The son of best friend of ours is getting married but we are not invited to the wedding. It is a large Italian wedding. We understand the bride's family does the inviting and are not upset that we are not invited but would like to give a gift. We do notwant to upset them on the other hand by giving a gift with the possibility of making them feel badly that they did not invite us. What is the etiquette?

Your giving a wedding gift would be very generous. I cannot imagine that the wedding couple and their families would feel bad about it.

Your giving a wedding gift would be very generous. I cannot imagine that the wedding couple and their families would feel bad about it.

Thank you! That makes a lot of sense!

Plus, he's your son's best friend, so you must know him fairly well and know the wedding guest situation. And his parents must know about you.

Plus, he's your son's best friend, so you must know him fairly well and know the wedding guest situation. And his parents must know about you.

He is the son of my husband's best friend.Italians often give monetary gifts also and we really do not have that much money. But they know our custom is to give a bought gift. Thank you so very much for giving me some insight!!

Assuming that you have known this young man for a long time I would give the gift to the groom with your best wishes for the future. I am sure he will be grateful and appreciative of your thoughfulness.

Since you are not invited you should never feel obliged to give money just because the bride is Italian. Give the gift you want to give him/them.

I would send a token gift - nothing lavish - AFTER the wedding. That way, they won't take it as a guilt trip or as trying to angle for a wedding invitation. You can accompany the gift with a card to the effect of, "We so enjoyed hearing about your wedding from Jim's mother and dad and wanted to let you know we are thinking of you both at this exciting time, and we wish you only the best." This acknowledges that your primary relationship is with the parents, and makes evident that you are not sore over not being invited.