Help Me. I have been dating this guy for almost 4 years. There is a age difference he is older. Couple problems, he is 42 and still living at home with his parents. The first 2 1/2 to 3 years of our relationship was great. We got along and were in love. He meant the world to me as me to him. Well he has a dependency problem and has destroyed his life for the past 9 months. When this started we started arguing a lot, lacking sleep, him destroying himself, me and his body as well as mine. From his dependency problem. He has been good for a month and a half. He is really struggling because his body is weak, he hates himself and he lost everything. We went out of town so that he could try to get things figured out and straightened out. It didn't help. When we came back we were still picking on each other. We have both changed who we are due to his problem. I am not the same girl he fell in love with. Well now tonight he tells me he doesn't want to date, he needs to get his life straightened out and figure out want he wants with his life. He also said that it is hard for him to be committed to me when he can't even take care of himself. He is 45 pounds overweight, he destroyed his body, he has no strength and can't get out of the bed. He says its not me it is all him. He isn't happy with himself or for what he destroyed. So he doesn't want to be in a relationship and he needs to get healthy and take care of himself. He says he is getting older and he doesn't have another chance at life. So he ended it. He tells me to let things fall into place, we may not get back together or we may be married with 30 kids. But throughout all this hard time he tells me he loves me and can't live without me and he wants to spend his life with me. Well before this problem he did the same thing and he admits that he was doing it because he was going down that path again and didn't want to drag me through it. He says the same thing now, with his ups and downs and mood swings he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and that he loves me too much for that. Then he talked to me tonight to wish me goodnight and says baby goodnight and I love you. You do that with someone you don't want to be with? I love him with everything I have and he says he loves me a lot and nothing could ever change that and his feelings and attraction towards me would never change. What do I do? I don't want to call him because he would think I'm pressuring him and not giving him time. I don't want to force him. He did this with his ex before, almost the same, but he says he didn't love her like he loves me. I don't understand why he doesn't want to do this with me. Maybe he has to do it for himself. I can't lose him, he is my life and my best friend. How do I get him back? By being in shape like I was when I first starting dating him, by being independent like I was and spunky. Now I'm miserable and lazy because that's what he is and I beat up my body chasing him. What do I do? Please help me!! How do I get him back into my arms.

Chrissy,
I can tell how much you care about this man but I'm telling you that you are quickly on your way to becoming the mess that he is now. From the moment I read that he is 42 and still living at home, my instinct was to tell you to run away as fast as you can. He has admitted that he has nothing to offer you but you refuse to face reality. He has told you to get away and do better for yourself but you seem to be bent on going down with him. Chrissy, please let this man go and get on with your life. You never said how old you are but you did say you were younger, so what about your own dreams and goals in life. Keep the love you have for him but right now, you are chained to a sinking ship. Get your life back and take back the control you have lost in this spiral. He has ended the relationship so stop contacting him and let yourself heal. If you keep talking to him and seeing him, you will be going around in circles with old feelings and familiarity. So back off and take time to heal and recover. Then, get back to being that fit, independent, and spunky girl you were and live life to the fullest. Good luck Chrissy.

I read your first sentence and already knew what to tell you... RUN! No matter how good the "man" mades himself out to be, he lives at home! Do you want to live there too? Surely not!

I know it it hard, but there are many men out there waiting to be as luck to find a girl like you and can stand on there own. Be patient!

Unfortunately he has far too many problems right now to ever be able to have a successful relationship with anyone. You need to move on and forget about him for right now. Eventually your paths may cross again and things might be different but there's no guarantees. Right now you want something that's not available, something that doesn't even exist. You need to go and live your own life, without him. He is unable to give you what you need and as long as you keep trying to make things work you will never be happy.

Leave this fellow to solve his demons while you get back to being healthy and happy. You done all you can so now concentrate on you.