I am absolutely devastated hurt and broken hearted.

I have been dating a bloke for 4mths and we are both in our 50's both individually divorced.

At first we were friends and then he said he wanted to be in a relationship with me as he didn't want to loose me so I agreed. However I only ever see him at the most twice a week and it is always when it suits him?

He was on a dating site but came off when he met me and deleted himself off in fronet of me. He is an Aquariun quite witty and clever and quick with his replies sometimes he can be too flippent and used abusive language to me. But he says that it is due to his depression after his last divorce 3 yrs ago as was very bitter, but I told him not to take it out on me. He is waiting to start a new job and hasn't been working for 18mths and on JSA and said it was getting him down.

We get on well when together and he has stayed at mine like I have his and been very intimate and he tells me that we are so good together.

However he has been making excuses at the last minute when he was coming to mine and told me he dosen't answer any texts when he is at his parents with his 2 sons 11 and 16 on a Sunday and that it is their time and not mine.

This caused and argument and we fell out only for him to come back 2 days later and apologise and to ask if we were OK? I gave him a hard time and said maybe it was best for him to find someone he can win with as he said he can't win with me?? That was a month ago. However
He didn't contact me for 5 days and I go wind that he had been to a concert in Glasgow with a female friend of his from 25yrs ago. But he denied it saying he hadn't and it was someone interfering to cause trouble between us.

Last Sunday 23rd Dec he said he was come over to see me but then on the afternoon text me to say he had got up with a really bad hang over after being to the NCL football match the day before.

He said he had my xmas card and wanted to see me on Xmas Eve.
He came with my card I opened it and it had on the front, "TO A SPECIAL FRIEND"!

I was taken aback and asked him what he meant and he said that he didn't want a relationship can't do them tried before but he can't and can we be friends without benefits? I said no-way after having been in a relationship with him and was visibly upset. I really don't know what to think and told that to him. He sat with his head in his hands whether he was upset or just wanted me to feel sorry for him and then got up to go taking his xmas presents for him, his boys and his parents with him. I never got anything but the card and I feel foolish now for letting him having taken all the gifts after he said what he did to me! He said he would be in touch with me but he hasn't and it is now nearly New Year's Eve!

Do you think because I rejected him before and he has wormed his way back in with me he has purposely done what he has? I just cannot believe he has just took all the stuff and never even text me Xmas Day to say thank you or Happy Xmas or anything? I feel such a fool and maybe he has someone else and has just been playing me and that's why the excuses?

I know he liked me and he knew I thought the world of him what do you think I should do and what is your advice. I am totally broken hearted over all of this. We are not kids but mature adults.

JW

Sounds like he can't handle a mature relationship. He probably wanted to but realized he couldn't (or he is manipulating you to see how much you will take and still stick around).
I either case, its time to move on. He probably doesn't want to hurt you, that may be why he wants to be friends. He wants distance but he wants to know you are OK.
Being friends is probably a bad idea though. You need a clean break so you can get over him (or the idea of him). Its normal to be hurting, but don't let that suck you back in.
You found one guy. You can find another.

He does seem to be sometimes thoughtless, especially with the Christmas gifts, but you should not have bought gifts for his sons and his parents. You may possibly have turned the wrong corner when you got upset over his Sundays with his sons. A good parent does put his children before new relationships. I have a feeling you have too much invested in him, sorry, for this soon, and with him having no job yet, and his sons at his parents.
As for rumors, who knows? You have to decide what you believe. Maybe he sees the mother of his sons regarding practical concerns of parenting, and isn't in love with her so doesn't want to have to explain that it means 'nothing' to be with her on occasion.

He does seem to be sometimes thoughtless, especially with the Christmas gifts, but you should not have bought gifts for his sons and his parents. You may possibly have turned the wrong corner when you got upset over his Sundays with his sons. A good parent does put his children before new relationships. I have a feeling you have too much invested in him, sorry, for this soon, and with him having no job yet, and his sons at his parents.
As for rumors, who knows? You have to decide what you believe. Maybe he sees the mother of his sons regarding practical concerns of parenting, and isn't in love with her so doesn't want to have to explain that it means 'nothing' to be with her on occasion.

Hello

I have had an email from him via a network site called Twoo wanting me to connect with him. Why cannot he just not ring or text me or come to see me?
What do you think he is wanting now? I am totally confused but I have not replied to the email as yet!

Sounds like he can't handle a mature relationship. He probably wanted to but realized he couldn't (or he is manipulating you to see how much you will take and still stick around).
I either case, its time to move on. He probably doesn't want to hurt you, that may be why he wants to be friends. He wants distance but he wants to know you are OK.
Being friends is probably a bad idea though. You need a clean break so you can get over him (or the idea of him). Its normal to be hurting, but don't let that suck you back in.
You found one guy. You can find another.

Hello again

Well thought that was it between us but on New Year's Eve emailed me by a website called Twoo wanting me to connect with him. What do you think he is up to? Why cannot he explain whatever he feels face to face or by way of telephone?

He is a single bloke, yes he says he cannot do relationships but I feel as if he has led me on and when it has come to Xmas has wanted to go off to his single parties with his mates what he has done for the last 3yrs but realised what he has done?

I have not replied to the email either but my close friend has told me that he will contact me again as maybe he feels he has been rejected by me?
What do you think?

"Why cannot he just not ring or text me or come to see me?
What do you think he is wanting now?"

These are questions that only he can answer. The fact that you are asking total strangers is a clue that you are not communicating well with him at all. You haven't addressed the issues of his sons and your expectations. All I suggest is that you see him somewhere where you can seriously TALK about what the relationship means.

Have I read this correctly;” I have been dating a bloke for 4mths…”? Given its longevity I fail to see the level of devastation when you're supposedly mature aged. How could this possibly be heartbreaking material? Dating is all about finding out whether we are on the same page as one another!

How is it possible for a man to worm his way back…; who sees you “twice a week and it is always when it suits him” who states that he; “doesn't answer any texts…on a Sunday” and accepts gifts from a Special Friend and asks “can we be friends without benefits”, be of any great consequence after 4 months? (In perspective; shocked - yes, but devastated - no.)

Now, if you are easily fooled or enticed into a relationship for the sake of him or a man losing you; then you must seek your own sympathy and start looking at yourself for a cure. By him emailing you to connect, and why doesn't he just call or talk face to face is evident that neither of you are acting like mature adults, but kids!

Bottom line Beenee, he is perfectly correct in changing his mind, just as much as you are… It's called dating! As for his manners I would have scratched him off my Christmas List sooner! Nonetheless, from here on you can give yourself a Happy New Year 2013 and forget about his birthday coming up as it'll be another way for him to worm his way back in!

Personally I don't like worms in my apples :)