View Full Version : My wife says she wants a divorce.
kazic
Jan 3, 2013, 08:08 PM
My wife told me she wasn’t happy anymore and doesn’t love me anymore like a month ago. She says I made her feel if she got dressed up or shaved legs that I would think she is cheating but I never told her anything about these stuff. I never told her she couldn’t go out and that I was real mean to my step kids.
Like a year ago we split for like 2 weeks and in those two weeks she kissed another guy so maybe now she feels in her mind that if she does these things I will think she is cheating again. I did have a problem in accusing her of always cheating after it happened but I don’t do it anymore but she says it drove her to not love me anymore. I have left 3 times within the last month but she tells me to come home and help with kids. I have not been the same man for the last 7 months and I have changed 100% but she says it’s too late.
We are separated right now but I live at the same house and sleep in the same bed. She told me 2 weeks ago that she would work on marriage and give me another chance. She told me she doesn’t know how long it will take to love me again but now she doesn’t want to try. She says she can’t hold me or kiss me because it doesn’t feel the same anymore. She says I can stay there until I find a place to live.
I want to make my marriage work but she’s not giving me a chance. We still watch our shows at night go out for our midnight snack. She still undresses in front of me and takes showers when I’m in restroom with her but she said there is no chance for us again. Is she confused or should I really let her be?
talaniman
Jan 3, 2013, 09:18 PM
How long have you been married? How old are you? How many kids and what are their ages?
Sorry guy nothing has changed and you are till married unless you have papers. You seem to be going through a period of no hugs, kisses, or sex which is why more info is needed.
Obviously neither of you is going anywhere, and it only been a month. Frustrating but something is going on and it may be age related.
kazic
Jan 4, 2013, 06:59 AM
We have been together 5 yrs and married 6 months,we have 3 kids,9-7 and 2. I'm 33 and she's 27. She's into girls too.so she tol me she is starting to like a old friend(female)she says she fills in the emotional parts I didn't.
talaniman
Jan 4, 2013, 09:19 AM
I suspect having a failed previous relationship that resulted in kids, is why she seems to be repeating a pattern, and you seem willing to go along with it. Correct me if I am wrong or way off but your function in her life is to bring stability and some semblance of a family for the kids.
Your challenge is to decide if you fit that mold, or should just strike out on your own and be a divorced father. Does that include the step kids? I don't know, but I think the step kids are well served by you being there as opposed to you NOT.
Its not developing into a healthy situation for sure and those things need some addressing. Lack of hugs and kisses is but a symptom of a greater problem that will stop you from having a healthy marriage and for now I think it wise to back off and seek other options that define the rules between you so you both benefit, but YOU have to get off the fence and make a decision about what YOUR boundaries of good behavior are for you, as well as what you expect from her.
Just me, after only a month, I would see what happens in the coming months/weeks, while I got a Plan B that works for me ready to be implemented.
She already knows she can get what SHE wants from you because you leave and come back when she calls under HER terms. I wouldn't have come back unless we had agreed and committed to how we proceed and we BOTH benefit from my returning.
Or else why be married if you cannot honestly communicate to resolve your issues?
I can only address the old friend as a distraction for now as I have no clue what their relationship is about, nor will I assume unless you babysit a lot while they have fun. If she was BI before, and you knew, well I can only say trust and loyalty comes before sexuality. Gay, Bi, or Straight.
joypulv
Jan 4, 2013, 09:51 AM
You claim in your first paragraph that you never accused her of cheating, but later, after she kissed a man while you were separated, you 'did have a problem in accusing her of always cheating after it happened.' I have a feeling that you weren't very trusting to begin with, because people rarely just start that kind of behavior out of the blue.
If you want the marriage to work, get some counseling about your lack of trust.
mark25624
Jan 10, 2013, 03:08 PM
Confusion in the house!!
It sounds like she is the 1 that is confused by what she did with another guy.\
She wans the marriage to work!
But! Then she does not!
There 's a 70's song calld "Torn between 2 lovers!"
This is where she is!!
She loves you!
But! Then she does not know what to do, where to go to, who to run to!!
This call is somewhere between you and her!!
No 1 can tell you in this 1!!
kazic
Jan 10, 2013, 05:22 PM
My wife says she's not coming back to this marriage.she said she could never. Love me again,why get back and 6 months were back to this.she doesn't believe it will work.her heart has completely shut me out.everytime I ask het to work it out she fights with me,tells me to move on already,y dwell on the past.
talaniman
Jan 10, 2013, 06:22 PM
Stop talking to her and talk to a lawyer, and get your rights and options laid out clearly to you. Cry later, handle your business now.
Sorry guy, I know it hurts.
Thirdtime
Jan 15, 2013, 11:07 PM
She's into girls too? This is so weird.. I think she's having or going through a new emotional experience because of her girl liking and this is blocking you off.
If you can convince or fight off this veil in her... counseling or some kind of convincing get herself back again you might be able to get back into the picture otherwise your marriage and children are heading for the rocks!
kazic
Jan 17, 2013, 10:52 AM
I have been with my wife for 5 and we just got married 7months ago.about 1 ago I lost my job and became very stressed and was hard on my kids and was always accusing her of cheating after she kissed a guy.well for the past 8 months I have changed 100% cause I found another job.well fof the last 5 months she has been under a lot of stress cause of me.her kids her parents.she said she's not happy here anymore and fell out of love and wants a divorce.I have been begging her back and she shuts me down.well yesterday her stress got si bad she got nerve damage in her eye.I confort hef everyday.helping more with chores and kids.I bouught her sum scented bath oils relax.she gets naked in front og me still and lets me look at her.I try to sleep on couch. But she tells to sleep in same bed.but puts pillow between us.I try to be itimatd with her but she doesn't get mad but asks what am I dojng.for the past couple of days she has called me babe but catchz herself and says sorry.so is she coming around. And should I give her more space