you should read up on the side effects. I read an article about a six year old boy who was on the meds for it, he fell off his bike and had a heart attack. I actually have a article from our newspaper that states that it can cause cardio-vascular problems. And last year I found out I have mitral vaulve regurgitation. (M.R) don't know if it is actually from that, BTU according to the article it very well could be. I hated it. I couldn't think for myself, it was like I was a zombie. For your sons sake I wouldn't do it.

Good luck. Be aware that many of the greatest geniouses are thought to have had ADHD - Bell, Franklin, Jefferson, Einstein. There are many stories of people who did poorly in school and then excelled beyond measure in life - ADHD kids are super intelligent but don't do well (without meds and assistance) in the restrictive (read - prison) environment that school feels like to them.

What has helped me a lot is to make my home a gathering place for my son and his friends. I also do volunteer work that gives me some one-on-one time with other children in his grade - tutoring, math help and so on. This provides me, in addition to a chance to help at school, the added benefit of being able to observe other children my son's age, and to also see my son in the school setting. I've done it long enough that the novelty of me being there has worn off and he forgets I'm there, so I get a good idea of where he's at comparatively.

I also always ask teachers what I can expect my son to do in a given school year in terms of what will likely interest him, what new behaviors I might expect, what emotional developments she typically sees and so on. This has often been crucial in my own understanding of what is ADHD, and what is normal for my son's age.

Staying tuned in is what's important-to your son, your specialist, your school, and generally to the age he's at and the developmental milestones he's approaching.

I'm sorry to say my 15 yr old daughter since 5th grade has not been doing her school work and like what you said when she does she gets mostly A's. My wife had a stroke and almost died which has greatly changed how she does school work. My wife was a school teacher sub, and I think either did all her work or did it with her or a combo. After the stroke and now she can't read write she's aphasic with sever short term memory and seizures. The point is now Ive been with her alone she's real bright she can remember songs she likes but gets an F weekly in 7th and 8th grade where she was then in private school smaller classes, every marking period they would haul me in and tell me she not doing her work. I finally realized that where I thought at private schoolthey could pressure her to get homework done. NO all they do differently now that she's in public school, is they call you to tell you to come in and now I'm supposed to get a progress report I say supposed to because she lies about everything concerning school.
I can't get a handle on this I have no power to make her do work. Ive grounded her for as much as 6 months in 6th or 7th and 8th She just says I don't care. Her sister graduates next week and is set for law school next year. I know there are problems when everyone talks highly of her sister but you just can't avoid that altogether. She goes into a mode and says OK its now you only have one daughter and Im a piece of . I can't understand how completely she turns things around and upside down to make her points. The thing is everything she doesn't do now she will regret later when her friends first go away to college and then the openings for jobs for someone who hasn't practiced getting things organized just for school the next day because that's what school is they are preparing kids to function outside the home like they need to. I know Ive got to plan on nothing but problems with her and I don't mean I I've given up on her. Look she's got her mother who for purpose is 80 to 90% gone in her eyes it's a big deal for me to get her to see her , she lives in an ALF. And her sister so she's looking for things so she doesn't have to function with anything but what she wants. Also what made my wife have a stroke was an anyuserm which runs in my wife family and this was her second bleed, My daughter knows that could be her ! This week and several times before she has a headache 4 hours at Miami Children's yesterday. There's no end an I don't believe she had a headache she played that for the whole week went to school one day.
My advise to you is you see how screwed we are so do better, if its organic that's different, but if your son starts to play you try to nib it in the bud, I didn't I wish I did.
Hope this gives you an idea how this transforms into one thing and if its not good it gets worse so try to put a better foot forward.

Hey, we are lost - you know, your daughter sounds like a bright girl who is grieving, and scared. Maybe she's intentionally (without even realizing she's doing it - this runs deeper) creating distance between herself and the family because she feels she's going to loose you anyway. This is not an unusual reaction to grief and fear - it's the, I'll hurt you before you hurt me by dying (or leaving or choosing my sister over me, or rejecting me or whatever).

I think some family counseling to work on the changes and fears and stresses you've been through would be good. And a meeting -private - between your wife's doctor and your daughter so she can ask questions without worrying about upsetting anyone in the family. And some counseling on her own to figure out how to move forward and have a joyful life without feeling like enjoying herself or being successsful or just living would be a betrayal to her mother. She might feel like since her mom can't truly live, she shouldn't either.

Get her some help - this doesn' sound like it's even about school work. School work is something children can do and do well and consistently when their other needs are met - she is screaming for help from what you have described.

I have 4 children. The oldest has ADHD and is on Concerta the next has ADD and is on Adderall and the 2 younger ones do not exhibit signs of any problem. I also have ADD but was not diagnosed until I was an adult, and therefore was not on any meds growing up, but I can see how they would have helped me greatly. Neither of my kids are like zombies. Newer meds are much better, they are timed released to not overmedicate. Your doctor will probably have your child begin on the lowest dose of one of the meds, and it may take a few meds to find the right one, and then the right dose. If your child truly does have add or adhd you will see an amazing change, and depending on the severity, you may be able to take brief med breaks. My 10 year old is more hyperactive and this has calmed her just enough that she can stop and think before acting. My 8 year old went up 2 reading levels in a week after beginning this and now loves school. Once they are on the meds and can think clearly you can work with them to help them learn different techniques they can use to focus. My oldest now can calm herself when she feels hyper by going to a quiet place and reading. She knows how to recognize when she needs to do this, and can self monitor. This does not mean that she does not need meds, but she is probably on a much lower dose than she would be if she hadn't learned to monitor her behavior.
Also, make sure you have a doctor (preferably a pediatrician) who treats this often, and keep using the same specific doctor for each med check. If the financial costs are difficult for you, look into medicaid for your state. In Pennsylvania this is considered a disability and my 2 children qualify for medical assistance through their 18th birthday. The meds for this can be expensive. The prescriptions alone for my 2 children would be well over $300.00/month without this aid plus the cost of med check appointments every few months. Finances should never be a reason not to treat this, and for many people it is.

I wanted to add to my last post that I have decided to homeschool my children and feel they are doing so much better because of it. If it is an option for you, consider it. It is not nearly as difficult as it sounds, and allows your son to work with many breaks, and in an environment that is not so busy. You can within guidelines decide what is important for him to learn and what is periphial. For instance in history I think that it is important that my girls know that the mayflower arrived in 1620, Columbus came in 1492, and we became a nation in 1776, but I do not find it important for them to know the date when descartes or vasco degama arrived. These are highly intellegent children who can go far. Don't let their minds be dragged down with "information overload" Let them soar where their natural interests take them. For my 10 year old that area is science, so we tailor her reading, language, penmanship, and spelling towards that area. Don't give up, you will eventually work.

Thank you for you tips, krittengirl.

I have tried homeschooling my son on two different occasions and it didn't go well. I took him out of school last year and tried for two months. He was very eager to get back to school and when we did return he did well. Over the summer we moved to a different school district and I started him in the local public school. After one week, I took my son out and homeschooled him until January. One problem I had was that in the Fall I was also attending a local community college and I took my son to school with me. He sit still and listened in my classes, biology and chemistry. You never would have known he had ADHD. My professors loved him and didn't mind him sitting in the class, because he was no distraction. I know that wasn't the ideal setting for a little boy, but I had no choice.

I put him in a local private school in January, because I was transferring to a university in the spring. I am a premed major. I could not take him to class there with me and he needed something more structured then I could provide at home. I decided to wait to go to school myself and make sure he adapts in his school. Shortly after he started school, the calls from the teacher started pouring in! I am glad I waited to start school for me, because I have had this problem in the past with having to leave class and so on.

Trust me I have tried it all. I am afraid I may be a little ADD myself, because I can't stick to a schedule. I thought homeschool was the best choice too, but it wasn't for me.

I have another post I would like for you to read... Finger in butt... This is also about me son. Please read!

Thank you all again!